subject； and perhaps I don't present my case clearly； but I〃
〃No； no…no； no…you state it plain enough； but that cocktail has muddled
me a little。 But I will no； I do understand for that matter； but I would
get the hang of it all the better if you went over it again…and I'll pay
better attention this time。
He said； 〃Why； what I was after was this。〃
＇Here he became even more fearfully impressive than ever； and emphasized
each particular point by checking it off on his finger…ends。＇
〃This vein； or lode； or ledge； or whatever you call it； runs along
between two layers of granite； just the same as if it were a sandwich。
Very well。 Now suppose you go down on that； say a thousand feet； or
maybe twelve hundred （it don't really matter） before you drift； and then
you start your drifts； some of them across the ledge； and others along
the length of it； where the sulphuretsI believe they call them
sulphurets； though why they should； considering that； so far as I can
see； the main dependence of a miner does not so lie； as some suppose； but
in which it cannot be successfully maintained； wherein the same should
not continue； while part and parcel of the same ore not committed to
either in the sense referred to； whereas； under different circumstances；
the most inexperienced among us could not detect it if it were； or might
overlook it if it did； or scorn the very idea of such a thing； even
though it were palpably demonstrated as such。 Am I not right？〃
I said； sorrowfully： 〃I feel ashamed of myself； Mr。 Ward。 I know I
ought to understand you perfectly well； but you see that treacherous
whisky cocktail has got into my head； and now I cannot understand even
the simplest proposition。 I told you how it would be。〃
〃Oh； don't mind it； don't mind it； the fault was my own； no doubtthough
I did think it clear enough for〃
〃Don't say a word。 Clear！ Why； you stated it as clear as the sun to
anybody but an abject idiot； but it's that confounded cocktail that has
played the mischief。〃
〃No； now don't say that。 I'll begin it all over again； and〃
〃Don't nowfor goodness' sake； don't do anything of the kind； because I
tell you my head is in such a condition that I don't believe I could
understand the most trifling question a man could ask me。
〃Now don't you be afraid。 I'll put it so plain this time that you can't
help but get the hang of it。 We will begin at the very beginning。〃
＇Leaning far across the table； with determined impressiveness wrought
upon his every feature； and fingers prepared to keep tally of each point
enumerated； and I； leaning forward with painful interest； resolved to
comprehend or perish。＇ 〃You know the vein； the ledge； the thing that
contains the metal； whereby it constitutes the medium between all other
forces； whether of present or remote agencies； so brought to bear in
favor of the former against the latter； or the latter against the former
or all； or both； or compromising the relative differences existing within
the radius whence culminate the several degrees of similarity to which〃
I said： 〃Oh； hang my wooden head； it ain't any use！it ain't any use to
tryI can't understand anything。 The plainer you get it the more I
can't get the hang of it。〃
I heard a suspicious noise behind me； and turned in time to see Hingston
dodging behind a newspaper； and quaking with a gentle ecstasy of
laughter。 I looked at Ward again； and he had thrown off his dread
solemnity and was laughing also。 Then I saw that I had been soldthat I
had been made a victim of a swindle in the way of a string of plausibly
worded sentences that didn't mean anything under the sun。 Artemus Ward
was one of the best fellows in the world； and one of the most
companionable。 It has been said that he was not fluent in conversation；
but； with the above experience in my mind； I differ。
CANNIBALISM IN THE CARS ＇Written abort 1867。＇
I visited St。 Louis lately； and on my way West； after changing cars at
Terre Haute； Indiana； a mild； benevolent…looking gentleman of about
forty…five； or maybe fifty； came in at one of the way…stations and sat
down beside me。 We talked together pleasantly on various subjects for an
hour； perhaps； and I found him exceedingly intelligent and entertaining。
When he learned that I was from Washington； he immediately began to ask
questions about various public men； and about Congressional affairs； and
I saw very shortly that I was conversing with a man who was perfectly
familiar with the ins and outs of political life at the Capital； even to
the ways and manners； and customs of procedure of Senators and
Representatives in the Chambers of the national Legislature。 Presently
two men halted near us for a single moment； and one said to the other：
〃Harris； if you'll do that for me； I'll never forget you； my boy。〃
My new comrade's eye lighted pleasantly。 The words had touched upon a
happy memory； I thought。 Then his face settled into thoughtfulness
almost into gloom。 He turned to me and said；
〃Let me tell you a story； let me give you a secret chapter of my life
a chapter that has never been referred to by me since its events
transpired。 Listen patiently； and promise that you will not interrupt
me。〃
I said I would not； and he related the following strange adventure；
speaking sometimes with animation； sometimes with melancholy； but always
with feeling and earnestness。
THE STRANGER'S NARRATIVE
〃On the 19th of December； 1853； I started from St。 Louis on the evening
train bound for Chicago。 There were only twenty…four passengers； all
told。 There were no ladies and no children。 We were in excellent
spirits； and pleasant acquaintanceships were soon formed。 The journey
bade fair to be a happy one； and no individual in the party； I think； had
even the vaguest presentiment of the horrors we were soon to undergo。
〃At 11 P。m。 it began to snow hard。 Shortly after leaving the small
village of Welden； we entered upon that tremendous prairie solitude that
stretches its leagues on leagues of houseless dreariness far away toward
the jubilee Settlements。 The winds； unobstructed by trees or hills； or
even vagrant rocks； whistled fiercely across the level desert； driving
the falling snow before it like spray from the crested waves of a stormy
sea。 The snow was deepening fast； and we knew； by the diminished speed
of the train； that the engine was plowing through it with steadily
increasing difficulty。 Indeed； it almost came to a dead halt sometimes；
in the midst of great drifts that piled themselves like colossal graves
across the track。 Conversation began to flag。 Cheerfulness gave place
to grave concern。 The possibility of being imprisoned in the snow； on
the bleak prairie； fifty miles from any house； presented itself to every
mind； and extended its depressing influence over every spirit。
〃At two o'clock in the morning I was aroused out of an uneasy slumber by
the ceasing of all motion about me。 The appalling truth flashed upon me
instantlywe were captives in a snow…drift！ 'All hands to the rescue！'
Every man sprang to obey。 Out into the wild night； the pitchy darkness；
the billowy snow； the driving storm； every soul leaped； with the
consciousness that a moment lost now might bring destruction to us all。
Shovels； hands； boardsanything； everything that could displace snow；
was brought into instant requisition。 It was a weird picture； that small
company of frantic men fighting the banking snows； half in the blackest
shadow and half in the angry light of the locomotive's reflector。
〃One short hour sufficed to prove the utter uselessness of our efforts。
The storm barricaded the track with a dozen drifts while we dug one away。
And worse than this； it was discovered that the last grand charge the
engine had made upon the enemy had broken the fore…and…aft shaft of the
driving…wheel！ With a free track before us we should still have been
helpless。 We entered the car wearied with labor； and very sorrowful。
We gathered about the stoves； and gravely canvassed our situation。 We
had no provisions whateverin this lay our chief distress。 We could not
freeze； for there was a good supply of wood in the tender。 This was our
only comfort。 The discussion ended at last in accepting the
disheartening decision of the conductor； viz。； that it would be death for
any man to attempt to travel fifty miles on foot through snow like that。
We could not send for help； and even if we could it would not come。 We
must submit； and await； as patiently as we might； succor or starvation！
I think the stoutest heart there felt a momentary chill when those words
were uttered。
〃Within the hour conversation subsided to a low murmur here and there
about the car； caught fitfully between the rising and falling of the
blast； the lamps grew dim； and the majority of the castaways settled
themselves among the flickering shadows to thinkto forget the present；
if they couldto sleep； if they might。
〃The eternal night…it surely seemed eternal to us…wore its lagging hours
away at last； and the cold gray dawn broke in the east。 As the light
grew stronger the passengers began to stir and give signs of life； one
after another； and each in turn pushed his slouched hat up from his
forehead； stretched his stiffened limbs； and glanced out of the windows
upon the cheerless prospect。 It was cheer less； indeed！…not a living
thing visible anywhere； not a human habitation； nothing but a vast white
desert； uplifted sheets of snow drifting hither and thither before the
winda world of eddying flakes shutting out the firmament above。
〃All day we moped about the cars； saying little； thinking much。 Another
lingering dreary nightand hunger。
〃Another dawninganother day of silence； sadness； wasting hunger；
hopeless watching for succor that could not come。 A night of restless
slumber； filled with dreams of feastingwakings distressed with the
gnawings of hunger。
〃The fourth day came and wentand the fifth！ Five days of dreadful
imprisonment！ A savage hunger looked out at every eye。 There was in it
a sign of awful importthe foreshadowing of a something that was vaguely
shaping itself in every he