the book of snobs- 第7部分

Doria；　Adelaide　Obleans；　Katinka　Rostopchin；　Patrick

Flack；　died　1809。



'Armsa　mullion　garbled；　gules　on　a　saltire　reversed　of

the　second。　　Cresta　tom…tit　rampant　regardant。　　Motto

UNG　ROY　UNG　MOGYNS。'



It　was　long　before　Lady　de　Mogyns　shone　as　a　star　in　the

fashionable　world。　　At　first；　poor　Muggins　was　the　in　the

hands　of　the　Flacks；　the　Clancys；　the　Tooles；　the

Shanahans；　his　wife's　Irish　relations；　and　whilst　he　was

yet　but　heir…apparent；　his　house　overflowed　with　claret

and　the　national　nectar；　for　the　benefit　of　Hibernian

relatives。　　Tom　Tufto　absolutely　left　the　street　in　which

they　lived　in　London；　because　he　said　'it　was　infected

with　such　a　confounded　smell　of　whisky　from　the　house　of

those　IWISH　people。'



It　was　abroad　that　they　learned　to　be　genteel。　　They

pushed　into　all　foreign　courts；　and　elbowed　their　way

into　the　halls　of　Ambassadors。　　They　pounced　upon　the

stray　nobility；　and　seized　young　lords　travelling　with

their　bear…leaders。　　They　gave　parties　at　Naples；　Rome；

and　Paris。　　They　got　a　Royal　Prince　to　attend　their

SOIREES　at　the　latter　place；　and　it　was　here　that　they

first　appeared　under　the　name　of　De　Mogyns；　which　they

bear　with　such　splendour　to　this　day。



All　sorts　of　stories　are　told　of　the　desperate　efforts

made　by　the　indomitable　Lady　de　Mogyns　to　gain　the　place

she　now　occupies；　and　those　of　my　beloved　readers　who

live　in　middle　life；　and　are　unacquainted　with　the

frantic　struggles；　the　wicked　feuds；　the　intrigues；

cabals；　and　disappointments　which；　as　I　am　given　to

understand；　reign　in　the　fashionable　world；　may　bless

their　stars　that　they　at　least　are　not　FASHIONABLE　Snobs。

The　intrigues　set　afoot　by　the　De　Mogyns　to　get　the

Duchess　of　Buckskin　to　her　parties；　would　strike　a

Talleyrand　with　admiration。　　She　had　a　brain　fever　after

being　disappointed　of　an　invitation　to　Lady

Aldermanbury's　THE　DANSANT；　and　would　have　committed

suicide　but　for　a　ball　at　Windsor。　　I　have　the　following

story　from　my　noble　friend　Lady　Clapperclaw　herself；

Lady　Kathleen　O'Shaughnessy　that　was；　and　daughter　of　the

Earl　of　Turfanthunder：…



'When　that　odious　disguised　Irishwoman；　Lady　Muggins；　was

struggling　to　take　her　place　in　the　world；　and　was

bringing　out　her　hidjous　daughter　Blanche；'　said　old　Lady

Clapperclaw'Marian　has　a　hump…back　and　doesn't　show；

but　she's　the　only　lady　in　the　family）when　that

wretched　Polly　Muggins　was　bringing　out　Blanche；　with　her

radish　of　a　nose；　and　her　carrots　of　ringlets；　and　her

turnip　for　a　face；　she　was　most　anxiousas　her　father

had　been　a　cowboy　on　my　father's　landto　be　patronized

by　us；　and　asked　me　point…blank；　in　the　midst　of　a

silence　at　Count　Volauvent's；　the　French　Ambassador's

dinner；　why　I　had　not　sent　her　a　card　for　my　ball？



'〃Because　my　rooms　are　already　too　full；　and　your

ladyship　would　be　crowded　inconveniently；〃　says　I；　indeed

she　takes　up　as　much　room　as　an　elephant：　besides　I

wouldn't　have　her；　and　that　was　flat。



'I　thought　my　answer　was　a　settler　to　her：　but　the　next

day　she　comes　weeping　to　my　arms〃Dear　Lady

Clapperclaw；〃　says　she；　〃it's　not　for　ME；　I　ask　it　for　my

blessed　Blanche！　a　young　creature　in　her　first　season；

and　not　at　your　ball！　　My　tender　child　will　pine　and　die

of　vexation。　　I　don't　want　to　come。　　I　will　stay　at　home

to　nurse　Sir　Alured　in　the　gout。　　Mrs。　Bolster　is　going；

I　know；　she　will　be　Blanche's　chaperon。〃



'〃You　wouldn't　subscribe　for　the　Rathdrum　blanket　and

potato　fund；　you；　who　come　out　of　the　parish；〃　says　I；

〃and　whose　grandfather；　honest　man；　kept　cows　there。〃



'〃Will　twenty　guineas　be　enough；　dearest　Lady

Clapperclaw？〃



'〃Twenty　guineas　is　sufficient；〃　says　I；　and　she　paid

them；　so　I　said；　〃Blanche　may　come；　but　not　you；　mind：〃

and　she　left　me　with　a　world　of　thanks。



'Would　you　believe　it？when　my　ball　came；　the　horrid

woman　made　her　appearance　with　her　daughter！



〃Didn't　I　tell　you　not　to　come？〃　said　I；　in　a　mighty

passion。　　〃What　would　the　world　have　said？〃　cries　my　Lady

Muggins：　〃my　carriage　is　gone　for　Sir　Alured　to　the　Club；

let　me　stay　only　ten　minutes；　dearest　Lady　Clapperclaw〃



'〃Well　as　you　are　here；　madam；　you　may　stay　and　get　your

supper；〃　I　answered；　and　so　left　her；　and　never　spoke　a

word　more　to　her　all　night。



'And　now；'　screamed　out　old　Lady　Clapperclaw；　clapping

her　hands；　and　speaking　with　more　brogue　than　ever；　'what

do　you　think；　after　all　my　kindness　to　her；　the　wicked；

vulgar；　odious；　impudent　upstart　of　s　cowboy's

granddaughter；　has　done？she　cut　me　yesterday　in　Hy'

Park；　and　hasn't　sent　me　a　ticket　for　her　ball　to…night；

though　they　say　Prince　George　is　to　be　there。'



Yes；　such　is　the　fact。　　In　the　race　of　fashion　the

resolute　and　active　De　Mogyns　has　passed　the　poor　old

Clapperclaw。　　Her　progress　in　gentility　may　be　traced　by

the　sets　of　friends　whom　she　has　courted；　and　made；　and

cut；　and　left　behind　her。　　She　has　struggled　so　gallantly

for　polite　reputation　that　she　has　won　it：　pitilessly

kicking　down　the　ladder　as　she　advanced　degree　by　degree。



Irish　relations　were　first　sacrificed；　she　made　her

father　dine　in　the　steward's　room；　to　his　perfect

contentment：　and　would　send　Sir　Alured　thither　like…wise

but　that　he　is　a　peg　on　which　she　hopes　to　hang　her

future　honours；　and　is；　after　all；　paymaster　of　her

daughter's　fortunes。　　He　is　meek　and　content。　　He　has

been　so　long　a　gentleman　that　he　is　used　to　it；　and　acts

the　part　of　governor　very　well。　　In　the　day…time　he　goes

from　the　'Union'　to　'Arthur's；'　and　from　'Arthur's'　to

the　'Union。'　　He　is　a　dead　hand　at　piquet；　and　loses　a

very　comfortable　maintenance　to　some　young　fellows；　at

whist；　at　the　'Travellers'。'



His　son　has　taken　his　father's　seat　in　Parliament；　and

has　of　course　joined　Young　England。　　He　is　the　only　man

in　the　country　who　believes　in　the　De　Mogynses；　and　sighs

for　the　days　when　a　De　Mogyns　led　the　van　of　battle。　　He

has　written　a　little　volume　of　spoony　puny　poems。　　He

wears　a　lock　of　the　hair　of　Laud；　the　Confessor　and

Martyr；　and　fainted　when　he　kissed　the　Pope's　toe　at

Rome。　　He　sleeps　in　white　kid…gloves；　and　commits

dangerous　excesses　upon　green　tea。







CHAPTER　VIII



GREAT　CITY　SNOBS



There　is　no　disguising　the　fact　that　this　series　of

papers　is　making　a　prodigious　sensation　among　all　classes

in　this　Empire。　　Notes　of　admiration　（！）；　of

interrogation　（？）；　of　remonstrance；　approval；　or　abuse；

come　pouring　into　MR。　PUNCH'S　box。　　We　have　been　called

to　task　for　betraying　the　secrets　of　three　different

families　of　De　Mogyns；　no　less　than　four　Lady　Scrapers

have　been　discovered；　and　young　gentlemen　are　quite　shy

of　ordering　half…a…pint　of　port　and　simpering　over　the

QUARTERLY　REVIEW　at　the　Club；　lest　they　should　be

mistaken　for　Sydney　Scraper；　Esq。　　'What　CAN　be　your

antipathy　to　Baker　Street？'　asks　some　fair　remonstrant；

evidently　writing　from　that　quarter。



'Why　only　attack　the　aristocratic　Snobs？'　says　one

'estimable　correspondent：　'are　not　the　snobbish　Snobs　to

have　their　turn？''Pitch　into　the　University　Snobs！'

writes　an　indignant　gentleman　（who　spelt　ELEGANT　with　two

I's）'Show　up　the　Clerical　Snob；'　suggests　another。

'Being　at　〃Meurice's　Hotel；〃　Paris；　some　time　since；'

some　wag　hints；　'I　saw　Lord　B。　leaning　out　of　the　window

with　his　boots　in　his　hand；　and　bawling　out　〃GARCON；

CIREZ…MOI　CES　BOTTES。〃　　Oughtn't　he　to　be　brought　in

among　the　Snobs？'



No；　far　from　it。　　If　his　lordship's　boots　are　dirty；　it

is　because　he　is　Lord　B。；　and　walks。　　There　is　nothing

snobbish　in　having　only　one　pair　of　boots；　or　a　favourite

pair；　and　certainly　nothing　snobbish　in　desiring　to　have

them　cleaned。　　Lord　B。；　in　so　doing；　performed　a

perfectly　natural　and　gentlemanlike　action；　for　which　I

am　so　pleased　with　him　that　I　have　had　him　designed　in　a

favourable　and　elegant　attitude；　and　put　at　the　head　of

this　Chapter　in　the　place　of　honour。　　No；　we　are　not

personal　in　these　candid　remarks。　　As　Phidias　took　the

pick　of　a　score　of　beauties　before　he　completed　a　Venus；

so　have　we　to　examine；　perhaps；　a　thousand　Snobs；　before

one　is　expressed　upon　paper。



Great　City　Snobs　are　the　next　in　the　hierarchy；　and　ought

to　be　considered。　　But　here　is　a　difficulty。　　The　great

City　Snob　is　commonly　most　difficult　of　access。　　Unless

you　are　a　capitalist；　you　cannot　visit　him　in　the

recesses　of　his　bank　parlour　in　Lombard　Street。　　Unless

you　are　a　sprig　of　nobility　there　is　little　hope　of

seeing　him　at　home。　　In　a　great　City　Snob　firm　there　is

generally　one　partner　whose　name　is　down　for　charities；

and　who　frequents　Exeter　Hall；　you　may　catch　a　glimpse　of

another　（a　scientific　City　Snob）　at　my　Lord　N's

SOIREES；　or　the　lectures　of　the　London　Institution；　of　a

third　（a　City　Snob　of　taste）　at　picture…auctions；　at

private　views　of　exhibitions；　or　at　the　Opera　or　the

Philharmonic。　　But　intimacy　is　impossible；　in　most　cases；

with　this　grave；　pompous；　and　awful　being。



A　mere　gentleman　may　hope　to　sit　at　almost　anybody's

tableto　take　his　place　at　my　lord　duke's　in　the

countryto　dance　a　quadrille　at　Buckingham　Palace

itself（beloved　Lady　Wilhelmina　Wagglewiggle！　do　you

recollect　the　sensation　we　made　at　the　ball　of　our　late

adored　Sovereign　Queen　Caroline；　at　Brandenburg　House；

Hammersmith？）　but　the　City　Snob's　doors　are；　for　the　most

part；　closed　to　him；　and　hence　all　that　one　knows　of　this

great　class　is　mostly　from　hearsay。



In　other　countries　of　Europe；　the　Banking　Snob　is　more

expansive　and　communicative　than　with　us；　and　receives

all　the　world　into　his　circle。　　For　instance；　everybody

knows　the　princely　hospitalities　of　the　Scharlaschild

family　at　Paris；　Naples；　Frankfort；　&c。。　　They　entertain

all　the　world；　even　the　poor；　at　their　FETES。　　Prince

Polonia；　at　Rome；　and　his　brother；　the　Duke　of　Strachino；

are　also　remarkable　for　their　hospitalities。　　I　like　the

sp