don't know anything； a child ought to know it。 Read up your history！
Read it up…； and don't come asking a man if he's certain about a bit
of ABC stuff that the very southern niggers know all about。〃
Here the Admiral's fires began to wax hot； the atmosphere thickened； the
coming earthquake rumbled； he began to thunder and lighten。 Within three
minutes his volcano was in full irruption and he was discharging flames
and ashes of indignation； belching black volumes of foul history aloft；
and vomiting red…hot torrents of profanity from his crater。 Meantime
Williams sat silent； and apparently deeply and earnestly interested in
what the old man was saying。 By and by； when the lull came； he said in
the most deferential way； and with the gratified air of a man who has had
a mystery cleared up which had been puzzling him uncomfortably：
〃Now I understand it。 I always thought I knew that piece of history well
enough； but was still afraid to trust it； because there was not that
convincing particularity about it that one likes to have in history； but
when you mentioned every name； the other day； and every date； and every
little circumstance； in their just order and sequence； I said to myself；
this sounds something likethis is historythis is putting it in a
shape that gives a man confidence； and I said to myself afterward； I will
just ask the Admiral if he is perfectly certain about the details； and if
he is I will come out and thank him for clearing this matter up for me。
And that is what I want to do nowfor until you set that matter right it
was nothing but just a confusion in my mind； without head or tail to it。〃
Nobody ever saw the Admiral look so mollified before； and so pleased。
Nobody had ever received his bogus history as gospel before； its
genuineness had always been called in question either by words or looks；
but here was a man that not only swallowed it all down； but was grateful
for the dose。 He was taken a back； he hardly knew what to say； even his
profanity failed him。 Now； Williams continued； modestly and earnestly：
〃But Admiral； in saying that this was the first stone thrown； and that
this precipitated the war； you have overlooked a circumstance which you
are perfectly familiar with； but which has escaped your memory。 Now I
grant you that what you have stated is correct in every detailto wit：
that on the 16th of October； 1860； two Massachusetts clergymen； named
Waite and Granger； went in disguise to the house of John Moody； in
Rockport； at dead of night； and dragged forth two southern women and
their two little children； and after tarring and feathering them conveyed
them to Boston and burned them alive in the State House square； and I
also grant your proposition that this deed is what led to the secession
of South Carolina on the 20th of December following。 Very well。〃 ＇Here
the company were pleasantly surprised to hear Williams proceed to come
back at the Admiral with his own invincible weaponclean； pure；
manufactured history； without a word of truth in it。＇ 〃Very well； I say。
But Admiral； why overlook the Willis and Morgan case in South Carolina？
You are too well informed a man not to know all about that circumstance。
Your arguments and your conversations have shown you to be intimately
conversant with every detail of this national quarrel。 You develop
matters of history every day that show plainly that you are no smatterer
in it； content to nibble about the surface； but a man who has searched
the depths and possessed yourself of everything that has a bearing upon
the great question。 Therefore； let me just recall to your mind that
Willis and Morgan casethough I see by your face that the whole thing is
already passing through your memory at this moment。 On the 12th of
August； 1860； two months before the Waite and Granger affair； two South
Carolina clergymen； named John H。 Morgan and Winthrop L。 Willis； one a
Methodist and the other an Old School Baptist； disguised themselves； and
went at midnight to the house of a planter named ThompsonArchibald F。
Thompson； Vice President under Thomas Jefferson；and took thence； at
midnight； his widowed aunt； （a Northern woman；） and her adopted child； an
orphannamed Mortimer Highie； afflicted with epilepsy and suffering at
the time from white swelling on one of his legs； and compelled to walk on
crutches in consequence； and the two ministers； in spite of the pleadings
of the victims； dragged them to the bush； tarred and feathered them； and
afterward burned them at the stake in the city of Charleston。 You
remember perfectly well what a stir it made； you remember perfectly well
that even the Charleston Courier stigmatized the act as being unpleasant；
of questionable propriety； and scarcely justifiable； and likewise that it
would not be matter of surprise if retaliation ensued。 And you remember
also； that this thing was the cause of the Massachusetts outrage。 Who；
indeed； were the two Massachusetts ministers？ and who were the two
Southern women they burned？ I do not need to remind you； Admiral； with
your intimate knowledge of history； that Waite was the nephew of the
woman burned in Charleston； that Granger was her cousin in the second
degree； and that the woman they burned in Boston was the wife of John H。
Morgan； and the still loved but divorced wife of Winthrop L。 Willis。
Now； Admiral； it is only fair that you should acknowledge that the first
provocation came from the Southern preachers and that the Northern ones
were justified in retaliating。 In your arguments you never yet have
shown the least disposition to withhold a just verdict or be in anywise
unfair； when authoritative history condemned your position； and therefore
I have no hesitation in asking you to take the original blame from the
Massachusetts ministers； in this matter； and transfer it to the South
Carolina clergymen where it justly belongs。〃
The Admiral was conquered。 This sweet spoken creature who swallowed his
fraudulent history as if it were the bread of life； basked in his furious
blasphemy as if it were generous sunshine； found only calm； even…handed
justice in his rampart partisanship； and flooded him with invented
history so sugarcoated with flattery and deference that there was no
rejecting it； was 〃too many〃 for him。 He stammered some awkward； profane
sentences about the…Willis and Morgan business having escaped his
memory； but that he 〃remembered it now；〃 and then； under pretence of
giving Fan some medicine for an imaginary cough； drew out of the battle
and went away； a vanquished man。 Then cheers and laughter went up； and
Williams； the ship's benefactor was a hero。 The news went about the
vessel； champagne was ordered； and enthusiastic reception instituted in
the smoking room； and everybody flocked thither to shake hands with the
conqueror。 The wheelman said afterward； that the Admiral stood up behind
the pilot house and 〃ripped and cursed all to himself〃 till he loosened
the smokestack guys and becalmed the mainsail。
The Admiral's power was broken。 After that； if he began argument；
somebody would bring Williams； and the old man would grow weak and begin
to quiet down at once。 And as soon as he was done； Williams in his
dulcet； insinuating way； would invent some history （referring for proof；
to the old man's own excellent memory and to copies of 〃The Old Guard〃
known not to be in his possession） that would turn the tables completely
and leave the Admiral all abroad and helpless。 By and by he came to so
dread Williams and his gilded tongue that he would stop talking when he
saw him approach； and finally ceased to mention politics altogether； and
from that time forward there was entire peace and serenity in the ship。
CHAPTER LXIII。
On a certain bright morning the Islands hove in sight； lying low on the
lonely sea； and everybody climbed to the upper deck to look。 After two
thousand miles of watery solitude the vision was a welcome one。 As we
approached； the imposing promontory of Diamond Head rose up out of the
ocean its rugged front softened by the hazy distance； and presently the
details of the land began to make themselves manifest： first the line of
beach； then the plumed coacoanut trees of the tropics； then cabins of the
natives； then the white town of Honolulu； said to contain between twelve
and fifteen thousand inhabitants spread over a dead level； with streets
from twenty to thirty feet wide； solid and level as a floor； most of them
straight as a line and few as crooked as a corkscrew。
The further I traveled through the town the better I liked it。 Every
step revealed a new contrastdisclosed something I was unaccustomed to。
In place of the grand mud…colored brown fronts of San Francisco； I saw
dwellings built of straw； adobies； and cream…colored pebble…and…shell…
conglomerated coral； cut into oblong blocks and laid in cement； also a
great number of neat white cottages； with green window…shutters； in place
of front yards like billiard…tables with iron fences around them； I saw
these homes surrounded by ample yards； thickly clad with green grass； and
shaded by tall trees； through whose dense foliage the sun could scarcely
penetrate； in place of the customary geranium； calla lily； etc。；
languishing in dust and general debility； I saw luxurious banks and
thickets of flowers； fresh as a meadow after a rain； and glowing with the
richest dyes； in place of the dingy horrors of San Francisco's pleasure
grove； the 〃Willows；〃 I saw huge…bodied； wide…spreading forest trees；
with strange names and stranger appearancetrees that cast a shadow like
a thunder…cloud； and were able to stand alone without being tied to green
poles； in place of gold fish； wiggling around in glass globes； assuming
countless shades and degrees of distortion through the magnifying and
diminishing qualities of their transparent prison houses； I saw cats
Tom…cats； Mary Ann cats； long…tailed cats； bob…tailed cats； blind cats；
one…eyed cats； wall…eyed cats； cross…eyed cats； gray cats； black cats；
white cats； yellow cats； striped cats； spotted cats； tame cats； wild
cats； singed cats； individual cats； groups of cats； platoons of cats；
companies of cats； regiments of cats； arm