youth- 第37部分

tokens　of　my　wealth。　I　felt　guilty　in　their　eyes；　and　as　though；

whether　I　accepted　or　rejected　their　acquittal　and　took　a　line　of

my　own；　I　could　never　enter　into　equal　and　unaffected　relations

with　them。　Yet　to　such　an　extent　did　the　stirring　poetry　of　the

courage　which　I　could　detect　in　Zuchin　（in　particular）　overshadow

the　coarse；　vicious　side　of　his　nature　that　the　latter　made　no

unpleasant　impression　upon　me。



For　a　couple　of　weeks　I　visited　Zuchin's　almost　every　night　for

purposes　of　work。　Yet　I　did　very　little　there；　since；　as　I　have

said；　I　had　lost　ground　at　the　start；　and；　not　having　sufficient

grit　in　me　to　catch　up　my　companions　by　solitary　study；　was

forced　merely　to　PRETEND　that　I　was　listening　to　and　taking　in

all　they　were　reading。　I　have　an　idea；　too；　that　they　divined　my

pretence；　since　I　often　noticed　that　they　passed　over　points

which　they　themselves　knew　without　first　inquiring　of　me　whether

I　did　the　same。　Yet；　day　by　day；　I　was　coming　to　regard　the

vulgarity　of　this　circle　with　more　indulgence；　to　feel

increasingly　drawn　towards　its　way　of　life；　and　to　find　in　it

much　that　was　poetical。　Only　my　word　of　honour　to　Dimitri　that　I

would　never　indulge　in　dissipation　with　these　new　comrades　kept

me　from　deciding　also　to　share　their　diversions。



Once；　I　thought　I　would　make　a　display　of　my　knowledge　of

literature；　particularly　French　literature；　and　so　led　the

conversation　to　that　theme。　Judge；　then；　of　my　surprise　when　I

discovered　that　not　only　had　my　companions　been　reading　the

foreign　passages　in　Russian；　but　that　they　had　studied　far　more

foreign　works　than　I　had；　and　knew　and　could　appraise　English；

and　even　Spanish；　writers　of　whom　I　had　never　so　much　as　heard！

Likewise；　Pushkin　and　Zhukovski　represented　to　them　LITERATURE；

and　not；　as　to　myself；　certain　books　in　yellow　covers　which　I　had

once　read　and　studied　when　a　child。　For　Dumas　and　Sue　they　had　an

almost　equal　contempt；　and；　in　general；　were　competent　to　form

much　better　and　clearer　judgments　on　literary　matters　than　I　was；

for　all　that　I　refused　to　recognise　the　fact。　In　knowledge　of

music；　too；　I　could　not　beat　them；　and　was　astonished　to　find

that　Operoff　played　the　violin；　and　another　student　the　cello

and　piano；　while　both　of　them　were　members　of　the　University

orchestra；　and　possessed　a　wide　knowledge　of　and　appreciation　of

good　music。　In　short；　with　the　exception　of　the　French　and　German

languages；　my　companions　were　better　posted　at　every　point　than　I

was；　yet　not　the　least　proud　of　the　fact。　True；　I　might　have

plumed　myself　on　my　position　as　a　man　of　the　world；　but　Woloda

excelled　me　even　in　that。　Wherein；　then；　lay　the　height　from

which　I　presumed　to　look　down　upon　these　comrades？　In　my

acquaintanceship　with　Prince　Ivan　Ivanovitch？　In　my　ability　to

speak　French？　In　my　drozhki？　In　my　linen　shirt？　In　my　finger…

nails？　〃Surely　these　things　are　all　rubbish；〃　was　the　thought

which　would　come　flitting　through　my　head　under　the　influence　of

the　envy　which　the　good…fellowship　and　kindly；　youthful　gaiety

displayed　around　me　excited　in　my　breast。　Every　one　addressed　his

interlocutor　in　the　second　person　singular。　True；　the　familiarity

of　this　address　almost　approximated　to　rudeness；　yet　even　the

boorish　exterior　of　the　speaker　could　not　conceal　a　constant

endeavour　never　to　hurt　another　one's　feelings。　The　terms　〃brute〃

or　〃swine；〃　when　used　in　this　good…natured　fashion；　only

convulsed　me；　and　gave　me　cause　for　inward　merriment。　In　no　way

did　they　offend　the　person　addressed；　or　prevent　the　company　at

large　from　remaining　on　the　most　sincere　and　friendly　footing。　In

all　their　intercourse　these　youths　were　delicate　and　forbearing

in　a　way　that　only　very　poor　and　very　young　men　can　be。　However

much　I　might　detect　in　Zuchin's　character　and　amusements　an

element　of　coarseness　and　profligacy；　I　could　also　detect　the

fact　that　his　drinking…bouts　were　of　a　very　different　order　to

the　puerility　with　burnt　rum　and　champagne　in　which　I　had

participated　at　Baron　Z。's。



XLIV



ZUCHIN　AND　SEMENOFF



Although　I　do　not　know　what　class　of　society　Zuchin　belonged　to；

I　know　that；　without　the　help　either　of　means　or　social　position；

he　had　matriculated　from　the　Seventh　Gymnasium。　At　that　time　he

was　eighteenthough　he　looked　much　olderand　very　clever；

especially　in　his　powers　of　assimilation。　To　him　it　was　easier　to

survey　the　whole　of　some　complicated　subject；　to　foresee　its

various　parts　and　deductions；　than　to　use　that　knowledge；　when

gained；　for　reasoning　out　the　exact　laws　to　which　those

deductions　were　due。　He　knew　that　he　was　clever；　and　of　the　fact

he　was　proud；　yet　from　that　very　pride　arose　the　circumstance　that

he　treated　every　one　with　unvarying　simplicity　and　good…nature。

Moreover；　his　experience　of　life　must　have　been　considerable；

for　already　he　had　squandered　much　love；　friendship；　activity；

and　money。　Though　poor　and　moving　only　in　the　lower　ranks　of

society；　there　was　nothing　which　he　had　ever　attempted　for

which　he　did　not　thenceforth　feel　the　contempt；　the　indifference；

or　the　utter　disregard　which　were　bound　to　result　from　his

attaining　his　goal　too　easily。　In　fact；　the　very　ardour　with

which　he　applied　himself　to　a　new　pursuit　seemed　to　be　due

to　his　contempt　for　what　he　had　already　attained；　since　his

abilities　always　led　him　to　success；　and　therefore　to　a　certain

right　to　despise　it。　With　the　sciences　it　was　the　same。　Though

little　interested　in　them；　and　taking　no　notes；　he　knew

mathematics　thoroughly；　and　was　uttering　no　vain　boast　when　he

said　that　he　could　beat　the　professor　himself。　Much　of　what　he

heard　said　in　lectures　he　thought　rubbish；　yet　with　his　peculiar

habit　of　unconsciously　practical　roguishness　he　feigned　to

subscribe　to　all　that　the　professors　thought　important；　and　every

professor　adored　him。　True；　he　was　outspoken　to　the　authorities；

but　they　none　the　less　respected　him。　Besides　disliking　and

despising　the　sciences；　he　despised　all　who　laboured　to　attain

what　he　himself　had　mastered　so　easily；　since　the　sciences；　as　he

understood　them；　did　not　occupy　one…tenth　part　of　his　powers。　In

fact；　life；　as　he　saw　it　from　the　student's　standpoint；　contained

nothing　to　which　he　could　devote　himself　wholly；　and　his

impetuous；　active　nature　（as　he　himself　often　said）　demanded　life

complete：　wherefore　he　frequented　the　drinking…bout　in　so　far　as

he　could　afford　it；　and　surrendered　himself　to　dissipation

chiefly　out　of　a　desire　to　get　as　far　away　from　himself　as

possible。　Consequently；　just　as　the　examinations　were

approaching；　Operoff's　prophecy　to　me　came　true；　for　Zuchin

wasted　two　whole　weeks　in　this　fashion；　and　we　had　to　do　the

latter　part　of　our　preparation　at　another　student's。　Yet　at　the

first　examination　he　reappeared　with　pale；　haggard　face　and

tremulous　hands；　and　passed　brilliantly　into　the　second　course！



The　company　of　roisterers　of　which　Zuchin　had　been　the　leader

since　its　formation　at　the　beginning　of　the　term　consisted　of

eight　students；　among　whom；　at　first；　had　been　numbered　Ikonin

and　Semenoff；　but　the　former　had　left　under　the　strain　of　the

continuous　revelry　in　which　the　band　had　indulged　in　the　early

part　of　the　term；　and　the　latter　seceded　later　for　reasons　which

were　never　wholly　explained。　In　its　early　days　this　band　had　been

looked　upon　with　awe　by　all　the　fellows　of　our　course；　and　had

had　its　exploits　much　discussed。　Of　these　exploits　the　leading

heroes　had　been　Zuchin　and；　towards　the　end　of　the　term；

Semenoff；　but　the　latter　had　come　to　be　generally　shunned；　and　to

cause　disturbances　on　the　rare　occasions　when　he　attended　a

lecture。　Just　before　the　examinations　began；　he　rounded　off　his

drinking　exploits　in　a　most　energetic　and　original　fashion；　as　I

myself　had　occasion　to　witness　（through　my　acquaintanceship　with

Zuchin）。　This　is　how　it　was。　One　evening　we　had　just　assembled　at

Zuchin's；　and　Operoff；　reinforcing　a　candlestick　with　a　candle

stuck　in　a　bottle；　had　just　plunged　his　nose　into　his　notebooks

and　begun　to　read　aloud　in　his　thin　voice　from　his　neatly…written

notes　on　physics；　when　the　landlady　entered　the　room；　and

informed　Zuchin　that　some　one　had　brought　a　note　for　him　。　。

。＇The　remainder　of　this　chapter　is　omitted　in　the　original。＇



XLV



I　COME　TO　GRIEF



At　length　the　first　examinationon　differentials　and　integrals

drew　near；　but　I　continued　in　a　vague　state　which　precluded　me

from　forming　any　clear　idea　of　what　was　awaiting　me。　Every

evening；　after　consorting　with　Zuchin　and　the　rest；　the　thought

would　occur　to　me　that　there　was　something　in　my　convictions

which　I　must　change　…　something　wrong　and　mistaken；　yet　every

morning　the　daylight　would　find　me　again　satisfied　to　be　〃comme

il　faut；〃　and　desirous　of　no　change　whatsoever。



Such　was　the　frame　of　mind　in　which　I　attended　for　the　first

examination。　I　seated　myself　on　the　bench　where　the　princes；

counts；　and　barons　always　sat；　and　began　talking　to　them　in

French；　with　the　not　unnatural　result　that　I　never　gave　another

thought　to　the　answers　which　I　was　shortly　to　return　to　questions

in　a　subject　of　which　I　knew　nothing。　I　gazed　supinely　at　other

students　as　they　went　up　to　be　examined；　and　even　allowed　myself

to　chaff　some　of　them。



〃Well；　Grap；〃　I　said　to　Ilinka　（who；　from　our　first　entry　into

the　University；　had　shaken　off　my　influence；　had　ceased　to　smile

when　I　spoke　to　him；　and　always　remained　ill…disposed　towards

me）；　〃have　you　survived　the　ordeal？〃



〃Yes；〃　retorted　Ilinka。　〃Let　us　see　if　YOU　can　do　so。〃



I　smiled　contemptuously　at　the　answer；　notwithstanding　that　the

doubt　which　he　had　expressed　had　given　me　a　momentary　shock。　Once

again；　however；　indifference　overlaid　that　feeling；　and　I

remained　so　entirely　absent…minded　and　supine　that；　the　very

moment　after　I　had　been　examined　（a　mere　formality　for　me；　as　it

turned　out）　I　was　maki