youth- 第12部分

tongue？　That　would　have　been　the　better　course。　Or　why　did　I　not

challenge　him　to　a　duel？　No；　I　did　none　of　those　things；　but

swallowed　his　insults　like　a　wretched　coward。〃



Still　the　words；　〃You　are　a　cad；　young　sir；〃　kept　sounding　in　my

ears　with　maddening　iteration。　〃I　cannot　leave　things　as　they

are；〃　I　at　length　decided　as　I　rose　to　my　feet　with　the　fixed

intention　of　returning　to　the　gentleman　and　saying　something

outrageous　to　himperhaps；　also；　of　breaking　the　candelabrum

over　his　head　if　occasion　offered。　Yet；　though　I　considered　the

advisability　of　this　last　measure　with　some　pleasure；　it　was　not

without　a　good　deal　of　trepidation　that　I　re…entered　the　main

salon。　As　luck　would　have　it；　M。　Kolpikoff　was　no　longer　there；

but　only　a　waiter　engaged　in　clearing　the　table。　For　a　moment　I

felt　like　telling　the　waiter　the　whole　story；　and　explaining　to

him　my　innocence　in　the　matter；　but　for　some　reason　or　another　I

thought　better　of　it；　and　once　more　returned；　in　the　same　hazy

condition　of　mind；　to　our　own　room。



〃What　has　become　of　our　DIPLOMAT？〃　Dubkoff　was　just　saying。　〃Upon

him　now　hang　the　fortunes　of　Europe。〃



〃Oh；　leave　me　alone；〃　I　said；　turning　moodily　away。　Then；　as　I

paced　the　room；　something　made　me　begin　to　think　that　Dubkoff　was

not　altogether　a　good　fellow。　〃There　is　nothing　very　much　to

admire　in　his　eternal　jokes　and　his　nickname　of　'DIPLOMAT；'〃　I

reflected。　〃All　he　thinks　about　is　to　win　money　from　Woloda　and

to　go　and　see　his　'Auntie。'　There　is　nothing　very　nice　in　all

that。　Besides；　everything　he　says　has　a　touch　of　blackguardism　in

it；　and　he　is　forever　trying　to　make　people　laugh。　In　my　opinion

he　is　simply　stupid　when　he　is　not　absolutely　a　brute。〃　I　spent

about　five　minutes　in　these　reflections；　and　felt　my　enmity

towards　Dubkoff　continually　increasing。　For　his　part；　he　took　no

notice　of　me；　and　that　angered　me　the　more。　I　actually　felt　vexed

with　Woloda　and　Dimitri　because　they　went　on　talking　to　him。



〃I　tell　you　what；　gentlemen：　the　DIPLOMAT　ought　to　be

christened；〃　said　Dubkoff　suddenly；　with　a　glance　and　a　smile

which　seemed　to　me　derisive；　and　even　treacherous。　〃Yet；　0　Lord；

what　a　poor　specimen　he　is！〃



〃You　yourself　ought　to　be　christened；　and　you　yourself　are　a

sorry　specimen！〃　I　retorted　with　an　evil　smile；　and　actually

forgetting　to　address　him　as　〃thou。〃　＇In　Russian　as　in　French；

the　second　person　singular　is　the　form　of　speech　used　between

intimate　friends。＇



This　reply　evidently　surprised　Dubkoff；　but　he　turned　away　good…

humouredly；　and　went　on　talking　to　Woloda　and　Dimitri。　I　tried　to

edge　myself　into　the　conversation；　but；　since　I　felt　that　I　could

not　keep　it　up；　I　soon　returned　to　my　corner；　and　remained　there

until　we　left。



When　the　bill　had　been　paid　and　wraps　were　being　put　on；　Dubkoff

turned　to　Dimitri　and　said：　〃Whither　are　Orestes　and　Pedalion

going　now？　Home；　I　suppose；　to　talk　about　love。　Well；　let　US　go

and　see　my　dear　Auntie。　That　will　be　far　more　entertaining　than

your　sour　company。〃



〃How　dare　you　speak　like　that；　and　laugh　at　us？〃　I　burst　out　as　I

approached　him　with　clenched　fists。　〃How　dare　you　laugh　at

feelings　which　you　do　not　understand？　I　will　not　have　you　do　it！

Hold　your　tongue！〃　At　this　point　I　had　to　hold　my　own；　for　I　did

not　know　what　to　say　next；　and　was；　moreover；　out　of　breath　with

excitement。　At　first　Dubkoff　was　taken　aback；　but　presently　he

tried　to　laugh　it　off；　and　to　take　it　as　a　joke。　Finally　I　was

surprised　to　see　him　look　crestfallen；　and　lower　his　eyes。



〃I　NEVER　laugh　at　you　or　your　feelings。　It　is　merely　my　way　of

speaking；〃　he　said　evasively。



〃Indeed？〃　I　cried；　yet　the　next　moment　I　felt　ashamed　of　myself

and　sorry　for　him；　since　his　flushed；　downcast　face　had　in　it　no

other　expression　than　one　of　genuine　pain。



〃What　is　the　matter　with　you？〃　said　Woloda　and　Dimitri

simultaneously。　〃No　one　was　trying　to　insult　you。〃



〃Yes；　he　DID　try　to　insult　me！〃　I　replied。



〃What　an　extraordinary　fellow　your　brother　is！〃　said　Dubkoff　to

Woloda。　At　that　moment　he　was　passing　out　of　the　door；　and　could

not　have　heard　what　I　said。　Possibly　I　should　have　flung　myself

after　him　and　offered　him　further　insult；　had　it　not　been　that

just　at　that　moment　the　waiter　who　had　witnessed　my　encounter

with　Kolpikoff　handed　me　my　greatcoat；　and　I　at　once　quietened

downmerely　making　such　a　pretence　of　having　had　a　difference

with　Dimitri　as　was　necessary　to　make　my　sudden　appeasement

appear　nothing　extraordinary。　Next　day；　when　I　met　Dubkoff　at

Woloda's；　the　quarrel　was　not　raked　up；　yet　he　and　I　still

addressed　each　other　as　〃you；〃　and　found　it　harder　than　ever　to

look　one　another　in　the　face。



The　remembrance　of　my　scene　with　Kolpikoffwho；　by　the　way；

never　sent　me　〃de　ses　nouvelles；〃　either　the　following　day　or　any

day　afterwardsremained　for　years　a　keen　and　unpleasant　memory。

Even　so　much　as　five　years　after　it　had　happened　I　would　begin

fidgeting　and　muttering　to　myself　whenever　I　remembered　the

unavenged　insult；　and　was　fain　to　comfort　myself　with　the

satisfaction　of　recollecting　the　sort　of　young　fellow　I　had　shown

myself　to　be　in　my　subsequent　affair　with　Dubkoff。　In　fact；　it

was　only　later　still　that　I　began　to　regard　the　matter　in　another

light；　and　both　to　recall　with　comic　appreciation　my　passage　of

arms　with　Kolpikoff；　and　to　regret　the　undeserved　affront　which　I

had　offered　my　good　friend　Dubkoff。



When；　at　a　later　hour　on　the　evening　of　the　dinner；　I　told

Dimitri　of　my　affair　with　Kolpikoff；　whose　exterior　I　described

in　detail；　he　was　astounded。



〃That　is　the　very　man！〃　he　cried。　〃Don't　you　know　that　this

precious　Kolpikoff　is　a　known　scamp　and　sharper；　as　well　as；

above　all　things；　a　coward；　and　that　he　was　expelled　from　his

regiment　by　his　brother　officers　because；　having　had　his　face

slapped；　he　would　not　fight？　But　how　came　you　to　let　him　get

away？〃　he　added；　with　a　kindly　smile　and　glance。　〃Surely　he　could

not　have　said　more　to　you　than　he　did　when　he　called　you　a　cad？〃



〃No；〃　I　admitted　with　a　blush。



〃Well；　it　was　not　right；　but　there　is　no　great　harm　done；〃　said

Dimitri　consolingly。



Long　afterwards；　when　thinking　the　matter　over　at　leisure；　I

suddenly　came　to　the　conclusion　that　it　was　quite　possible　that

Kolpikoff　took　the　opportunity　of　vicariously　wiping　off　upon　me

the　slap　in　the　face　which　he　had　once　received；　just　as　I　myself

took　the　opportunity　of　vicariously　wiping　off　upon　the　innocent

Dubkoff　the　epithet　〃cad〃　which　Kolpikoff　had　just　applied　to　me。



XVII



I　GET　READY　TO　PAY　SOME　CALLS



On　awaking　next　morning　my　first　thoughts　were　of　the　affair　with

Kolpikoff。　Once　again　I　muttered　to　myself　and　stamped　about　the

room；　but　there　was　no　help　for　it。　To…day　was　the　last　day　that

I　was　to　spend　in　Moscow；　and　it　was　to　be　spent；　by　Papa's

orders；　in　my　paying　a　round　of　calls　which　he　had　written　out

for　me　on　a　piece　of　paperhis　first　solicitude　on　our　account

being　not　so　much　for　our　morals　or　our　education　as　for　our　due

observance　of　the　convenances。　On　the　piece　of　paper　was　written

in　his　swift；　broken　hand…writing：　〃（1）　Prince　Ivan　Ivanovitch

WITHOUT　FAIL；　（2）　the　Iwins　WITHOUT　FAIL；　（3）　Prince　Michael；　（4）

the　Princess　Nechludoff　and　Madame　Valakhina　if　you　wish。〃　Of

course　I　was　also　to　call　upon　my　guardian；　upon　the　rector；　and

upon　the　professors。



These　last…mentioned　calls；　however；　Dimitri　advised　me　not　to

pay：　saying　that　it　was　not　only　unnecessary　to　do　so；　but　not

the　thing。　However；　there　were　the　other　visits　to　be　got

through。　It　was　the　first　two　on　the　listthose　marked　as　to　be

paid　〃WITHOUT　FAIL〃that　most　alarmed　me。　Prince　Ivan　Ivanovitch

was　a　commander…in…chief；　as　well　as　old；　wealthy；　and　a

bachelor。　Consequently；　I　foresaw　that　vis…a…vis　conversation

between　him　and　myselfmyself　a　sixteen…year…old　student！was

not　likely　to　be　interesting。　As　for　the　Iwins；　they　too　were

richthe　father　being　a　departmental　official　of　high　rank　who

had　only　on　one　occasion　called　at　our　house　during　my

grandmother's　time。　Since　her　death；　I　had　remarked　that　the

younger　Iwin　had　fought　shy　of　us；　and　seemed　to　give　himself

airs。　The　elder　of　the　pair；　I　had　heard；　had　now　finished　his

course　in　jurisprudence；　and　gone　to　hold　a　post　in　St。

Petersburg；　while　his　brother　Sergius　（the　former　object　of　my

worship）　was　also　in　St。　Petersburg；　as　a　great　fat　cadet　in　the

Corps　of　Pages。



When　I　was　a　young　man；　not　only　did　I　dislike　intercourse　with

people　who　thought　themselves　above　me；　but　such　intercourse　was；

for　me；　an　unbearable　torture；　owing　partly　to　my　constant　dread

of　being　snubbed；　and　partly　to　my　straining　every　faculty　of　my

intellect　to　prove　to　such　people　my　independence。　Yet；　even　if　I

failed　to　fulfil　the　latter　part　of　my　father's　instructions；　I

felt　that　I　must　carry　out　the　former。　I　paced　my　room　and　eyed

my　clothes　ready　disposed　on　chairsthe　tunic；　the　sword；　and

the　cap。　Just　as　I　was　about　to　set　forth；　old　Grap　called　to

congratulate　me；　bringing　with　him　Ilinka。　Grap　pere　was　a

Russianised　German　and　an　intolerably　effusive；　sycophantic　old

man　who　was　more　often　than　not　tipsy。　As　a　rule；　he　visited　us

only　when　he　wanted　to　ask　for　something；　and　although　Papa

sometimes　entertained　him　in　his　study；　old　Grap　never　came　to

dinner　with　us。　With　his　subserviency　and　begging　propensities

went　such　a　faculty　of　good…humour　and　a　power　of　making　himself

at　home　that　every　one　looked　upon　his　attachment　to　us　as　a

great　honour。　For　my　part；　however；　I　never　liked　him；　and　felt

ashamed　when　he　was　speaking。



I　was　much　put　out　by　the　arrival　of　these　visitors；　and　made　no

effort　to　conceal　the　fact。　Upon　Ilinka　I　had　been　so　used　to

look　down；　and　he　so　used　to　recognise　my　right　to　do　so；　that　it

displeased　me　to　think　that　he　was　now　as　much　a　matricu