camille- 第8部分

〃It　was　about　this　time　of　the　year；　on　the　evening　of　a　day　like　this；　that　I　first　met　Marguerite；〃　said　Armand　to　me；　as　if　he　were　listening　to　his　own　thoughts　rather　than　to　what　I　was　saying。　I　did　not　answer。　Then　turning　toward　me；　he　said：

〃I　must　tell　you　the　whole　story；　you　will　make　a　book　out　of　it；　no　one　will　believe　it；　but　it　will　perhaps　be　interesting　to　do。〃

〃You　will　tell　me　all　about　it　later　on；　my　friend；〃　I　said　to　him；　〃you　are　not　strong　enough　yet。〃

〃It　is　a　warm　evening；　I　have　eaten　my　ration　of　chicken；〃　he　said　to　me；　smiling；　〃I　have　no　fever；　we　have　nothing　to　do；　I　will　tell　it　to　you　now。〃

〃Since　you　really　wish　it；　I　will　listen。〃

This　is　what　he　told　me；　and　I　have　scarcely　changed　a　word　of　the　touching　story。

Yes　（Armand　went　on；　letting　his　head　sink　back　on　the　chair）；　yes；　it　was　just　such　an　evening　as　this。　I　had　spent　the　day　in　the　country　with　one　of　my　friends；　Gaston　R。　We　returned　to　Paris　in　the　evening；　and　not　knowing　what　to　do　we　went　to　the　Varietes。　We　went　out　during　one　of　the　entr'actes；　and　a　tall　woman　passed　us　in　the　corridor；　to　whom　my　friend　bowed。

〃Whom　are　you　bowing　to？〃　I　asked。

〃Marguerite　Gautier；〃　he　said。

〃She　seems　much　changed；　for　I　did　not　recognise　her；〃　I　said；　with　an　emotion　that　you　will　soon　understand。

〃She　has　been　ill；　the　poor　girl　won't　last　long。〃

I　remember　the　words　as　if　they　had　been　spoken　to　me　yesterday。

I　must　tell　you；　my　friend；　that　for　two　years　the　sight　of　this　girl　had　made　a　strange　impression　on　me　whenever　I　came　across　her。　Without　knowing　why；　I　turned　pale　and　my　heart　beat　violently。　I　have　a　friend　who　studies　the　occult　sciences；　and　he　would　call　what　I　experienced　〃the　affinity　of　fluids〃；　as　for　me；　I　only　know　that　I　was　fated　to　fall　in　love　with　Marguerite；　and　that　I　foresaw　it。

It　is　certainly　the　fact　that　she　made　a　very　definite　impression　upon　me；　that　many　of　my　friends　had　noticed　it　and　that　they　had　been　much　amused　when　they　saw　who　it　was　that　made　this　impression　upon　me。

The　first　time　I　ever　saw　her　was　in　the　Place　de　la　Bourse；　outside　Susse's；　an　open　carriage　was　stationed　there；　and　a　woman　dressed　in　white　got　down　from　it。　A　murmur　of　admiration　greeted　her　as　she　entered　the　shop。　As　for　me；　I　was　rivetted　to　the　spot　from　the　moment　she　went　in　till　the　moment　when　she　came　out　again。　I　could　see　her　through　the　shop　windows　selecting　what　she　had　come　to　buy。　I　might　have　gone　in；　but　I　dared　not。　I　did　not　know　who　she　was；　and　I　was　afraid　lest　she　should　guess　why　I　had　come　in　and　be　offended。　Nevertheless；　I　did　not　think　I　should　ever　see　her　again。

She　was　elegantly　dressed；　she　wore　a　muslin　dress　with　many　flounces；　an　Indian　shawl　embroidered　at　the　corners　with　gold　and　silk　flowers；　a　straw　hat；　a　single　bracelet；　and　a　heavy　gold　chain；　such　as　was　just　then　beginning　to　be　the　fashion。

She　returned　to　her　carriage　and　drove　away。　One　of　the　shopmen　stood　at　the　door　looking　after　his　elegant　customer's　carriage。　I　went　up　to　him　and　asked　him　what　was　the　lady's　name。

〃Mademoiselle　Marguerite　Gautier；〃　he　replied。　I　dared　not　ask　him　for　her　address；　and　went　on　my　way。

The　recollection　of　this　vision；　for　it　was　really　a　vision；　would　not　leave　my　mind　like　so　many　visions　I　had　seen；　and　I　looked　everywhere　for　this　royally　beautiful　woman　in　white。

A　few　days　later　there　was　a　great　performance　at　the　Opera　Comique。　The　first　person　I　saw　in　one　of　the　boxes　was　Marguerite　Gautier。

The　young　man　whom　I　was　with　recognised　her　immediately；　for　he　said　to　me；　mentioning　her　name：　〃Look　at　that　pretty　girl。〃

At　that　moment　Marguerite　turned　her　opera…glass　in　our　direction　and；　seeing　my　friend；　smiled　and　beckoned　to　him　to　come　to　her。

〃I　will　go　and　say　'How　do　you　do？'　to　her；〃　he　said；　〃and　will　be　back　in　a　moment。〃

〃I　could　not　help　saying　〃Happy　man！〃

〃Why？〃

〃To　go　and　see　that　woman。〃

〃Are　you　in　love　with　her？〃

〃No；〃　I　said；　flushing；　for　I　really　did　not　know　what　to　say；　〃but　I　should　very　much　like　to　know　her。〃

〃Come　with　me。　I　will　introduce　you。〃

〃Ask　her　if　you　may。〃

〃Really；　there　is　no　need　to　be　particular　with　her；　come。〃

What　he　said　troubled　me。　I　feared　to　discover　that　Marguerite　was　not　worthy　of　the　sentiment　which　I　felt　for　her。

In　a　book　of　Alphonse　Karr　entitles　Am　Rauchen；　there　is　a　man　who　one　evening　follows　a　very　elegant　woman；　with　whom　he　had　fallen　in　love　with　at　first　sight　on　account　of　her　beauty。　Only　to　kiss　her　hand　he　felt　that　he　had　the　strength　to　undertake　anything；　the　will　to　conquer　anything；　the　courage　to　achieve　anything。　He　scarcely　dares　glance　at　the　trim　ankle　which　she　shows　as　she　holds　her　dress　out　of　the　mud。　While　he　is　dreaming　of　all　that　he　would　do　to　possess　this　woman；　she　stops　at　the　corner　of　the　street　and　asks　if　he　will　come　home　with　her。　He　turns　his　head；　crosses　the　street；　and　goes　sadly　back　to　his　own　house。

I　recalled　the　story；　and；　having　longed　to　suffer　for　this　woman；　I　was　afraid　that　she　would　accept　me　too　promptly　and　give　me　at　once　what　I　fain　would　have　purchased　by　long　waiting　or　some　great　sacrifice。　We　men　are　built　like　that；　and　it　is　very　fortunate　that　the　imagination　lends　so　much　poetry　to　the　senses；　and　that　the　desires　of　the　body　make　thus　such　concession　to　the　dreams　of　the　soul。　If　any　one　had　said　to　me；　You　shall　have　this　woman　to…night　and　be　killed　tomorrow；　I　would　have　accepted。　If　any　one　had　said　to　me；　you　can　be　her　lover　for　ten　pounds；　I　would　have　refused。　I　would　have　cried　like　a　child　who　sees　the　castle　he　has　been　dreaming　about　vanish　away　as　he　awakens　from　sleep。

All　the　same；　I　wished　to　know　her；　it　was　my　only　means　of　making　up　my　mind　about　her。　I　therefore　said　to　my　friend　that　I　insisted　on　having　her　permission　to　be　introduced　to　her；　and　I　wandered　to　and　fro　in　the　corridors；　saying　to　myself　that　in　a　moment's　time　she　was　going　to　see　me；　and　that　I　should　not　know　which　way　to　look。　I　tried　（sublime　childishness　of　love！）　to　string　together　the　words　I　should　say　to　her。

A　moment　after　my　friend　returned。　〃She　is　expecting　us；〃　he　said。

〃Is　she　alone？〃　I　asked。

〃With　another　woman。〃

〃There　are　no　men？〃

〃No。〃

〃Come；　then。〃

My　friend　went　toward　the　door　of　the　theatre。

〃That　is　not　the　way；〃　I　said。

〃We　must　go　and　get　some　sweets。　She　asked　me　for　some。〃

We　went　into　a　confectioner's　in　the　passage　de　l'Opera。　I　would　have　bought　the　whole　shop；　and　I　was　looking　about　to　see　what　sweets　to　choose；　when　my　friend　asked　for　a　pound　of　raisins　glaces。

〃Do　you　know　if　she　likes　them？〃

〃She　eats　no　other　kind　of　sweets；　everybody　knows　it。

〃Ah；〃　he　went　on　when　we　had　left　the　shop；　〃do　you　know　what　kind　of　woman　it　is　that　I　am　going　to　introduce　you　to？　Don't　imagine　it　is　a　duchess。　It　is　simply　a　kept　woman；　very　much　kept；　my　dear　fellow；　don't　be　shy；　say　anything　that　comes　into　your　head。〃

〃Yes；　yes；〃　I　stammered；　and　I　followed　him；　saying　to　myself　that　I　should　soon　cure　myself　of　my　passion。

When　I　entered　the　box　Marguerite　was　in　fits　of　laughter。　I　would　rather　that　she　had　been　sad。　My　friend　introduced　me；　Marguerite　gave　me　a　little　nod；　and　said；　〃And　my　sweets？〃

〃Here　they　are。〃

She　looked　at　me　as　she　took　them。　I　dropped　my　eyes　and　blushed。

She　leaned　across　to　her　neighbour　and　said　something　in　her　ear；　at　which　both　laughed。　Evidently　I　was　the　cause　of　their　mirth；　and　my　embarrassment　increased。　At　that　time　I　had　as　mistress　a　very　affectionate　and　sentimental　little　person；　whose　sentiment　and　whose　melancholy　letters　amused　me　greatly。　I　realized　the　pain　I　must　have　given　her　by　what　I　now　experienced；　and　for　five　minutes　I　loved　her　as　no　woman　was　ever　loved。

Marguerite　ate　her　raisins　glaces　without　taking　any　more　notice　of　me。　The　friend　who　had　introduced　me　did　not　wish　to　let　me　remain　in　so　ridiculous　a　position。

〃Marguerite；〃　he　said；　〃you　must　not　be　surprised　if　M。　Duval　says　nothing：　you　overwhelm　him　to　such　a　degree　that　he　can　not　find　a　word　to　say。〃

〃I　should　say；　on　the　contrary；　that　he　has　only　come　with　you　because　it　would　have　bored　you　to　come　here　by　yourself。〃

〃If　that　were　true；〃　I　said；　〃I　should　not　have　begged　Ernest　to　ask　your　permission　to　introduce　me。〃

〃Perhaps　that　was　only　in　order　to　put　off　the　fatal　moment。〃

However　little　one　may　have　known　women　like　Marguerite；　one　can　not　but　know　the　delight　they　take　in　pretending　to　be　witty　and　in　teasing　the　people　whom　they　meet　for　the　first　time。　It　is　no　doubt　a　return　for　the　humiliations　which　they　often　have　to　submit　to　on　the　part　of　those　whom　they　see　every　day。

To　answer　them　properly；　one　requires　a　certain　knack；　and　I　had　not　had　the　opportunity　of　acquiring　it；　besides；　the　idea　that　I　had　formed　of　Marguerite　accentuated　the　effects　of　her　mockery。　Nothing　that　dame　from　her　was　indifferent　to　me。　I　rose　to　my　feet；　saying　in　an　altered　voice；　which　I　could　not　entirely　control：

〃If　that　is　what　you　think　of　me；　madame；　I　have　only　to　ask　your　pardon　for　my　indiscretion；　and　to　take　leave　of　you　with　the　assurance　that　it　shall　not　occur　again。〃

Thereupon　I　bowed　and　quitted　the　box。　I　had　scarcely　closed　the　door　when　I　heard　a　third　peal　of　laughter。　It　would　not　have　been　well　for　anybody　who　had　elbowed　me　at　that　moment。

I　returned　to　my　seat。　The　signal　for　raising　the　curtain　was　given。　Ernest　came　back　to　his　place　beside　me。

〃What　a　way　you　behaved！〃　he　said；　as　he　sat　down。　〃They　will　think　you　are　mad。〃

〃What　did　Marguerite　say　after　I　had　gone？〃

〃She　laughed；　and　said　she　had　never　seen　any　one　so　funny。　But　don't　look　upon　it　as　a　lost　chance；　only　do　not　do　these　women　the　honour　of　taking　them　seriously。　They　do　not　know　what　politeness　and　ceremony　are。　It　is　as　if　you　were　to　offer　perfumes　to　dogsthey　would　think　it　smelled　bad；　and　go　and　roll　in　the　gutter。〃

〃After　all；　what　does　it　matter　to　me？〃　I　said；　affecting　to　speak　in　a　nonchalant　way。　〃I　shall　never　see　this　woman　again；　and　if　I　liked　her　before　meeting　her；　it　is　quite　different　now　that　I　know　her。〃

〃Bah！　I　don't　despair