mudfog+- 第3部分

'It　must　be　kept　a　profound　secret；'　said　Tulrumble。



'Of　course；　sir；'　replied　Twigger。



'And　you　must　be　sober；'　said　Tulrumble；　'perfectly　sober。'　　Mr。

Twigger　at　once　solemnly　pledged　himself　to　be　as　sober　as　a　judge；

and　Nicholas　Tulrumble　was　satisfied；　although；　had　we　been

Nicholas；　we　should　certainly　have　exacted　some　promise　of　a　more

specific　nature；　inasmuch　as；　having　attended　the　Mudfog　assizes　in

the　evening　more　than　once；　we　can　solemnly　testify　to　having　seen

judges　with　very　strong　symptoms　of　dinner　under　their　wigs。

However；　that's　neither　here　nor　there。



The　next　day；　and　the　day　following；　and　the　day　after　that；　Ned

Twigger　was　securely　locked　up　in　the　small　cavern　with　the　sky…

light；　hard　at　work　at　the　armour。　　With　every　additional　piece　he

could　manage　to　stand　upright　in；　he　had　an　additional　glass　of

rum；　and　at　last；　after　many　partial　suffocations；　he　contrived　to

get　on　the　whole　suit；　and　to　stagger　up　and　down　the　room　in　it；

like　an　intoxicated　effigy　from　Westminster　Abbey。



Never　was　man　so　delighted　as　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　never　was　woman

so　charmed　as　Nicholas　Tulrumble's　wife。　　Here　was　a　sight　for　the

common　people　of　Mudfog！　　A　live　man　in　brass　armour！　　Why；　they

would　go　wild　with　wonder！



The　day　…　THE　Monday　…　arrived。



If　the　morning　had　been　made　to　order；　it　couldn't　have　been　better

adapted　to　the　purpose。　　They　never　showed　a　better　fog　in　London

on　Lord　Mayor's　day；　than　enwrapped　the　town　of　Mudfog　on　that

eventful　occasion。　　It　had　risen　slowly　and　surely　from　the　green

and　stagnant　water　with　the　first　light　of　morning；　until　it

reached　a　little　above　the　lamp…post　tops；　and　there　it　had

stopped；　with　a　sleepy；　sluggish　obstinacy；　which　bade　defiance　to

the　sun；　who　had　got　up　very　blood…shot　about　the　eyes；　as　if　he

had　been　at　a　drinking…party　over…night；　and　was　doing　his　day's

work　with　the　worst　possible　grace。　　The　thick　damp　mist　hung　over

the　town　like　a　huge　gauze　curtain。　　All　was　dim　and　dismal。　　The

church　steeples　had　bidden　a　temporary　adieu　to　the　world　below；

and　every　object　of　lesser　importance　…　houses；　barns；　hedges；

trees；　and　barges　…　had　all　taken　the　veil。



The　church…clock　struck　one。　　A　cracked　trumpet　from　the　front

garden　of　Mudfog　Hall　produced　a　feeble　flourish；　as　if　some

asthmatic　person　had　coughed　into　it　accidentally；　the　gate　flew

open；　and　out　came　a　gentleman；　on　a　moist…sugar　coloured　charger；

intended　to　represent　a　herald；　but　bearing　a　much　stronger

resemblance　to　a　court…card　on　horseback。　　This　was　one　of　the

Circus　people；　who　always　came　down　to　Mudfog　at　that　time　of　the

year；　and　who　had　been　engaged　by　Nicholas　Tulrumble　expressly　for

the　occasion。　　There　was　the　horse；　whisking　his　tail　about；

balancing　himself　on　his　hind…legs；　and　flourishing　away　with　his

fore…feet；　in　a　manner　which　would　have　gone　to　the　hearts　and

souls　of　any　reasonable　crowd。　　But　a　Mudfog　crowd　never　was　a

reasonable　one；　and　in　all　probability　never　will　be。　　Instead　of

scattering　the　very　fog　with　their　shouts；　as　they　ought　most

indubitably　to　have　done；　and　were　fully　intended　to　do；　by

Nicholas　Tulrumble；　they　no　sooner　recognized　the　herald；　than　they

began　to　growl　forth　the　most　unqualified　disapprobation　at　the

bare　notion　of　his　riding　like　any　other　man。　　If　he　had　come　out

on　his　head　indeed；　or　jumping　through　a　hoop；　or　flying　through　a

red…hot　drum；　or　even　standing　on　one　leg　with　his　other　foot　in

his　mouth；　they　might　have　had　something　to　say　to　him；　but　for　a

professional　gentleman　to　sit　astride　in　the　saddle；　with　his　feet

in　the　stirrups；　was　rather　too　good　a　joke。　　So；　the　herald　was　a

decided　failure；　and　the　crowd　hooted　with　great　energy；　as　he

pranced　ingloriously　away。



On　the　procession　came。　　We　are　afraid　to　say　how　many

supernumeraries　there　were；　in　striped　shirts　and　black　velvet

caps；　to　imitate　the　London　watermen；　or　how　many　base　imitations

of　running…footmen；　or　how　many　banners；　which；　owing　to　the

heaviness　of　the　atmosphere；　could　by　no　means　be　prevailed　on　to

display　their　inscriptions：　　still　less　do　we　feel　disposed　to

relate　how　the　men　who　played　the　wind　instruments；　looking　up　into

the　sky　（we　mean　the　fog）　with　musical　fervour；　walked　through

pools　of　water　and　hillocks　of　mud；　till　they　covered　the　powdered

heads　of　the　running…footmen　aforesaid　with　splashes；　that　looked

curious；　but　not　ornamental；　or　how　the　barrel…organ　performer　put

on　the　wrong　stop；　and　played　one　tune　while　the　band　played

another；　or　how　the　horses；　being　used　to　the　arena；　and　not　to　the

streets；　would　stand　still　and　dance；　instead　of　going　on　and

prancing；　…　all　of　which　are　matters　which　might　be　dilated　upon　to

great　advantage；　but　which　we　have　not　the　least　intention　of

dilating　upon；　notwithstanding。



Oh！　it　was　a　grand　and　beautiful　sight　to　behold　a　corporation　in

glass　coaches；　provided　at　the　sole　cost　and　charge　of　Nicholas

Tulrumble；　coming　rolling　along；　like　a　funeral　out　of　mourning；

and　to　watch　the　attempts　the　corporation　made　to　look　great　and

solemn；　when　Nicholas　Tulrumble　himself；　in　the　four…wheel　chaise；

with　the　tall　postilion；　rolled　out　after　them；　with　Mr。　Jennings

on　one　side　to　look　like　a　chaplain；　and　a　supernumerary　on　the

other；　with　an　old　life…guardsman's　sabre；　to　imitate　the　sword…

bearer；　and　to　see　the　tears　rolling　down　the　faces　of　the　mob　as

they　screamed　with　merriment。　　This　was　beautiful！　and　so　was　the

appearance　of　Mrs。　Tulrumble　and　son；　as　they　bowed　with　grave

dignity　out　of　their　coach…window　to　all　the　dirty　faces　that　were

laughing　around　them：　　but　it　is　not　even　with　this　that　we　have　to

do；　but　with　the　sudden　stopping　of　the　procession　at　another　blast

of　the　trumpet；　whereat；　and　whereupon；　a　profound　silence　ensued；

and　all　eyes　were　turned　towards　Mudfog　Hall；　in　the　confident

anticipation　of　some　new　wonder。



'They　won't　laugh　now；　Mr。　Jennings；'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble。



'I　think　not；　sir；'　said　Mr。　Jennings。



'See　how　eager　they　look；'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble。　　'Aha！　the

laugh　will　be　on　our　side　now；　eh；　Mr。　Jennings？'



'No　doubt　of　that；　sir；'　replied　Mr。　Jennings；　and　Nicholas

Tulrumble；　in　a　state　of　pleasurable　excitement；　stood　up　in　the

four…wheel　chaise；　and　telegraphed　gratification　to　the　Mayoress

behind。



While　all　this　was　going　forward；　Ned　Twigger　had　descended　into

the　kitchen　of　Mudfog　Hall　for　the　purpose　of　indulging　the

servants　with　a　private　view　of　the　curiosity　that　was　to　burst

upon　the　town；　and；　somehow　or　other；　the　footman　was　so

companionable；　and　the　housemaid　so　kind；　and　the　cook　so　friendly；

that　he　could　not　resist　the　offer　of　the　first…mentioned　to　sit

down　and　take　something　…　just　to　drink　success　to　master　in。



So；　down　Ned　Twigger　sat　himself　in　his　brass　livery　on　the　top　of

the　kitchen…table；　and　in　a　mug　of　something　strong；　paid　for　by

the　unconscious　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　and　provided　by　the

companionable　footman；　drank　success　to　the　Mayor　and　his

procession；　and；　as　Ned　laid　by　his　helmet　to　imbibe　the　something

strong；　the　companionable　footman　put　it　on　his　own　head；　to　the

immeasurable　and　unrecordable　delight　of　the　cook　and　housemaid。

The　companionable　footman　was　very　facetious　to　Ned；　and　Ned　was

very　gallant　to　the　cook　and　housemaid　by　turns。　　They　were　all

very　cosy　and　comfortable；　and　the　something　strong　went　briskly

round。



At　last　Ned　Twigger　was　loudly　called　for；　by　the　procession

people：　　and；　having　had　his　helmet　fixed　on；　in　a　very　complicated

manner；　by　the　companionable　footman；　and　the　kind　housemaid；　and

the　friendly　cook；　he　walked　gravely　forth；　and　appeared　before　the

multitude。



The　crowd　roared　…　it　was　not　with　wonder；　it　was　not　with

surprise；　it　was　most　decidedly　and　unquestionably　with　laughter。



'What！'　said　Mr。　Tulrumble；　starting　up　in　the　four…wheel　chaise。

'Laughing？　　If　they　laugh　at　a　man　in　real　brass　armour；　they'd

laugh　when　their　own　fathers　were　dying。　　Why　doesn't　he　go　into

his　place；　Mr。　Jennings？　　What's　he　rolling　down　towards　us　for？　he

has　no　business　here！'



'I　am　afraid；　sir　…　'　faltered　Mr。　Jennings。



'Afraid　of　what；　sir？'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　looking　up　into　the

secretary's　face。



'I　am　afraid　he's　drunk；　sir；'　replied　Mr。　Jennings。



Nicholas　Tulrumble　took　one　look　at　the　extraordinary　figure　that

was　bearing　down　upon　them；　and　then；　clasping　his　secretary　by　the

arm；　uttered　an　audible　groan　in　anguish　of　spirit。



It　is　a　melancholy　fact　that　Mr。　Twigger　having　full　licence　to

demand　a　single　glass　of　rum　on　the　putting　on　of　every　piece　of

the　armour；　got；　by　some　means　or　other；　rather　out　of　his

calculation　in　the　hurry　and　confusion　of　preparation；　and　drank

about　four　glasses　to　a　piece　instead　of　one；　not　to　mention　the

something　strong　which　went　on　the　top　of　it。　　Whether　the　brass

armour　checked　the　natural　flow　of　perspiration；　and　thus　prevented

the　spirit　from　evaporating；　we　are　not　scientific　enough　to　know；

but；　whatever　the　cause　was；　Mr。　Twigger　no　sooner　found　himself

outside　the　gate　of　Mudfog　Hall；　than　he　also　found　himself　in　a

very　considerable　state　of　intoxication；　and　hence　his

extraordinary　style　of　progressing。　　This　was　bad　enough；　but；　as

if　fate　and　fortune　had　conspired　against　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　Mr。

Twigger；　not　having　been　penitent　for　a　good　calendar　month；　took

it　into　his　head　to　be　most　especially　and　particularly

sentimental；　just　when　his　repentance　could　have　been　most

conveniently　dispensed　with。　　Immense　tears　were　rolling　down　his

cheeks；　and　he　was　vainly　endeavouring　to　conceal　his　grief　by

applying　to　his　eyes　a　blue　cotton　pocket…handkerchief　with　white

spots；　…　an　article　not　strictly　in　keeping　with　a　suit　of　armour

some　three　hundred　years　old；　or　thereabouts。