sound。 One by one the people about her； unconscious of what had
happened； turned their heads； and inquiry and alarm became visible
upon their faces at the sight of the poor child。 A moment longer；
and she fell to the floor；
The next impression of which Cytherea had any consciousness was of
being carried from a strange vehicle across the pavement to the
steps of her own house by her brother and an older man。
Recollection of what had passed evolved itself an instant later； and
just as they entered the doorthrough which another and sadder
burden had been carried but a few instants beforeher eyes caught
sight of the south…western sky； and； without heeding； saw white
sunlight shining in shaft…like lines from a rift in a slaty cloud。
Emotions will attach themselves to scenes that are simultaneous
however foreign in essence these scenes may beas chemical waters
will crystallize on twigs and wires。 Even after that time any
mental agony brought less vividly to Cytherea's mind the scene from
the Town Hall windows than sunlight streaming in shaft…like lines。
4。 OCTOBER THE NINETEENTH
When death enters a house； an element of sadness and an element of
horror accompany it。 Sadness； from the death itself： horror； from
the clouds of blackness we designedly labour to introduce。
The funeral had taken place。 Depressed； yet resolved in his
demeanour； Owen Graye sat before his father's private escritoire；
engaged in turning out and unfolding a heterogeneous collection of
papersforbidding and inharmonious to the eye at all timesmost of
all to one under the influence of a great grief。 Laminae of white
paper tied with twine were indiscriminately intermixed with other
white papers bounded by black edgesthese with blue foolscap
wrapped round with crude red tape。
The bulk of these letters； bills； and other documents were submitted
to a careful examination； by which the appended particulars were
ascertained：
First； that their father's income from professional sources had
been very small； amounting to not more than half their expenditure；
and that his own and his wife's property； upon which he had relied
for the balance； had been sunk and lost in unwise loans to
unscrupulous men； who had traded upon their father's too open…
hearted trustfulness。
Second； that finding his mistake； he had endeavoured to regain
his standing by the illusory path of speculation。 The most notable
instance of this was the following。 He had been induced； when at
Plymouth in the autumn of the previous year； to venture all his
spare capital on the bottomry security of an Italian brig which had
put into the harbour in distress。 The profit was to be
considerable； so was the risk。 There turned out to be no security
whatever。 The circumstances of the case tendered it the most
unfortunate speculation that a man like himselfignorant of all
such matterscould possibly engage in。 The vessel went down； and
all Mr。 Graye's money with it。
Third； that these failures had left him burdened with debts he
knew not how to meet； so that at the time of his death even the few
pounds lying to his account at the bank were his only in name。
Fourth； that the loss of his wife two years earlier had
awakened him to a keen sense of his blindness； and of his duty by
his children。 He had then resolved to reinstate by unflagging zeal
in the pursuit of his profession； and by no speculation； at least a
portion of the little fortune he had let go。
Cytherea was frequently at her brother's elbow during these
examinations。 She often remarked sadly
'Poor papa failed to fulfil his good intention for want of time；
didn't he； Owen？ And there was an excuse for his past； though he
never would claim it。 I never forget that original disheartening
blow； and how that from it sprang all the ills of his life
everything connected with his gloom； and the lassitude in business
we used so often to see about him。'
'I remember what he said once；' returned the brother； 'when I sat up
late with him。 He said； 〃Owen； don't love too blindly： blindly you
will love if you love at all； but a little care is still possible to
a well…disciplined heart。 May that heart be yours as it was not
mine；〃 father said。 〃Cultivate the art of renunciation。〃 And I am
going to； Cytherea。'
'And once mamma said that an excellent woman was papa's ruin；
because he did not know the way to give her up when he had lost her。
I wonder where she is now； Owen？ We were told not to try to find
out anything about her。 Papa never told us her name； did he？'
'That was by her own request； I believe。 But never mind her； she
was not our mother。'
The love affair which had been Ambrose Graye's disheartening blow
was precisely of that nature which lads take little account of； but
girls ponder in their hearts。
5。 FROM OCTOBER THE NINETEENTH TO JULY THE NINTH
Thus Ambrose Graye's good intentions with regard to the
reintegration of his property had scarcely taken tangible form when
his sudden death put them for ever out of his power。
Heavy bills； showing the extent of his obligations； tumbled in
immediately upon the heels of the funeral from quarters previously
unheard and unthought of。 Thus pressed； a bill was filed in
Chancery to have the assets； such as they were； administered by the
Court。
'What will become of us now？' thought Owen continually。
There is in us an unquenchable expectation； which at the gloomiest
time persists in inferring that because we are OURSELVES； there must
be a special future in store for us； though our nature and
antecedents to the remotest particular have been common to
thousands。 Thus to Cytherea and Owen Graye the question how their
lives would end seemed the deepest of possible enigmas。 To others
who knew their position equally well with themselves the question
was the easiest that could be asked'Like those of other people
similarly circumstanced。'
Then Owen held a consultation with his sister to come to some
decision on their future course； and a month was passed in waiting
for answers to letters； and in the examination of schemes more or
less futile。 Sudden hopes that were rainbows to the sight proved
but mists to the touch。 In the meantime； unpleasant remarks；
disguise them as some well…meaning people might； were floating
around them every day。 The undoubted truth； that they were the
children of a dreamer who let slip away every farthing of his money
and ran into debt with his neighboursthat the daughter had been
brought up to no professionthat the son who had； had made no
progress in it； and might come to the dogscould not from the
nature of things be wrapped up in silence in order that it might not
hurt their feelings； and as a matter of fact； it greeted their ears
in some form or other wherever they went。 Their few acquaintances
passed them hurriedly。 Ancient pot…wallopers； and thriving
shopkeepers； in their intervals of leisure； stood at their shop…
doorstheir toes hanging over the edge of the step； and their obese
waists hanging over their toesand in discourses with friends on
the pavement； formulated the course of the improvident； and reduced
the children's prospects to a shadow…like attenuation。 The sons of
these men （who wore breastpins of a sarcastic kind； and smoked
humorous pipes） stared at Cytherea with a stare unmitigated by any
of the respect that had formerly softened it。
Now it is a noticeable fact that we do not much mind what men think
of us； or what humiliating secret they discover of our means；
parentage； or object； provided that each thinks and acts thereupon
in isolation。 It is the exchange of ideas about us that we dread
most； and the possession by a hundred acquaintances； severally
insulated； of the knowledge of our skeleton…closet's whereabouts； is
not so distressing to the nerves as a chat over it by a party of
half…a…dozenexclusive depositaries though these may be。
Perhaps； though Hocbridge watched and whispered； its animus would
have been little more than a trifle to persons in thriving
circumstances。 But unfortunately； poverty； whilst it is new； and
before the skin has had time to thicken； makes people susceptible
inversely to their opportunities for shielding themselves。 In Owen
was found； in place of his father's impressibility； a larger share
of his father's pride； and a squareness of idea which； if coupled
with a little more blindness； would have amounted to positive
prejudice。 To him humanity； so far as he had thought of it at all；
was rather divided into distinct classes than blended from extreme
to extreme。 Hence by a sequence of ideas which might be traced if
it were worth while； he either detested or respected opinion； and
instinctively sought to escape a cold shade that mere sensitiveness
would have endured。 He could have submitted to separation；
sickness； exile； drudgery； hunger and thirst； with stoical
indifference； but superciliousness was too incisive。
After living on for nine months in attempts to make an income as his
father's successor in the professionattempts which were utterly
fruitless by reason of his inexperienceGraye came to a simple and
sweeping resolution。 They would privately leave that part of
England； drop from the sight of acquaintances； gossips； harsh
critics； and bitter creditors of whose misfortune he was not the
cause； and escape the position which galled him by the only road
their great poverty left open to themthat of his obtaining some
employment in a distant place by following his profession as a
humble under…draughtsman。
He thought over his capabilities with the sensations of a soldier
grinding his sword at the opening of a campaign。 What with lack of
employment； owing to the decrease of his late father's practice； and
the absence of direct and uncompromising pressure towards monetary
results from a pupil's labour （which seems to be always the case
when a professional man's pupil is also his son）； Owen's progress in
the art and science of architecture had been very insignificant
indeed。 Though anything but an idle young man； he had hardly
reached the age at which industrious men who lack an external whip
to send them on in the w