the secret sharer- 第5部分

ran　down　on　the　main…deck　shouting　some　order　or　other；

and　the　chief　mate　came　to　meet　me；　touching　his　cap。



There　was　a　sort　of　curiosity　in　his　eye　that　I　did　not　like。

I　don't　know　whether　the　steward　had　told　them　that　I　was　〃queer〃　only；

or　downright　drunk；　but　I　know　the　man　meant　to　have　a　good　look　at　me。

I　watched　him　coming　with　a　smile　which；　as　he　got　into　point…blank　range；

took　effect　and　froze　his　very　whiskers。　　I　did　not　give　him　time

to　open　his　lips。



〃Square　the　yards　by　lifts　and　braces　before　the　hands　go　to　breakfast。〃



It　was　the　first　particular　order　I　had　given　on　board　that　ship；

and　I　stayed　on　deck　to　see　it　executed；　too。　　I　had　felt　the　need

of　asserting　myself　without　loss　of　time。　　That　sneering　young　cub

got　taken　down　a　peg　or　two　on　that　occasion；　and　I　also　seized

the　opportunity　of　having　a　good　look　at　the　face　of　every

foremast　man　as　they　filed　past　me　to　go　to　the　after　braces。

At　breakfast　time；　eating　nothing　myself；　I　presided　with　such

frigid　dignity　that　the　two　mates　were　only　too　glad　to　escape　from

the　cabin　as　soon　as　decency　permitted；　and　all　the　time　the　dual

working　of　my　mind　distracted　me　almost　to　the　point　of　insanity。

I　was　constantly　watching　myself；　my　secret　self；　as　dependent

on　my　actions　as　my　own　personality；　sleeping　in　that　bed；

behind　that　door　which　faced　me　as　I　sat　at　the　head　of　the　table。

It　was　very　much　like　being　mad；　only　it　was　worse　because　one　was

aware　of　it。



I　had　to　shake　him　for　a　solid　minute；　but　when　at　last　he　opened　his　eyes

it　was　in　the　full　possession　of　his　senses；　with　an　inquiring　look。



〃All's　well　so　far；〃　I　whispered。　　〃Now　you　must　vanish　into　the　bathroom。〃



He　did　so；　as　noiseless　as　a　ghost；　and　then　I　rang　for　the　steward；

and　facing　him　boldly；　directed　him　to　tidy　up　my　stateroom　while　I　was

having　my　bath〃and　be　quick　about　it。〃　　As　my　tone　admitted　of　no　excuses；

he　said；　〃Yes；　sir；〃　and　ran　off　to　fetch　his　dustpan　and　brushes。

I　took　a　bath　and　did　most　of　my　dressing；　splashing；　and　whistling

softly　for　the　steward's　edification；　while　the　secret　sharer　of　my　life

stood　drawn　up　bolt　upright　in　that　little　space；　his　face　looking

very　sunken　in　daylight；　his　eyelids　lowered　under　the　stern；　dark　line

of　his　eyebrows　drawn　together　by　a　slight　frown。



When　I　left　him　there　to　go　back　to　my　room　the　steward

was　finishing　dusting。　　I　sent　for　the　mate　and　engaged　him

in　some　insignificant　conversation。　　It　was；　as　it　were；

trifling　with　the　terrific　character　of　his　whiskers；　but　my　object

was　to　give　him　an　opportunity　for　a　good　look　at　my　cabin。

And　then　I　could　at　last　shut；　with　a　clear　conscience；　the　door

of　my　stateroom　and　get　my　double　back　into　the　recessed　part。

There　was　nothing　else　for　it。　　He　had　to　sit　still　on　a　small

folding　stool；　half　smothered　by　the　heavy　coats　hanging　there。

We　listened　to　the　steward　going　into　the　bathroom　out　of

the　saloon；　filling　the　water　bottles　there；　scrubbing　the　bath；

setting　things　to　rights；　whisk；　bang；　clatterout　again

into　the　saloonturn　the　keyclick。　　Such　was　my　scheme

for　keeping　my　second　self　invisible。　　Nothing　better　could

be　contrived　under　the　circumstances。　　And　there　we　sat；

I　at　my　writing　desk　ready　to　appear　busy　with　some　papers；

he　behind　me　out　of　sight　of　the　door。　　It　would　not　have

been　prudent　to　talk　in　daytime；　and　I　could　not　have　stood

the　excitement　of　that　queer　sense　of　whispering　to　myself。

Now　and　then；　glancing　over　my　shoulder；　I　saw　him　far　back　there；

sitting　rigidly　on　the　low　stool；　his　bare　feet　close　together；

his　arms　folded；　his　head　hanging　on　his　breastand　perfectly　still。

Anybody　would　have　taken　him　for　me。



I　was　fascinated　by　it　myself。　　Every　moment　I　had　to　glance

over　my　shoulder。　　I　was　looking　at　him　when　a　voice　outside

the　door　said：



〃Beg　pardon；　sir。〃



〃Well！　。　。　。　I　kept　my　eyes　on　him；　and　so　when　the　voice　outside

the　door　announced；　〃There's　a　ship's　boat　coming　our　way；　sir；〃

I　saw　him　give　a　startthe　first　movement　he　had　made　for　hours。

But　he　did　not　raise　his　bowed　head。



〃All　right。　　Get　the　ladder　over。〃



I　hesitated。　　Should　I　whisper　something　to　him？　　But　what？

His　immobility　seemed　to　have　been　never　disturbed。

What　could　I　tell　him　he　did　not　know　already？　。　。　。　Finally

I　went　on　deck。







II



The　skipper　of　the　Sephora　had　a　thin　red　whisker　all　round　his　face；

and　the　sort　of　complexion　that　goes　with　hair　of　that　color；

also　the　particular；　rather　smeary　shade　of　blue　in　the　eyes。

He　was　not　exactly　a　showy　figure；　his　shoulders　were　high；

his　stature　but　middlingone　leg　slightly　more　bandy

than　the　other。　　He　shook　hands；　looking　vaguely　around。

A　spiritless　tenacity　was　his　main　characteristic；　I　judged。

I　behaved　with　a　politeness　which　seemed　to　disconcert　him。

Perhaps　he　was　shy。　　He　mumbled　to　me　as　if　he　were　ashamed　of

what　he　was　saying；　gave　his　name　（it　was　something　like　Archbold

but　at　this　distance　of　years　I　hardly　am　sure）；　his　ship's　name；

and　a　few　other　particulars　of　that　sort；　in　the　manner

of　a　criminal　making　a　reluctant　and　doleful　confession。

He　had　had　terrible　weather　on　the　passage　outterribleterrible

wife　aboard；　too。



By　this　time　we　were　seated　in　the　cabin　and　the　steward　brought　in　a

tray　with　a　bottle　and　glasses。　　〃Thanks！　　No。〃　Never　took　liquor。

Would　have　some　water；　though。　　He　drank　two　tumblerfuls。

Terrible　thirsty　work。　　Ever　since　daylight　had　been　exploring

the　islands　round　his　ship。



〃What　was　that　forfun？〃　　I　asked；　with　an　appearance　of　polite　interest。



〃No！〃　　He　sighed。　　〃Painful　duty。〃



As　he　persisted　in　his　mumbling　and　I　wanted　my　double　to　hear　every　word；

I　hit　upon　the　notion　of　informing　him　that　I　regretted　to　say　I　was

hard　of　hearing。



〃Such　a　young　man；　too！〃　he　nodded；　keeping　his　smeary　blue；

unintelligent　eyes　fastened　upon　me。　　〃What　was　the　cause　of　it

some　disease？〃　he　inquired；　without　the　least　sympathy　and　as

if　he　thought　that；　if　so；　I'd　got　no　more　than　I　deserved。



〃Yes；　disease；〃　I　admitted　in　a　cheerful　tone　which　seemed　to　shock　him。

But　my　point　was　gained；　because　he　had　to　raise　his　voice　to　give

me　his　tale。　　It　is　not　worth　while　to　record　his　version。

It　was　just　over　two　months　since　all　this　had　happened；　and　he　had　thought

so　much　about　it　that　he　seemed　completely　muddled　as　to　its　bearings；

but　still　immensely　impressed。



〃What　would　you　think　of　such　a　thing　happening　on　board　your　own　ship？

I've　had　the　Sephora　for　these　fifteen　years。　　I　am　a　well…known　shipmaster。〃



He　was　densely　distressedand　perhaps　I　should　have　sympathized

with　him　if　I　had　been　able　to　detach　my　mental　vision

from　the　unsuspected　sharer　of　my　cabin　as　though　he　were　my

second　self。　　There　he　was　on　the　other　side　of　the　bulkhead；

four　or　five　feet　from　us；　no　more；　as　we　sat　in　the　saloon。

I　looked　politely　at　Captain　Archbold　（if　that　was　his　name）；

but　it　was　the　other　I　saw；　in　a　gray　sleeping　suit；　seated　on

a　low　stool；　his　bare　feet　close　together；　his　arms　folded；

and　every　word　said　between　us　falling　into　the　ears　of　his

dark　head　bowed　on　his　chest。



〃I　have　been　at　sea　now；　man　and　boy；　for　seven…and…thirty　years；

and　I've　never　heard　of　such　a　thing　happening　in　an　English　ship。

And　that　it　should　be　my　ship。　　Wife　on　board；　too。〃



I　was　hardly　listening　to　him。



〃Don't　you　think；〃　I　said；　〃that　the　heavy　sea　which；

you　told　me；　came　aboard　just　then　might　have　killed　the　man？

I　have　seen　the　sheer　weight　of　a　sea　kill　a　man　very　neatly；

by　simply　breaking　his　neck。〃



〃Good　God！〃　he　uttered；　impressively；　fixing　his　smeary　blue　eyes　on　me。

〃The　sea！　　No　man　killed　by　the　sea　ever　looked　like　that。〃

He　seemed　positively　scandalized　at　my　suggestion。　　And　as　I　gazed

at　him　certainly　not　prepared　for　anything　original　on　his　part；

he　advanced　his　head　close　to　mine　and　thrust　his　tongue　out　at　me

so　suddenly　that　I　couldn't　help　starting　back。



After　scoring　over　my　calmness　in　this　graphic　way　he　nodded　wisely。

If　I　had　seen　the　sight；　he　assured　me；　I　would　never　forget　it　as　long

as　I　lived。　　The　weather　was　too　bad　to　give　the　corpse　a　proper　sea　burial。

So　next　day　at　dawn　they　took　it　up　on　the　poop；　covering　its　face

with　a　bit　of　bunting；　he　read　a　short　prayer；　and　then；　just　as　it　was；

in　its　oilskins　and　long　boots；　they　launched　it　amongst　those　mountainous

seas　that　seemed　ready　every　moment　to　swallow　up　the　ship　herself

and　the　terrified　lives　on　board　of　her。



〃That　reefed　foresail　saved　you；〃　I　threw　in。



〃Under　Godit　did；〃　he　exclaimed　fervently。　　〃It　was　by　a　special　mercy；

I　firmly　believe；　that　it　stood　some　of　those　hurricane　squalls。〃



〃It　was　the　setting　of　that　sail　which〃　I　began。



〃God's　own　hand　in　it；〃　he　interrupted　me。　　〃Nothing　less　could　have　done　it。

I　don't　mind　telling　you　that　I　hardly　dared　give　the　order。

It　seemed　impossible　that　we　could　touch　anything　without　losing　it；

and　then　our　last　hope　would　have　been　gone。〃



The　terror　of　that　gale　was　on　him　yet。　　I　let　him　go　on　for　a　bit；

then　said；　casuallyas　if　returning　to　a　minor　subject：



〃You　were　very　anxious　to　give　up　your　mate　to　the　shore　people；　I　believe？〃



He　was。　　To　the　law。　　His　obscure　tenacity　on　that　point　had　in　it

something　incomprehensible　and　a　little　awful；　something；　as　it

were；　mystical；　quite　apart　from　his　anxiety　that　he　should

not　be　suspected　of　〃countenancing　any　doings　of　that　sort。〃

Seven…and…thirty　virtuous　years　at　sea；　of　which　over　twenty

of　immaculate　command；　and　the　last　fifteen　in　the　Sephora；

seemed　to　have　laid　him　under　some　pitiless　obligation。



〃And　you　know；〃　he　went　on；　groping　shame…facedly　amongst　his　feelings；

〃I　did　not　engage　that　young　fellow。　　His　people　had　some

interest　with　my　owners。　　I　was　in　a　way