the quest of the golden girl- 第15部分

CHAPTER　IX


WRITTEN　BY　MOONLIGHT

I　knew　deep　down　in　my　heart　that　it　couldn't　last；　yet　how　deny　myself　these　roses；　while　the　opportunity　of　gathering　them　was　mine！the　more　so；　as　I　believed　it　would　do　no　harm　to　Nicolete。　　At　all　events；　a　day　or　two　more　or　less　of　moonshine　would　make　no　matter　either　way。　And　so　all　next　day　we　walked　hand　in　hand　through　Paradise。

It　has　been　said　by　them　of　old　time；　and　our　fathers　have　told　us；　that　the　kiss　of　first　love；　the　first　kiss　of　the　first　woman　we　love；　is　beyond　all　kisses　sweet；　and　true　it　is。　　But　true　is　it　also　that　no　less　sweet　is　the　first　kiss　of　the　last　woman　we　love。

Putting　my　faith　in　old　saws；　as　a　young　man　will；　I　had　never　dreamed　to　know　again　a　bliss　so　divinely　passionate　and　pure　as　came　to　me　with　every　glance　of　Nicolete's　sweet　eyes；　with　every　simple　pressure　of　her　hand；　and　the　joy　that　was　mine　when　sometimes；　stopping　on　our　way；　we　would　press　together　our　lips　ever　so　gravely　and　tenderly；　seems　too　holy　even　to　speak　of。

The　holy　angels　could　not　have　loved　Nicolete　with　a　purer　love；　a　love　freer　from　taint　of　any　earthly　thought；　than　I；　a　man　of　thirty；　blase；　and　fed　from　my　youth　upon　the　honeycomb　of　woman。

It　was　curious　that　the　first　difficulty　of　our　pilgrimage　should　befall　us　the　very　next　day。　　Coming　towards　nightfall　to　a　small　inn　in　a　lonely　unpopulated　countryside；　we　found　that　the　only　accommodation　the　inn　afforded　was　one　double…bedded　room；　and　there　was　no　other　inn　for　at　least　ten　miles。　　I　think　I　was　more　troubled　than　Nicolete。　　When；　after　interviewing　the　landlady；　I　came　and　told　her　of　the　dilemma；　where　she　sat　in　the　little　parlour　wearied　out　with　the　day's　walk；　she　blushed；　it　is　true；　but　seemed　little　put　about。　　Indeed；　she　laughed；　and　said　it　was　rather　fun；　〃like　something　out　of　Sterne；〃　of　such　comfort　is　a　literary　reference　in　all　seasons　and　circumstances；and　then　she　added；　with　a　sweet　look　that　sent　the　blood　rioting　about　my　heart；　〃It　won't　matter　so　much；　will　it；　love；　NOW？〃

There　proved　nothing　for　it　but　to　accept　the　situation；　and　we　made　the　arrangement　that　Nicolete　was　to　slip　off　to　bed　first；　and　then　put　out　the　light　and　go　to　sleep。　　However；　when　I　followed　her；　having　sat　up　as　long　as　the　landlady's　patience　would　endure；　I　found　that；　though　she　had　blown　out　the　candle；　she　had　forgotten　to　put　out　the　moon；　which　shone　as　though　it　were　St。　Agnes'　Eve　across　half　the　room。

I　stole　in　very　shyly；　kept　my　eyes　sternly　from　Nicolete's　white　bed；　though；　as　I　couldn't　shut　my　ears；　the　sound　of　her　breathing　came　to　me　with　indescribable　sweetness。　　After　I　had　lain　among　the　sheets　some　five　or　ten　minutes；　I　was　suddenly　startled　by　a　little　voice　within　the　room　saying；

〃I'm　not　asleep。〃

〃Well；　you　should　be；　naughty　child。　Now　shut　your　eyes　and　go　to　sleep；and　fair　dreams　and　sweet　repose；〃　I　replied。

〃Won't　you　give　me　one　little　good…night　kiss？〃

〃I　gave　you　one　downstairs。〃

〃Is　it　very　wicked　to　want　another？〃

There　was　not　a　foot　between　our　two　beds；　so　I　bent　over　and　took　her　soft　white　shoulders　in　my　arms　and　kissed　her。　All　the　heaped…up　sweetness　of　the　whitest；　freshest　flowers　of　the　spring　seemed　in　my　embrace　as　I　kissed　her；　so　soft；　so　fragrant；　so　pure；　and　as　the　moonlight　was　the　white　fire　in　our　blood。　　Softly　I　released　her；　stroked　her　brown　hair；　and　turned　again　to　my　pillow。　　Presently　the　little　voice　was　in　the　room　again；

〃Mayn't　I　hold　your　hand？　　Somehow　I　feel　lonely　and　frightened。〃

So　our　hands　made　a　bridge　across　which　our　dreams　might　pass　through　the　night；　and　after　a　little　while　I　knew　that　she　slept。

As　I　lay　thus　holding　her　hand；　and　listening　to　her　quiet　breathing；　I　realised　once　more　what　my　young　Alastor　had　meant　by　the　purity　of　high　passion。　　For　indeed　the　moonlight　that　fell　across　her　bosom　was　not　whiter　than　my　thoughts；　nor　could　any　kisswere　it　even　such　a　kiss　as　Venus　promised　to　the　betrayer　of　Psycheeven　in　its　fiercest　delirium；　be　other　than　dross　compared　with　the　wild　white　peace　of　those　silent　hours　when　we　lay　thus　married　and　maiden　side　by　side。



CHAPTER　X


HOW　ONE　MAKES　LOVE　AT　THIRTY

My　sleeplessness　while　Nicolete　slept　had　not　been　all　ecstasy；　for　I　had　come　to　a　bitter　resolution；　and　next　morning；　when　we　were　once　more　on　our　way；　I　took　a　favourable　opportunity　of　conveying　it　to　Nicolete。

〃Nicolete；〃　I　said；　as　we　rested　awhile　by　the　roadside；　〃I　have　something　serious　to　say　to　you。〃

〃Yes；　dear；〃　she　said；　looking　rather　frightened。

〃Well；　dear；　it　is　this；our　love　must　end　with　our　holiday。　　No　good　can　come　of　it。〃

〃But　oh；　why？　　I　love　you。〃

〃Yes；　and　I　love　you；love　you　as　I　never　thought　I　could　love　again。　　Yet　I　know　it　is　all　a　dangerous　dream；a　trick　of　our　brains；　an　illusion　of　our　tastes。〃

〃But　oh；　why？　　I　love　you。〃

〃Yes；　you　do　to…day；　I　know；　but　it　couldn't　last。　　I　believe　I　could　love　you　for　ever；　but　even　so；　it　wouldn't　be　right。　You　couldn't　go　on　loving　me。　　I　am　too　old；　too　tired；　too　desillusione；　perhaps　too　selfish。〃

〃I　will　love　you　always！〃　said　girl　Nicolete。

〃Whereas　you；〃　I　continued；　disregarding　the　lovely　refrain　of　her　tear…choked　voice；　〃are　standing　on　the　wonderful　threshold　of　life；　waiting　in　dreamland　for　the　dawn。　And　it　will　come；　and　with　it　the　fairy　prince；　with　whom　you　shall　wander　hand　in　hand　through　all　its　fairy　rose…gardens；　but　I；　dear　Nicolete；I　am　not　he。〃

Nicolete　did　not　speak。

〃I　know；〃　I　continued；　pressing　her　hand；　〃that　I　may　seem　young　enough　to　talk　like　this；　but　some　of　us　get　through　life　quicker　than　others；　and　when　we　say；　‘It　is　done；'　it　is　no　use　for　onlookers　to　say；　‘Why；　it　is　just　beginning！'　　Believe　me；　Nicolete；　I　am　not　fit　husband　for　you。〃

〃Then　shall　I　take　no　other；〃　said　Nicolete；　with　set　face。

〃Oh；　yes；　you　will；〃　I　rejoined；　〃let　but　a　month　or　two　pass；　and　you　will　see　how　wise　I　was；　after　all。　　Besides；　there　are　other　reasons；　of　which　there　is　no　need　to　speak〃

〃What　reasons？〃

〃Well；〃　I　said；　half　laughing；　〃there　is　the　danger　that；　after　all；　we　mightn't　agree。　　There　is　nothing　so　perilously　difficult　as　the　daily　intercourse　of　two　people　who　love　each　other。　　You　are　too　young　to　realise　its　danger。　　And　I　couldn't　bear　to　see　our　love　worn　away　by　the　daily　dropping　of　tears；　not　to　speak　of　its　being　rent　by　the　dynamite　of　daily　quarrels。

We　know　each　other's　tastes；　but　we　know　hardly　anything　of　each　other's　natures。〃

Nicolete　looked　at　me　strangely。　　'Troth；　it　was　a　strange　way　to　make　love；　I　knew。

〃And　what　else？〃　she　asked　somewhat　coldly。

〃Well；　then；　though　it's　not　a　thing　one　cares　to　speak　of；　I'm　a　poor　man〃

Nicolete　broke　through　my　sentence　with　a　scornful　exclamation。

〃You；〃　I　continued　straight　on；〃well；　you　have　been　accustomed　to　a　certain　spaciousness　and　luxury　of　life。　　This　it　would　be　out　of　my　power　to　continue　for　you。　　These　are　real　reasons；　very　real　reasons；　dear　Nicolete；　though　you　may　not　think　so　now。　　The　law　of　the　world　in　these　matters　is　very　right。　　For　the　rich　and　the　poor　to　marry　is　to　risk；　terribly　risk；　the　very　thing　they　would　marry　for　their　love。　　Love　is　better　an　unmarried　than　a　married　regret。〃

Nicolete　was　silent　again。

〃Think　of　your　little　woodland　chalet；　and　your　great　old　trees　in　the　park；you　couldn't　live　without　them。　　I　have；　at　most；　but　one　tree　worth　speaking　of　to　offer　you〃

I　purposely　waived　the　glamour　which　my　old　garden　had　for　my　mind；　and　which　I　wouldn't　have　exchanged　for　fifty　parks。

〃Trees！〃　retorted　Nicolete；〃what　are　trees？〃

〃Ah；　my　dear　girl；　they　are　a　good　deal；particularly　when　they　are　genealogical；　as　my　one　tree　is　not。〃

〃Aucassin；〃　she　said　suddenly；　almost　fiercely；　〃can　you　really　jest？　　Tell　me　this；do　you　love　me？〃

〃I　love　you；〃　I　said　simply；　〃and　it　is　just　because　I　love　you　so　much　that　I　have　talked　as　I　have　done。　　No　man　situated　as　I　am　who　loved　you　could　have　talked　otherwise。〃

〃Well；　I　have　heard　it　all；　weighed　it　all；〃　said　Nicolete；　presently；　〃and　to　me　it　is　but　as　thistledown　against　the　love　within　my　heart。　　Will　you　cast　away　a　woman　who　loves　you　for　theories？　　You　know　you　love　me；　know　I　love　you。　　We　should　have　our　trials；　our　ups　and　downs；　I　know；　but　surely　it　is　by　those　that　true　love　learns　how　to　grow　more　true　and　strong。　　Oh；　I　cannot　argue！　　Tell　me　again；　do　you　love　me？〃

And　there　she　broke　down　and　fell　sobbing　into　my　arms。　　I　consoled　her　as　best　I　might；　and　presently　she　looked　up　at　me　through　her　tears。

〃Tell　me　again；〃　she　said；　〃that　you　love　me；　just　as　you　did　yesterday；　and　promise　never　to　speak　of　all　those　cruel　things　again。　　Ah！　have　you　thought　of　the　kind　of　men　you　would　give　me　up　to？〃

At　that　I　confess　I　shuddered；　and　I　gave　her　the　required　assurance。

〃And　you　won't　be　wise　and　reasonable　and　ridiculous　any　more？〃

〃No；〃　I　answered；　adding　in　my　mind；　〃not；　at　all　events；　for　the　present。〃



CHAPTER　XI


HOW　ONE　PLAYS　THE　HERO　AT　THIRTY

Had　we　only　been　able　to　see　a　day　into　the　future；　we　might　have　spared　ourselves　this　agonising；　for　all　our　doubts　and　fears　were　suddenly　dispersed　in　an　entirely　unexpected　manner。　　Happily　these　interior　problems　are　not　infrequently　resolved　by　quite　exterior　forces。

We　were　sitting　the　following　afternoon　in　one　of　those　broad　bay　windows　such　as　one　finds　still　in　some　old　country　inns；　just　thinking　about　starting　once　more　on　our　way；　when　suddenly　Nicolete；　who　had　been　gazing　out　idly　into　the　road；　gave　a　little　cry。　　I　followed　her　glance。　　A　carriage　with　arms　on　its　panels　had　stopped　at　the　inn；　and　as　a　smart　footman　opened　the　door；　a　fine　grey…headed　military…looking　man　stepped　out　and　strode　hurriedly　up　the　inn　steps。

〃Aucassin；〃　gasped　Nicolete；　〃it　is　my　father！〃

It　was　too　true。　　The　old　man's　keen　eye　had　caught　sight　of　Nicolete　at　the　window　also；　and　in　another　moment　we　were　all　three　face　to　face。　　I　must　do　the　Major…　General　the　justice　of　saying　that　he　made　as　little　of　a　〃scene〃　of　it　as　possible。

〃Now；　my　girl；〃　he　said；　〃I　have　come　to　put　an　end　to　this　nonsense。　　Have　you　a