lying； clumsy lying； which said one thing at least for him； that
he was not accustomed to falsehood and deceit。 Good Heavens！ if
my husband was to be believed； his mother must have tracked us to
London； tracked us to the church； tracked us to the railway
station； tracked us to Ramsgate！ To assert that she knew me by
sight as the wife of Eustace； and that she had waited on the
sands and dropped her letter for the express purpose of making
acquaintance with me； was also to assert every one of these
monstrous probabilities to be facts that had actually happened！
I could say no more。 I walked by his side in silence； feeling the
miserable conviction that there was an abyss in the shape of a
family secret between my husband and me。 In the spirit； if not in
the body； we were separated； after a married life of barely four
days。
〃Valeria；〃 he asked； 〃have you nothing to say to me？〃
〃Nothing。〃
〃Are you not satisfied with my explanation？〃
I detected a slight tremor in his voice as he put that question。
The tone was； for the first time since we had spoken together； a
tone that my experience associated with him in certain moods of
his which I had already learned to know well。 Among the hundred
thousand mysterious influences which a man exercises over a woman
who loves him； I doubt if there is any more irresistible to her
than the influence of his voice。 I am not one of those women who
shed tears on the smallest provocation： it is not in my
temperament； I suppose。 But when I heard that little natural
change in his tone my mind went back （I can't say why） to the
happy day when I first owned that I loved him。 I burst out
crying。
He suddenly stood still； and took me by the hand。 He tried to
look at me。
I kept my head down and my eyes on the ground。 I was ashamed of
my weakness and my want of spirit。 I was determined not to look
at him。
In the silence that followed he suddenly dropped on his knees at
my feet； with a cry of despair that cut through me like a knife。
〃Valeria！ I am vileI am falseI am unworthy of you。 Don't
believe a word of what I have been sayinglies； lies； cowardly；
contemptible lies！ You don't know what I have gone through； you
don't know how I have been tortured。 Oh； my darling； try not to
despise me！ I must have been beside myself when I spoke to you as
I did。 You looked hurt； you looked offended； I didn't know what
to do。 I wanted to spare you even a moment's painI wanted to
hush it up； and have done with it。 For God's sake don't ask me to
tell you any more！ My love！ my angel！ it's something between my
mother and me； it's nothing that need disturb you； it's nothing
to anybody now。 I love you； I adore you； my whole heart and soul
are yours。 Be satisfied with that。 Forget what has happened。 You
shall never see my mother again。 We will leave this place
to…morrow。 We will go away in the yacht。 Does it matter where we
live； so long as we live for each other？ Forgive and forget！ Oh；
Valeria； Valeria； forgive and forget！〃
Unutterable misery was in his face； unutterable misery was in his
voice。 Remember this。 And remember that I loved him。
〃It is easy to forgive；〃 I said； sadly。 〃For your sake； Eustace；
I will try to forget。〃
I raised him gently as I spoke。 He kissed my hands with the air
of a man who was too humble to venture on any more familiar
expression of his gratitude than that。 The sense of embarrassment
between us as we slowly walked on again was so unendurable that I
actually cast about in my mind for a subject of conversation； as
if I had been in the company of a stranger！ In mercy to _him_； I
asked him to tell me about the yacht。
He seized on the subject as a drowning man seizes on the hand
that rescues him。
On that one poor little topic of the yacht he talked； talked；
talked； as if his life depended upon his not being silent for an
instant on the rest of the way back。 To me it was dreadful to
hear him。 I could estimate what he was suffering by the violence
which heordinarily a silent and thoughtful manwas now doing
to his true nature； and to the prejudices and habits of his life。
With the greatest difficulty I preserved my self…control until we
reached the door of our lodgings。 There I was obliged to plead
fatigue； and ask him to let me rest for a little while in the
solitude of my own room。
〃Shall we sail to…morrow？〃 he called after me suddenly； as I
ascended the stairs。
Sail with him to the Mediterranean the next day？ Pass weeks and
weeks absolutely alone with him； in the narrow limits of a
vessel； with his horrible secret parting us in sympathy further
and further from each other day by day？ I shuddered at the
thought of it。
〃To…morrow is rather a short notice；〃 I said。 〃Will you give me a
little longer time to prepare for the voyage？〃
〃Oh yestake any time you like；〃 he answered； not （as I thought）
very willingly。 〃While you are restingthere are still one or
two little things to be settledI think I will go back to the
yacht。 Is there anything I can do for you； Valeria； before I go？〃
〃Nothingthank you； Eustace。〃
He hastened away to the harbor。 Was he afraid of his own
thoughts； if he were left by himself in the house。 Was the
company of the sailing…master and the steward better than no
company at all？
It was useless to ask。 What did I know about him or his thoughts？
I locked myself into my room。
CHAPTER V。
THE LANDLADY'S DISCOVERY。
I SAT down； and tried to compose my spirits。 Now or never was
the time to decide what it was my duty to my husband and my duty
to myself to do next。
The effort was beyond me。 Worn out in mind and body alike； I was
perfectly incapable of pursuing any regular train of thought。 I
vaguely feltif I left things as they werethat I could never
hope to remove the shadow which now rested on the married life
that had begun so brightly。 We might live together； so as to save
appearances。 But to forget what had happened； or to feel
satisfied with my position； was beyond the power of my will。 My
tranquillity as a womanperhaps my dearest interests as a
wifedepended absolutely on penetrating the mystery of my
mother…in…law's conduct； and on discovering the true meaning of
the wild words of penitence and self…reproach which my husband
had addressed to me on our way home。
So far I could advance toward realizing my positionand no
further。 When I asked myself what was to be done next； hopeless
confusion； maddening doubt； filled my mind； and transformed me
into the most listless and helpless of living women。
I gave up the struggle。 In dull； stupid； obstinate despair； I
threw myself on my bed； and fell from sheer fatigue into a
broken； uneasy sleep。
I was awakened by a knock at the door of my room。
Was it my husband？ I started to my feet as the idea occurred to
me。 Was some new trial of my patience and my fortitude at hand？
Half nervously； half irritably； I asked who was there。
The landlady's voice answered me。
〃Can I speak to you for a moment； if you please？〃
I opened the door。 There is no
disguising itthough I loved him so dearly； though I had left
home and friends for his sakeit was a relief to me； at that
miserable time； to know that Eustace had not returned to the
house。
The landlady came in； and took a seat； without waiting to be
invited； close by my side。 She was no longer satisfied with
merely asserting herself as my equal。 Ascending another step on
the social ladder； she took her stand on the platform of
patronage； and charitably looked down on me as an object of pity。
〃I have just returned from Broadstairs；〃 she began。 〃I hope you
will do me the justice to believe that I sincerely regret what
has happened。〃
I bowed； and said nothing。
〃As a gentlewoman myself；〃 proceeded the landlady〃reduced by
family misfortunes to let lodgings； but still a gentlewomanI
feel sincere sympathy with you。 I will even go further than that。
I will take it on myself to say that I don't blame _you_。 No； no。
I noticed that you were as much shocked and surprised at your
mother…in…law's conduct as I was； and that is saying a great
deala great deal indeed。 However； I have a duty to perform。 It
is disagreeable； but it is not the less a duty on that account。 I
am a single woman； not from want of opportunities of changing my
conditionI beg you will understand thatbut from choice。
Situated as I am； I receive only the most respectable persons
into my house。 There must be no mystery about the positions of
_my_ lodgers。 Mystery in the position of a lodger carries with
itwhat shall I say？ I don't wish to offend youI will say； a
certain Taint。 Very well。 Now I put it to your own common…sense。
Can a person in my position be expected to expose herself
toTaint？ I make these remarks in a sisterly and Christian
spirit。 As a lady yourselfI will even go the length of saying a
cruelly used ladyyou will； I am sure； understand〃
I could endure it no longer。 I stopped her there。
〃I understand；〃 I said； 〃that you wish to give us notice to quit
your lodgings。 When do you want us to go？〃
The landlady held up a long； lean； red hand； in a sorrowful and
sisterly protest。
〃No；〃 she said。 〃Not that tone； not those looks。 It's natural you
should be annoyed； it's natural you should be angry。 But donow
do please try and control yourself。 I put it to your own
common…sense （we will say a week for the notice to quit）why not
treat me like a friend？ You don't know what a sacrifice； what a
cruel sacrifice； I have madeentirely for your sake。
〃You？〃 I exclaimed。 〃What sacrifice？〃
〃What sacrifice？〃 repeated the landlady。 〃I have degraded myself
as a gentlewoman。 I have forfeited my own self…respect。〃 She
paused for a moment； and suddenly seized my hand in a perfect
frenzy of friendship。 〃Oh； my poor dear！〃 cried this intolerable
person。 〃I have discovered everything。 A villain has deceived
you。 You are no more married than I am！〃
I snatched my hand out of hers； and rose angrily from my chair。
〃Are you mad？〃 I asked。
The landlady raised her eyes to the ceiling with the air of a
person who had deserved martyrdom； and who submitted to it
cheerfully。
〃Yes；〃 she said。 〃I begin to think I _am_ madmad to have
devoted myse