a face illumined- 第37部分

to　choose　carefully　our　paths　and　companions；　and　I　cannot　help

thinking　that　the　majority　might　choose　wisely　enough　to　make　life

an　agreeable　journey　in　the　main。〃



〃Look　here；　Van；　I'm　no　casuist；〃　said　Stanton　with　a　shrug；　〃but

I　can　detect　a　flaw　in　your　philosophy　at　once。　　Suppose　one　wanted

good　company　and　could　not　get　it。〃



〃He　had　better　jog　on　alone；　in　that　case；　than　take　bad　company。〃



〃And　heavy　jogging　it　might　be　too；〃　muttered　Stanton；　with　a　frown。



Ida's　head　dropped　low　and　her　face　became　very　pale。　　Her　impulsive

cousin　in　expressing　his　own　tormenting　fear；　had　unconsciously

defined　what　promised　to　be　her　wretched　experience。　　She　felt

that　the　artist's　eyes　were　upon　her；　and　in　the　blind　impulse　to

shield　her　secret；　which　then　was　so　vividly　plain　to　her　consciousness；

she　raised　her　head　suddenly；　and　with　a　reckless　laugh　remarked：



〃For　a　wonder　I　also　can　half　agree　with　Mr。　Van　Bergcongenial

society　for　me　or　none　at　all。〃



A　second　later　she　could　have　bitten　her　tongue　out　before　uttering

words　virtually　claimed　Sibley　as　her　most　congenial　companion。



〃Miss　Mayhew　is　better　than　most　of　us　in　that　she　lives　up　to　her

theories；〃　Van　Berg　remarked；　coldly。



Her　eyes　shot　at　him　a　sudden　flash　of　impotent　protest　and　resentment；

and　then　she　lowered　her　head　with　a　flush　of　the　deepest　shame。



At　that　moment　a　loud　discordant　laugh　from　Sibley　caused　many　to

look　around　toward　him；　and　not　a　few　shook　their　heads　and　exchanged

significant　glances；　intimating　that　they　thought　the　young　man

was　in　a　〃bad　way。〃



〃Your　philosophy；　Mr。　Van　Berg；〃　said　Miss　Burton；　〃may　answer　very

well　for　the　wise　and　fortunate；　for　those　whose　lives　are　as　yet

unspoiled　and　unblighted　by　themselves　or　others。　　But　even　an

artist；　who　by　his　vocation　gives　his　attention　to　the　beautiful；

must　nevertheless　see　that　there　are　many　in　the　world　who　are　neither

wise　nor　fortunatewho　seem　predestined　by　their　circumstances；

folly；　and　defective　natures　to　blunder　and　sin　till　they　reach

a　point　where　reason　and　intelligence　can　do　little　more　for　them

than　reveal　how　foolish　and　wrong　they　have　been；　or　how　great

a　good　they　have　missed　and　lost　irrevocably。　　The　past；　with　its

opportunities；　has　gone；　and　the　remnant　of　earthly　life　offers

such　a　dismal　prospect；　and　they　find　themselves　so　shut　up　to

a　certain　lot；　so　shackled　by　the　very　conditions　in　which　they

exist；　that　they　are　disheartened。　　It　is　hard　for　many　of　us　not

to　feel　that　we　have　been　utterly　defeated　and　so　sink　into　fatal

apathy。〃



Mr。　Mayhew；　who　had　been　coldly　impassive　and　resolutely　taciturn

thus　far；　now　leaned　back　in　his　chair；　and　his　eyes　glowed　like

two　lamps　from　beneath　the　eaves　of　his　shaggy　brows。　　A　young　and

lovely　woman　was　giving　voice　to　his　own　crushed　and　ill…starred

nature；　and　strange　to　say；　she　identified　herself　with　the　class

for　which　she　spoke。　　in　the　depths　of　his　heart　he　bowed　down；

reverenced；　and　thanked　her　for　claiming　this　kinship　to　himself；

even　thought　he　knew　it　must　be　misfortune　and　not　wrong　that　had

marred　her　life。



If　Van　Berg　had　not　been　so　preoccupied　with　the　speaker；　he　would

have　seen　that　the　daughter　also　was　hanging　on　the　lips　that　were

expressing　simply　and　eloquently　the　thoughts　with　which　her　own

heavy　heart　was　burdened。　　But　when　the　artist　began　to　speak；

Ida's　face　grew　paler　than　ever　as　she　saw　the　glow　of　admiration

and　sympathy　that　lighted　up　his　features。　　Compliments　she　had

received　in　endless　variety　all　her　life；　but　never　had　she　seen

a　man　look　at　her　with　that　expression。



〃Pardon　me；　Miss　Burton；〃　he　said；　〃if　I　protest　against　your

using　the　pronoun　you　did。　　No　one　will　ever　be　able　to　associate

the　word　'defeat'　with　you。　　I　do　not　understand　your　philosophy；

but　I　know　it　is　far　better　than　mine。　　While　I　admit　the　truth　of

your　words　that　I　do　professionally　shut　my　eyes　as　far　as　possible

to　all　the　ugly　facts　of　life；　still　I　have　been　compelled　to　note

that　the　world　is　full　of　evils　for　which　I　can　see　no　remedy；　and

as　a　matter　of　common　experience　they　apparently　never　are　remedied。

Good　steering　and　careful　seamanship　are　immensely　important；　but

of　what　use　are　they　if　one　is　caught　in　a　tornado　or　maelstrom；　or

wedged　in　among　rocks；　so　that　going　to　pieces　is　only　a　question

of　time？　　Good　seamanship　ought　to　keep　one　from　such　a　fate；　it

may　be　said。　　So　it　does　in　the　majority　of　instances；　but　often

the　wisest　are　caught。　　If　you　will　realize　it；　Miss　Burton；　all

in　this　house；　men；　women；　and　children；　are　about　as　able　to　take

a　ship　across　the　Atlantic；　as　to　make　the　life　voyage　wisely　and

safely。　　As　a　rule　we　only　sail　and　sail。　　Where　we　are　going；　and

what　we　shall　meet；　the　Lord　only　knowswe　don't。　　I　have　travelled

abroad　at　times；　and　have　seen　a　little　of　society　at　home；　and　if

growing　selfish；　mean；　and　vicious；　is　going　to　the　bad；　than　it

would　seem　that　more　find　the　bottom　than　any　port。〃



〃Oh；　hush；　Mr。　Van　Berg；〃　cried　Miss　Burton。　　〃You　will　fill　the

world　with　a　blind；　stupid　fate　and　the　best　one　can　hope　for　is　the

rare　good　luck　or　the　skilful　dodging　which　enables　one　to　escape

the　random　blows　and　storms。　　I　believe　in　God　and　law；　although

I　confess　I　can　understand　neither。　　As　the　good　Mussulman　looks

towards　Mecca；　so　I　look　toward　them　and　pray　and　hope　on。　　This

snarl　of　life　will　yet　be　untangled。〃



〃I　assure　you　that　I　try　to　do　the　same；　but　not　with　your　success；

I　fear。　　Your　illustration　strikes　me　as　unfortunate。　　The　Moslem

looks　toward　Mecca；　but　what　is　there　in　Mecca　worth　looking

toward？　　If　he　only　thought　so；　might　he　not　as　well　look　in　any

other　direction？〃



〃Please　don't　talk　so；　Mr。　Van　Berg。　　Don't　you　see　that　he　can't

look　in　any　other　direction？　　He　has　been　taught　to　look　thither

till　it　is　part　of　his　nature　to　do　so。　　In　destroying　his　faith

you　may　destroy　him。　　Pardon　me；　if　I　ask　you　to　please　remember

that　faith　in　God　and　a　future　life　is　more　vitally　important　to

some　of　us　than　our　daily　bread。　　We　may　not　be　able　to　explain　it；

but　we　must　hope　and　trust　or　perish。　　To　go　back　to　your　nautical

illustration；　suppose　some　who　had　been　wrecked　were　clinging　to

a　rocky　shore；　and　trying　to　clamber　up　out　of　the　cold　spray　and

surf　to　warmth　and　safety；　would　it　not　be　a　cruel　thing　to　go

along　the　shore　and　unloosen　the　poor　numb　hands　however　gently　and

scientifically　it　might　be　done？　　Loosing　that　hold　means　sinking

to　unknown　depths。　　With　complacent　self…approval　and　with　learned

Athenian　airs；　many　of　the　savans　of　the　day　are　virtually　guilty

of　this　horrible　cruelty。〃



〃I　do　not　take　sides　with　the　Athenians　who　called　St。　Paul　a

babbler；〃　said　Van　Berg；　flushing；　〃yet　truth　compels　me　to　admit

that　I　could　worship　more　sincerely　at　the　'Alter　of　the　unknown

God；'　than　before　any　conception　of　Deity　that　modern　Theology　has

presented　to　my　mind。　　That　does　not　prove　much；　I　am　bound　to　say；

for　I　have　never　given　these　subjects　sufficient　attention　to　be

entitled　to　have　opinions。　　Still；　I　like　fair　play；　whatever　be　the

consequences。　　Your　arraignment　of　talking　skeptics　is　a　severe　one

and　strikes　me　in　a　new　light。　　Might　they　not　urge；　in　self…defence；

that　there　was　a　deeper　and　darker　abyss　on　the　farther　side　of　the

rock　to　which　the　wrecked　were　clinging？　　May　they　not　argue　that

the　grasp　of　faith　may　lead　to　a　deeper　and　more　bitter　disappointment？〃



〃How　can　they　know　that？　　How　can　they　know　what　shall　be　in　the

ages　to　come？〃　replied　Miss　Burton；　speaking　rapidly。　　〃This　is　the

situation：I　am　clinging　to　some　hope；　something　that　I　believe

will　be　truth　which　sustains　me；　and　the　only　force　of　the　skeptic's

words　is　to　loosen　my　grasp。　　No　better　support　is　given；　　no　new

hope　inspired。　　Believe　me；〃　she　concluded　passionately；　〃I　would

rather　die　a　thousand　deaths　by　torture　than　lose　my　faith　that

there　is　a　God　who　will　bring　order　out　of　this　chaos　of　broken；

thwarted　lives；　of　which　the　world　is　full；　and　that　those　who　seek

a　'happier　shore'　will　eventually　find　it。〃



〃You　will　find　it；〃　said　Van　Berg；　in　low　emphatic　tones；　and

then　he　added　with　a　shrug；　as　he　rose　from　the　table；　〃I　wish　my

chances　were　as　good。〃



Ida；　who　a　few　weeks　before　would　have　heard　this　conversation

with　unqualified　disgust；　had　listened　with　eager　eyes　and　parted

lips；　and　she　now　said　coldly；　but　with　a　deep　sigh：



〃Your　God　and　happy　shore；　Miss　Burton；　are　too　vague　and　far　away。

Troubles　and　temptations　are　in　our　very　hearts。〃



Van　Berg　looked　hastily　toward　her；　but　she　rose　and　turned　her

face　from　him。



Mr。　Mayhew　shook　his　head　despondently；　as　if　his　daughter's　words

found　a　deep；　sad　echo　in　his　own　nature。



〃Let　us　hear　the　conclusion　of　the　whole　matter；　said　the　wise　man

of　old；　'all　is　vanity　and　vexation　of　spirit；'〃　cried　Stanton；

with　the　air　of　one　who　was　trying　to　escape　from　a　nightmare。



Miss　Burton　at　once　became　her　old；　smiling　self。



〃You　do　not　quote　'the　wise　man'　correctly；〃　she　said；　〃but　you

remind　me　that　he　did　say　'a　merry　heart　doeth　good　like　a　medicine。'

It　is　like　mercy　'twice　blessed。'　　This　much；　at　least；　I　know　is

true；　and　Mr。　Van　Berg's　words　have　put　us　all　at　sea　to　such　an

extant　that　it　is　well　to　find　one　wee　solid　point　to　stand　on。〃



As　the　artist　passed　out　he　found　opportunity　to　whisper　in　her

ear：



〃I　cannot　tell　you　how　much　I　honor　the　woman　who　with　her　SAD

heart　makes　others　'merry。'〃



She　blushed　and　smiled；　but　only　said：　　〃How　blind　you　are；　Mr。　Van

Berg！　　Can't　you　perceive　that　nothing　else　does　me　so　much　good？

Now　you　see　how　selfish　I　am。〃



Ida　saw　him　whisper；　and　noted　the　answering　smile　and　blush。　　Was

it　strange　that　so　slight　a　thing　should　depress　her　more　than　al