artist of living memory has called the incommunicable thrill of things。。。。
CHAPTER VIII
The after…effects of this experience of Janet's were not what ordinarily are
called 〃spiritual；〃 though we may some day arrive at a saner meaning of the
term； include within it the impulses and needs of the entire organism。 It left
her with a renewed sense of energy and restlessness； brought her nearer to high
discoveries of mysterious joys which a voice out of the past called upon her to
forego； a voice somehow identified with her father！ It was faint； ineffectual。
In obeying it； would she not lose all life had to give？ When she came in to
supper her father was concerned about her because； instead of walking home with
him she had left him without explanation to plunge into the crowd of workers。
Her evident state of excitement had worried him； her caprice was beyond his
comprehension。 And how could she explain the motives that led to it？ She was
sure he had never felt like that； and as she evaded his questions the something
within her demanding life and expression grew stronger and more rebellious；
more contemptuous of the fear…precepts congenial to a nature timorous and less
vitalized。
After supper； unable to sit still； she went out； and； filled with the spirit of
adventure； hurried toward Faber Street； which was already thronging with
people。 It was bright here and gay； the shops glittered； and she wandered from
window to window until she found herself staring at a suit of blue cloth hung
on a form； beneath which was a card that read； 〃Marked down to 20。〃 And
suddenly the suggestion flashed into her mind； why shouldn't she buy it？ She
had the money； she needed a new suit for the winter； the one she possessed was
getting shabby。。。but behind the excuse of necessity was the real reason
triumphantly proclaiming itselfshe would look pretty in it； she would be
transformed； she would be buying a new character to which she would have to
live up。 The old Janet would be cast off with the old raiment； the new suit
would announce to herself and to the world a Janet in whom were released all
those longings hitherto disguised and suppressed； and now become insupportable！
This was what the purchase meant； a change of existence as complete as that
between the moth and the butterfly； and the realization of this fact； of the
audacity she was resolved to commit made her hot as she gazed at the suit。 It
was modest enough； yet it had a certain distinction of cut； it looked
expensive： twenty dollars was not cheap； to be sure； but as the placard
announced； it had the air of being much more costlyeven more costly than
thirty dollars； which seemed fabulous。 Though she strove to remain outwardly
calm； her heart beat rapidly as she entered the store and asked for the
costume； and was somewhat reassured by the comportment of the saleswoman； who
did not appear to think the request preposterous； to regard her as a
spendthrift and a profligate。 She took down the suit from the form and led
Janet to a cabinet in the back of the shop； where it was tried on。
〃It's worth every bit of thirty dollars；〃 she heard the woman say； 〃but we've
had it here for some time； and it's no use for our trade。 You can't sell
anything like that in Hampton； there's no taste here； it's too good； it ain't
showy enough。 My； it fits you like it was made for you； and it's just your
styleand you can see it wants a lady to wear it。 Your old suit is too tight…
…I guess you've filled out some since you bought it。〃
She turned Janet around and around； patting the skirt here and there； and then
stood off a little way； with clasped hands； her expression almost rapturous。
Janet's breath came fast as she gazed into the mirror and buttoned up the coat。
Was the woman's admiration cleverly feigned？ this image she beheld an illusion？
or did she really look different； distinguished？ and if not beautiful
alluring？ She had had a momentary apprehension； almost sickening； that she
would be too conspicuous； but the saleswoman had anticipated that objection
with the magical word 〃lady。〃
〃I'll take it；〃 she announced。
〃Well； you couldn't have done better if you'd gone to Boston；〃 declared the
woman。 〃It's one chance in a thousand。 Will you wear it？〃
〃Yes；〃 said Janet faintly。。。。 〃Just put my old suit in a box； and I'll call
for it in an hour。〃
The woman's sympathetic smile followed her as she left the shop。 She had an
instant of hesitation； of an almost panicky desire to go back and repair her
folly； ere it was too late。 Why had she taken her money with her that evening；
if not with some deliberate though undefined purpose？ But she was ashamed to
face the saleswoman again； and her elation was not to be repressedan elation
optically presented by a huge electric sign on the farther side of the street
that flashed through all the colours of the spectrum； surrounded by running
fire like the running fire in her soul。 Deliciously self…conscious； her gaze
fixed ahead； she pressed through the Wednesday night crowds； young mill men and
women in their best clothes； housewives and fathers of families with children
and bundles。 In front of the Banner office a group blocked the pavement
staring up at the news bulletin； which she paused to read。 〃Five Millionaire
Directors Indicted in New York；〃 〃State Treasurer Accused of Graft；〃 〃Murdock
Fortune Contested by Heirs。〃 The phrases seemed meaningless； and she hurried
on again。。。。 She was being noticed！ A man looked at her； twice； the first
glance accidental； the second arresting； appealing； subtly flattering；
agitatingshe was sure he had turned and was following her。 She hastened her
steps。 It was wicked； what she was doing； but she gloried in it； and even the
sight； in burning red letters； of Gruber's Cafe failed to bring on a revulsion
by its association with her sister Lise。 The fact that Lise had got drunk
there meant nothing to her now。 She gazed curiously at the illuminated；
orange…coloured panes separated by curving leads； at the design of a harp in
green； at the sign 〃Ladies' Entrance〃； listened eagerly to the sounds of voices
and laughter that came from within。 She looked cautiously over her shoulder； a
shadow appeared； she heard a voice； low； insinuating。。。。
Four blocks farther down she stopped。 The man was no longer following her。
She had been almost self…convinced of an intention to go to Eda'snot quite。
Of late her conscience had reproached her about Eda； Janet had neglected her。
She told herself she was afraid of Eda's uncanny and somewhat nauseating flair
for romance； and to show Eda the new suit； though she would relish her friend's
praise； would be the equivalent of announcing an affair of the heart which she；
Janet； would have indignantly to deny。 She was not going to Eda's。 She knew
now where she was going。 A prepared but hitherto undisclosed decree of fate
had bade her put money in her bag that evening； directed her to the shop to buy
the dress； and would presently impel her to go to West Streetnay； was even
now so impelling her。 Ahead of her were the lights of the Chippering Mill； in
her ears was the rhythmic sound of the looms working of nights on the Bradlaugh
order。 She reached the canal。 The white arc above the end of the bridge cast
sharp； black shadows of the branches of the trees on the granite； the thousand
windows of the mill shone yellow； reflected in the black water。 Twice she
started to go； twice she paused； held by the presage of a coming event； a
presage that robbed her of complete surprise when she heard footsteps on the
bridge； saw the figure of a man halting at the crown of the arch to look back
at the building he had left； his shoulders squared； his hand firmly clasping
the rail。 Her heart was throbbing with the looms； and yet she stood
motionless； until he turned and came rapidly down the slope of the arch and
stopped in front of her。 Under the arc lamp it was almost as bright as day。
〃Miss Bumpus！〃 he exclaimed。
〃Mr。 Ditmar〃 she said。
〃Were youwere you coming to the office？〃
〃I was just out walking；〃 she told him。 〃I thought you were in Boston。〃
〃I came home；〃 he informed her； somewhat superfluously； his eyes never leaving
her； wandering hungrily from her face to her new suit； and back again to her
face。 〃I got here on the seven o'clock train； I wanted to see about those new
Blubbers。〃
〃They finished setting them up this afternoon；〃 she said。
〃How did you know？〃
〃I asked Mr。 Orcutt about itI thought you might telephone。〃
〃You're a wonder；〃 was his comment。 〃Well； we've got a running start on that
order；〃 and he threw a glance over his shoulder at the mill。 〃Everything going
full speed ahead。 When we put it through I guess I'll have to give you some of
the credit。〃
〃Oh； I haven't done anything；〃 she protested。
〃More than you think。 You've taken so much off my shoulders I couldn't get
along without you。〃 His voice vibrated； reminding her of the voices of those
who made sentimental recitations for the graphophone。 It sounded absurd； yet
it did not repel her： something within her responded to it。 〃Which way were
you going？〃 he inquired。
〃Home；〃 she said。
〃Where do you live？〃
〃In Fillmore Street。〃 And she added with a touch of defiance： 〃It's a little
street； three blocks above Hawthorne； off East Street。〃
〃Oh yes；〃 he said vaguely； as though he had not understood。 〃I'll come with
you as far as the bridgealong the canal。 I've got so much to say to you。〃
〃Can't you say it to…morrow？〃
〃No； I can't； there are so many people in the officeso many interruptions； I
mean。 And then； you never give me a chance。〃
She stood hesitating； a struggle going on within her。 He had proposed the
route along the canal because nobody would be likely to recognize them； and her
pride resented this。 On the other hand； there was the sweet allurement of the
adventure she craved； which indeed she had come out to seek and by a strange
fatality foundsince he had appeared on the bridge almost as soon as she
reached it。 The sense of fate was strong upon her。 Curiosity urged her； and；
thanks to the eulogy she had read of him that day； t