the illustrious gaudissart- 第4部分

　　slice　into　toothpicks；　the　fellow　begins　to　talk　of　consolidated

　　property；　taxes；　revenues；　indemnities；a　whole　lot　of　stuff；　and

　　I　have　wasted　my　time　and　breath　on　patriotism。　It's　a　bad

　　business！　Candidly；　the　'Movement'　does　not　move。　I　have　written

　　to　the　directors　and　told　them　so。　I　am　sorry　for　iton　account

　　of　my　political　opinions。



　　〃As　for　the　'Globe；'　that's　another　breed　altogether。　Just　set　to

　　work　and　talk　new　doctrines　to　people　you　fancy　are　fools　enough

　　to　believe　such　lies；why；　they　think　you　want　to　burn　their

　　houses　down！　It　is　vain　for　me　to　tell　them　that　I　speak　for

　　futurity；　for　posterity；　for　self…interest　properly　understood；

　　for　enterprise　where　nothing　can　be　lost；　that　man　has　preyed　upon

　　man　long　enough；　that　woman　is　a　slave；　that　the　great

　　providential　thought　should　be　made　to　triumph；　that　a　way　must　be

　　found　to　arrive　at　a　rational　co…ordination　of　the　social　fabric；

　　in　short；　the　whole　reverberation　of　my　sentences。　Well；　what　do

　　you　think？　when　I　open　upon　them　with　such　ideas　these　provincials

　　lock　their　cupboards　as　if　I　wanted　to　steal　their　spoons　and　beg

　　me　to　go　away！　Are　not　they　fools？　geese？　The　'Globe'　is　smashed。

　　I　said　to　the　proprietors；　'You　are　too　advanced；　you　go　ahead　too

　　fast：　you　ought　to　get　a　few　results；　the　provinces　like　results。'

　　However；　I　have　made　a　hundred　'Globes；'　and　I　must　say；

　　considering　the　thick…headedness　of　these　clodhoppers；　it　is　a

　　miracle。　But　to　do　it　I　had　to　make　them　such　a　lot　of　promises

　　that　I　am　sure　I　don't　know　how　the　globites；　globists；　globules；

　　or　whatever　they　call　themselves；　will　ever　get　out　of　them。　But

　　they　always　tell　me　they　can　make　the　world　a　great　deal　better

　　than　it　is；　so　I　go　ahead　and　prophesy　to　the　value　of　ten　francs

　　for　each　subscription。　There　was　one　farmer　who　thought　the　paper

　　was　agricultural　because　of　its　name。　I　Globed　HIM。　Bah！　he　gave

　　in　at　once；　he　had　a　projecting　forehead；　all　men　with　projecting

　　foreheads　are　ideologists。



　　〃But　the　'Children'；　oh！　ah！　as　to　the　'Children'！　I　got　two

　　thousand　between　Paris　and　Blois。　Jolly　business！　but　there　is　not

　　much　to　say。　You　just　show　a　little　vignette　to　the　mother；

　　pretending　to　hide　it　from　the　child：　naturally　the　child　wants　to

　　see；　and　pulls　mamma's　gown　and　cries　for　its　newspaper；　because

　　'Papa　has　DOT　his。'　Mamma　can't　let　her　brat　tear　the　gown；　the

　　gown　costs　thirty　francs；　the　subscription　sixeconomy；　result；

　　subscription。　It　is　an　excellent　thing；　meets　an　actual　want；　it

　　holds　a　place　between　dolls　and　sugar…plums；　the　two　eternal

　　necessities　of　childhood。



　　〃I　have　had　a　quarrel　here　at　the　table　d'hote　about　the

　　newspapers　and　my　opinions。　I　was　unsuspiciously　eating　my　dinner

　　next　to　a　man　with　a　gray　hat　who　was　reading　the　'Debats。'　I　said

　　to　myself；　'Now　for　my　rostrum　eloquence。　He　is　tied　to　the

　　dynasty；　I'll　cook　him；　this　triumph　will　be　capital　practice　for

　　my　ministerial　talents。'　So　I　went　to　work　and　praised　his

　　'Debats。'　Hein！　if　I　didn't　lead　him　along！　Thread　by　thread；　I

　　began　to　net　my　man。　I　launched　my　four…horse　phrases；　and　the　F…

　　sharp　arguments；　and　all　the　rest　of　the　cursed　stuff。　Everybody

　　listened；　and　I　saw　a　man　who　had　July　as　plain　as　day　on　his

　　mustache；　just　ready　to　nibble　at　a　'Movement。'　Well；　I　don't　know

　　how　it　was；　but　I　unluckily　let　fall　the　word　'blockhead。'

　　Thunder！　you　should　have　seen　my　gray　hat；　my　dynastic　hat

　　（shocking　bad　hat；　anyhow）；　who　got　the　bit　in　his　teeth　and　was

　　furiously　angry。　I　put　on　my　grand　airyou　knowand　said　to　him：

　　'Ah；　ca！　Monsieur；　you　are　remarkably　aggressive；　if　you　are　not

　　content；　I　am　ready　to　give　you　satisfaction；　I　fought　in　July。'

　　'Though　the　father　of　a　family；'　he　replied；　'I　am　ready'

　　'Father　of　a　family！'　I　exclaimed；　'my　dear　sir；　have　you　any

　　children？'　'Yes。'　'Twelve　years　old？'　'Just　about。'　'Well；　then；

　　the　〃Children's　Journal〃　is　the　very　thing　for　you；　six　francs　a

　　year；　one　number　a　month；　double　columns；　edited　by　great　literary

　　lights；　well　got　up；　good　paper；　engravings　from　charming　sketches

　　by　our　best　artists；　actual　colored　drawings　of　the　Indieswill

　　not　fade。'　I　fired　my　broadside　'feelings　of　a　father；　etc。；

　　etc。；'in　short；　a　subscription　instead　of　a　quarrel。　'There's

　　nobody　but　Gaudissart　who　can　get　out　of　things　like　that；'　said

　　that　little　cricket　Lamard　to　the　big　Bulot　at　the　cafe；　when　he

　　told　him　the　story。



　　〃I　leave　to…morrow　for　Amboise。　I　shall　do　up　Amboise　in　two　days；

　　and　I　will　write　next　from　Tours；　where　I　shall　measure　swords

　　with　the　inhabitants　of　that　colorless　region；　colorless；　I　mean；

　　from　the　intellectual　and　speculative　point　of　view。　But；　on　the

　　word　of　a　Gaudissart；　they　shall　be　toppled　over；　toppled　down

　　floored；　I　say。



　　〃Adieu；　my　kitten。　Love　me　always；　be　faithful；　fidelity　through

　　thick　and　thin　is　one　of　the　attributes　of　the　Free　Woman。　Who　is

　　kissing　you　on　the　eyelids？





〃Thy　Felix　Forever。〃







CHAPTER　III



Five　days　later　Gaudissart　started　from　the　Hotel　des　Faisans；　at

which　he　had　put　up　in　Tours；　and　went　to　Vouvray；　a　rich　and　populous

district　where　the　public　mind　seemed　to　him　susceptible　of

cultivation。　Mounted　upon　his　horse；　he　trotted　along　the　embankment

thinking　no　more　of　his　phrases　than　an　actor　thinks　of　his　part　which

he　has　played　for　a　hundred　times。　It　was　thus　that　the　illustrious

Gaudissart　went　his　cheerful　way；　admiring　the　landscape；　and　little

dreaming　that　in　the　happy　valleys　of　Vouvray　his　commercial

infallibility　was　about　to　perish。



Here　a　few　remarks　upon　the　public　mind　of　Touraine　are　essential　to

our　story。　The　subtle；　satirical；　epigrammatic　tale…telling　spirit

stamped　on　every　page　of　Rabelais　is　the　faithful　expression　of　the

Tourangian　mind；a　mind　polished　and　refined　as　it　should　be　in　a

land　where　the　kings　of　France　long　held　their　court；　ardent；

artistic；　poetic；　voluptuous；　yet　whose　first　impulses　subside

quickly。　The　softness　of　the　atmosphere；　the　beauty　of　the　climate；　a

certain　ease　of　life　and　joviality　of　manners；　smother　before　long　the

sentiment　of　art；　narrow　the　widest　heart；　and　enervate　the　strongest

will。　Transplant　the　Tourangian；　and　his　fine　qualities　develop　and

lead　to　great　results；　as　we　may　see　in　many　spheres　of　action：　look

at　Rabelais　and　Semblancay；　Plantin　the　printer　and　Descartes；

Boucicault；　the　Napoleon　of　his　day；　and　Pinaigrier；　who　painted　most

of　the　colored　glass　in　our　cathedrals；　also　Verville　and　Courier。　But

the　Tourangian；　distinguished　though　he　may　be　in　other　regions；　sits

in　his　own　home　like　an　Indian　on　his　mat　or　a　Turk　on　his　divan。　He

employs　his　wit　in　laughing　at　his　neighbor　and　in　making　merry　all

his　days；　and　when　at　last　he　reaches　the　end　of　his　life；　he　is　still

a　happy　man。　Touraine　is　like　the　Abbaye　of　Theleme；　so　vaunted　in　the

history　of　Gargantua。　There　we　may　find　the　complying　sisterhoods　of

that　famous　tale；　and　there　the　good　cheer　celebrated　by　Rabelais

reigns　in　glory。



As　to　the　do…nothingness　of　that　blessed　land　it　is　sublime　and　well

expressed　in　a　certain　popular　legend：　〃Tourangian；　are　you　hungry；　do


you　want　some　soup？〃　〃Yes。〃　〃Bring　your　porringer。〃　〃Then　I　am　not

hungry。〃　Is　it　to　the　joys　of　the　vineyard　and　the　harmonious

loveliness　of　this　garden　land　of　France；　is　it　to　the　peace　and

tranquillity　of　a　region　where　the　step　of　an　invader　has　never

trodden；　that　we　owe　the　soft　compliance　of　these　unconstrained　and

easy　manners？　To　such　questions　no　answer。　Enter　this　Turkey　of　sunny

France；　and　you　will　stay　there；lazy；　idle；　happy。　You　may　be　as

ambitious　as　Napoleon；　as　poetic　as　Lord　Byron；　and　yet　a　power

unknown；　invisible；　will　compel　you　to　bury　your　poetry　within　your

soul　and　turn　your　projects　into　dreams。



The　illustrious　Gaudissart　was　fated　to　encounter　here　in　Vouvray　one

of　those　indigenous　jesters　whose　jests　are　not　intolerable　solely

because　they　have　reached　the　perfection　of　the　mocking　art。　Right　or

wrong；　the　Tourangians　are　fond　of　inheriting　from　their　parents。

Consequently　the　doctrines　of　Saint…Simon　were　especially　hated　and

villified　among　them。　In　Touraine　hatred　and　villification　take　the

form　of　superb　disdain　and　witty　maliciousness　worthy　of　the　land　of

good　stories　and　practical　jokes；a　spirit　which；　alas！　is　yielding；

day　by　day；　to　that　other　spirit　which　Lord　Byron　has　characterized　as

〃English　cant。〃



For　his　sins；　after　getting　down　at　the　Soleil　d'Or；　an　inn　kept　by　a

former　grenadier　of　the　imperial　guard　named　Mitouflet；　married　to　a

rich　widow；　the　illustrious　traveller；　after　a　brief　consultation　with

the　landlord；　betook　himself　to　the　knave　of　Vouvray；　the　jovial

merry…maker；　the　comic　man　of　the　neighborhood；　compelled　by　fame　and

nature　to　supply　the　town　with　merriment。　This　country　Figaro　was　once

a　dyer；　and　now　possessed　about　seven　or　eight　thousand　francs　a　year；

a　pretty　house　on　the　slope　of　the　hill；　a　plump　little　wife；　and

robust　health。　For　ten　years　he　had　had　nothing　to　do　but　take　care　of

his　wife　and　his　garden；　marry　his　daughter；　play　whist　in　the

evenings；　keep　the　run　of　all　the　gossip　in　the　neighborhood；　meddle

with　the　elections；　squabble　with　the　large　proprietors；　and　order

good　dinners；　or　else　trot　along　the　embankment　to　find　out　what　was

going　on　in　Tours；　torment　the　cure；　and　finally；　by　way　of　dramatic

entertainment；　assist　at　the　sale　of　lands　in　the　neighborhood　of　his

vineyards。　In　short；　he　led　the　true　Tourangian　life；the　life　of　a

little　country…townsman。　He　was；　moreover；　an　important　member　of　the

bourgeoisie；a　leader　among　the　small　proprietors；　all　of　them

envious；　jealous；　delighted　to　catch　up　and　retail　gossip　and

calumnies　against　the　aristocra