burlesques- 第20部分

esteemed　contributor。



〃Scrip　be　；〃　replied　he；　with　an　expression　we　cannot　repeat；

and　a　look　of　agony　it　is　impossible　to　describe　in　print；　and

walked　about　the　parlor　whistling；　humming；　rattling　his　keys　and

coppers；　and　showing　other　signs　of　agitation。　　At　last；　〃MR。

PUNCH；〃　says　he；　after　a　moment's　hesitation；　〃I　wish　to　speak　to

you　on　a　pint　of　businiss。　　I　wish　to　be　paid　for　my　contribewtions

to　your　paper。　　Suckmstances　is　altered　with　me。　　IIin　a　word；

CAN　you　lend　me　L。　for　the　account？〃



He　named　the　sum。　　It　was　one　so　great　that　we　don't　care　to

mention　it　here；　but　on　receiving　a　cheque　for　the　amount　（on

Messrs。　Pump　and　Aldgate；　our　bankers；）　tears　came　into　the　honest

fellow's　eyes。　　He　squeezed　our　hand　until　he　nearly　wrung　it　off；

and　shouting　to　a　cab；　he　plunged　into　it　at　our　office…door；　and

was　off　to　the　City。



Returning　to　our　study；　we　found　he　had　left　on　our　table　an　open

pocket…book；　of　the　contents　of　which　（for　the　sake　of　safety）　we

took　an　inventory。　　It　containedthree　tavern…bills；　paid；　a

tailor's　ditto；　unsettled；　forty…nine　allotments　in　different

companies；　twenty…six　thousand　seven　hundred　shares　in　all；　of

which　the　market　value　we　take；　on　an　average；　to　be　1/4　discount；

and　in　an　old　bit　of　paper　tied　with　pink　ribbon　a　lock　of　chestnut

hair；　with　the　initials　M。　A。　H。



In　the　diary　of　the　pocket…book　was　a　journal；　jotted　down　by　the

proprietor　from　time　to　time。　　At　first　the　entries　are

insignificant：　as；　for　instance：〃3rd　JanuaryOur　beer　in　the

Suvnts'　hall　so　PRECIOUS　small　at　this　Christmas　time　that　I　reely

MUSS　give　warning；　&　wood；　but　for　my　dear　Mary　Hann。〃　　February　7

That　broot　Screw；　the　Butler；　wanted　to　kis　her；　but　my　dear　Mary

Hann　boxt　his　hold　hears；　&　served　him　right。　　I　DATEST　Screw；〃

and　so　forth。　　Then　the　diary　relates　to　Stock　Exchange　operations；

until　we　come　to　the　time　when；　having　achieved　his　successes；　Mr。

James　quitted　Berkeley　Square　and　his　livery；　and　began　his　life　as

a　speculator　and　a　gentleman　upon　town。　　It　is　from　the　latter　part

of　his　diary　that　we　make　the　following





EXTRAX：





〃Wen　I　anounced　in　the　Servnts　All　my　axeshn　of　forting；　and　that

by　the　exasize　of　my　own　talince　and　ingianiuty　I　had　reerlized　a

summ　of　20；000　lb。　（it　was　only　5；　but　what's　the　use　of　a　mann

depreshiating　the　qualaty　of　his　own　mackyrel？）wen　I　enounced　my

abrup　intention　to　cutyou　should　have　sean　the　sensation　among

hall　the　people！　　Cook　wanted　to　know　whether　I　woodn　like　a

sweatbred；　or　the　slise　of　the　breast　of　a　Cold　Tucky。　　Screw；　the

butler；　（womb　I　always　detested　as　a　hinsalant　hoverbaring　beest；）

begged　me　to　walk　into　the　Hupper　Servnts　All；　and　try　a　glass　of

Shuperior　Shatto　Margo。　　Heven　Visp；　the　coachmin；　eld　out　his　and；

&　said；　'Jeames；　I　hopes　theres　no　quarraling　betwigst　you　&　me；　&

I'll　stand　a　pot　of　beer　with　pleasure。'



〃The　sickofnts！that　wery　Cook　had　split　on　me　to　the　Housekeeper

ony　last　week　（catchin　me　priggin　some　cold　tuttle　soop；　of　which

I'm　remarkable　fond）。　　Has　for　the　butler；　I　always　EBOMMINATED　him

for　his　precious　snears　and　imperence　to　all　us　Gents　who　woar

livry　（he　never　would　sit　in　our　parlor；　fasooth；　nor　drink　out　of

our　mugs）；　and　in　regard　of　Vispwhy；　it　was　ony　the　day　before

the　wulgar　beest　hoffered　to　fite　me；　and　thretnd　to　give　me　a　good

iding　if　I　refused。　　Gentlemen　and　ladies；'　says　I；　as　haughty　as

may　be；　'there's　nothink　that　I　want　for　that　I　can't　go　for　to　buy

with　my　hown　money；　and　take　at　my　lodgins　in　Halbany；　letter　Hex；

if　I'm　ungry　I've　no　need　to　refresh　myself　in　the　KITCHING。'　　And

so　saying；　I　took　a　dignified　ajew　of　these　minnial　domestics；　and

ascending　to　my　epartment　in　the　4　pair　back；　brushed　the　powder

out　of　my　air；　and　taking　off　those　hojous　livries　for　hever；　put

on　a　new　soot；　made　for　me　by　Cullin　of　St。　Jeames　Street；　and

which　fitted　my　manly　figger　as　tight　as　whacks。



〃There　was　ONE　pusson　in　the　house　with　womb　I　was　rayther　anxious

to　evoid　a　persnal　leave…takingMary　Hann　Oggins；　I　meanfor　my

art　is　natural　tender；　and　I　can't　abide　seeing　a　pore　gal　in　pane。

I'd　given　her　previous　the　infamation　of　my　departuredoing　the

ansom　thing　by　her　at　the　same　timepaying　her　back　20　lb。；　which

she'd　lent　me　6　months　before：　and　paying　her　back　not　only　the

interest；　but　I　gave　her　an　andsome　pair　of　scissars　and　a　silver

thimbil；　by　way　of　boanus。　　'Mary　Hann；'　says　I；　'suckimstancies

has　haltered　our　rellatif　positions　in　life。　　I　quit　the　Servnts

Hall　for　ever；　（for　has　for　your　marrying　a　person　in　my　rank；

that；　my　dear；　is　hall　gammin；）　and　so　I　wish　you　a　good…by；　my

good　gal；　and　if　you　want　to　better　yourself；　halways　refer　to　me。'



〃Mary　Hann　didn't　hanser　my　speech　（which　I　think　was　remarkable

kind）；　but　looked　at　me　in　the　face　quite　wild　like；　and　bust　into

somethink　betwigst　a　laugh　&　a　cry；　and　fell　down　with　her　ed　on

the　kitching　dresser；　where　she　lay　until　her　young　Missis　rang　the

dressing…room　bell。　　Would　you　bleave　it？　　She　left　the　thimbil　&

things；　&　my　check　for　20lb。　l0s。；　on　the　tabil　when　she　went　to

hanser　the　bell。　　And　now　I　heard　her　sobbing　and　vimpering　in　her

own　room　nex　but　one　to　mine；　vith　the　dore　open；　peraps　expecting

I　should　come　in　and　say　good…by。　　But；　as　soon　as　I　was　dressed；　I

cut　down　stairs；　hony　desiring　Frederick　my　fellow…servnt；　to　fetch

me　a　cabb；　and　requesting　permission　to　take　leaf　of　my　lady　&　the

famly　before　my　departure。〃



　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。



〃How　Miss　Hemly　did　hogle　me　to　be　sure！　　Her　ladyship　told　me　what

a　sweet　gal　she　washamiable；　fond　of　poetry；　plays　the　gitter。

Then　she　hasked　me　if　I　liked　blond　bewties　and　haubin　hair。

Haubin；　indeed！　　I　don't　like　carrits！　as　it　must　be　confest　Miss

Hemly's　hisand　has　for　a　BLOND　BUTY；　she　has　pink　I's　like　a

Halbino；　and　her　face　looks　as　if　it　were　dipt　in　a　brann　mash。

How　she　squeeged　my　&　as　she　went　away！



〃Mary　Hann　now　HAS　haubin　air；　and　a　cumplexion　like　roses　and

hivory；　and　I's　as　blew　as　Evin。



〃I　gev　Frederick　two　and　six　for　fetchin　the　cabbbeen　resolved　to

hact　the　gentleman　in　hall　things。　　How　he　stared！〃





〃25th。I　am　now　director　of　forty…seven　hadvantageous　lines；　and

have　past　hall　day　in　the　Citty。　　Although　I've　hate　or　nine　new

soots　of　close；　and　Mr。　Cullin　fits　me　heligant；　yet　I　fansy　they

hall　reckonise　me。　　Conshns　whispers　to　me；　'Jeams；　you'r　hony　a

footman　in　disguise　hafter　all。'〃





〃28th。Been　to　the　Hopra。　　Music　tol　lol。　　That　Lablash　is　a

wopper　at　singing。　　I　coodn　make　out　why　some　people　called　out

'Bravo；'　some　'Bravar；'　and　some　'Bravee。'　　'Bravee；　Lablash；'　says

I；　at　which　heverybody　laft。



〃I'm　in　my　new　stall。　　I've　had　new　cushings　put　in；　and　my　harms

in　goold　on　the　back。　　I'm　dressed　hall　in　black；　excep　a　gold

waistcoat　and　dimind　studds　in　the　embriderd　busom　of　my　shameese。

I　wear　a　Camallia　Jiponiky　in　my　button…ole；　and　have　a　double…

barreld　opera…glas；　so　big；　that　I　make　Timmins；　my　secnd　man；

bring　it　in　the　other　cabb。



〃What　an　igstronry　exabishn　that　Pawdy　Carter　is！　　If　those　four

gals　are　faries；　Tellioni　is　sutnly　the　fairy　Queend。　　She　can　do

all　that　they　can　do；　and　somethink　they　can't。　　There's　an

indiscrible　grace　about　her；　and　Carlotty；　my　sweet　Carlotty；　she

sets　my　art　in　flams。



〃Ow　that　Miss　Hemly　was　noddin　and　winkin　at　me　out　of　their　box　on

the　fourth　tear？



〃What　linx　i's　she　must　av。　　As　if　I　could　mount　up　there！



〃P。S。Talking　of　MOUNTING　HUP！　the　St。　Helena's　walked　up　4　per

cent　this　very　day。〃





〃2nd　July。Rode　my　bay　oss　Desperation　in　the　park。　　There　was　me；

Lord　George　Ringwood　（Lord　Cinqbar's　son）；　Lord　Ballybunnion；

Honorable　Capting　Trap；　&　sevral　hother　young　swells。　　Sir　John's

carridge　there　in　coarse。　　Miss　Hemly　lets　fall　her　booky　as　I

pass；　and　I'm　obleged　to　get　hoff　and　pick　it　hup；　&　get　splashed

up　to　the　his。　　The　gettin　on　hossback　agin　is　halways　the　juice　&

hall。　　Just　as　I　was　on；　Desperation　begins　a　porring　the　hair　with

his　4　feet；　and　sinks　down　so　on　his　anches；　that　I'm　blest　if　I

didn't　slip　hoff　agin　over　his　tail；　at　which　Ballybunnion　&　the

hother　chaps　rord　with　lafter。



〃As　Bally　has　istates　in　Queen's　County；　I've　put　him　on　the　St。

Helena　direction。　　We　call　it　the　'Great　St。　Helena　Napoleon

Junction；'　from　Jamestown　to　Longwood。　　The　French　are　taking　it

hup　heagerly。〃





〃6th　July。Dined　to…day　at　the　London　Tavin　with　one　of　the　Welsh

bords　of　Direction　I'm　hon。　　The　Cwrwmwrw　&　Plmwyddlywm；　with

tunnils　through　Snowding　and　Plinlimming。



〃Great　nashnallity　of　course。　　Ap　Shinkin　in　the　chair；　Ap　Llwydd

in　the　vice；　Welsh　mutton　for　dinner；　Welsh　iron　knives　&　forks；

Welsh　rabbit　after　dinner；　and　a　Welsh　harper；　be　hanged　to　him：　he

went　strummint　on　his　hojous　hinstrument；　and　played　a　toon

piguliarly　disagreeble　to　me。



〃It　was　PORE　MARY　HANN。　　The　clarrit　holmost　choaked　me　as　I　tried

it；　and　I　very　nearly　wep　myself　as　I　thought　of　her　bewtifle　blue

i's。　　Why　HAM　I　always　thinking　about　that　gal？　　Sasiety　is

sasiety；　it's　lors　is　irresistabl。　　Has　a　man　of　rank　I　can't　marry

a　serving…made。　　What　would　Cinqbar　and　Ballybunnion　say？



〃P。S。I　don't　like　the　way　that　Cinqbars　has　of　borroing　money；　&

halways　making　me　pay　the　bill。　　Seven　pound　six　at　the　'Shipp；'

Grinnidge；　which　I　don't　grudge　it；　for　Derbyshire's　brown　Ock　is

the　best　in　Urup；　nine　pound　three　at　the　'Trafflygar；'　and

seventeen　pound　sixteen　and　nine　at　the　'Star　and　Garter；'

Richmond；　with　the　Countess　St。　Emilion　&　the　Baroness　Frontignac。

Not　one　word　of　French　could　I　speak；　and　in　consquince　had　nothink

to　do　but　to　make　myself　halmost　sick　with　heating　hices　and

desert；　while　the　hothers　were　chattering　and　parlyvooing。



〃Ha！　I　remember　going　to　Grinnidge　once　wi