notes from the underground- 第7部分

consciously　for　an　object　and　to　engage　in　engineeringthat　is；

incessantly　and　eternally　to　make　new　roads；　_wherever　they　may

lead_。　　But　the　reason　why　he　wants　sometimes　to　go　off　at　a

tangent　may　just　be　that　he　is　_predestined_　to　make　the　road；

and　perhaps；　too；　that　however　stupid　the　〃direct〃　practical　man

may　be；　the　thought　sometimes　will　occur　to　him　that　the　road

almost　always　does　lead　_somewhere_；　and　that　the　destination　it

leads　to　is　less　important　than　the　process　of　making　it；　and

that　the　chief　thing　is　to　save　the　well…conducted　child　from

despising　engineering；　and　so　giving　way　to　the　fatal　idleness；

which；　as　we　all　know；　is　the　mother　of　all　the　vices。　　Man　likes

to　make　roads　and　to　create；　that　is　a　fact　beyond　dispute。　　But

why　has　he　such　a　passionate　love　for　destruction　and　chaos　also？　

Tell　me　that！　　But　on　that　point　I　want　to　say　a　couple　of　words

myself。　　May　it　not　be　that　he　loves　chaos　and　destruction　（there

can　be　no　disputing　that　he　does　sometimes　love　it）　because　he　is

instinctively　afraid　of　attaining　his　object　and　completing　the

edifice　he　is　constructing？　　Who　knows；　perhaps　he　only　loves

that　edifice　from　a　distance；　and　is　by　no　means　in　love　with　it

at　close　quarters；　perhaps　he　only　loves　building　it　and　does　not

want　to　live　in　it；　but　will　leave　it；　when　completed；　for　the

use　of　les　animaux　domestiquessuch　as　the　ants；　the　sheep；　and

so　on。　　Now　the　ants　have　quite　a　different　taste。　　They　have　a

marvellous　edifice　of　that　pattern　which　endures　for　everthe

ant…heap。



With　the　ant…heap　the　respectable　race　of　ants　began　and　with　the

ant…heap　they　will　probably　end；　which　does　the　greatest　credit

to　their　perseverance　and　good　sense。　　But　man　is　a　frivolous　and

incongruous　creature；　and　perhaps；　like　a　chess　player；　loves　the

process　of　the　game；　not　the　end　of　it。　　And　who　knows　（there　is

no　saying　with　certainty）；　perhaps　the　only　goal　on　earth　to

which　mankind　is　striving　lies　in　this　incessant　process　of

attaining；　in　other　words；　in　life　itself；　and　not　in　the　thing

to　be　attained；　which　must　always　be　expressed　as　a　formula；　as

positive　as　twice　two　makes　four；　and　such　positiveness　is　not

life；　gentlemen；　but　is　the　beginning　of　death。　　Anyway；　man　has

always　been　afraid　of　this　mathematical　certainty；　and　I　am

afraid　of　it　now。　　Granted　that　man　does　nothing　but　seek　that

mathematical　certainty；　he　traverses　oceans；　sacrifices　his　life

in　the　quest；　but　to　succeed；　really　to　find　it；　dreads；　I　assure

you。　　He　feels　that　when　he　has　found　it　there　will　be　nothing

for　him　to　look　for。　　When　workmen　have　finished　their　work　they

do　at　least　receive　their　pay；　they　go　to　the　tavern；　then　they

are　taken　to　the　police…stationand　there　is　occupation　for　a

week。　　But　where　can　man　go？　　Anyway；　one　can　observe　a　certain

awkwardness　about　him　when　he　has　attained　such　objects。　　He

loves　the　process　of　attaining；　but　does　not　quite　like　to　have

attained；　and　that；　of　course；　is　very　absurd。　　In　fact；　man　is　a

comical　creature；　there　seems　to　be　a　kind　of　jest　in　it　all。　

But　yet　mathematical　certainty　is　after　all；　something

insufferable。　　Twice　two　makes　four　seems　to　me　simply　a　piece　of

insolence。　　Twice　two　makes　four　is　a　pert　coxcomb　who　stands

with　arms　akimbo　barring　your　path　and　spitting。　　I　admit　that

twice　two　makes　four　is　an　excellent　thing；　but　if　we　are　to　give

everything　its　due；　twice　two　makes　five　is　sometimes　a　very

charming　thing　too。



And　why　are　you　so　firmly；　so　triumphantly；　convinced　that　only

the　normal　and　the　positivein　other　words；　only　what　is

conducive　to　welfareis　for　the　advantage　of　man？　　Is　not　reason

in　error　as　regards　advantage？　　Does　not　man；　perhaps；　love

something　besides　well…being？　　Perhaps　he　is　just　as　fond　of

suffering？　　Perhaps　suffering　is　just　as　great　a　benefit　to　him

as　well…being？　　Man　is　sometimes　extraordinarily；　passionately；

in　love　with　suffering；　and　that　is　a　fact。　　There　is　no　need　to

appeal　to　universal　history　to　prove　that；　only　ask　yourself；　if

you　are　a　man　and　have　lived　at　all。　　As　far　as　my　personal

opinion　is　concerned；　to　care　only　for　well…being　seems　to　me

positively　ill…bred。　　Whether　it's　good　or　bad；　it　is　sometimes

very　pleasant；　too；　to　smash　things。　　I　hold　no　brief　for

suffering　nor　for　well…being　either。　　I　am　standing　for　。。。　my

caprice；　and　for　its　being　guaranteed　to　me　when　necessary。　

Suffering　would　be　out　of　place　in　vaudevilles；　for　instance；　I

know　that。　　In　the　〃Palace　of　Crystal〃　it　is　unthinkable；

suffering　means　doubt；　negation；　and　what　would　be　the　good　of　a

〃palace　of　crystal〃　if　there　could　be　any　doubt　about　it？　　And

yet　I　think　man　will　never　renounce　real　suffering；　that　is；

destruction　and　chaos。　　Why；　suffering　is　the　sole　origin　of

consciousness。　　Though　I　did　lay　it　down　at　the　beginning　that

consciousness　is　the　greatest　misfortune　for　man；　yet　I　know　man

prizes　it　and　would　not　give　it　up　for　any　satisfaction。　

Consciousness；　for　instance；　is　infinitely　superior　to　twice　two

makes　four。　　Once　you　have　mathematical　certainty　there　is

nothing　left　to　do　or　to　understand。　　There　will　be　nothing　left

but　to　bottle　up　your　five　senses　and　plunge　into　contemplation。　

While　if　you　stick　to　consciousness；　even　though　the　same　result

is　attained；　you　can　at　least　flog　yourself　at　times；　and　that

will；　at　any　rate；　liven　you　up。　　Reactionary　as　it　is；　corporal

punishment　is　better　than　nothing。





X



You　believe　in　a　palace　of　crystal　that　can　never　be　destroyeda

palace　at　which　one　will　not　be　able　to　put　out　one's　tongue　or

make　a　long　nose　on　the　sly。　　And　perhaps　that　is　just　why　I　am

afraid　of　this　edifice；　that　it　is　of　crystal　and　can　never　be

destroyed　and　that　one　cannot　put　one's　tongue　out　at　it　even　on

the　sly。



You　see；　if　it　were　not　a　palace；　but　a　hen…house；　I　might　creep

into　it　to　avoid　getting　wet；　and　yet　I　would　not　call　the

hen…house　a　palace　out　of　gratitude　to　it　for　keeping　me　dry。　

You　laugh　and　say　that　in　such　circumstances　a　hen…house　is　as

good　as　a　mansion。　　Yes；　I　answer；　if　one　had　to　live　simply　to

keep　out　of　the　rain。



But　what　is　to　be　done　if　I　have　taken　it　into　my　head　that　that

is　not　the　only　object　in　life；　and　that　if　one　must　live　one　had

better　live　in　a　mansion？　　That　is　my　choice；　my　desire。　　You

will　only　eradicate　it　when　you　have　changed　my　preference。　

Well；　do　change　it；　allure　me　with　something　else；　give　me

another　ideal。　　But　meanwhile　I　will　not　take　a　hen…house　for　a

mansion。　　The　palace　of　crystal　may　be　an　idle　dream；　it　may　be

that　it　is　inconsistent　with　the　laws　of　nature　and　that　I　have

invented　it　only　through　my　own　stupidity；　through　the

old…fashioned　irrational　habits　of　my　generation。　　But　what　does

it　matter　to　me　that　it　is　inconsistent？　　That　makes　no

difference　since　it　exists　in　my　desires；　or　rather　exists　as

long　as　my　desires　exist。　　Perhaps　you　are　laughing　again？　　Laugh

away；　I　will　put　up　with　any　mockery　rather　than　pretend　that　I

am　satisfied　when　I　am　hungry。　　I　know；　anyway；　that　I　will　not

be　put　off　with　a　compromise；　with　a　recurring　zero；　simply

because　it　is　consistent　with　the　laws　of　nature　and　actually

exists。　　I　will　not　accept　as　the　crown　of　my　desires　a　block　of

buildings　with　tenements　for　the　poor　on　a　lease　of　a　thousand

years；　and　perhaps　with　a　sign…board　of　a　dentist　hanging　out。　

Destroy　my　desires；　eradicate　my　ideals；　show　me　something

better；　and　I　will　follow　you。　　You　will　say；　perhaps；　that　it　is

not　worth　your　trouble；　but　in　that　case　I　can　give　you　the　same

answer。　　We　are　discussing　things　seriously；　but　if　you　won't

deign　to　give　me　your　attention；　I　will　drop　your　acquaintance。　

I　can　retreat　into　my　underground　hole。



But　while　I　am　alive　and　have　desires　I　would　rather　my　hand　were

withered　off　than　bring　one　brick　to　such　a　building！　　Don't

remind　me　that　I　have　just　rejected　the　palace　of　crystal　for　the

sole　reason　that　one　cannot　put　out　one's　tongue　at　it。　　I　did

not　say　because　I　am　so　fond　of　putting　my　tongue　out。　　Perhaps

the　thing　I　resented　was；　that　of　all　your　edifices　there　has　not

been　one　at　which　one　could　not　put　out　one's　tongue。　　On　the

contrary；　I　would　let　my　tongue　be　cut　off　out　of　gratitude　if

things　could　be　so　arranged　that　I　should　lose　all　desire　to　put

it　out。　　It　is　not　my　fault　that　things　cannot　be　so　arranged；

and　that　one　must　be　satisfied　with　model　flats。　　Then　why　am　I

made　with　such　desires？　　Can　I　have　been　constructed　simply　in

order　to　come　to　the　conclusion　that　all　my　construction　is　a

cheat？　　Can　this　be　my　whole　purpose？　　I　do　not　believe　it。



But　do　you　know　what：　I　am　convinced　that　we　underground　folk

ought　to　be　kept　on　a　curb。　　Though　we　may　sit　forty　years

underground　without　speaking；　when　we　do　come　out　into　the　light

of　day　and　break　out　we　talk　and　talk　and　talk。。。。





XI



The　long　and　the　short　of　it　is；　gentlemen；　that　it　is　better　to

do　nothing！　　Better　conscious　inertia！　　And　so　hurrah　for

underground！　　Though　I　have　said　that　I　envy　the　normal　man　to

the　last　drop　of　my　bile；　yet　I　should　not　care　to　be　in　his

place　such　as　he　is　now　（though　I　shall　not　cease　envying　him）。　

No；　no；　anyway　the　underground　life　is　more　advantageous。　　There；

at　any　rate；　one　can　。。。　Oh；　but　even　now　I　am　lying！　　　I　am

lying　because　I　know　myself　that　it　is　not　underground　that　is

better；　but　something　different；　quite　different；　for　which　I　am

thirsting；　but　which　I　cannot　find！　　　Damn　underground！



I　will　tell　you　another　thing　that　would　be　better；　and　that　is；

if　I　myself　believed　in　anything　of　what　I　have　just　written。　　I

swear　to　you；　gentle…　men；　there　is　not　one　thing；　not　one　word

of　what　I　have　written　that　I　really　believe。　　That　is；　I　believe

it；　perhaps；　but　at　the　same　time　I　feel　and　suspect　that　I　am

lying　like　a　cob