lay morals- 第23部分

These　are　but　a　few　glances　at　how　umbrellas　（in　the　general）　　came　to　their　present　high　estate。　　But　the　true　Umbrella…　Philosopher　meets　with　far　stranger　applications　as　he　goes　　about　the　streets。

Umbrellas；　like　faces；　acquire　a　certain　sympathy　with　the　　individual　who　carries　them：　indeed；　they　are　far　more　　capable　of　betraying　his　trust；　for　whereas　a　face　is　given　　to　us　so　far　ready　made；　and　all　our　power　over　it　is　in　　frowning；　and　laughing；　and　grimacing；　during　the　first　three　　or　four　decades　of　life；　each　umbrella　is　selected　from　a　　whole　shopful；　as　being　most　consonant　to　the　purchaser's　　disposition。　　An　undoubted　power　of　diagnosis　rests　with　the　　practised　Umbrella…Philosopher。　　O　you　who　lisp；　and　amble；　　and　change　the　fashion　of　your　countenances　…　you　who　conceal　　all　these；　how　little　do　you　think　that　you　left　a　proof　of　　your　weakness　in　our　umbrella…stand　…　that　even　now；　as　you　　shake　out　the　folds　to　meet　the　thickening　snow；　we　read　in　　its　ivory　handle　the　outward　and　visible　sign　of　your　　snobbery；　or　from　the　exposed　gingham　of　its　cover　detect；　　through　coat　and　waistcoat；　the　hidden　hypocrisy　of　the　　'DICKEY'！　　But　alas！　even　the　umbrella　is　no　certain　　criterion。　　The　falsity　and　the　folly　of　the　human　race　have　　degraded　that　graceful　symbol　to　the　ends　of　dishonesty；　and　　while　some　umbrellas；　from　carelessness　in　selection；　are　not　　strikingly　characteristic　（for　it　is　only　in　what　a　man　loves　　that　he　displays　his　real　nature）；　others；　from　certain　　prudential　motives；　are　chosen　directly　opposite　to　the　　person's　disposition。　　A　mendacious　umbrella　is　a　sign　of　　great　moral　degradation。　　Hypocrisy　naturally　shelters　itself　　below　a　silk；　while　the　fast　youth　goes　to　visit　his　　religious　friends　armed　with　the　decent　and　reputable　　gingham。　　May　it　not　be　said　of　the　bearers　of　these　　inappropriate　umbrellas　that　they　go　about　the　streets　'with　　a　lie　in　their　right　hand'？

The　kings　of　Siam；　as　we　read；　besides　having　a　graduated　　social　scale　of　umbrellas　（which　was　a　good　thing）；　prevented　　the　great　bulk　of　their　subjects　from　having　any　at　all；　　which　was　certainly　a　bad　thing。　　We　should　be　sorry　to　　believe　that　this　Eastern　legislator　was　a　fool　…　the　idea　of　　an　aristocracy　of　umbrellas　is　too　philosophic　to　have　　originated　in　a　nobody　…　and　we　have　accordingly　taken　　exceeding　pains　to　find　out　the　reason　of　this　harsh　　restriction。　　We　think　we　have　succeeded；　but；　while　admiring　　the　principle　at　which　he　aimed；　and　while　cordially　　recognising　in　the　Siamese　potentate　the　only　man　before　　ourselves　who　had　taken　a　real　grasp　of　the　umbrella；　we　must　　be　allowed　to　point　out　how　unphilosophically　the　great　man　　acted　in　this　particular。　　His　object；　plainly；　was　to　　prevent　any　unworthy　persons　from　bearing　the　sacred　symbol　　of　domestic　virtues。　　We　cannot　excuse　his　limiting　these　　virtues　to　the　circle　of　his　court。　　We　must　only　remember　　that　such　was　the　feeling　of　the　age　in　which　he　lived。　　　Liberalism　had　not　yet　raised　the　war…cry　of　the　working　　classes。　　But　here　was　his　mistake：　it　was　a　needless　　regulation。　　Except　in　a　very　few　cases　of　hypocrisy　joined　　to　a　powerful　intellect；　men；　not　by　nature　UMBRELLARIANS；　　have　tried　again　and　again　to　become　so　by　art；　and　yet　have　　failed　…　have　expended　their　patrimony　in　the　purchase　of　　umbrella　after　umbrella；　and　yet　have　systematically　lost　　them；　and　have　finally；　with　contrite　spirits　and　shrunken　　purses；　given　up　their　vain　struggle；　and　relied　on　theft　and　　borrowing　for　the　remainder　of　their　lives。　　This　is　the　most　　remarkable　fact　that　we　have　had　occasion　to　notice；　and　yet　　we　challenge　the　candid　reader　to　call　it　in　question。　　Now；　　as　there　cannot　be　any　MORAL　SELECTION　in　a　mere　dead　piece　　of　furniture　…　as　the　umbrella　cannot　be　supposed　to　have　an　　affinity　for　individual　men　equal　and　reciprocal　to　that　　which　men　certainly　feel　toward　individual　umbrellas　…　we　　took　the　trouble　of　consulting　a　scientific　friend　as　to　　whether　there　was　any　possible　physical　explanation　of　the　　phenomenon。　　He　was　unable　to　supply　a　plausible　theory；　or　　even　hypothesis；　but　we　extract　from　his　letter　the　following　　interesting　passage　relative　to　the　physical　peculiarities　of　　umbrellas：　'Not　the　least　important；　and　by　far　the　most　　curious　property　of　the　umbrella；　is　the　energy　which　it　　displays　in　affecting　the　atmospheric　strata。　　There　is　no　　fact　in　meteorology　better　established　…　indeed；　it　is　almost　　the　only　one　on　which　meteorologists　are　agreed　…　than　that　　the　carriage　of　an　umbrella　produces　desiccation　of　the　air；　　while　if　it　be　left　at　home；　aqueous　vapour　is　largely　　produced；　and　is　soon　deposited　in　the　form　of　rain。　　No　　theory；'　my　friend　continues；　'competent　to　explain　this　　hygrometric　law　has　been　given　（as　far　as　I　am　aware）　by　　Herschel；　Dove；　Glaisher；　Tait；　Buchan；　or　any　other　writer；　　nor　do　I　pretend　to　supply　the　defect。　　I　venture；　however；　　to　throw　out　the　conjecture　that　it　will　be　ultimately　found　　to　belong　to　the　same　class　of　natural　laws　as　that　agreeable　　to　which　a　slice　of　toast　always　descends　with　the　buttered　　surface　downwards。'

But　it　is　time　to　draw　to　a　close。　　We　could　expatiate　much　　longer　upon　this　topic；　but　want　of　space　constrains　us　to　　leave　unfinished　these　few　desultory　remarks　…　slender　　contributions　towards　a　subject　which　has　fallen　sadly　　backward；　and　which；　we　grieve　to　say；　was　better　understood　　by　the　king　of　Siam　in　1686　than　by　all　the　philosophers　of　　to…day。　　If；　however；　we　have　awakened　in　any　rational　mind　　an　interest　in　the　symbolism　of　umbrellas　…　in　any　generous　　heart　a　more　complete　sympathy　with　the　dumb　companion　of　his　　daily　walk　…　or　in　any　grasping　spirit　a　pure　notion　of　　respectability　strong　enough　to　make　him　expend　his　six…and…　twenty　shillings　…　we　shall　have　deserved　well　of　the　world；　　to　say　nothing　of　the　many　industrious　persons　employed　in　　the　manufacture　of　the　article。

（1）　'This　paper　was　written　in　collaboration　with　James　　Waiter　Ferrier；　and　if　reprinted　this　is　to　be　stated；　though　　his　principal　collaboration　was　to　lie　back　in　an　easy…chair　　and　laugh。'　…　＇R。L。S。；　Oct。　25；　1894。＇



COLLEGE　PAPERS　CHAPTER　V　…　THE　PHILOSOPHY　OF　NOMENCLATURE



'How　many　Caesars　and　Pompeys；　by　mere　inspirations　of　the　　names；　have　been　rendered　worthy　of　them？　　And　how　many　are　　there；　who　might　have　done　exceeding　well　in　the　world；　had　　not　their　characters　and　spirits　been　totally　depressed　and　　Nicodemus'd　into　nothing？'　…　TRISTRAM　SHANDY；　vol。　I。　chap　　xix。


Such　were　the　views　of　the　late　Walter　Shandy；　Esq。；　Turkey　　merchant。　　To　the　best　of　my　belief；　Mr。　Shandy　is　the　first　　who　fairly　pointed　out　the　incalculable　influence　of　　nomenclature　upon　the　whole　life　…　who　seems　first　to　have　　recognised　the　one　child；　happy　in　an　heroic　appellation；　　soaring　upwards　on　the　wings　of　fortune；　and　the　other；　like　　the　dead　sailor　in　his　shotted　hammock；　haled　down　by　sheer　　weight　of　name　into　the　abysses　of　social　failure。　　Solomon　　possibly　had　his　eye　on　some　such　theory　when　he　said　that　'a　　good　name　is　better　than　precious　ointment'；　and　perhaps　we　　may　trace　a　similar　spirit　in　the　compilers　of　the　English　　Catechism；　and　the　affectionate　interest　with　which　they　　linger　round　the　catechumen's　name　at　the　very　threshold　of　　their　work。　　But；　be　these　as　they　may；　I　think　no　one　can　　censure　me　for　appending；　in　pursuance　of　the　expressed　wish　　of　his　son；　the　Turkey　merchant's　name　to　his　system；　and　　pronouncing；　without　further　preface；　a　short　epitome　of　the　　'Shandean　Philosophy　of　Nomenclature。'

To　begin；　then：　the　influence　of　our　name　makes　itself　felt　　from　the　very　cradle。　　As　a　schoolboy　I　remember　the　pride　　with　which　I　hailed　Robin　Hood；　Robert　Bruce；　and　Robert　le　　Diable　as　my　name…fellows；　and　the　feeling　of　sore　　disappointment　that　fell　on　my　heart　when　I　found　a　　freebooter　or　a　general　who　did　not　share　with　me　a　single　　one　of　my　numerous　PRAENOMINA。　　Look　at　the　delight　with　　which　two　children　find　they　have　the　same　name。　　They　are　　friends　from　that　moment　forth；　they　have　a　bond　of　union　　stronger　than　exchange　of　nuts　and　sweetmeats。　　This　feeling；　　I　own；　wears　off　in　later　life。　　Our　names　lose　their　　freshness　and　interest；　become　trite　and　indifferent。　　But　　this；　dear　reader；　is　merely　one　of　the　sad　effects　of　those　　'shades　of　the　prison…house'　which　come　gradually　betwixt　us　　and　nature　with　advancing　years；　it　affords　no　weapon　against　　the　philosophy　of　names。

In　after　life；　although　we　fail　to　trace　its　working；　that　　name　which　careless　godfathers　lightly　applied　to　your　　unconscious　infancy　will　have　been　moulding　your　character；　　and　influencing　with　irresistible　power　the　whole　course　of　　your　earthly　fortunes。　　But　the　last　name；　overlooked　by　Mr。　　Shandy；　is　no　whit　less　important　as　a　condition　of　success。　　　Family　names；　we　must　recollect；　are　but　inherited　nicknames；　　and　if　the　SOBRIQUET　were　applicable　to　the　ancestor；　it　is　　most　likely　applicable　to　the　descendant　also。　　You　would　not　　expect　to　find　Mr。　M'Phun　acting　as　a　mute；　or　Mr。　M'Lumpha　　excelling　as　a　professor　of　dancing。　　Therefore；　in　what　　follows；　we　shall　consider　names；　independent　of　whether　they　　are　first　or　last。　　And　to　begin　with；　look　what　a　pull　　CROMWELL　had　over　PYM　…　the　one　name　full　of　a　resonant　　imperialism；　the　other；　mean；　pettifogging；　and　unheroic　to　a　　degree。　　Who　would　expect　eloquence　from　PYM　…　who　would　read　　poems　by　PYM　…　who　would　bow　to　the　opinion　of　PYM？　　He　might　　have　been　a　dentist；　but　he　should　never　have　aspired　to　be　a　　statesman。　　I　can　only　wonder　that　he　succeeded　as　he　did。　　　Pym　and　Habakkuk　stand　first　upon　the　roll　of　men　who　have　　triumphed；　by　sheer　force　of　genius；　over　the　most　　unfavourable　appellations。　　But　even　these　have　suffered；　　and；　had　they　been　more　fitly　named；　the　one　might　have　been　　Lord　Protector；　and　the　other　have　shared　the　laurels　with　　Isaiah。　　In　this　matter　we　must　not　forget　that　all　our　great　　poets　have　borne　great　names。　　Chaucer；　Spenser；　Shakespeare；　　Milton；　Pope；　Wordsworth；　Shelley　…　what　a　constellation　of　　lordly　words！　　Not　a　single　common…place　name　among　them　…　　not　a　Brown；　not　a　Jon