desperate remedies- 第49部分

3。　　NOON

The　weather　gave　way。　　In　half…an…hour　there　began　a　rapid　thaw。　　By
ten　o'clock　the　roads；　though　still　dangerous；　were　practicable　to
the　extent　of　the　half…mile　required　by　the　people　of　Knapwater
Park。　　One　mass　of　heavy　leaden　cloud　spread　over　the　whole　sky；　the
air　began　to　feel　damp　and　mild　out　of　doors；　though　still　cold　and
frosty　within。

They　reached　the　church　and　passed　up　the　nave；　the　deep…coloured
glass　of　the　narrow　windows　rendering　the　gloom　of　the　morning
almost　night　itself　inside　the　building。　　Then　the　ceremony　began。
The　only　warmth　or　spirit　imported　into　it　came　from　the　bridegroom；
who　retained　a　vigorouseven　Spenserianbridal…mood　throughout　the
morning。

Cytherea　was　as　firm　as　he　at　this　critical　moment；　but　as　cold　as
the　air　surrounding　her。　　The　few　persons　forming　the　wedding…party
were　constrained　in　movement　and　tone；　and　from　the　nave　of　the
church　came　occasional　coughs；　emitted　by　those　who；　in　spite　of　the
weather；　had　assembled　to　see　the　termination　of　Cytherea's
existence　as　a　single　woman。　　Many　poor　people　loved　her。　　They
pitied　her　success；　why；　they　could　not　tell；　except　that　it　was
because　she　seemed　to　stand　more　like　a　statue　than　Cytherea　Graye。

Yet　she　was　prettily　and　carefully　dressed；　a　strange　contradiction
in　a　man's　idea　of　thingsa　saddening；　perplexing　contradiction。
Are　there　any　points　in　which　a　difference　of　sex　amounts　to　a
difference　of　nature？　　Then　this　is　surely　one。　　Not　so　much；　as　it
is　commonly　put；　in　regard　to　the　amount　of　consideration　given；　but
in　the　conception　of　the　thing　considered。　　A　man　emasculated　by
coxcombry　may　spend　more　time　upon　the　arrangement　of　his　clothes
than　any　woman；　but　even　then　there　is　no　fetichism　in　his　idea　of
themthey　are　still　only　a　covering　he　uses　for　a　time。　　But　here
was　Cytherea；　in　the　bottom　of　her　heart　almost　indifferent　to　life；
yet　possessing　an　instinct　with　which　her　heart　had　nothing　to　do；
the　instinct　to　be　particularly　regardful　of　those　sorry　trifles；
her　robe；　her　flowers；　her　veil；　and　her　gloves。

The　irrevocable　words　were　soon　spokenthe　indelible　writing　soon
writtenand　they　came　out　of　the　vestry。　　Candles　had　been
necessary　here　to　enable　them　to　sign　their　names；　and　on　their
return　to　the　church　the　light　from　the　candles　streamed　from　the
small　open　door；　and　across　the　chancel　to　a　black　chestnut　screen
on　the　south　side；　dividing　it　from　a　small　chapel　or　chantry；
erected　for　the　soul's　peace　of　some　Aldclyffe　of　the　past。　　Through
the　open…work　of　this　screen　could　now　be　seen　illuminated；　inside
the　chantry；　the　reclining　figures　of　cross…legged　knights；　damp　and
green　with　age；　and　above　them　a　huge　classic　monument；　also
inscribed　to　the　Aldclyffe　family；　heavily　sculptured　in　cadaverous
marble。

Leaning　herealmost　hanging　to　the　monumentwas　Edward　Springrove；
or　his　spirit。

The　weak　daylight　would　never　have　revealed　him；　shaded　as　he　was　by
the　screen；　but　the　unexpected　rays　of　candle…light　in　the　front
showed　him　forth　in　startling　relief　to　any　and　all　of　those　whose
eyes　wandered　in　that　direction。　　The　sight　was　a　sad　onesad
beyond　all　description。　　His　eyes　were　wild；　their　orbits　leaden。
His　face　was　of　a　sickly　paleness；　his　hair　dry　and　disordered；　his
lips　parted　as　if　he　could　get　no　breath。　　His　figure　was　spectre…
thin。　　His　actions　seemed　beyond　his　own　control。

Manston　did　not　see　him；　Cytherea　did。　　The　healing　effect　upon　her
heart　of　a　year's　silencea　year　and　a　half's　separationwas
undone　in　an　instant。　　One　of　those　strange　revivals　of　passion　by
mere　sightcommoner　in　women　than　in　men；　and　in　oppressed　women
commonest　of　allhad　taken　place　in　herso　transcendently；　that
even　to　herself　it　seemed　more　like　a　new　creation　than　a　revival。

Marrying　for　a　homewhat　a　mockery　it　was！

It　may　be　said　that　the　means　most　potent　for　rekindling　old　love　in
a　maiden's　heart　are；　to　see　her　lover　in　laughter　and　good　spirits
in　her　despite　when　the　breach　has　been　owing　to　a　slight　from
herself；　when　owing　to　a　slight　from　him；　to　see　him　suffering　for
his　own　fault。　　If　he　is　happy　in　a　clear　conscience；　she　blames
him；　if　he　is　miserable　because　deeply　to　blame；　she　blames　herself。
The　latter　was　Cytherea's　case　now。

First；　an　agony　of　face　told　of　the　suppressed　misery　within　her；
which　presently　could　be　suppressed　no　longer。　When　they　were　coming
out　of　the　porch；　there　broke　from　her　in　a　low　plaintive　scream　the
words；　'He's　dyingdying！　　O　God；　save　us！'　　She　began　to　sink
down；　and　would　have　fallen　had　not　Manston　caught　her。　　The　chief
bridesmaid　applied　her　vinaigrette。

'What　did　she　say？'　inquired　Manston。

Owen　was　the　only　one　to　whom　the　words　were　intelligible；　and　he
was　far　too　deeply　impressed；　or　rather　alarmed；　to　reply。　　She　did
not　faint；　and　soon　began　to　recover　her　self…command。　　Owen　took
advantage　of　the　hindrance　to　step　back　to　where　the　apparition　had
been　seen。　　He　was　enraged　with　Springrove　for　what　he　considered　an
unwarrantable　intrusion。

But　Edward　was　not　in　the　chantry。　　As　he　had　come；　so　he　had　gone；
nobody　could　tell　how　or　whither。

4。　　AFTERNOON

It　might　almost　have　been　believed　that　a　transmutation　had　taken
place　in　Cytherea's　idiosyncrasy；　that　her　moral　nature　had　fled。

The　wedding…party　returned　to　the　house。　　As　soon　as　he　could　find
an　opportunity；　Owen　took　his　sister　aside　to　speak　privately　with
her　on　what　had　happened。　　The　expression　of　her　face　was　hard；
wild；　and　unrealan　expression　he　had　never　seen　there　before；　and
it　disturbed　him。　　He　spoke　to　her　severely　and　sadly。

'Cytherea；'　he　said；　'I　know　the　cause　of　this　emotion　of　yours。
But　remember　this；　there　was　no　excuse　for　it。　　You　should　have　been
woman　enough　to　control　yourself。　　Remember　whose　wife　you　are；　and
don't　think　anything　more　of　a　mean…spirited　fellow　like　Springrove；
he　had　no　business　to　come　there　as　he　did。　　You　are　altogether
wrong；　Cytherea；　and　I　am　vexed　with　you　more　than　I　can　sayvery
vexed。'

'Say　ashamed　of　me　at　once；'　she　bitterly　answered。

'I　am　ashamed　of　you；'　he　retorted　angrily；　'the　mood　has　not　left
you　yet；　then？'

'Owen；'　she　said；　and　paused。　　Her　lip　trembled；　her　eye　told　of
sensations　too　deep　for　tears。　　'No；　Owen；　it　has　not　left　me；　and　I
will　be　honest。　　I　own　now　to　you；　without　any　disguise　of　words；
what　last　night　I　did　not　own　to　myself；　because　I　hardly　knew　of
it。　　I　love　Edward　Springrove　with　all　my　strength；　and　heart；　and
soul。　　You　call　me　a　wanton　for　it；　don't　you？　　I　don't　care；　I　have
gone　beyond　caring　for　anything！'　　She　looked　stonily　into　his　face
and　made　the　speech　calmly。

'Well；　poor　Cytherea；　don't　talk　like　that！'　he　said；　alarmed　at　her
manner。

'I　thought　that　I　did　not　love　him　at　all；'　she　went　on
hysterically。　　'A　year　and　a　half　had　passed　since　we　met。　　I　could
go　by　the　gate　of　his　garden　without　thinking　of　himlook　at　his
seat　in　church　and　not　care。　　But　I　saw　him　this　morningdying
because　he　loves　me　soI　know　it　is　that！　　Can　I　help　loving　him
too？　　No；　I　cannot；　and　I　will　love　him；　and　I　don't　care！　　We　have
been　separated　somehow　by　some　contrivanceI　know　we　have。　　O；　if　I
could　only　die！'

He　held　her　in　his　arms。　　'Many　a　woman　has　gone　to　ruin　herself；'
he　said；　'and　brought　those　who　love　her　into　disgrace；　by　acting
upon　such　impulses　as　possess　you　now。　　I　have　a　reputation　to　lose
as　well　as　you。　　It　seems　that　do　what　I　will　by　way　of　remedying
the　stains　which　fell　upon　us；　it　is　all　doomed　to　be　undone　again。'
His　voice　grew　husky　as　he　made　the　reply。

The　right　and　only　effective　chord　had　been　touched。　　Since　she　had
seen　Edward；　she　had　thought　only　of　herself　and　him。　　Owenher
namepositionfuturehad　been　as　if　they　did　not　exist。

'I　won't　give　way　and　become　a　disgrace　to　YOU；　at　any　rate；'　she
said。

'Besides；　your　duty　to　society；　and　those　about　you；　requires　that
you　should　live　with　（at　any　rate）　all　the　appearance　of　a　good
wife；　and　try　to　love　your　husband。'

'Yesmy　duty　to　society；'　she　murmured。　　'But　ah；　Owen；　it　is
difficult　to　adjust　our　outer　and　inner　life　with　perfect　honesty　to
all！　　Though　it　may　be　right　to　care　more　for　the　benefit　of　the
many　than　for　the　indulgence　of　your　own　single　self；　when　you
consider　that　the　many；　and　duty　to　them；　only　exist　to　you　through
your　own　existence；　what　can　be　said？　　What　do　our　own　acquaintances
care　about　us？　　Not　much。　　I　think　of　mine。　　Mine　will　now　（do　they
learn　all　the　wicked　frailty　of　my　heart　in　this　affair）　look　at　me；
smile　sickly；　and　condemn　me。　　And　perhaps；　far　in　time　to　come；
when　I　am　dead　and　gone；　some　other's　accent；　or　some　other's　song；
or　thought；　like　an　old　one　of　mine；　will　carry　them　back　to　what　I
used　to　say；　and　hurt　their　hearts　a　little　that　they　blamed　me　so
soon。　　And　they　will　pause　just　for　an　instant；　and　give　a　sigh　to
me；　and　think；　〃Poor　girl！〃　believing　they　do　great　justice　to　my
memory　by　this。　　But　they　will　never；　never　realize　that　it　was　my
single　opportunity　of　existence；　as　well　as　of　doing　my　duty；　which
they　are　regarding；　they　will　not　feel　that　what　to　them　is　but　a
thought；　easily　held　in　those　two　words　of　pity；　〃Poor　girl！〃　was　a
whole　life　to　me；　as　full　of　hours；　minutes；　and　peculiar　minutes；
of　hopes　and　dreads；　smiles；　whisperings；　tears；　as　theirs：　　that　it
was　my　world；　what　is　to　them　their　world；　and　they　in　that　life　of
mine；　however　much　I　cared　for　them；　only　as　the　thought　I　seem　to
them　to　be。　　Nobody　can　enter　into　another's　nature　truly；　that's
what　is　so　grievous。'

'Well；　it　cannot　be　helped；'　said　Owen。

'But　we　must　not　stay　here；'　she　continued；　starting　up　and　going。
'We　shall　be　missed。　　I'll　do　my　best；　OwenI　will；　indeed。'

It　had　been　decided　that　on　account　of　the　wretched　state　of　the
roads；　the　newly…married　pair　should　not　drive　to　the　station　till
the　latest　hour　in　the　afternoon　at　which　they　could　get　a　train　to
take　them　to　Southampton　（their　destination　that　night）　by　a
reasonable　time　in　the　evening。　　They　intended　the　next　morning　to
cross　to　Havre；　and　thence　to　Parisa　place　Cytherea　had　never
visitedfor　t