the professor at the breakfast table- 第30部分

pleased　to　get　〃the　Professor〃　under　their　ceilings。



The　young　man　John；　for　instance；　asked　me　to　come　up　one　day　and

try　some　〃old　Burbon；〃　which　he　said　was　A　1。　　On　asking　him　what

was　the　number　of　his　room；　he　answered；　that　it　was　forty…'leven；

sky…parlor　floor；　but　that　I　shouldn't　find　it；　if　he　did　n't　go

ahead　to　show　me　the　way。　　I　followed　him　to　his　habitat；　being　very

willing　to　see　in　what　kind　of　warren　he　burrowed；　and　thinking　I

might　pick　up　something　about　the　boarders　who　had　excited　my

curiosity。



Mighty　close　quarters　they　were　where　the　young　man　John　bestowed

himself　and　his　furniture；　this　last　consisting　of　a　bed；　a　chair；　a

bureau；　a　trunk；　and　numerous　pegs　with　coats　and　〃pants〃　and

〃vests；〃as　he　was　in　the　habit　of　calling　waist…coats　and

pantaloons　or　trousers；hanging　up　as　if　the　owner　had　melted　out

of　them。　　Several　prints　were　pinned　up　unframed；among　them　that

grand　national　portrait…piece；　〃Barnum　presenting　Ossian　E。　Dodge　to

Jenny　Lind；〃　and　a　picture　of　a　famous　trot；　in　which　I　admired　anew

the　cabalistic　air　of　that　imposing　array　of　expressions；　and

especially　the　Italicized　word；　〃Dan　Mace　names　b。　h。　Major　Slocum；〃

and　〃Hiram　Woodruff　names　g。　m。　Lady　Smith。〃　　〃Best　three　in　five。

Time：　2。40；　2。46；　2。50。〃



That　set　me　thinking　how　very　odd　this　matter　of　trotting　horses　is；

as　an　index　of　the　mathematical　exactness　of　the　laws　of　living

mechanism。　　I　saw　Lady　Suffolk　trot　a　mile　in　2。26。　　Flora　Temple

has　trotted　close　down　to　2。20；　and　Ethan　Allen　in　2。25；　or　less。

Many　horses　have　trotted　their　mile　under　2。30；　none　that　I　remember

in　public　as　low　down　as　2。20。　　From　five　to　ten　seconds；　then；　in

about　a　hundred　and　sixty　is　the　whole　range　of　the　maxima　of　the

present　race　of　trotting　horses。　　The　same　thing　is　seen　in　the

running　of　men。　　Many　can　run　a　mile　in　five　minutes；　but　when　one

comes　to　the　fractions　below；　they　taper　down　until　somewhere　about

4。30　the　maximum　is　reached。　　Averages　of　masses　have　been　studied

more　than　averages　of　maxima　and　minima。　　We　know　from　the

Registrar…General's　Reports；　that　a　certain　number　of　childrensay

from　one　to　two　dozendie　every　year　in　England　from　drinking　hot

water　out　of　spouts　of　teakettles。　　We　know；　that；　among　suicides；

women　and　men　past　a　certain　age　almost　never　use　fire…arms。　　A

woman　who　has　made　up　her　mind　to　die　is　still　afraid　of　a　pistol　or

a　gun。　　Or　is　it　that　the　explosion　would　derange　her　costume？



I　say；　averages　of　masses　we　have；　but　our　tables　of　maxima　we　owe

to　the　sporting　men　more　than　to　the　philosophers。　　The　lesson　their

experience　teaches　is；　that　Nature　makes　no　leaps；does　nothing　per

saltum。　　The　greatest　brain　that　ever　lived；　no　doubt；　was　only　a

small　fraction　of　an　idea　ahead　of　the　second　best。　　Just　look　at

the　chess…players。　　Leaving　out　the　phenomenal　exceptions；　the　nice

shades　that　separate　the　skilful　ones　show　how　closely　their　brains

approximate；almost　as　closely　as　chronometers。　　Such　a　person　is　a

〃knight…player；〃he　must　have　that　piece　given　him。　　Another　must

have　two　pawns。　　Another；　〃pawn　and　two；〃　or　one　pawn　and　two　moves。

Then　we　find　one　who　claims　〃pawn　and　move；〃　holding　himself；　with

this　fractional　advantage；　a　match　for　one　who　would　be　pretty　sure

to　beat　him　playing　even。　So　much　are　minds　alike；　and　you　and　I

think　we　are　〃peculiar；〃that　Nature　broke　her　jelly…mould　after

shaping　our　cerebral　convolutions。　　So　I　reflected；　standing　and

looking　at　the　picture。



I　say；　Governor；broke　in　the　young　man　John；them　bosses　'11

stay　jest　as　well；　if　you'll　only　set　down。　　I've　had　'em　this　year；

and　they　haven't　stirred。　He　spoke；　and　handed　the　chair　towards

me；seating　himself；　at　the　same　time；　on　the　end　of　the　bed。



You　have　lived　in　this　house　some　time？I　said；with　a　note　of

interrogation　at　the　end　of　the　statement。



Do　I　look　as　if　I'd　lost　much　fleshsaid　he；　answering　my　question

by　another。



No；said　I；for　that　matter；　I　think　you　do　credit　to　〃the

bountifully　furnished　table　of　the　excellent　lady　who　provides　so

liberally　for　the　company　that　meets　around　her　hospitable　board。〃



＇The　sentence　in　quotation…marks　was　from　one　of　those　disinterested

editorials　in　small　type；　which　I　suspect　to　have　been　furnished　by

a　friend　of　the　landlady's；　and　paid　for　as　an　advertisement。　　This

impartial　testimony　to　the　superior　qualities　of　the　establishment

and　its　head　attracted　a　number　of　applicants　for　admission；　and　a

couple　of　new　boarders　made　a　brief　appearance　at　the　table。　　One　of

them　was　of　the　class　of　people　who　grumble　if　they　don't　get

canvas…backs　and　woodcocks　every　day；　for　three…fifty　per　week。　　The

other　was　subject　to　somnambulism；　or　walking　in　the　night；　when　he

ought　to　have　been　asleep　in　his　bed。　　In　this　state　he　walked　into

several　of　the　boarders'　chambers；　his　eyes　wide　open；　as　is　usual

with　somnambulists；　and；　from　some　odd　instinct　or　other；　wishing　to

know　what　the　hour　was；　got　together　a　number　of　their　watches；　for

the　purpose　of　comparing　them；　as　it　would　seem。　　Among　them　was　a

repeater；　belonging　to　our　young　Marylander。　　He　happened　to　wake　up

while　the　somnambulist　was　in　his　chamber；　and；　not　knowing　his

infirmity；　caught　hold　of　him　and　gave　him　a　dreadful　shaking；　after

which　he　tied　his　hands　and　feet；　and　so　left　him　till　morning；　when

he　introduced　him　to　a　gentleman　used　to　taking　care　of　such　cases

of　somnambulism。＇



If　you；　my　reader；　will　please　to　skip　backward；　over　this

parenthesis；　you　will　come　to　our　conversation；　which　it　has

interrupted。



It　a'n't　the　feed；said　the　young　man　John；it's　the　old　woman's

looks　when　a　fellah　lays　it　in　too　strong。　　The　feed's　well　enough。

After　geese　have　got　tough；　'n'　turkeys　have　got　strong；　'n'　lamb's

got　old；　'n'　veal's　pretty　nigh　beef；　'n'　sparragrass　's　growin'

tall　'n'　slim　'n'　scattery　about　the　head；　'n'　green　peas　are

gettin'　so　big　'n'　hard　they'd　be　dangerous　if　you　fired　'em　out　of

a　revolver；　we　get　hold　of　all　them　delicacies　of　the　season。　　But

it's　too　much　like　feedin'　on　live　folks　and　devourin'　widdah's

substance；　to　lay　yourself　out　in　the　eatin'　way；　when　a　fellah　's

as　hungry　as　the　chap　that　said　a　turkey　was　too　much　for　one　'n'

not　enough　for　two。　　I　can't　help　lookin'　at　the　old　woman。　　Corned…

beef…days　she's　tolerable　calm。　　Roastin'…days　she　worries　some；　'n'

keeps　a　sharp　eye　on　the　chap　that　carves。　　But　when　there's

anything　in　the　poultry　line；　it　seems　to　hurt　her　feelin's　so　to

see　the　knife　goin'　into　the　breast　and　joints　comin'　to　pieces；

that　there's　no　comfort　in　eatin'。　　When　I　cut　up　an　old　fowl　and

help　the　boarders；　I　always　feel　as　if　I　ought　to　say；　Won't　you

have　a　slice　of　widdah？instead　of　chicken。



The　young　man　John　fell　into　a　train　of　reflections　which　ended　in

his　producing　a　Bologna　sausage；　a　plate　of　〃crackers；〃　as　we　Boston

folks　call　certain　biscuits；　and　the　bottle　of　whiskey　described　as

being　A　1。



Under　the　influence　of　the　crackers　and　sausage；　he　grew　cordial　and

communicative。



It　was　time；　I　thought；　to　sound　him　as　to　those　of　our　boarders　who

had　excited　my　curiosity。



What　do　you　think　of　our　young　Iris？I　began。



Fust…rate　little　filly；…he　said。　Pootiest　and　nicest　little　chap

I've　seen　since　the　schoolma'am　left。　　Schoolma'am　was　a　brown…

haired　one；eyes　coffee…color。　　This　one　has　got　wine…colored

eyes；'n'　that　's　the　reason　they　turn　a　fellah's　head；　I　suppose。



This　is　a　splendid　blonde；I　said；the　other　was　a　brunette。

Which　style　do　you　like　best？



Which　do　I　like　best；　boiled　mutton　or　roast　mutton？said　the　young

man　John。　　Like　'em　both；it　a'n't　the　color　of　'em　makes　the

goodness。　　I　've　been　kind　of　lonely　since　schoolma'am　went　away。

Used　to　like　to　look　at　her。　　I　never　said　anything　particular　to

her；　that　I　remember；　but…



I　don't　know　whether　it　was　the　cracker　and　sausage；　or　that　the

young　fellow's　feet　were　treading　on　the　hot　ashes　of　some　longing

that　had　not　had　time　to　cool；　but　his　eye　glistened　as　he　stopped。



I　suppose　she　wouldn't　have　looked　at　a　fellah　like　me；he　said；

but　I　come　pretty　near　tryin'。　　If　she　had　said；　Yes；　though；　I

shouldn't　have　known　what　to　have　done　with　her。　　Can't　marry　a

woman　now…a…days　till　you're　so　deaf　you　have　to　cock　your　head　like

a　parrot　to　hear　what　she　says；　and　so　longsighted　you　can't　see

what　she　looks　like　nearer　than　arm's…length。



Here　is　another　chance　for　you；I　said。　What　do　you　want　nicer

than　such　a　young　lady　as　Iris？



It's　no　use；he　answered。　I　look　at　them　girls　and　feel　as　the

fellah　did　when　he　missed　catchin'　the　trout。　'To'od　'a'　cost　more

butter　to　cook　him　'n'　he's　worth；says　the　fellah。　Takes　a　whole

piece　o'　goods　to　cover　a　girl　up　now…a…days。　　I'd　as　lief　undertake

to　keep　a　span　of　elephants；and　take　an　ostrich　to　board；　too；as

to　marry　one　of　'em。　　What's　the　use？　　Clerks　and　counter…jumpers

ain't　anything。　　Sparragrass　and　green　peas　a'n't　for　them；not

while　they're　young　and　tender。　　Hossback…ridin'　a'n't　for　them；

except　once　a　year；　on　Fast…day。　　And　marryin'　a'n't　for　them。

Sometimes　a　fellah　feels　lonely；　and　would　like　to　have　a　nice　young

woman；　to　tell　her　how　lonely　he　feels。　　And　sometimes　a　fellah；

here　the　young　man　John　looked　very　confidential；　and；　perhaps；　as

if　a　little　ashamed　of　his　weakness；sometimes　a　fellah　would　like

to　have　one　o'　them　small　young　ones　to　trot　on　his　knee　and　push

about　in　a　little　wagon；a　kind　of　a　little　Johnny；　you　know；it's

odd　enough；　but；　it　seems　to　me；　nobody　can　afford　them　little

articles；　except　the　folks　that　are　so　rich　they　can　buy　everything；

and　the　folks　that　are　so　poor　they　don't　want　anything。　　It　makes

nice　boys　of　us　young　fellahs；　no　doubt！　　And　it's　pleasant　to　see

fine　young　girls　sittin'；　like　shopkeepers　behind　their　goods；

waitin'；　and　waitin'；