mudfog+- 第5部分

of　the　old　fellows　there；　and　they　looked　coldly　on　Nicholas　as　he

proffered　his　hand。



'Are　you　going　to　put　down　pipes；　Mr。　Tulrumble？'　said　one。



'Or　trace　the　progress　of　crime　to　'bacca？'　growled　another。



'Neither；'　replied　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　shaking　hands　with　them

both；　whether　they　would　or　not。　　'I've　come　down　to　say　that　I'm

very　sorry　for　having　made　a　fool　of　myself；　and　that　I　hope　you'll

give　me　up　the　old　chair；　again。'



The　old　fellows　opened　their　eyes；　and　three　or　four　more　old

fellows　opened　the　door；　to　whom　Nicholas；　with　tears　in　his　eyes；

thrust　out　his　hand　too；　and　told　the　same　story。　　They　raised　a

shout　of　joy；　that　made　the　bells　in　the　ancient　church…tower

vibrate　again；　and　wheeling　the　old　chair　into　the　warm　corner；

thrust　old　Nicholas　down　into　it；　and　ordered　in　the　very　largest…

sized　bowl　of　hot　punch；　with　an　unlimited　number　of　pipes；

directly。



The　next　day；　the　Jolly　Boatmen　got　the　licence；　and　the　next

night；　old　Nicholas　and　Ned　Twigger's　wife　led　off　a　dance　to　the

music　of　the　fiddle　and　tambourine；　the　tone　of　which　seemed

mightily　improved　by　a　little　rest；　for　they　never　had　played　so

merrily　before。　　Ned　Twigger　was　in　the　very　height　of　his　glory；

and　he　danced　hornpipes；　and　balanced　chairs　on　his　chin；　and

straws　on　his　nose；　till　the　whole　company；　including　the

corporation；　were　in　raptures　of　admiration　at　the　brilliancy　of

his　acquirements。



Mr。　Tulrumble；　junior；　couldn't　make　up　his　mind　to　be　anything　but

magnificent；　so　he　went　up　to　London　and　drew　bills　on　his　father；

and　when　he　had　overdrawn；　and　got　into　debt；　he　grew　penitent；　and

came　home　again。



As　to　old　Nicholas；　he　kept　his　word；　and　having　had　six　weeks　of

public　life；　never　tried　it　any　more。　　He　went　to　sleep　in　the

town…hall　at　the　very　next　meeting；　and；　in　full　proof　of　his

sincerity；　has　requested　us　to　write　this　faithful　narrative。　　We

wish　it　could　have　the　effect　of　reminding　the　Tulrumbles　of

another　sphere；　that　puffed…up　conceit　is　not　dignity；　and　that

snarling　at　the　little　pleasures　they　were　once　glad　to　enjoy；

because　they　would　rather　forget　the　times　when　they　were　of　lower

station；　renders　them　objects　of　contempt　and　ridicule。



This　is　the　first　time　we　have　published　any　of　our　gleanings　from

this　particular　source。　　Perhaps；　at　some　future　period；　we　may

venture　to　open　the　chronicles　of　Mudfog。







FULL　REPORT　OF　THE　FIRST　MEETING　OF　THE　MUDFOG　ASSOCIATION

FOR　THE　ADVANCEMENT　OF　EVERYTHING







We　have　made　the　most　unparalleled　and　extraordinary　exertions　to

place　before　our　readers　a　complete　and　accurate　account　of　the

proceedings　at　the　late　grand　meeting　of　the　Mudfog　Association；

holden　in　the　town　of　Mudfog；　it　affords　us　great　happiness　to　lay

the　result　before　them；　in　the　shape　of　various　communications

received　from　our　able；　talented；　and　graphic　correspondent；

expressly　sent　down　for　the　purpose；　who　has　immortalized　us；

himself；　Mudfog；　and　the　association；　all　at　one　and　the　same　time。

We　have　been；　indeed；　for　some　days　unable　to　determine　who　will

transmit　the　greatest　name　to　posterity；　ourselves；　who　sent　our

correspondent　down；　our　correspondent；　who　wrote　an　account　of　the

matter；　or　the　association；　who　gave　our　correspondent　something　to

write　about。　　We　rather　incline　to　the　opinion　that　we　are　the

greatest　man　of　the　party；　inasmuch　as　the　notion　of　an　exclusive

and　authentic　report　originated　with　us；　this　may　be　prejudice：　　it

may　arise　from　a　prepossession　on　our　part　in　our　own　favour。　　Be

it　so。　　We　have　no　doubt　that　every　gentleman　concerned　in　this

mighty　assemblage　is　troubled　with　the　same　complaint　in　a　greater

or　less　degree；　and　it　is　a　consolation　to　us　to　know　that　we　have

at　least　this　feeling　in　common　with　the　great　scientific　stars；

the　brilliant　and　extraordinary　luminaries；　whose　speculations　we

record。



We　give　our　correspondent's　letters　in　the　order　in　which　they

reached　us。　　Any　attempt　at　amalgamating　them　into　one　beautiful

whole；　would　only　destroy　that　glowing　tone；　that　dash　of　wildness；

and　rich　vein　of　picturesque　interest；　which　pervade　them

throughout。



'MUDFOG；　MONDAY　NIGHT；　SEVEN　O'CLOCK。



'We　are　in　a　state　of　great　excitement　here。　　Nothing　is　spoken　of；

but　the　approaching　meeting　of　the　association。　　The　inn…doors　are

thronged　with　waiters　anxiously　looking　for　the　expected　arrivals；

and　the　numerous　bills　which　are　wafered　up　in　the　windows　of

private　houses；　intimating　that　there　are　beds　to　let　within；　give

the　streets　a　very　animated　and　cheerful　appearance；　the　wafers

being　of　a　great　variety　of　colours；　and　the　monotony　of　printed

inscriptions　being　relieved　by　every　possible　size　and　style　of

hand…writing。　　It　is　confidently　rumoured　that　Professors　Snore；

Doze；　and　Wheezy　have　engaged　three　beds　and　a　sitting…room　at　the

Pig　and　Tinder…box。　　I　give　you　the　rumour　as　it　has　reached　me；

but　I　cannot；　as　yet；　vouch　for　its　accuracy。　　The　moment　I　have

been　enabled　to　obtain　any　certain　information　upon　this

interesting　point；　you　may　depend　upon　receiving　it。'



'HALF…PAST　SEVEN。



I　have　just　returned　from　a　personal　interview　with　the　landlord　of

the　Pig　and　Tinder…box。　　He　speaks　confidently　of　the　probability

of　Professors　Snore；　Doze；　and　Wheezy　taking　up　their　residence　at

his　house　during　the　sitting　of　the　association；　but　denies　that

the　beds　have　been　yet　engaged；　in　which　representation　he　is

confirmed　by　the　chambermaid　…　a　girl　of　artless　manners；　and

interesting　appearance。　　The　boots　denies　that　it　is　at　all　likely

that　Professors　Snore；　Doze；　and　Wheezy　will　put　up　here；　but　I

have　reason　to　believe　that　this　man　has　been　suborned　by　the

proprietor　of　the　Original　Pig；　which　is　the　opposition　hotel。

Amidst　such　conflicting　testimony　it　is　difficult　to　arrive　at　the

real　truth；　but　you　may　depend　upon　receiving　authentic　information

upon　this　point　the　moment　the　fact　is　ascertained。　　The　excitement

still　continues。　　A　boy　fell　through　the　window　of　the　pastrycook's

shop　at　the　corner　of　the　High…street　about　half　an　hour　ago；　which

has　occasioned　much　confusion。　　The　general　impression　is；　that　it

was　an　accident。　　Pray　heaven　it　may　prove　so！'



'TUESDAY；　NOON。



'At　an　early　hour　this　morning　the　bells　of　all　the　churches　struck

seven　o'clock；　the　effect　of　which；　in　the　present　lively　state　of

the　town；　was　extremely　singular。　　While　I　was　at　breakfast；　a

yellow　gig；　drawn　by　a　dark　grey　horse；　with　a　patch　of　white　over

his　right　eyelid；　proceeded　at　a　rapid　pace　in　the　direction　of　the

Original　Pig　stables；　it　is　currently　reported　that　this　gentleman

has　arrived　here　for　the　purpose　of　attending　the　association；　and；

from　what　I　have　heard；　I　consider　it　extremely　probable；　although

nothing　decisive　is　yet　known　regarding　him。　　You　may　conceive　the

anxiety　with　which　we　are　all　looking　forward　to　the　arrival　of　the

four　o'clock　coach　this　afternoon。



'Notwithstanding　the　excited　state　of　the　populace；　no　outrage　has

yet　been　committed；　owing　to　the　admirable　discipline　and

discretion　of　the　police；　who　are　nowhere　to　be　seen。　　A　barrel…

organ　is　playing　opposite　my　window；　and　groups　of　people；　offering

fish　and　vegetables　for　sale；　parade　the　streets。　　With　these

exceptions　everything　is　quiet；　and　I　trust　will　continue　so。'



'FIVE　O'CLOCK。



'It　is　now　ascertained；　beyond　all　doubt；　that　Professors　Snore；

Doze；　and　Wheezy　will　NOT　repair　to　the　Pig　and　Tinder…box；　but

have　actually　engaged　apartments　at　the　Original　Pig。　　This

intelligence　is　EXCLUSIVE；　and　I　leave　you　and　your　readers　to　draw

their　own　inferences　from　it。　　Why　Professor　Wheezy；　of　all　people

in　the　world；　should　repair　to　the　Original　Pig　in　preference　to

the　Pig　and　Tinder…box；　it　is　not　easy　to　conceive。　　The　professor

is　a　man　who　should　be　above　all　such　petty　feelings。　　Some　people

here　openly　impute　treachery；　and　a　distinct　breach　of　faith　to

Professors　Snore　and　Doze；　while　others；　again；　are　disposed　to

acquit　them　of　any　culpability　in　the　transaction；　and　to　insinuate

that　the　blame　rests　solely　with　Professor　Wheezy。　　I　own　that　I

incline　to　the　latter　opinion；　and　although　it　gives　me　great　pain

to　speak　in　terms　of　censure　or　disapprobation　of　a　man　of　such

transcendent　genius　and　acquirements；　still　I　am　bound　to　say　that；

if　my　suspicions　be　well　founded；　and　if　all　the　reports　which　have

reached　my　ears　be　true；　I　really　do　not　well　know　what　to　make　of

the　matter。



'Mr。　Slug；　so　celebrated　for　his　statistical　researches；　arrived

this　afternoon　by　the　four　o'clock　stage。　　His　complexion　is　a　dark

purple；　and　he　has　a　habit　of　sighing　constantly。　　He　looked

extremely　well；　and　appeared　in　high　health　and　spirits。　　Mr。

Woodensconce　also　came　down　in　the　same　conveyance。　　The

distinguished　gentleman　was　fast　asleep　on　his　arrival；　and　I　am

informed　by　the　guard　that　he　had　been　so　the　whole　way。　　He　was；

no　doubt；　preparing　for　his　approaching　fatigues；　but　what　gigantic

visions　must　those　be　that　flit　through　the　brain　of　such　a　man

when　his　body　is　in　a　state　of　torpidity！



'The　influx　of　visitors　increases　every　moment。　　I　am　told　（I　know

not　how　truly）　that　two　post…chaises　have　arrived　at　the　Original

Pig　within　the　last　half…hour；　and　I　myself　observed　a　wheelbarrow；

containing　three　carpet　bags　and　a　bundle；　entering　the　yard　of　the

Pig　and　Tinder…box　no　longer　ago　than　five　minutes　since。　　The

people　are　still　quietly　pursuing　their　ordinary　occupations；　but

there　is　a　wildness　in　their　eyes；　and　an　unwonted　rigidity　in　the

muscles　of　their　countenances；　which　shows　to　the　observant

spectator　that　their　expectations　are　strained　to　the　very　utmost

pitch。　　I　fear；　unless　some　very　extraordinary　arrivals　take　place

to…night；　that　consequences　may　arise　from　this　popular