youth- 第16部分

that　day。　Nevertheless；　in　proportion　as　he　grew　the　kinder；　the

more　did　I　feel　persuaded　that　his　civility　was　only　intended　to

conceal　from　me　the　fact　that　he　disliked　the　idea　of　my　being

his　heir。　He　had　a　custom　（due　to　his　false　teeth；　of　which　his

mouth　possessed　a　complete　set）　of　raising　his　upper　lip　a　little

as　he　spoke；　and　producing　a　slight　whistling　sound　from　it；　and

whenever；　on　the　present　occasion；　he　did　so　it　seemed　to　me　that

he　was　saying　to　himself：　〃A　boy；　a　boyI　know　it！　And　my　heir；

toomy　heir！〃



When　we　were　children；　we　had　been　used　to　calling　the　Prince

〃dear　Uncle；〃　but　now；　in　my　capacity　of　heir；　I　could　not　bring

my　tongue　to　the　phrase；　while　to　say　〃Your　Highness；〃　as　did　one

of　the　other　visitors；　seemed　derogatory　to　my　self…esteem。

Consequently；　never　once　during　that　visit　did　I　call　him　anything

at　all。　The　personage；　however；　who　most　disturbed　me　was　the　old

Princess　who　shared　with　me　the　position　of　prospective

inheritor；　and　who　lived　in　the　Prince's　house。　While　seated

beside　her　at　dinner；　I　felt　firmly　persuaded　that　the　reason　why

she　would　not　speak　to　me　was　that　she　disliked　me　for　being　her

co…heir；　and　that　the　Prince；　for　his　part；　paid　no　attention　to

our　side　of　the　table　for　the　reason　that　the　Princess　and　myself

hoped　to　succeed　him；　and　so　were　alike　distasteful　in　his　sight。



〃You　cannot　think　how　I　hated　it　all！〃　I　said　to　Dimitrieff　the

same　evening；　in　a　desire　to　make　a　parade　of　disliking　the

notion　of　being　an　heir　（somehow　I　thought　it　the　thing　to　do）。

〃You　cannot　think　how　I　loathed　the　whole　two　hours　that　I　spent

there！Yet　he　is　a　fine…looking　old　fellow；　and　was　very　kind　to

me；〃　I　addedwishing；　among　other　things；　to　disabuse　my　friend

of　any　possible　idea　that　my　loathing　had　arisen　out　of　the　fact

that　I　had　felt　so　small。　〃It　is　only　the　idea　that　people　may　be

classing　me　with　the　Princess　who　lives　with　him；　and　who　licks

the　dust　off　his　boots。　He　is　a　wonderful　old　man；　and　good　and

considerate　to　everybody；　but　it　is　awful　to　see　how　he　treats

the　Princess。　Money　is　a　detestable　thing；　and　ruins　all　human

relations。



〃Do　you　know；　I　think　it　would　be　far　the　best　thing　for　me　to

have　an　open　explanation　with　the　Prince；〃　I　went　on；　〃to　tell

him　that　I　respect　him　as　a　man；　but　think　nothing　of　being　his

heir；　and　that　I　desire　him　to　leave　me　nothing；　since　that　is

the　only　condition　on　which　I　can；　in　future；　visit　his　house。〃



Instead　of　bursting　out　laughing　when　I　said　this；　Dimitri

pondered　awhile　in　silence；　and　then　answered：



〃You　are　wrong。　Either　you　ought　to　refrain　from　supposing　that

people　may　be　classing　you　with　this　Princess　of　whom　you　speak；

or；　if　you　DO　suppose　such　a　thing；　you　ought　to　suppose　further

that　people　are　thinking　what　you　yourself　know　quite　well

namely；　that　such　thoughts　are　so　utterly　foreign　to　your　nature

that　you　despise　them　and　would　never　make　them　a　basis　for

action。　Suppose；　however；　that　people　DO　suppose　you　to　suppose

such　a　thingWell；　to　sum　up；〃　he　added；　feeling　that　he　was

getting　a　little　mixed　in　his　pronouncements；　〃you　had　much

better　not　suppose　anything　of　the　kind。〃



My　friend　was　perfectly　right；　though　it　was　not　until　long；　long

afterwards　that　experience　of　life　taught　me　the　evil　that　comes

of　thinkingstill　worse；　of　sayingmuch　that　seems　very　fine；

taught　me　that　there　are　certain　thoughts　which　should　always　be

kept　to　oneself；　since　brave　words　seldom　go　with　brave　deeds。　I

learnt　then　that　the　mere　fact　of　giving　utterance　to　a　good

intention　often　makes　it　difficult；　nay；　impossible；　to　carry

that　good　intention　into　effect。　Yet　how　is　one　to　refrain　from

giving　utterance　to　the　brave；　self…sufficient　impulses　of　youth？

Only　long　afterwards　does　one　remember　and　regret　them；　even　as

one　incontinently　plucks　a　flower　before　its　blooming；　and

subsequently　finds　it　lying　crushed　and　withered　on　the　ground。



The　very　next　morning　I；　who　had　just　been　telling　my　friend

Dimitri　that　money　corrupts　all　human　relations；　and　had　（as　we

have　seen）　squandered　the　whole　of　my　cash　on　pictures　and

Turkish　pipes；　accepted　a　loan　of　twenty　roubles　which　he

suggested　should　pay　for　my　travelling　expenses　into　the　country；

and　remained　a　long　while　thereafter　in　his　debt！



XXII



INTIMATE　CONVERSATION　WITH　MY　FRIEND



THIS　conversation　of　ours　took　place　in　a　phaeton　on　the　way　to

Kuntsevo。　Dimitri　had　invited　me　in　the　morning　to　go　with　him　to

his　mother's；　and　had　called　for　me　after　luncheon；　the　idea

being　that　I　should　spend　the　evening；　and　perhaps　also　pass　the

night；　at　the　country…house　where　his　family　lived。　Only　when　we

had　left　the　city　and　exchanged　its　grimy　streets　and　the

unbearably　deafening　clatter　of　its　pavements　for　the　open　vista

of　fields　and　the　subdued　grinding　of　carriage…wheels　on　a　dusty

high　road　（while　the　sweet　spring　air　and　prospect　enveloped　us

on　every　side）　did　I　awake　from　the　new　impressions　and

sensations　of　freedom　into　which　the　past　two　days　had　plunged

me。　Dimitri　was　in　his　kind　and　sociable　mood。　That　is　to　say；　he

was　neither　frowning　nor　blinking　nervously　nor　straightening　his

neck　in　his　collar。　For　my　own　part；　I　was　congratulating　myself

on　those　noble　sentiments　which　I　have　expressed　above；　in　the

belief　that　they　had　led　him　to　overlook　my　shameful　encounter

with　Kolpikoff；　and　to　refrain　from　despising　me　for　it。　Thus　we

talked　together　on　many　an　intimate　subject　which　even　a　friend

seldom　mentions　to　a　friend。　He　told　me　about　his　family　whose

acquaintance　I　had　not　yet　madeabout　his　mother；　his　aunt；　and

his　sister；　as　also　about　her　whom　Woloda　and　Dubkoff　believed　to

be　his　〃flame；〃　and　always　spoke　of　as　〃the　lady　with　the

chestnut　locks。〃　Of　his　mother　he　spoke　with　a　certain　cold　and

formal　commendation；　as　though　to　forestall　any　further　mention

of　her；　his　aunt　he　extolled　enthusiastically；　though　with　a

touch　of　condescension　in　his　tone；　his　sister　he　scarcely

mentioned　at　all；　as　though　averse　to　doing　so　in　my　presence；

but　on　the　subject　of　〃the　lady　with　the　chestnut　locks〃　（whose

real　name　was　Lubov　Sergievna；　and　who　was　a　grown…up　young　lady

living　on　a　family　footing　with　the　Nechludoffs）　he　discoursed

with　animation。



〃Yes；　she　is　a　wonderful　woman；〃　he　said　with　a　conscious

reddening　of　the　face；　yet　looking　me　in　the　eyes　with　dogged

temerity。　〃True；　she　is　no　longer　young；　and　even　rather　elderly；

as　well　as　by　no　means　good…looking；　but　as　for　loving　a　mere

featherhead；　a　mere　beautywell；　I　never　could　understand　that；

for　it　is　such　a　silly　thing　to　do。〃　（Dimitri　said　this　as　though

he　had　just　discovered　a　most　novel　and　extraordinary　truth。）　〃I

am　certain；　too；　that　such　a　soul；　such　a　heart　and　principles；

as　are　hers　are　not　to　be　found　elsewhere　in　the　world　of　the

present　day。〃　（I　do　not　know　whence　he　had　derived　the　habit　of

saying　that　few　good　things　were　discoverable　in　the　world　of　the

present　day；　but　at　all　events　he　loved　to　repeat　the　expression；

and　it　somehow　suited　him。）



〃Only；　I　am　afraid；〃　he　went　on　quietly；　after　thus　annihilating

all　such　men　as　were　foolish　enough　to　admire　mere　beauty；　〃I　am

afraid　that　you　will　not　understand　or　realise　her　quickly。　She

is　modest；　even　secretive；　and　by　no　means　fond　of　exhibiting　her

beautiful　and　surprising　qualities。　Now；　my　motherwho；　as　you

will　see；　is　a　noble；　sensible　womanhas　known　Lubov　Sergievna；

for　many　years；　yet　even　to　this　day　she　does　not　properly

understand　her。　Shall　I　tell　you　why　I　was　out　of　temper　last

evening　when　you　were　questioning　me？　Well；　you　must　know　that

the　day　before　yesterday　Lubov　asked　me　to　accompany　her　to　Ivan

Yakovlevitch's　（you　have　heard　of　him；　I　suppose？　the　fellow　who

seems　to　be　mad；　but　who；　in　reality；　is　a　very　remarkable　man）。

Well；　Lubov　is　extremely　religious；　and　understands　Ivan

Yakovlevitch　to　the　full。　She　often　goes　to　see　him；　and

converses　with　him；　and　gives　him　money　for　the　poormoney　which

she　has　earned　herself。　She　is　a　marvellous　woman；　as　you　will

see。　Well；　I　went　with　her　to　Ivan's；　and　felt　very　grateful　to

her　for　having　afforded　me　the　opportunity　of　exchanging　a　word

with　so　remarkable　a　man；　but　my　mother　could　not　understand　our

action　at　all；　and　discerned　in　it　only　superstition。

Consequently；　last　night　she　and　I　quarrelled　for　the　first　time

in　our　lives。　A　very　bitter　one　it　was；　too；〃　he　concluded；　with

a　convulsive　shrug　of　his　shoulders；　as　though　the　mention　of　it

recalled　the　feelings　which　he　had　then　experienced。



〃And　what　are　your　intentions　about　it　all？〃　I　inquired；　to

divert　him　from　such　a　disagreeable　recollection。　〃That　is　to

say；　how　do　you　imagine　it　is　going　to　turn　out？　Do　you　ever

speak　to　her　about　the　future；　or　about　how　your　love　or

friendship　are　going　to　end？〃



〃Do　you　mean；　do　I　intend　to　marry　her　eventually？〃　he　inquired；

in　his　turn；　with　a　renewed　blush；　but　turning　himself　round　and

looking　me　boldly　in　the　face。



〃Yes；　certainly；〃　I　replied　as　I　settled　myself　down。　〃We　are

both　of　us　grown…up；　as　well　as　friends；　so　we　may　as　well

discuss　our　future　life　as　we　drive　along。　No　one　could　very　well

overlook　or　overhear　us　now。〃



〃Why　should　I　NOT　marry　her？〃　he　went　on　in　response　to　my

reassuring　reply。　〃It　is　my　aimas　it　should　be　the　aim　of　every

honourable　manto　be　as　good　and　as　happy　as　possible；　and　with

her；　if　she　should　still　be　willing　when　I　have　become　more

independent；　I　should　be　happier　and　better　than　with　the

greatest　beauty　in　the　world。〃



Absorbed　in　such　conversation；　we　hardly　noticed　that　we　were

approaching　Kuntsevo；　or　that　the　sky　was　becoming　overcast　and

beginning　to　threaten　rain。　On　the　right；　the　sun　was　slowly

sinking　behind　the　ancient　trees　of　the　Kuntsevo　parkone　half

of　its　brilliant　disc