ursula- 第38部分

mistress　through　the　glass　door；　saw　her　alternately　red　with　a

consuming　fever；　and　blue　as　if　a　shudder　of　cold　had　succeeded　that

unnatural　heat。　This　condition　grew　worse　and　worse　up　to　four

o'clock；　then　she　rose　to　see　if　Savinien　were　coming；　but　he　did　not

come。　Jealousy　and　distrust　tear　all　reserves　from　love。　Ursula；　who

till　then　had　never　made　one　gesture　by　which　her　love　could　be

guessed；　now　took　her　hat　and　shawl　and　rushed　into　the　passage　as　if

to　go　and　meet　him。　But　an　afterthought　of　modesty　sent　her　back　to

her　little　salon；　where　she　stayed　and　wept。　When　the　abbe　arrived　in

the　evening　La　Bougival　met　him　at　the　door。



〃Ah；　monsieur！〃　she　cried；　〃I　don't　know　what's　the　matter　with

mademoiselle；　she　is〃



〃I　know；〃　said　the　abbe　sadly；　stopping　the　words　of　the　poor　nurse。



He　then　told　Ursula　（what　she　had　not　dared　to　verify）　that　Madame　de

Portenduere　had　gone　to　dine　at　Rouvre。



〃And　Savinien　too？〃　she　asked。



〃Yes。〃



Ursula　was　seized　with　a　little　nervous　tremor　which　made　the　abbe

quiver　as　though　a　whole　Leyden　jar　had　been　discharged　at　him；　he

felt　moreover　a　lasting　commotion　in　his　heart。



〃So　we　shall　not　go　there　to…night；〃　he　said　as　gently　as　he　could；

〃and；　my　child；　it　would　be　better　if　you　did　not　go　there　again。　The

old　lady　will　receive　you　in　a　way　to　wound　your　pride。　Monsieur

Bongrand　and　I；　who　had　succeeded　in　bringing　her　to　consider　your

marriage；　have　no　idea　from　what　quarter　this　new　influence　has　come

to　change　her；　as　it　were　in　a　moment。〃



〃I　expect　the　worst；　nothing　can　surprise　me　now；〃　said　Ursula　in　a

pained　voice。　〃In　such　extremities　it　is　a　comfort　to　feel　that　we

have　done　nothing　to　displease　God。〃



〃Submit；　dear　daughter；　and　do　not　seek　to　fathom　the　ways　of

Providence；〃　said　the　abbe。



〃I　shall　not　unjustly　distrust　the　character　of　Monsieur　de

Portenduere〃



〃Why　do　you　no　longer　call　him　Savinien？〃　asked　the　priest；　who

detected　a　slight　bitterness　in　Ursula's　tone。



〃Of　my　dear　Savinien；〃　cried　the　girl；　bursting　into　tears。　〃Yes；　my

good　friend；〃　she　said；　sobbing；　〃a　voice　tells　me　he　is　as　noble　in

heart　as　he　is　in　race。　He　has　not　only　told　me　that　he　loves　me

alone；　but　he　has　proved　it　in　a　hundred　delicate　ways；　and　by

restraining　heroically　his　ardent　feelings。　Lately　when　he　took　the

hand　I　held　out　to　him；　that　evening　when　Monsieur　Bongrand　proposed

to　me　a　husband；　it　was　the　first　time；　I　swear　to　you；　that　I　had

ever　given　it。　He　began　with　a　jest　when　he　blew　me　a　kiss　across　the

street；　but　since　then　our　affection　has　never　outwardly　passed；　as

you　well　know；　the　narrowest　limits。　But　I　will　tell　you；you　who

read　my　soul　except　in　this　one　region　where　none　but　the　angels　see；

well；　I　will　tell　you；　this　love　has　been　in　me　the　secret　spring　of

many　seeming　merits；　it　made　me　accept　my　poverty；　it　softened　the

bitterness　of　my　irreparable　loss；　for　my　mourning　is　more　perhaps　in

my　clothes　now　than　in　my　heart　Oh；　was　I　wrong？　can　it　be　that　love

was　stronger　in　me　than　my　gratitude　to　my　benefactor；　and　God　has

punished　me　for　it？　But　how　could　it　be　otherwise？　I　respected　in

myself　Savinien's　future　wife；　yes；　perhaps　I　was　too　proud；　perhaps

it　is　that　pride　which　God　has　humbled。　God　alone；　as　you　have　often

told　me；　should　be　the　end　and　object　of　all　our　actions。〃



The　abbe　was　deeply　touched　as　he　watched　the　tears　roll　down　her

pallid　face。　The　higher　her　sense　of　security　had　been；　the　lower　she

was　now　to　fall。



〃But；〃　she　said；　continuing；　〃if　I　return　to　my　orphaned　condition；　I

shall　know　how　to　take　up　its　feelings。　After　all；　could　I　have　tied　a

mill…stone　round　the　neck　of　him　I　love？　What　can　he　do　here？　Who　am　I

to　bind　him　to　me？　Besides；　do　I　not　love　him　with　a　friendship　so

divine　that　I　can　bear　the　loss　of　my　own　happiness　and　my　hopes？　You

know　I　have　often　blamed　myself　for　letting　my　hopes　rest　upon　a

grave；　and　for　knowing　they　were　waiting　on　that　poor　old　lady's

death。　If　Savinien　is　rich　and　happy　with　another　I　have　enough　to　pay

for　my　entrance　to　a　convent；　where　I　shall　go　at　once。　There　can　no

more　be　two　loves　in　a　woman's　heart　than　there　can　be　two　masters　in

heaven；　and　the　life　of　a　religious　is　attractive　to　me。〃



〃He　could　not　let　his　mother　go　alone　to　Rouvre；〃　said　the　abbe；

gently。



〃Do　not　let　us　talk　of　that；　my　dear　good　friend；〃　she　answered。　〃I

will　write　to…night　and　set　him　free。　I　am　glad　to　have　to　close　the

windows　of　this　room；〃　she　continued；　telling　her　old　friend　of　the

anonymous　letters；　but　declaring　that　she　would　not　allow　any

inquiries　to　be　made　as　to　who　her　unknown　lover　might　be。



〃Why！　it　was　an　anonymous　letter　that　first　took　Madame　de　Portenduere

to　Rouvre；〃　cried　the　abbe。　〃You　are　annoyed　for　some　object　by　evil

persons。〃



〃How　can　that　be？　Neither　Savinien　nor　I　have　injured　any　one；　and　I

am　no　longer　an　obstacle　to　the　prosperity　of　others。〃



〃Well；　well；　my　child；〃　said　the　abbe；　quietly；　〃let　us　profit　by　this

tempest；　which　has　scattered　our　little　circle；　to　put　the　library　in

order。　The　books　are　still　in　heaps。　Bongrand　and　I　want　to　get　them

in　order；　we　wish　to　make　a　search　among　them。　Put　your　trust　in　God；

and　remember　also　that　in　our　good　Bongrand　and　in　me　you　have　two

devoted　friends。〃



〃That　is　much；　very　much；〃　she　said；　going　with　him　to　the　threshold

of　the　door；　where　she　stretched　out　her　neck　like　a　bird　looking　over

its　nest；　hoping　against　hope　to　see　Savinien。



Just　then　Minoret　and　Goupil；　returning　from　a　walk　in　the　meadows；

stopped　as　they　passed；　and　the　colossus　spoke　to　Ursula。



〃Is　anything　the　matter；　cousin；　for　we　are　still　cousins；　are　we　not？

You　seem　changed。〃



Goupil　looked　so　ardently　at　Ursula　that　she　was　frightened；　and　went

back　into　the　house　without　replying。



〃She　is　cross；〃　said　Minoret　to　the　abbe。



〃Mademoiselle　Mirouet　is　quite　right　not　to　talk　to　men　on　the

threshold　of　her　door；〃　said　the　abbe；　〃she　is　too　young〃



〃Oh！〃　said　Goupil。　〃I　am　told　she　doesn't　lack　lovers。〃



The　abbe　bowed　hurriedly　and　went　as　fast　as　he　could　to　the　Rue　des

Bourgeois。



〃Well；〃　said　Goupil　to　Minoret；　〃the　thing　is　working。　Did　you　notice

how　pale　she　was。　Within　a　fortnight　she'll　have　left　the　townyou'll

see。〃



〃Better　have　you　for　a　friend　than　an　enemy；〃　cried　Minoret；

frightened　at　the　atrocious　grin　which　gave　to　Goupil's　face　the

diabolical　expression　of　the　Mephistopheles　of　Joseph　Brideau。



〃I　should　think　so！〃　returned　Goupil。　〃If　she　doesn't　marry　me　I'll

make　her　die　of　grief。〃



〃Do　it；　my　boy；　and　I'll　GIVE　you　the　money　to　buy　a　practice　in

Paris。　You　can　then　marry　a　rich　woman〃



〃Poor　Ursula！　what　makes　you　so　bitter　against　her？　what　has　she　done

to　you？〃　asked　the　clerk　in　surprise。



〃She　annoys　me；〃　said　Minoret；　gruffly。



〃Well；　wait　till　Monday　and　you　shall　see　how　I'll　rasp　her；〃　said

Goupil；　studying　the　expression　of　the　late　post　master's　face。



The　next　day　La　Bougival　carried　the　following　letter　to　Savinien。



〃I　don't　know　what　the　dear　child　has　written　to　you；〃　she　said；　〃but

she　is　almost　dead　this　morning。〃



Who；　reading　this　letter　to　her　lover；　could　fail　to　understand　the

sufferings　the　poor　girl　had　gone　through　during　the　night。



　　My　dear　Savinien；Your　mother　wishes　you　to　marry　Mademoiselle　du

　　Rouvre；　and　perhaps　she　is　right。　You　are　placed　between　a　life

　　that　is　almost　poverty…stricken　and　a　life　of　opulence；　between

　　the　betrothed　of　your　heart　and　a　wife　in　conformity　with　the

　　demands　of　the　world；　between　obedience　to　your　mother　and　the

　　fulfilment　of　your　own　choicefor　I　still　believe　that　you　have

　　chosen　me。　Savinien；　if　you　have　now　to　make　your　decision　I　wish

　　you　to　do　so　in　absolute　freedom；　I　give　you　back　the　promise　you

　　made　to　yourselfnot　to　mein　a　moment　which　can　never　fade　from

　　my　memory；　for　it　was；　like　other　days　that　have　succeeded　it；　of

　　angelic　purity　and　sweetness。　That　memory　will　suffice　me　for　my

　　life。　If　you　should　persist　in　your　pledge　to　me；　a　dark　and

　　terrible　idea　would　henceforth　trouble　my　happiness。　In　the　midst

　　of　our　privationswhich　we　have　hitherto　accepted　so　gaylyyou

　　might　reflect；　too　late；　that　life　would　have　been　to　you　a　better

　　thing　had　you　now　conformed　to　the　laws　of　the　world。　If　you　were

　　a　man　to　express　that　thought；　it　would　be　to　me　the　sentence　of

　　an　agonizing　death；　if　you　did　not　express　it；　I　should　watch

　　suspiciously　every　cloud　upon　your　brow。



　　Dear　Savinien；　I　have　preferred　you　to　all　else　on　earth。　I　was

　　right　to　do　so；　for　my　godfather；　though　jealous　of　you；　used　to

　　say　to　me；　〃Love　him；　my　child；　you　will　certainly　belong　to　each

　　other　one　of　these　days。〃　When　I　went　to　Paris　I　loved　you

　　hopelessly；　and　the　feeling　contented　me。　I　do　not　know　if　I　can

　　now　return　to　it；　but　I　shall　try。　What　are　we；　after　all；　at　this

　　moment？　Brother　and　sister。　Let　us　stay　so。　Marry　that　happy　girl

　　who　can　have　the　joy　of　giving　to　your　name　the　lustre　it　ought　to

　　have；　and　which　your　mother　thinks　I　should　diminish。　You　will　not

　　hear　of　me　again。　The　world　will　approve　of　you；　I　shall　never

　　blame　youbut　I　shall　love　you　ever。　Adieu；　then！



〃Wait；〃　cried　the　young　man。　Signing　to　La　Bougival　to　sit　down；　he

scratched　off　hastily　the　following　reply：



　　My　dear　Ursula；Your　letter　cuts　me　to　the　heart；　inasmuch　as　you

　　have　needlessly　felt　such　pain；　and　also　because　our　hearts；　for

　　the　first　time；　have　failed　to　understand　each　other。　If　you　are

　　not　my　wife　now；　it　is　solely　because　I　cannot　marry　without　my

　　mother's　consent。　Dear；　eight　thousand　francs　a　year　and　a　pretty

　　cottage　on　the　Loing；　why；　that's　a　fortune；　is　it　not？　You　know

　　we　calculated　that　if　we　kept　La　Bougival　we　could　lay　by