replenishing； and it makes a very sociable camp…fire； and one around
which the most impossible reminiscences sound plausible； instructive； and
profoundly entertaining。
Sage…brush is very fair fuel； but as a vegetable it is a distinguished
failure。 Nothing can abide the taste of it but the jackass and his
illegitimate child the mule。 But their testimony to its nutritiousness
is worth nothing； for they will eat pine knots； or anthracite coal； or
brass filings； or lead pipe； or old bottles； or anything that comes
handy； and then go off looking as grateful as if they had had oysters for
dinner。 Mules and donkeys and camels have appetites that anything will
relieve temporarily； but nothing satisfy。
In Syria； once； at the head…waters of the Jordan； a camel took charge of
my overcoat while the tents were being pitched； and examined it with a
critical eye； all over； with as much interest as if he had an idea of
getting one made like it； and then； after he was done figuring on it as
an article of apparel； he began to contemplate it as an article of diet。
He put his foot on it； and lifted one of the sleeves out with his teeth；
and chewed and chewed at it； gradually taking it in； and all the while
opening and closing his eyes in a kind of religious ecstasy； as if he had
never tasted anything as good as an overcoat before； in his life。 Then
he smacked his lips once or twice； and reached after the other sleeve。
Next he tried the velvet collar； and smiled a smile of such contentment
that it was plain to see that he regarded that as the daintiest thing
about an overcoat。 The tails went next； along with some percussion caps
and cough candy； and some fig…paste from Constantinople。 And then my
newspaper correspondence dropped out； and he took a chance in that
manuscript letters written for the home papers。 But he was treading on
dangerous ground； now。 He began to come across solid wisdom in those
documents that was rather weighty on his stomach； and occasionally he
would take a joke that would shake him up till it loosened his teeth； it
was getting to be perilous times with him； but he held his grip with good
courage and hopefully； till at last he began to stumble on statements
that not even a camel could swallow with impunity。 He began to gag and
gasp； and his eyes to stand out； and his forelegs to spread； and in about
a quarter of a minute he fell over as stiff as a carpenter's work…bench；
and died a death of indescribable agony。 I went and pulled the
manuscript out of his mouth； and found that the sensitive creature had
choked to death on one of the mildest and gentlest statements of fact
that I ever laid before a trusting public。
I was about to say； when diverted from my subject； that occasionally one
finds sage…bushes five or six feet high； and with a spread of branch and
foliage in proportion； but two or two and a half feet is the usual
height。
CHAPTER IV。
As the sun went down and the evening chill came on； we made preparation
for bed。 We stirred up the hard leather letter…sacks； and the knotty
canvas bags of printed matter （knotty and uneven because of projecting
ends and corners of magazines； boxes and books）。 We stirred them up and
redisposed them in such a way as to make our bed as level as possible。
And we did improve it； too； though after all our work it had an upheaved
and billowy look about it； like a little piece of a stormy sea。 Next we
hunted up our boots from odd nooks among the mail…bags where they had
settled； and put them on。 Then we got down our coats； vests； pantaloons
and heavy woolen shirts； from the arm…loops where they had been swinging
all day； and clothed ourselves in themfor； there being no ladies either
at the stations or in the coach； and the weather being hot； we had looked
to our comfort by stripping to our underclothing； at nine o'clock in the
morning。 All things being now ready； we stowed the uneasy Dictionary
where it would lie as quiet as possible； and placed the water…canteens
and pistols where we could find them in the dark。 Then we smoked a final
pipe； and swapped a final yarn； after which； we put the pipes； tobacco
and bag of coin in snug holes and caves among the mail…bags； and then
fastened down the coach curtains all around； and made the place as 〃dark
as the inside of a cow；〃 as the conductor phrased it in his picturesque
way。 It was certainly as dark as any place could benothing was even
dimly visible in it。 And finally； we rolled ourselves up like silk…
worms； each person in his own blanket； and sank peacefully to sleep。
Whenever the stage stopped to change horses； we would wake up； and try to
recollect where we wereand succeedand in a minute or two the stage
would be off again； and we likewise。 We began to get into country； now；
threaded here and there with little streams。 These had high； steep banks
on each side； and every time we flew down one bank and scrambled up the
other； our party inside got mixed somewhat。 First we would all be down
in a pile at the forward end of the stage； nearly in a sitting posture；
and in a second we would shoot to the other end； and stand on our heads。
And we would sprawl and kick； too； and ward off ends and corners of mail…
bags that came lumbering over us and about us； and as the dust rose from
the tumult； we would all sneeze in chorus； and the majority of us would
grumble； and probably say some hasty thing； like： 〃Take your elbow out of
my ribs！can't you quit crowding？〃
Every time we avalanched from one end of the stage to the other； the
Unabridged Dictionary would come too； and every time it came it damaged
somebody。 One trip it 〃barked〃 the Secretary's elbow； the next trip it
hurt me in the stomach； and the third it tilted Bemis's nose up till he
could look down his nostrilshe said。 The pistols and coin soon settled
to the bottom； but the pipes； pipe…stems； tobacco and canteens clattered
and floundered after the Dictionary every time it made an assault on us；
and aided and abetted the book by spilling tobacco in our eyes； and water
down our backs。
Still； all things considered； it was a very comfortable night。 It wore
gradually away； and when at last a cold gray light was visible through
the puckers and chinks in the curtains； we yawned and stretched with
satisfaction； shed our cocoons； and felt that we had slept as much as was
necessary。 By and by； as the sun rose up and warmed the world； we pulled
off our clothes and got ready for breakfast。 We were just pleasantly in
time； for five minutes afterward the driver sent the weird music of his
bugle winding over the grassy solitudes； and presently we detected a low
hut or two in the distance。 Then the rattling of the coach； the clatter
of our six horses' hoofs； and the driver's crisp commands； awoke to a
louder and stronger emphasis； and we went sweeping down on the station at
our smartest speed。 It was fascinatingthat old overland stagecoaching。
We jumped out in undress uniform。 The driver tossed his gathered reins
out on the ground； gaped and stretched complacently； drew off his heavy
buckskin gloves with great deliberation and insufferable dignitytaking
not the slightest notice of a dozen solicitous inquires after his health；
and humbly facetious and flattering accostings； and obsequious tenders of
service； from five or six hairy and half…civilized station…keepers and
hostlers who were nimbly unhitching our steeds and bringing the fresh
team out of the stablesfor in the eyes of the stage…driver of that day；
station…keepers and hostlers were a sort of good enough low creatures；
useful in their place； and helping to make up a world； but not the kind
of beings which a person of distinction could afford to concern himself
with； while； on the contrary； in the eyes of the station…keeper and the
hostler； the stage…driver was a heroa great and shining dignitary； the
world's favorite son； the envy of the people； the observed of the
nations。 When they spoke to him they received his insolent silence
meekly； and as being the natural and proper conduct of so great a man；
when he opened his lips they all hung on his words with admiration （he
never honored a particular individual with a remark； but addressed it
with a broad generality to the horses； the stables； the surrounding
country and the human underlings）； when he discharged a facetious
insulting personality at a hostler； that hostler was happy for the day；
when he uttered his one jestold as the hills； coarse； profane； witless；
and inflicted on the same audience； in the same language； every time his
coach drove up therethe varlets roared； and slapped their thighs； and
swore it was the best thing they'd ever heard in all their lives。 And
how they would fly around when he wanted a basin of water； a gourd of the
same； or a light for his pipe！but they would instantly insult a
passenger if he so far forgot himself as to crave a favor at their hands。
They could do that sort of insolence as well as the driver they copied it
fromfor； let it be borne in mind； the overland driver had but little
less contempt for his passengers than he had for his hostlers。
The hostlers and station…keepers treated the really powerful conductor of
the coach merely with the best of what was their idea of civility； but
the driver was the only being they bowed down to and worshipped。 How
admiringly they would gaze up at him in his high seat as he gloved
himself with lingering deliberation； while some happy hostler held the
bunch of reins aloft； and waited patiently for him to take it！ And how
they would bombard him with glorifying ejaculations as he cracked his
long whip and went careering away。
The station buildings were long； low huts； made of sundried； mud…colored
bricks； laid up without mortar （adobes； the Spaniards call these bricks；
and Americans shorten it to 'dobies）。 The roofs； which had no slant to
them worth speaking of； were thatched and then sodded or covered with a
thick layer of earth； and from this sprung a pretty rank growth of weeds
and grass。 It was the first time we had ever seen a man's front yard on
top of his house。 The building consisted of barns； stable…room for
twelve or fifteen horses