TWICE…TOLD TALES
THE CELESTIAL RAILROAD
by Nathaniel Hawthorne
NOT A GREAT WHILE AGO； passing through the gate of dreams； I
visited that region of the earth in which lies the famous city of
Destruction。 It interested me much to learn that； by the public spirit
of some of the inhabitants； a railroad has recently been established
between this populous and flourishing town； and the Celestial City。
Having a little time upon my hands； I resolved to gratify a liberal
curiosity to make a trip thither。 Accordingly； one fine morning； after
paying my bill at the hotel； and directing the porter to stow my
luggage behind a coach； I took my seat in the vehicle and set out
for the Station… house。 It was my good fortune to enjoy the company of
a gentleman… one Mr。 Smooth…it…away… who； though he had never actually
visited the Celestial City； yet seemed as well acquainted with its
laws； customs； policy； and statistics； as with those of the city of
Destruction； of which he was a native townsman。 Being； moreover； a
Director of the railroad corporation； and one of its largest
stockholders； he had it in his power to give me all desirable
information respecting that praiseworthy enterprise。
Our coach rattled out of the city； and； at a short distance from
its outskirts； passed over a bridge； of elegant construction； but
somewhat too slight； as I imagined； to sustain any considerable
weight。 On both sides lay an extensive quagmire； which could not
have been more disagreeable either to sight or smell； had all the
kennels of the earth emptied their pollution there。
〃This；〃 remarked Mr。 Smooth…it…away； 〃is the famous Slough of
Despond… a disgrace to all the neighborhood； and the greater； that
it might so easily be converted into firm ground。〃
〃I have understood； said I； 〃that efforts have been made for that
purpose； from time immemorial。 Bunyan mentions that above twenty
thousand cart…loads of wholesome instructions had been thrown in here；
without effect。〃
〃Very probably！ and what effect could be anticipated from such
unsubstantial stuff？〃 cried Mr。 Smooth…it…away。 〃You observe this
convenient bridge。 We obtained a sufficient foundation for it by
throwing into the Slough some editions of books of morality； volumes
of French philosophy and German rationalism； tracts； sermons； and
essays of modern clergymen； extracts from Plato； Confucius； and
various Hindoo sages； together with a few ingenious commentaries
upon texts of Scripture… all of which； by some scientific process；
have been converted into a mass like granite。 The whole bog might be
filled up with similar matter。〃
It really seemed to me； however； that the bridge vibrated and
heaved up and down in a very formidable manner； and； spite of Mr。
Smooth…it…away's testimony to the solidity of its foundation； I should
be loth to cross it in a crowded omnibus； especially； if each
passenger were encumbered with as heavy luggage as that gentleman
and myself。 Nevertheless； we got over without accident； and soon found
ourselves at the Station…house。 This very neat and spacious edifice is
erected on the site of the little Wicket…Gate； which formerly； as
all old pilgrims will recollect； stood directly across the highway；
and； by its inconvenient narrowness； was a great obstruction to the
traveller of liberal mind and expansive stomach。 The reader of John
Bunyan will be glad to know； that Christian's old friend Evangelist；
who was accustomed to supply each pilgrim with a mystic roll； now
presides at the ticket office。 Some malicious persons； it is true；
deny the identity of this reputable character with the Evangelist of
old times； and even pretend to bring competent evidence of an
imposture。 Without involving myself in a dispute； I shall merely
observe； that； so far as my experience goes； the square pieces of
pasteboard； now delivered to passengers； are much more convenient
and useful along the road； than the antique roll of parchment。 Whether
they will be as readily received at the gate of the Celestial City；
I decline giving an opinion。
A large number of passengers were already at the Station…house；
awaiting the departure of the cars。 By the aspect and demeanor of
these persons； it was easy to judge that the feelings of the community
had undergone a very favorable change； in reference to the celestial
pilgrimage。 It would have done Bunyan's heart good to see it。
Instead of a lonely and ragged man； with a huge burthen on his back；
plodding along sorrowfully on foot； while the whole city hooted
after him； here were parties of the first gentry and most
respectable people in the neighborhood； setting forth towards the
Celestial City； as cheerfully as if the pilgrimage were merely a
summer tour。 Among the gentlemen were characters of deserved eminence；
magistrates； politicians； and men of wealth； by whose example religion
could not but be greatly recommended to their meaner brethren。 In
the ladies' apartment； too； I rejoiced to distinguish some of those
flowers of fashionable society； who are so well fitted to adorn the
most elevated circles of the Celestial City。 There was much pleasant
conversation about the news of the day； topics of business；
politics； or the lighter matters of amusement； while religion；
though indubitably the main thing at heart； was thrown tastefully into
the back…ground。 Even an infidel would have heard little or nothing to
shock his sensibility。
One great convenience of the new method of going on pilgrimage； I
must not forget to mention。 Our enormous burthens； instead of being
carried on our shoulders； as had been the custom of old； were all
snugly deposited in the baggage…car； and； as I was assured； would be
delivered to their respective owners at the journey's end。 Another
thing； likewise； the benevolent reader will be delighted to
understand。 It may be remembered that there was an ancient feud
between Prince Beelzebub and the keeper of the Wicket…Gate； and that
the adherents of the former distinguished personage were accustomed to
shoot deadly arrows at honest pilgrims； while knocking at the door。
This dispute； much to the credit as well of the illustrious
potentate above…mentioned； as of the worthy and enlightened
Directors of the railroad； has been pacifically arranged； on the
principle of mutual compromise。 The Prince's subjects are now pretty
numerously employed about the Station…house； some in taking care of
the baggage； others in collecting fuel； feeding the engines； and
such congenial occupations； and I can conscientiously affirm； that
persons more attentive to their business； more willing to accommodate；
or more generally agreeable to the passengers； are not to be found
on any railroad。 Every good heart must surely exult at so satisfactory
an arrangement of an immemorial difficulty。
〃Where is Mr。 Great…heart？〃 inquired I。 〃Beyond a doubt； the
Directors have engaged that famous old champion to be chief
conductor on the railroad？〃
〃Why； no；〃 said Mr。 Smooth…it…away； with a dry cough。 〃He was
offered the situation of brake…man； but； to tell you the truth； our
friend Great…heart has grown preposterously stiff and narrow in his
old age。 He has so often guided pilgrims over the road； on foot；
that he considers it a sin to travel in any other fashion。 Besides；
the old fellow had entered so heartily into the ancient feud with
Prince Beelzebub； that he would have been perpetually at blows or
ill language with some of the Prince's subjects； and thus have
embroiled us anew。 So； on the whole； we were not sorry when honest
Great…heart went off to the Celestial City in a huff； and left us at
liberty to choose a more suitable and accommodating man。 Yonder
comes the conductor of the train。 You will probably recognize him at
once。〃
The engine at this moment took its station in advance of the
cars； looking； I must confess； much more like a sort of mechanical
demon that would hurry us to the infernal regions； than a laudable
contrivance for smoothing our way to the Celestial City。 On its top
sat a personage almost enveloped in smoke and flame； which… not to
startle the reader… appeared to gush from his own mouth and stomach；
as well as from the engine's brazen abdomen。
〃Do my eyes deceive me？〃 cried I。 〃What on earth is this！ A
living creature？ If so； he is own brother to the engine he rides
upon！〃
〃Poh； poh； you are obtuse！〃 said Mr。 Smooth…it…away； with a
hearty laugh。 〃Don't you know Apollyon； Christian's old enemy； with
whom he fought so fierce a battle in the Valley of Humiliation？ He was
the very fellow to manage the engine； and so we have reconciled him to
the custom of going on pilgrimage； and engaged him as chief
conductor。〃
〃Bravo； bravo！〃 exclaimed I； with irrepressible enthusiasm； 〃this
shows the liberality of the age； this proves； if anything can； that
all musty prejudices are in a fair way to be obliterated。 And how will
Christian rejoice to hear of this happy transformation of his old
antagonist！ I promise myself great pleasure in informing him of it；
when we reach the Celestial City。〃
The passengers being all comfortably seated； we now rattled away
merrily； accomplishing a greater distance in ten minutes than
Christian probably trudged over in a day。 It was laughable while we
glanced along； as it were； at the tail of a thunderbolt； to observe
two dusty foot…travellers； in the old pilgrim…guise； with cockle…shell
and staff； their mystic rolls of parchment in their hands； and their
intolerable burthens on their backs。 The preposterous obstinacy of
these honest people； in persisting to groan and stumble along the
difficult pathway； rather than take advantage of modern
improvements； excited great mirth among our wiser brotherhood。 We
greeted the two pilgrims with many pleasant gibes and a roar of
laughter； whereupon； they gazed at us with such woful and absurdly
compassionate visages； that our merriment grew tenfold more
obstreperous。 Apollyon； also； entere