Murphy was the choice； and there never was a better； I am willing to
testify； but John Murphy came home with us； in the train that came to
succor us； and lived to marry the widow Harris〃
〃Relict of〃
〃Relict of our first choice。 He married her； and is happy and respected
and prosperous yet。 Ah； it was like a novel； sirit was like a romance。
This is my stopping…place； sir； I must bid you goodby。 Any time that you
can make it convenient to tarry a day or two with me； I shall be glad to
have you。 I like you； sir； I have conceived an affection for you。
I could like you as well as I liked Harris himself； sir。 Good day； sir；
and a pleasant journey。〃
He was gone。 I never felt so stunned； so distressed； so bewildered in my
life。 But in my soul I was glad he was gone。 With all his gentleness of
manner and his soft voice； I shuddered whenever he turned his hungry eye
upon me； and when I heard that I had achieved his perilous affection； and
that I stood almost with the late Harris in his esteem； my heart fairly
stood still！
I was bewildered beyond description。 I did not doubt his word； I could
not question a single item in a statement so stamped with the earnestness
of truth as his； but its dreadful details overpowered me； and threw my
thoughts into hopeless confusion。 I saw the conductor looking at me。
I said； 〃Who is that man？〃
〃He was a member of Congress once； and a good one。 But he got caught in
a snow…drift in the cars； and like to have been starved to death。 He got
so frost…bitten and frozen up generally； and used up for want of
something to eat； that he was sick and out of his head two or three
months afterward。 He is all right now； only he is a monomaniac； and when
he gets on that old subject he never stops till he has eat up that whole
car…load of people he talks about。 He would have finished the crowd by
this time； only he had to get out here。 He has got their names as pat as
A B C。 When he gets them all eat up but himself； he always says： 'Then
the hour for the usual election for breakfast having arrived； and there
being no opposition； I was duly elected； after which； there being no
objections offered； I resigned。 Thus I am here。'〃
I felt inexpressibly relieved to know that I had only been listening to
the harmless vagaries of a madman instead of the genuine experiences of a
bloodthirsty cannibal。
THE KILLING OF JULIUS CAESAR 〃LOCALIZED〃 ＇Written about 1865。＇
Being the only true and reliable account ever published； taken from the
Roman 〃Daily Evening Fasces；〃 of the date of that tremendous occurrence。
Nothing in the world affords a newspaper reporter so much satisfaction as
gathering up the details of a bloody and mysterious murder and writing
them up with aggravating circumstantiality。 He takes a living delight in
this labor of lovefor such it is to him； especially if he knows that
all the other papers have gone to press； and his will be the only one
that will contain the dreadful intelligence。 A feeling of regret has
often come over me that I was not reporting in Rome when Caesar was
killedreporting on an evening paper； and the only one in the city； and
getting at least twelve hours ahead of the morning…paper boys with this
most magnificent 〃item〃 that ever fell to the lot of the craft。 Other
events have happened as startling as this； but none that possessed so
peculiarly all the characteristics of the favorite 〃item〃 of the present
day； magnified into grandeur and sublimity by the high rank； fame； and
social and political standing of the actors in it。
However； as I was not permitted to report Caesar's assassination in the
regular way； it has at least afforded me rare satisfaction to translate
the following able account of it from the original Latin of the Roman
Daily Evening Fasces of that datesecond edition：
Our usually quiet city of Rome was thrown into a state of wild excitement
yesterday by the occurrence of one of those bloody affrays which sicken
the heart and fill the soul with fear； while they inspire all thinking
men with forebodings for the future of a city where human life is held so
cheaply and the gravest laws are so openly set at defiance。 As the
result of that affray； it is our painful duty； as public journalists； to
record the death of one of our most esteemed citizensa man whose name
is known wherever this paper circulates； and where fame it has been our
pleasure and our privilege to extend； and also to protect from the tongue
of slander and falsehood； to the best of our poor ability。 We refer to
Mr。 J。 Caesar； the Emperor…elect。
The facts of the case； as nearly as our reporter could determine them
from the conflicting statements of eye…witnesses； were about as follows：…
The affair was an election row； of course。 Nine…tenths of the ghastly
butcheries that disgrace the city nowadays grow out of the bickerings and
jealousies and animosities engendered by these accursed elections。 Rome
would be the gainer by it if her very constables were elected to serve a
century； for in our experience we have never even been able to choose a
dog…pelter without celebrating the event with a dozen knockdowns and a
general cramming of the station…house with drunken vagabonds overnight。
It is said that when the immense majority for Caesar at the polls in the
market was declared the other day； and the crown was offered to that
gentleman； even his amazing unselfishness in refusing it three times was
not sufficient to save him from the whispered insults of such men as
Casca； of the Tenth Ward； and other hirelings of the disappointed
candidate； hailing mostly from the Eleventh and Thirteenth and other
outside districts； who were overheard speaking ironically and
contemptuously of Mr。 Caesar's conduct upon that occasion。
We are further informed that there are many among us who think they are
justified in believing that the assassination of Julius Caesar was a put…
up thinga cut…and…dried arrangement； hatched by Marcus Brutus and a lot
of his hired roughs； and carried out only too faithfully according to the
program。 Whether there be good grounds for this suspicion or not； we
leave to the people to judge for themselves； only asking that they will
read the following account of the sad occurrence carefully and
dispassionately before they render that judgment。
The Senate was already in session； and Caesar was coming down the street
toward the capitol； conversing with some personal friends； and followed；
as usual； by a large number of citizens。 Just as he was passing in front
of Demosthenes and Thucydides' drug store； he was observing casually to a
gentleman； who； our informant thinks； is a fortune…teller； that the Ides
of March were come。 The reply was； 〃Yes； they are come； but not gone
yet。〃 At this moment Artemidorus stepped up and passed the time of day；
and asked Caesar to read a schedule or a tract or something of the kind；
which he had brought for his perusal。 Mr。 Decius Brutus also said
something about an 〃humble suit〃 which he wanted read。 Artexnidorus
begged that attention might be paid to his first； because it was of
personal consequence to Caesar。 The latter replied that what concerned
himself should be read last； or words to that effect。 Artemidorus begged
and beseeched him to read the paper instantly！ ＇Mark that： It is hinted
by William Shakespeare； who saw the beginning and the end of the
unfortunate affray； that this 〃schedule〃 was simply a note discovering to
Caesar that a plot was brewing to take his life。＇ However； Caesar
shook him off； and refused to read any petition in the street。 He then
entered the capitol； and the crowd followed him。
About this time the following conversation was overheard； and we consider
that； taken in connection with the events which succeeded it； it bears an
appalling significance： Mr。 Papilius Lena remarked to George W。 Cassias
（commonly known as the 〃Nobby Boy of the Third Ward〃）； a bruiser in the
pay of the Opposition； that he hoped his enterprise to…day might thrive；
and when Cassias asked 〃What enterprise？〃 he only closed his left eye
temporarily and said with simulated indifference； 〃Fare you well；〃 and
sauntered toward Caesar。 Marcus Brutus； who is suspected of being the
ringleader of the band that killed Caesar； asked what it was that Lena
had said。 Cassias told him； and added in a low tone； 〃I fear our purpose
is discovered。〃
Brutus told his wretched accomplice to keep an eye on Lena； and a moment
after Cassias urged that lean and hungry vagrant； Casca； whose reputation
here is none of the best； to be sudden； for he feared prevention。 He
then turned to Brutus； apparently much excited； and asked what should be
done； and swore that either he or Caesar would never turn backhe would
kill himself first。 At this time Caesar was talking to some of the back…
country members about the approaching fall elections； and paying little
attention to what was going on around him。 Billy Trebonius got into
conversation with the people's friend and Caesar'sMark Antonyand
under some pretense or other got him away； and Brutus； Decius； Casca；
Cinna； Metellus Cimber； and others of the gang of infamous desperadoes
that infest Rome at present； closed around the doomed Caesar。 Then
Metellus Cimber knelt down and begged that his brother might be recalled
from banishment； but Caesar rebuked him for his fawning conduct； and
refused to grant his petition。 Immediately； at Cimber's request； first
Brutus and then Cassias begged for the return of the banished Publius；
but Caesar still refused。 He said he could not be moved； that he was as
fixed as the North Star； and proceeded to speak in the most complimentary
terms of the firmness of that star and its steady character。 Then he
said he was like it； and he believed he was the only man in the country
that was； therefore； since he was 〃constant〃 that Cimber should be
banished； he was also 〃constant〃 that he should stay banished； and he'd
be hanged if he didn't keep him so！
Instantly seizing upon this shallow pretext for a fight； Casca sprang at
Caesar and struck him with a dirk； Caesar grabbing him by the arm with
his right hand； and launching a blow s