worse than myself haunted the shadowy room； and when the embers sank
to a dull red； I undressed hastily； tugging at knots and strings as
I best might； and sought shelter from cold and darkness in my crib。 To
this crib I always took my doll； human beings must love something；
and； in the dearth of worthier objects of affection； I contrived to
find a pleasure in loving and cherishing a faded graven image；
shabby as a miniature scarecrow。 It puzzles me now to remember with
what absurd sincerity I doated on this little toy； half fancying it
alive and capable of sensation。 I could not sleep unless it was folded
in my night…gown； and when it lay there safe and warm； I was
comparatively happy； believing it to be happy likewise。
Long did the hours seem while I waited the departure of the
company； and listened for the sound of Bessie's step on the stairs：
sometimes she would come up in the interval to seek her thimble or her
scissors； or perhaps to bring me something by way of supper… a bun
or a cheese…cake… then she would sit on the bed while I ate it； and
when I had finished； she would tuck the clothes round me； and twice
she kissed me； and said； 'Good night； Miss Jane。' When thus gentle；
Bessie seemed to me the best； prettiest； kindest being in the world；
and I wished most intensely that she would always be so pleasant and
amiable； and never push me about； or scold； or task me unreasonably；
as she was too often wont to do。 Bessie； Lee must； I think； have
been a girl of good natural capacity； for she was smart in all she
did； and had a remarkable knack of narrative； so； at least； I judge
from the impression made on me by her nursery tales。 She was pretty
too； if my recollections of her face and person are correct。 I
remember her as a slim young woman； with black hair； dark eyes； very
nice features； and good； clear complexion； but she had a capricious
and hasty temper； and indifferent ideas of principle or justice：
still； such as she was； I preferred her to any one else at Gateshead
Hall。
It was the fifteenth of January； about nine o'clock in the morning：
Bessie was gone down to breakfast； my cousins had not yet been
summoned to their mama； Eliza was putting on her bonnet and warm
garden…coat to go and feed her poultry； an occupation of which she was
fond： and not less so of selling the eggs to the housekeeper and
hoarding up the money she thus obtained。 She had a turn for traffic；
and a marked propensity for saving； shown not only in the vending of
eggs and chickens； but also in driving hard bargains with the gardener
about flower…roots； seeds； and slips of plants； that functionary
having orders from Mrs。 Reed to buy of his young lady all the products
of her parterre she wished to sell： and Eliza would have sold the hair
off her head if she could have made a handsome profit thereby。 As to
her money； she first secreted it in odd corners； wrapped in a rag or
an old curl…paper； but some of these hoards having been discovered
by the housemaid； Eliza； fearful of one day losing her valued
treasure； consented to intrust it to her mother； at a usurious rate of
interest… fifty or sixty per cent。； which interest she exacted every
quarter； keeping her accounts in a little book with anxious accuracy。
Georgiana sat on a high stool； dressing her hair at the glass；
and interweaving her curls with artificial flowers and faded feathers；
of which she had found a store in a drawer in the attic。 I was
making my bed； having received strict orders from Bessie to get it
arranged before she returned； （for Bessie now frequently employed me
as a sort of under…nurserymaid； to tidy the room； dust the chairs；
etc。）。 Having spread the quilt and folded my night…dress； I went to
the window…seat to put in order some picture…books and doll's house
furniture scattered there； an abrupt command from Georgiana to let her
playthings alone （for the tiny chairs and mirrors； the fairy plates
and cups； were her property） stopped my proceedings； and then； for
lack of other occupation； I fell to breathing on the frost…flowers
with which the window was fretted； and thus clearing a space in the
glass through which I might look out on the grounds； where all was
still and petrified under the influence of a hard frost。
From this window were visible the porter's lodge and the
carriage…road； and just as I had dissolved so much of the silver…white
foliage veiling the panes as left room to look out； I saw the gates
thrown open and a carriage roll through。 I watched it ascending the
drive with indifference； carriages often came to Gateshead； but none
ever brought visitors in whom I was interested； it stopped in front of
the house； the door…bell rang loudly； the new…comer was admitted。
All this being nothing to me； my vacant attention soon found
livelier attraction in the spectacle of a little hungry robin； which
came and chirruped on the twigs of the leafless cherry…tree nailed
against the wall near the casement。 The remains of my breakfast of
bread and milk stood on the table； and having crumbled a morsel of
roll； I was tugging at the sash to put out the crumbs on the
window…sill； when Bessie came running upstairs into the nursery。
'Miss Jane； take off your pinafore； what are you doing there？
Have you washed your hands and face this morning？' I gave another
tug before I answered； for I wanted the bird to be secure of its
bread： the sash yielded； I scattered the crumbs； some on the stone
sill； some on the cherry…tree bough； then； closing the window； I
replied…
'No； Bessie； I have only just finished dusting。'
'Troublesome； careless child！ and what are you doing now？ You
look quite red； as if you have been about some mischief： what were you
opening the window for？'
I was spared the trouble of answering； for Bessie seemed in too
great a hurry to listen to explanations； she hauled me to the
washstand； inflicted a merciless； but happily brief scrub on my face
and hands with soap； water； and a coarse towel； disciplined my head
with a bristly brush； denuded me of my pinafore； and then hurrying
me to the top of the stairs； bid me go down directly； as I was
wanted in the breakfast…room。
I would have asked who wanted me： I would have demanded if Mrs。
Reed was there； but Bessie was already gone； and had closed the
nursery…door upon me。 I slowly descended。 For nearly three months； I
had never been called to Mrs。 Reed's presence； restricted so long to
the nursery； the breakfast； dining； and drawing…rooms were become
for me awful regions； on which it dismayed me to intrude。
I now stood in the empty hall； before me was the breakfast…room
door； and I stopped； intimidated and trembling。 What a miserable
little poltroon had fear； engendered of unjust punishment； made of
me in those days！ I feared to return to the nursery； and feared to
go forward to the parlour； ten minutes I stood in agitated hesitation；
the vehement ringing of the breakfast…room bell decided me； I must
enter。
'Who could want me？' I asked inwardly； as with both hands I
turned the stiff door…handle； which； for a second or two； resisted
my efforts。 'What should I see besides Aunt Reed in the apartment？…
a man or a woman？' The handle turned； the door unclosed； and passing
through and curtseying low； I looked up at… a black pillar！… such；
at least； appeared to me； at first sight； the straight； narrow；
sable…clad shape standing erect on the rug： the grim face at the top
was like a carved mask； placed above the shaft by way of capital。
Mrs。 Reed occupied her usual seat by the fireside； she made a
signal to me to approach； I did so； and she introduced me to the stony
stranger with the words： 'This is the little girl respecting whom I
applied to you。'
He； for it was a man； turned his head slowly towards where I stood；
and having examined me with the two inquisitive…looking grey eyes
which twinkled under a pair of bushy brows； said solemnly； and in a
bass voice； 'Her size is small： what is her age？'
'Ten years。'
'So much？' was the doubtful answer； and he prolonged his scrutiny
for some minutes。 Presently he addressed me…
'Your name； little girl？'
'Jane Eyre； sir。'
In uttering these words I looked up： he seemed to me a tall
gentleman； but then I was very little； his features were large； and
they and all the lines of his frame were equally harsh and prim。
'Well； Jane Eyre； and are you a good child？'
Impossible to reply to this in the affirmative： my little world
held a contrary opinion： I was silent。 Mrs。 Reed answered for me by an
expressive shake of the head； adding soon； 'Perhaps the less said on
that subject the better； Mr。 Brocklehurst。'
'Sorry indeed to hear it！ she and I must have some talk；' and
bending from the perpendicular； he installed his person in the
arm…chair opposite Mrs。 Reed's。 'Come here；' he said。
I stepped across the rug； he placed me square and straight before
him。 What a face he had； now that it was almost on a level with
mine！ what a great nose！ and what a mouth！ and what large prominent
teeth！
'No sight so sad as that of a naughty child；' he began； 'especially
a naughty little girl。 Do you know where the wicked go after death？'
'They go to hell；' was my ready and orthodox answer。
'And what is hell？ Can you tell me that？'
'A pit full of fire。'
'And should you like to fall into that pit； and to be burning there
for ever？'
'No； sir。'
'What must you do to avoid it？'
I deliberated a moment； my answer； when it did come； was
objectionable： 'I must keep in good health； and not die。'
'How can you keep in good health？ Children younger than you die
daily。 I buried a little child of five years old only a day or two
since；… a good little child； whose soul is now in heaven。 It is to
be feared the same could not be said of you were you to be called
hence。'
Not being in a condition to remove his doubt； I only cast my eyes
down on the two large feet planted on the rug； and sighed； wishing
myself far enough away。
'I hope that sigh is from t