louis lambert- 第20部分

V

　　〃What！　no　further　difficulties；　dearest　heart！　We　shall　be　free　to
　　belong　to　each　other　every　day；　every　hour；　every　minute；　and　for
　　ever！　We　may　be　as　happy　for　all　the　days　of　our　life　as　we　now
　　are　by　stealth；　at　rare　intervals！　Our　pure；　deep　feelings　will
　　assume　the　expression　of　the　thousand　fond　acts　I　have　dreamed　of。
　　For　me　your　little　foot　will　be　bared；　you　will　be　wholly　mine！
　　Such　happiness　kills　me；　it　is　too　much　for　me。　My　head　is　too
　　weak；　it　will　burst　with　the　vehemence　of　my　ideas。　I　cry　and　I
　　laughI　am　possessed！　Every　joy　is　an　arrow　of　flame；　it　pierces
　　and　burns　me。　In　fancy　you　rise　before　my　eyes；　ravished　and
　　dazzled　by　numberless　and　capricious　images　of　delight。

　　〃In　short；　our　whole　future　life　is　before　meits　torrents；　its
　　still　places；　its　joys；　it　seethes；　it　flows　on；　it　lies　sleeping；
　　then　again　it　awakes　fresh　and　young。　I　see　myself　and　you　side　by
　　side；　walking　with　equal　pace；　living　in　the　same　thought；　each
　　dwelling　in　each　other's　heart；　understanding　each　other；
　　responding　to　each　other　as　an　echo　catches　and　repeats　a　sound
　　across　wide　distances。

　　〃Can　life　be　long　when　it　is　thus　consumed　hour　by　hour？　Shall　we
　　not　die　in　a　first　embrace？　What　if　our　souls　have　already　met　in
　　that　sweet　evening　kiss　which　almost　overpowered　usa　feeling
　　kiss；　but　the　crown　of　my　hopes；　the　ineffectual　expression　of　all
　　the　prayers　I　breathe　while　we　are　apart；　hidden　in　my　soul　like
　　remorse？

　　〃I；　who　would　creep　back　and　hide　in　the　hedge　only　to　hear　your
　　footsteps　as　you　went　homewardsI　may　henceforth　admire　you　at　my
　　leisure；　see　you　busy；　moving；　smiling；　prattling！　An　endless　joy！
　　You　cannot　imagine　all　the　gladness　it　is　to　me　to　see　you　going
　　and　coming；　only　a　man　can　know　that　deep　delight。　Your　least
　　movement　gives　me　greater　pleasure　than　a　mother　even　can　feel　as
　　she　sees　her　child　asleep　or　at　play。　I　love　you　with　every　kind
　　of　love　in　one。　The　grace　of　your　least　gesture　is　always　new　to
　　me。　I　fancy　I　could　spend　whole　nights　breathing　your　breath；　I
　　would　I　could　steal　into　every　detail　of　your　life；　be　the　very
　　substance　of　your　thoughtsbe　your　very　self。

　　〃Well；　we　shall；　at　any　rate；　never　part　again！　No　human　alloy
　　shall　ever　disturb　our　love；　infinite　in　its　phases　and　as　pure　as
　　all　things　are　which　are　Oneour　love；　vast　as　the　sea；　vast　as
　　the　sky！　You　are　mine！　all　mine！　I　may　look　into　the　depths　of
　　your　eyes　to　read　the　sweet　soul　that　alternately　hides　and　shines
　　there；　to　anticipate　your　wishes。

　　〃My　best…beloved；　listen　to　some　things　I　have　never　yet　dared　to
　　tell　you；　but　which　I　may　confess　to　you　now。　I　felt　a　certain
　　bashfulness　of　soul　which　hindered　the　full　expression　of　my
　　feelings；　so　I　strove　to　shroud　them　under　the　garbs　of　thoughts。
　　But　now　I　long　to　lay　my　heart　bare　before　you；　to　tell　you　of　the
　　ardor　of　my　dreams；　to　reveal　the　boiling　demands　of　my　senses；
　　excited；　no　doubt；　by　the　solitude　in　which　I　have　lived；
　　perpetually　fired　by　conceptions　of　happiness；　and　aroused　by　you；
　　so　fair　in　form；　so　attractive　in　manner。　How　can　I　express　to　you
　　my　thirst　for　the　unknown　rapture　of　possessing　an　adored　wife；　a
　　rapture　to　which　the　union　of　two　souls　by　love　must　give　frenzied
　　intensity。　Yes；　my　Pauline；　I　have　sat　for　hours　in　a　sort　of
　　stupor　caused　by　the　violence　of　my　passionate　yearning；　lost　in
　　the　dream　of　a　caress　as　though　in　a　bottomless　abyss。　At　such
　　moments　my　whole　vitality；　my　thoughts　and　powers；　are　merged　and
　　united　in　what　I　must　call　desire；　for　lack　of　a　word　to　express
　　that　nameless　delirium。

　　〃And　I　may　confess　to　you　now　that　one　day；　when　I　would　not　take
　　your　hand　when　you　offered　it　so　sweetlyan　act　of　melancholy
　　prudence　that　made　you　doubt　my　loveI　was　in　one　of　those　fits
　　of　madness　when　a　man　could　commit　a　murder　to　possess　a　woman。
　　Yes；　if　I　had　felt　the　exquisite　pressure　you　offered　me　as
　　vividly　as　I　heard　your　voice　in　my　heart；　I　know　not　to　what
　　lengths　my　passion　might　not　have　carried　me。　But　I　can　be　silent；
　　and　suffer　a　great　deal。　Why　speak　of　this　anguish　when　my　visions
　　are　to　become　realities？　It　will　be　in　my　power　now　to　make　life
　　one　long　love…making！

　　〃Dearest　love；　there　is　a　certain　effect　of　light　on　your　black
　　hair　which　could　rivet　me　for　hours；　my　eyes　full　of　tears；　as　I
　　gazed　at　your　sweet　person；　were　it　not　that　you　turn　away　and
　　say；　'For　shame；　you　make　me　quite　shy！'

　　〃To…morrow；　then；　our　love　is　to　be　made　known！　Oh；　Pauline！　the
　　eyes　of　others；　the　curiosity　of　strangers；　weigh　on　my　soul。　Let
　　us　go　to　Villenoix；　and　stay　there　far　from　every　one。　I　should
　　like　no　creature　in　human　form　to　intrude　into　the　sanctuary　where
　　you　are　to　be　mine；　I　could　even　wish　that；　when　we　are　dead；　it
　　should　cease　to　existshould　be　destroyed。　Yes；　I　would　fain　hide
　　from　all　nature　a　happiness　which　we　alone　can　understand；　alone
　　can　feel；　which　is　so　stupendous　that　I　throw　myself　into　it　only
　　to　dieit　is　a　gulf！

　　〃Do　not　be　alarmed　by　the　tears　that　have　wetted　this　page；　they
　　are　tears　of　joy。　My　only　blessing；　we　need　never　part　again！〃



In　1823　I　traveled　from　Paris　to　Touraine　by　/diligence/。　At　Mer　we
took　up　a　passenger　for　Blois。　As　the　guard　put　him　into　that　part　of
the　coach　where　I　had　my　seat；　he　said　jestingly：

〃You　will　not　be　crowded；　Monsieur　Lefebvre！〃I　was；　in　fact；　alone。

On　hearing　this　name；　and　seeing　a　white…haired　old　man；　who　looked
eighty　at　least；　I　naturally　thought　of　Lambert's　uncle。　After　a　few
ingenious　questions；　I　discovered　that　I　was　not　mistaken。　The　good
man　had　been　looking　after　his　vintage　at　Mer；　and　was　returning　to
Blois。　I　then　asked　for　some　news　of　my　old　〃chum。〃　At　the　first　word；
the　old　priest's　face；　as　grave　and　stern　already　as　that　of　a　soldier
who　has　gone　through　many　hardships；　became　more　sad　and　dark；　the
lines　on　his　forehead　were　slightly　knit；　he　set　his　lips；　and　said；
with　a　suspicious　glance：

〃Then　you　have　never　seen　him　since　you　left　the　College？〃

〃Indeed；　I　have　not；〃　said　I。　〃But　we　are　equally　to　blame　for　our
forgetfulness。　Young　men；　as　you　know；　lead　such　an　adventurous　and
storm…tossed　life　when　they　leave　their　school…forms；　that　it　is　only
by　meeting　that　they　can　be　sure　of　an　enduring　affection。　However；　a
reminiscence　of　youth　sometimes　comes　as　a　reminder；　and　it　is
impossible　to　forget　entirely；　especially　when　two　lads　have　been　such
friends　as　we　were。　We　went　by　the　name　of　the　Poet…and…Pythagoras。〃

I　told　him　my　name；　when　he　heard　it；　the　worthy　man　grew　gloomier
than　ever。

〃Then　you　have　not　heard　his　story？〃　said　he。　〃My　poor　nephew　was　to
be　married　to　the　richest　heiress　in　Blois；　but　the　day　before　his
wedding　he　went　mad。〃

〃Lambert！　Mad！〃　cried　I　in　dismay。　〃But　from　what　cause？　He　had　the
finest　memory；　the　most　strongly…constituted　brain；　the　soundest
judgment；　I　ever　met　with。　Really　a　great　geniuswith　too　great　a
passion　for　mysticism　perhaps；　but　the　kindest　heart　in　the　world。
Something　most　extraordinary　must　have　happened？〃

〃I　see　you　knew　him　well；〃　said　the　priest。

From　Mer；　till　we　reached　Blois；　we　talked　only　of　my　poor　friend；
with　long　digressions；　by　which　I　learned　the　facts　I　have　already
related　in　the　order　of　their　interest。　I　confessed　to　his　uncle　the
character　of　our　studies　and　of　his　nephew's　predominant　ideas；　then
the　old　man　told　me　of　the　events　that　had　come　into　Lambert's　life
since　our　parting。　From　Monsieur　Lefebvre's　account；　Lambert　had
betrayed　some　symptoms　of　madness　before　his　marriage；　but　they　were
such　as　are　common　to　men　who　love　passionately；　and　seemed　to　me　less
startling　when　I　knew　how　vehement　his　love　had　been　and　when　I　saw
Mademoiselle　de　Villenoix。　In　the　country；　where　ideas　are　scarce；　a
man　overflowing　with　original　thought　and　devoted　to　a　system；　as
Louis　was；　might　well　be　regarded　as　eccentric；　to　say　the　least。　His
language　would；　no　doubt；　seem　the　stranger　because　he　so　rarely
spoke。　He　would　say；　〃That　man　does　not　dwell　in　heaven；〃　where　any
one　else　would　have　said；　〃We　are　not　made　on　the　same　pattern。〃　Every
clever　man　has　his　own　quirks　of　speech。　The　broader　his　genius；　the
more　conspicuous　are　the　singularities　which　constitute　the　various
degrees　of　eccentricity。　In　the　country　an　eccentric　man　is　at　once
set　down　as　half　mad。

Hence　Monsieur　Lefebvre's　first　sentences　left　me　doubtful　of　my
schoolmate's　insanity。　I　listened　to　the　old　man；　but　I　criticised　his
statements。

The　most　serious　symptom　had　supervened　a　day　or　two　before　the
marriage。　Louis　had　had　some　well…marked　attacks　of　catalepsy。　He　had
once　remained　motionless　for　fifty…nine　hours；　his　eyes　staring；
neither　speaking　nor　eating；　a　purely　nervous　affection；　to　which
persons　under　the　influence　of　violent　passion　are　liable；　a　rare
malady；　but　perfectly　well　known　to　the　medical　faculty。　What　was
really　extraordinary　was　that　Louis　should　not　have　had　several
previous　attacks；　since　his　habits　of　rapt　thought　and　the　character
of　his　mind　would　predispose　him　to　them。　But　his　temperament；
physical　and　mental；　was　so　admirably　balanced；　that　it　had　no　doubt
been　able　to　resist　the　demands　on　his　strength。　The　excitement　to
which　he　had　been　wound　up　by　the　anticipation　of　acute　physical
enjoyment；　enhanced　by　a　chaste　life　and　a　highly…strung　soul；　had　no
doubt　led　to　these　attacks；　of　which　the　results　are　as　little　known
as　the　cause。

The　letters　that　have　by　chance　escaped　destruction　show　very　plainly
a　transition　from　pure　idealism　to　the　most　intense　sensualism。

Time　was　when　Lambert　and　I　had　admired　this　phenomenon　of　the　human
mind；　in　which　he　saw　the　fortuitous　separation　of　our　two　natures；
and　the　signs　of　a　total　removal　of　the　inner　man；　using　its　unknown
faculties　under　the　operation　of　an　unknown　cause。　This　disorder；　a
mystery　as　deep　as　that　of　sleep；　was　connected　with　the　scheme　of
evidence　which　Lambert　had　set　forth　in　his　/Treatise　on　the　Will/。
And　when　Monsieur　Lefebvre　spoke　to　me　of　Louis'　firs