a confession- 第6部分

horizons　but　in　a　direction　where　there　could　be　no　home；　and　also

amid　the　darkness　of　the　abstract　sciences　where　I　was　immersed　in

deeper　gloom　the　further　I　went；　and　where　I　finally　convinced

myself　that　there　was；　and　could　be；　no　exit。

　　　　　Yielding　myself　to　the　bright　side　of　knowledge；　I　understood

that　I　was　only　diverting　my　gaze　from　the　question。　　However

alluringly　clear　those　horizons　which　opened　out　before　me　might

be；　however　alluring　it　might　be　to　immerse　oneself　in　the

limitless　expanse　of　those　sciences；　I　already　understood　that　the

clearer　they　were　the　less　they　met　my　need　and　the　less　they

applied　to　my　question。

　　　　　〃I　know；〃　said　I　to　myself；　〃what　science　so　persistently

tries　to　discover；　and　along　that　road　there　is　no　reply　to　the

question　as　to　the　meaning　of　my　life。〃　　In　the　abstract　sphere　I

understood　that　notwithstanding　the　fact；　or　just　because　of　the

fact；　that　the　direct　aim　of　science　is　to　reply　to　my　question；

there　is　no　reply　but　that　which　I　have　myself　already　given：　

〃What　is　the　meaning　of　my　life？〃　　〃There　is　none。〃　　Or：　　〃What

will　come　of　my　life？〃　〃Nothing。〃　　Or：　　〃Why　does　everything　exist

that　exists；　and　why　do　I　exist？〃　　〃Because　it　exists。〃

　　　　　Inquiring　for　one　region　of　human　knowledge；　I　received　an

innumerable　quantity　of　exact　replies　concerning　matters　about

which　I　had　not　asked：　　about　the　chemical　constituents　of　the

stars；　about　the　movement　of　the　sun　towards　the　constellation

Hercules；　about　the　origin　of　species　and　of　man；　about　the　forms

of　infinitely　minute　imponderable　particles　of　ether；　but　in　this

sphere　of　knowledge　the　only　answer　to　my　question；　〃What　is　the

meaning　of　my　life？〃　was：　〃You　are　what　you　call　your　'life'；　you

are　a　transitory；　casual　cohesion　of　particles。　　The　mutual

interactions　and　changes　of　these　particles　produce　in　you　what　you

call　your　〃life〃。　　That　cohesion　will　last　some　time；　afterwards

the　interaction　of　these　particles　will　cease　and　what　you　call

〃life〃　will　cease；　and　so　will　all　your　questions。　　You　are　an

accidentally　united　little　lump　of　something。　　that　little　lump

ferments。　　The　little　lump　calls　that　fermenting　its　'life'。　　The

lump　will　disintegrate　and　there　will　be　an　end　of　the　fermenting

and　of　all　the　questions。〃　　So　answers　the　clear　side　of　science

and　cannot　answer　otherwise　if　it　strictly　follows　its　principles。

　　　　　From　such　a　reply　one　sees　that　the　reply　does　not　answer　the

question。　　I　want　to　know　the　meaning　of　my　life；　but　that　it　is　a

fragment　of　the　infinite；　far　from　giving　it　a　meaning　destroys　its

every　possible　meaning。　　The　obscure　compromises　which　that　side　of

experimental　exact　science　makes　with　abstract　science　when　it　says

that　the　meaning　of　life　consists　in　development　and　in　cooperation

with　development；　owing　to　their　inexactness　and　obscurity　cannot

be　considered　as　replies。

　　　　　The　other　side　of　science　　the　abstract　side　　when　it

holds　strictly　to　its　principles；　replying　directly　to　the

question；　always　replies；　and　in　all　ages　has　replied；　in　one　and

the　same　way：　　〃The　world　is　something　infinite　and

incomprehensible　part　of　that　incomprehensible　'all'。〃　　Again　I

exclude　all　those　compromises　between　abstract　and　experimental

sciences　which　supply　the　whole　ballast　of　the　semi…sciences　called

juridical；　political；　and　historical。　In　those　semi…sciences　the

conception　of　development　and　progress　is　again　wrongly　introduced；

only　with　this　difference；　that　there　it　was　the　development　of

everything　while　here　it　is　the　development　of　the　life　of　mankind。　

The　error　is　there　as　before：　development　and　progress　in　infinity

can　have　no　aim　or　direction；　and；　as　far　as　my　question　is

concerned；　no　answer　is　given。

　　　　　In　truly　abstract　science；　namely　in　genuine　philosophy　　not

in　that　which　Schopenhauer　calls　〃professorial　philosophy〃　which

serves　only　to　classify　all　existing　phenomena　in　new　philosophic

categories　and　to　call　them　by　new　names　　where　the　philosopher

does　not　lose　sight　of　the　essential　question；　the　reply　is　always

one　and　the　same　　the　reply　given　by　Socrates；　Schopenhauer；

Solomon；　and　buddha。

　　　　　〃We　approach　truth　only　inasmuch　as　we　depart　from　life〃；　said

Socrates　when　preparing　for　death。　　〃For　what　do　we；　who　love

truth；　strive　after　in　life？　　To　free　ourselves　from　the　body；　and

from　all　the　evil　that　is　caused　by　the　life　of　the　body！　　If　so；

then　how　can　we　fail　to　be　glad　when　death　comes　to　us？

　　　　　〃The　wise　man　seeks　death　all　his　life　and　therefore　death　is

not　terrible　to　him。〃

　　　　　And　Schopenhauer　says：

　　　　　〃Having　recognized　the　inmost　essence　of　the　world　as　*will*；

and　all　its　phenomena　　from　the　unconscious　working　of　the

obscure　forces　of　Nature　up　to　the　completely　conscious　action　of

man　　as　only　the　objectivity　of　that　will；　we　shall　in　no　way

avoid　the　conclusion　that　together　with　the　voluntary　renunciation

and　self…destruction　of　the　will　all　those　phenomena　also

disappear；　that　constant　striving　and　effort　without　aim　or　rest　on

all　the　stages　of　objectivity　in　which　and　through　which　the　world

exists；　the　diversity　of　successive　forms　will　disappear；　and

together　with　the　form　all　the　manifestations　of　will；　with　its

most　universal　forms；　space　and　time；　and　finally　its　most

fundamental　form　　subject　and　object。　　Without　will　there　is　no

concept　and　no　world。　　Before　us；　certainly；　nothing　remains。　　But

what　resists　this　transition　into　annihilation；　our　nature；　is　only

that　same　wish　to　live　　*Wille　zum　Leben*　　which　forms

ourselves　as　well　as　our　world。　　That　we　are　so　afraid　of

annihilation　or；　what　is　the　same　thing；　that　we　so　wish　to　live；

merely　means　that　we　are　ourselves　nothing　else　but　this　desire　to

live；　and　know　nothing　but　it。　　And　so　what　remains　after　the

complete　annihilation　of　the　will；　for　us　who　are　so　full　of　the

will；　is；　of　course；　nothing；　but　on　the　other　hand；　for　those　in

whom　the　will　has　turned　and　renounced　itself；　this　so　real　world

of　ours　with　all　its　suns　and　milky　way　is　nothing。〃

　　　　　〃Vanity　of　vanities〃；　says　Solomon　　〃vanity　of　vanities　

all　is　vanity。　　What　profit　hath　a　man　of　all　his　labor　which　he

taketh　under　the　sun？　　One　generation　passeth　away；　and　another

generation　commeth：　but　the　earth　abideth　for　ever。。。。The　thing

that　hath　been；　is　that　which　shall　be；　and　that　which　is　done　is

that　which　shall　be　done：　and　there　is　no　new　thing　under　the　sun。　

Is　there　anything　whereof　it　may　be　said；　See；　this　is　new？　it　hath

been　already　of　old　time；　which　was　before　us。　　there　is　no

remembrance　of　former　things；　neither　shall　there　be　any

remembrance　of　things　that　are　to　come　with　those　that　shall　come

after。　　I　the　Preacher　was　King　over　Israel　in　Jerusalem。　　And　I

gave　my　heart　to　seek　and　search　out　by　wisdom　concerning　all　that

is　done　under　heaven：　　this　sore　travail　hath　God　given　to　the　sons

of　man　to　be　exercised　therewith。　　I　have　seen　all　the　works　that

are　done　under　the　sun；　and　behold；　all　is　vanity　and　vexation　of

spirit。。。。I　communed　with　my　own　heart；　saying；　Lo；　I　am　come　to

great　estate；　and　have　gotten　more　wisdom　than　all　they　that　have

been　before　me　over　Jerusalem：　yea；　my　heart　hath　great　experience

of　wisdom　and　knowledge。　　And　I　gave　my　heart　to　know　wisdom；　and

to　know　madness　and　folly：　I　perceived　that　this　also　is　vexation

of　spirit。　　For　in　much　wisdom　is　much　grief：　and　he　that

increaseth　knowledge　increaseth　sorrow。

　　　　　〃I　said　in　my　heart；　Go　to　now；　I　will　prove　thee　with　mirth；

therefore　enjoy　pleasure：　and　behold　this　also　is　vanity。　I　said　of

laughter；　It　is　mad：　　and　of　mirth；　What　doeth　it？　　I　sought　in　my

heart　how　to　cheer　my　flesh　with　wine；　and　while　my　heart　was

guided　by　wisdom；　to　lay　hold　on　folly；　till　I　might　see　what　it

was　good　for　the　sons　of　men　that　they　should　do　under　heaven　the

number　of　the　days　of　their　life。　　I　made　me　great　works；　I　builded

me　houses；　I　planted　me　vineyards；　I　made　me　gardens　and　orchards；

and　I　planted　trees　in　them　of　all　kinds　of　fruits：　I　made　me　pools

of　water；　to　water　therefrom　the　forest　where　trees　were　reared：　I

got　me　servants　and　maidens；　and　had　servants　born　in　my　house；

also　I　had　great　possessions　of　herds　and　flocks　above　all　that

were　before　me　in　Jerusalem：　I　gathered　me　also　silver　and　gold　and

the　peculiar　treasure　from　kings　and　from　the　provinces：　I　got　me

men　singers　and　women　singers；　and　the　delights　of　the　sons　of　men；

as　musical　instruments　and　all　that　of　all　sorts。　　So　I　was　great；

and　increased　more　than　all　that　were　before　me　in　Jerusalem：　also

my　wisdom　remained　with　me。　　And　whatever　mine　eyes　desired　I　kept

not　from　them。　　I　withheld　not　my　heart　from　any　joy。。。。Then　I

looked　on　all　the　works　that　my　hands　had　wrought；　and　on　the

labour　that　I　had　laboured　to　do：　and；　behold；　all　was　vanity　and

vexation　of　spirit；　and　there　was　no　profit　from　them　under　the

sun。　　And　I　turned　myself　to　behold　wisdom；　and　madness；　and

folly。。。。　But　I　perceived　that　one　even　happeneth　to　them　all。　

Then　said　I　in　my　heart；　As　it　happeneth　to　the　fool；　so　it

happeneth　even　to　me；　and　why　was　I　then　more　wise？　　then　I　said　in

my　heart；　that　this　also　is　vanity。　　For　there　is　no　remembrance　of

the　wise　more　than　of　the　fool　for　ever；　seeing　that　which　now　is

in　the　days　to　come　shall　all　be　forgotten。　　And　how　dieth　the　wise

man？　as　the　fool。　　Therefore　I　hated　life；　because　the　work　that　is

wrought　under　the　sun　is　grievous　unto　me：　for　all　is　vanity　and

vexation　of　spirit。　　Yea；　I　hated　all　my　labour　which　I　had　taken

under　the　sun：　seeing　that　I　must　leave　it　unto　the　man　that　shall

be　after　me。。。。　For　what　hath　　man　of　all　his　labour；　and　of　the

vexation　of　his　heart；　wherein　he　hath　laboured　under　the　sun？　　For

all　his　days　are　sorrows；　and　his　travail　grief；　yea；　even　in　the

night　his　heart　taketh　no　rest。　　this　is　also　vanity。　　Ma