the price she paid- 第18部分

When　he　was　comfortably　settled；　he　explained　his　uneasiness。　　‘‘I　see　I've　got　to　tell　you；''　said　he；　‘‘for　I　don't　want　you　to　think　me　a　shouting　ass。　　The　fact　is　my　wife　wants　to　get　a　divorce　from　me　and　to　soak　me　for　big　alimony。　　She's　a　woman　who'll　do　anything　to　gain　her　end；　andwell；　for　some　reason　she's　always　been　jealous　of　you。　　I　didn't　care　to　get　into　trouble；　or　to　get　you　into　trouble。''

‘‘I'm　traveling　as　Mary　Stevens；''　said　Mildred。　‘‘No　one　knows　I'm　aboard。''

‘‘Oh；　I'm　sure　we're　quite　safe。　　We　can　enjoy　the　rest　of　this　voyage。''

A　sea　voyage　not　merely　induces　but　compels　a　feeling　of　absolute　detachment　from　the　world。　　To　both　Stanley　and　Mildred　their　affairsthe　difficulties　in　which　they　were　involved　on　terra　firmaceased　for　the　time　to　have　any　reality。　　The　universe　was　nothing　but　a　vast　stretch　of　water　under　a　vast　stretch　of　sky；　the　earth　and　the　things　thereof　were　a　retrospect　and　a　foreboding。　　Without　analyzing　it；　both　he　and　she　felt　that　they　were　freefree　from　cares；　from　responsibilitiesfree　to　amuse　themselves。　　And　they　proceeded　to　enjoy　themselves　in　the　necessarily　quiet　and　limited　way　imposed　by　the　littleness　of　their　present　world　and　the　meagerness　of　the　resources。

As　neither　had　the　kind　of　mind　that　expands　in　abstractions；　they　were　soon　talking　in　the　most　intimate　and　personal　way　about　themselveswere　confessing　things　which　neither　would　have　breathed　to　anyone　on　land。　　It　was　the　man　who　set　the　example　of　breaking　through　the　barriers　of　conventional　restraint　perhaps　of　delicacy；　though　it　must　be　said　that　human　beings　are　rarely　so　fine　in　their　reticences　as　the　theory　of　refinement　would　have　us　believe。　　Said　Stanley；　after　the　preliminaries　of　partial　confidence　and　halting　avowal　that　could　not　be　omitted；　even　at　sea；　by　a　man　of　‘‘gentlemanly　instinct''：

‘‘I　don't　know　why　I　shouldn't　own　up。　　I　know　you'll　never　tell　anybody。　　Fact　is；　I　and　my　wife　were　never　in　love　with　each　other　for　a　second。　　We　married　because　we　were　in　the　same　set　and　because　our　incomes　together　gave　us　enough　to　do　the　thing　rather　well。''　After　a　solemn　pause。　　‘‘I　was　in　love　with　another　womanone　I　couldn't　marry。　　But　I'll　not　go　into　that。　　As　for　my　wife；　I　don't　think　she　was　in　love　with　anyone。　　She's　as　cold　as　a　stone。''

Mildred　smiled　ironically。

Baird　saw　and　flushed。　　‘‘At　least；　she　was　to　me。　I　was　ready　to　make　a　sort　of　bluff。　　You　see；　a　man　feels　guilty　in　those　circumstances　and　doesn't　want　to　humiliate　a　woman。　　But　she''　he　laughed　unpleasantly‘‘she　wasn't　bothering　about　MY　feelings。　That's　a　nice；　selfish　little　way　you　ladies　have。''

‘‘She　probably　saw　through　you　and　hated　you　for　playing　the　hypocrite　to　her；''　said　Mildred。

‘‘You　may　be　right；　I　never　thought　of　that；''　confessed　he。　　‘‘She　certainly　had　a　vicious　way　of　hammering　the　other　woman　indirectly。　　Not　that　she　ever　admitted　being　jealous。　　I　guess　she　knew。　　Everybody　usually　knows　everything。''

‘‘And　there　was　a　great　deal　of　talk　about　you　and　me；''　said　Mildred　placidly。

‘‘I　didn't　say　it　was　you；''　protested　Stanley；　reddening。

‘‘No　matter；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘Don't　bother　about　that。　　It's　all　past　and　gone。''

‘‘Well；　at　any　rate；　my　marriage　was　the　mistake　of　my　life。　　I'm　determined　that　she　shan't　trip　me　up　and　trim　me　for　any　alimony。　　And　as　matters　stand；　she　can't。　　She　left　me　of　her　own　accord。''

‘‘Then；''　said　Mildred　thoughtfully；　‘‘if　the　wife　leaves　of　her　own　accord；　she　can't　get　alimony？''

‘‘Certainly　notnot　a　cent。''

‘‘I　supposed　so；''　said　she。　　‘‘I'm　not　sure　I'd　take　it　if　I　could　get　it。　　Still；　I　suppose　I　would。''　　She　laughed。　　‘‘What's　the　use　of　being　a　hypocrite　with　oneself？　　I　know　I　would。　　All　I　could　get。''

‘‘Then　you　had　no　LEGAL　excuse　for　leaving？''

‘‘No；''　said　she。　　‘‘Ijust　bolted。　　I　don't　know　what's　to　become　of　me。　　I　seem　not　to　care；　at　present；　but　no　doubt　I　shall　as　soon　as　we　see　land　again。''

‘‘You'll　go　back　to　him；''　said　Stanley。

‘‘No；''　replied　she；　without　emphasis　or　any　accent　whatever。

‘‘Sure　you　will；''　rejoined　he。　　‘‘It's　your　living。　What　else　can　you　do？''

‘‘That's　what　I　must　find　out。　　Surely　there's　something　else　for　a　woman　besides　such　a　married　life　as　mine。　　I　can't　and　won't　go　back　to　my　husband。　　And　I　can't　and　won't　go　to　the　house　at　Hanging　Rock。　Those　two　things　are　settled。''

‘‘You　mean　that？''

‘‘Absolutely。　　And　I've　gotless　than　three　hundred　and　fifty　dollars　in　the　whole　world。''

Baird　was　silent。　　He　was　roused　from　his　abstraction　by　gradual　consciousness　of　an　ironical　smile　on　the　face　of　the　girl；　for　she　did　not　look　like　a　married　woman。　　‘‘You　are　laughing　at　me。　　Why？''　inquired　he。

‘‘I　was　reading　your　thoughts。''

‘‘You　think　you've　frightened　me？''

‘‘Naturally。　　Isn't　a　confession　such　as　I　made　enough　to　frighten　a　man？　　It　sounded　as　though　I　were　getting　ready　to　ask　alms。''

‘‘So　it　did；''　said　he。　　‘‘But　I　wasn't　thinking　of　it　in　that　way。　　You　WILL　be　in　a　frightful　fix　pretty　soon；　won't　you？''

‘‘It　looks　that　way。　　But　you　need　not　be　uneasy。''

‘‘Oh；　I　want　to　help　you。　　I'll　do　everything　I　can。　I　was　trying　to　think　of　something　you　could　make　money　at。　　I　was　thinking　of　the　stage；　but　I　suppose　you'd　balk　at　that。　　I'll　admit　it　isn't　the　life　for　a　lady。　　But　the　same　thing's　true　of　whatever　money　can　be　made　at。　　If　I　were　you；　I'd　go　back。''

‘‘If　I　were　myself；　I'd　go　back；''　said　Mildred。　‘‘But　I'm　not　myself。''

‘‘You　will　be　again；　as　soon　as　you　face　the　situation。''

‘‘No；''　said　she　slowly；　‘‘no；　I　shall　never　be　myself　again。''

‘‘But　you　could　have　everything　a　woman　wants。　Except；　of　courseperhaps　　But　you　never　struck　me　as　being　especially　sentimental。''

‘‘Sentiment　has　nothing　to　do　with　it；''　rejoined　she。　‘‘Do　you　think　I　could　get　a　place　on　the　stage？''

‘‘Oh；　you'd　have　to　study　a　while；　I　suppose。''

‘‘But　I　can't　afford　that。　　If　I　could　afford　to　study；　I'd　have　my　voice　trained。''

Baird's　face　lighted　up　with　enthusiasm。　　‘‘The　very　thing！''　he　cried。　　‘‘You've　got　a　voice；　a　grand…opera　voice。　　I've　heard　lots　of　people　say　so；　and　it　sounded　that　way　to　me。　　You　must　cultivate　your　voice。''

Mildred　laughed。　　‘‘Don't　talk　nonsense。　　Even　I　know　that's　nonsense。　　The　lessons　alone　would　cost　thousands　of　dollars。　　And　how　could　I　live　for　the　four　or　five　years？''

‘‘You　didn't　let　me　finish；''　said　Baird。　　‘‘I　was　going　to　say　that　when　you　get　to　New　York　you　must　go　and　have　your　voice　passed　onby　some　impartial　person。　　If　that　person　says　it's　worth　cultivating；　why；　I'm　willing　to　back　youas　a　business　proposition。　I　can　afford　to　take　the　risk。　　So；　you　see；　it's　all　perfectly　simple。''

He　had　spoken　rapidly；　with　a　covert　suggestion　of　fear　lest　she　would　rebuke　him　sharply　for　what　she　might　regard　as　an　impertinent　offer。　　She　surprised　him　by　looking　at　him　calmly；　reflectively；　and　saying：

‘‘Yes；　you　could　afford　it；　couldn't　you？''

‘‘I'm　sure　I　could。　　And　it's　the　sort　of　thing　that's　done　every　day。　　Of　course；　no　one'd　know　that　we　had　made　this　little　business　arrangement。　　But　that's　easily　managed。　　I'd　be　glad　if　you'd　let　me　do　it；　Mildred。　I'd　like　to　feel　that　I　was　of　some　use　in　the　world。　And　I'd　like　to　do　something　for　YOU。''

By　way　of　exceedingly　cautious　experiment　he　ventured　to　put　ever　so　slight　an　accent　of　tenderness　upon　the　‘‘you。''　　He　observed　her　furtively　but　nervously。　He　could　not　get　a　hint　of　what　was　in　her　mind。　　She　gazed　out　toward　the　rising　and　falling　horizon　line。　Presently　she　said：

‘‘I'll　think　about　it。''

‘‘You　must　let　me　do　it；　Mildred。　　It's　the　sensible　thingand　you　know　me　well　enough　to　know　that　my　friendship　can　be　counted　on。''

‘‘I'll　think　about　it；''　was　all　she　would　concede。

They　discussed　the　singing　career　all　that　and　the　succeeding　daysthe　possibilities；　the　hopes；　the　dangers　but　the　hopes　a　great　deal　more　than　the　dangers。　He　became　more　and　more　interested　in　her　and　in　the　project；　as　her　beauty　shone　out　with　the　tranquillizing　sea　and　as　her　old　charm　of　cleverness　at　saying　things　that　amused　him　reasserted　itself。　　She；　dubious　and　lukewarm　at　first；　soon　was　trying　to　curb　her　own　excited　optimism；　but　long　before　they　sighted　Sandy　Hook　she　was　merely　pretending　to　hang　back。　He　felt　discouraged　by　her　parting！　　‘‘If　I　decide　to　go　on；　I'll　write　you　in　a　few　days。''　　But　he　need　not　have　felt　so。　　She　had　made　up　her　mind　to　accept　his　offer。　　As　for　the　complications　involved　in　such　curiously　intimate　relations　with　a　man　of　his　temperament；　habits；　and　inclinations；　she　saw　them　very　vaguely　in…　deedrefused　to　permit　herself　to　see　them　any　less　vaguely。　　Time　enough　to　deal　with　complications　when　and　as　they　arose；　why　needlessly　and　foolishly　annoy　herself　and　hamper　herself？　　Said　she　to　herself；　‘‘I　must　begin　to　be　practical。''



IV


AT　the　pier　Mildred　sent　her　mother　a　telegram；　giving　the　train　by　which　she　would　arrivethat　and　nothing　more。　　As　she　descended　from　the　parlor…car　there　stood　Mrs。　Presbury　upon　the　platform；　face　wreathed　in　the　most　joyous　of　welcoming　smiles；　not　a　surface　trace　of　the　curiosity　and　alarm　storming　within。　　After　they　had　kissed　and　embraced　with　a　genuine　emotion　which　they　did　not　try　to　hide；　because　both　suddenly　became　unconscious　of　that　world　whereof　ordinarily　they　were　constantly　mindfulafter　caresses　and　tears　Mrs。　Presbury　said：

‘‘It's　all　very　well　to　dress　plain；　when　everyone　knows　you　can　afford　the　best。　　But　don't　you　think　you're　overdoing　it　a　little？''

Mildred　laughed　somewhat　nervously。　　‘‘Wait　till　we're　safe　at　home；''　said　she。

On　the　way　up　from　the　station　in　the　carriage　they　chattered　away　in　the　liveliest　fashion；　to　make　the　proper　impression　upon　any　observing　Hanging…　Rockers。　　‘‘Luckily；　Presbury's　gone　to　town　to…day；''　said　his　wife。　　‘‘But　really　he's　quite　livablehasn't　gone　back　to　his　old　ways。　　He　doesn't　know　it；　but　he's　rapidly　growing　deaf。　　He　imagines　that　everyone　is　speaking　more　and　more　indistinctly；　and　he　has　lost　interest　in　conversation。　　Then；　too；　he　has　done　well　in　Wall　Street；　and　that　has　put　him　in　a　good　humor。