night and his own quick eyes and ears to get him through the
preserves safely。
The shops were by this time closed； but the keepers of a few stalls
were trying by lamplight to sell the wares they had not yet got rid
of。 One of these was a bookstall； and； running his eye over some
of the volumes； my father saw one entitled …
〃The Sayings of the Sunchild during his stay in Erewhon； to which
is added a true account of his return to the palace of the sun with
his Erewhonian bride。 This is the only version authorised by the
Presidents and Vice…Presidents of the Musical Banks； all other
versions being imperfect and inaccurate。Bridgeford； XVIII。； 150
pp。 8vo。 Price 3s。
The reader will understand that I am giving the prices as nearly as
I can in their English equivalents。 Another title was …
〃The Sacrament of Divorce： an Occasional Sermon preached by Dr。
Gurgoyle； President of the Musical Banks for the Province of
Sunch'ston。 8vo； 16 pp。 6d。
Other titles ran …
〃Counsels of Imperfection。〃 8vo； 20 pp。 6d。
〃Hygiene； or； How to Diagnose your Doctor。 8vo； 10 pp。 3d。
〃The Physics of Vicarious Existence；〃 by Dr。 Gurgoyle； President of
the Musical Banks for the Province of Sunch'ston。 8vo； 20 pp。 6d。
There were many other books whose titles would probably have
attracted my father as much as those that I have given； but he was
too tired and hungry to look at more。 Finding that he could buy
all the foregoing for 4s。 9d。； he bought them and stuffed them into
the valise that he had just bought。 His purchases in all had now
amounted to a little over 1 pound； 10s。 （silver）； leaving him about
3 pounds （silver）； including the money for which he had sold the
quails； to carry him on till Sunday afternoon。 He intended to
spend say 2 pounds （silver）； and keep the rest of the money in
order to give it to the British Museum。
He now began to search for an inn； and walked about the less
fashionable parts of the town till he found an unpretending tavern；
which he thought would suit him。 Here； on importunity； he was
given a servant's room at the top of the house； all others being
engaged by visitors who had come for the dedication。 He ordered a
meal； of which he stood in great need； and having eaten it； he
retired early for the night。 But he smoked a pipe surreptitiously
up the chimney before he got into bed。
Meanwhile other things were happening； of which； happily for his
repose； he was still ignorant； and which he did not learn till a
few days later。 Not to depart from chronological order I will deal
with them in my next chapter。
CHAPTER VIII： YRAM； NOW MAYORESS； GIVES A DINNER…PARTY； IN THE
COURSE OF WHICH SHE IS DISQUIETED BY WHAT SHE LEARNS FROM PROFESSOR
HANKY： SHE SENDS FOR HER SON GEORGE AND QUESTIONS HIM
The Professors； returning to their hotel early on the Friday
morning； found a note from the Mayoress urging them to be her
guests during the remainder of their visit； and to meet other
friends at dinner on this same evening。 They accepted； and then
went to bed； for they had passed the night under the tree in which
they had hidden their purchase； and； as may be imagined； had slept
but little。 They rested all day； and transferred themselves and
their belongings to the Mayor's house in time to dress for dinner。
When they came down into the drawing…room they found a brilliant
company assembled； chiefly Musical…Bankical like themselves。 There
was Dr。 Downie； Professor of Logomachy； and perhaps the most subtle
dialectician in Erewhon。 He could say nothing in more words than
any man of his generation。 His text…book on the 〃Art of Obscuring
Issues〃 had passed through ten or twelve editions； and was in the
hands of all aspirants for academic distinction。 He had earned a
high reputation for sobriety of judgement by resolutely refusing to
have definite views on any subject； so safe a man was he
considered； that while still quite young he had been appointed to
the lucrative post of Thinker in Ordinary to the Royal Family。
There was Mr。 Principal Crank； with his sister Mrs。 Quack；
Professors Gabb and Bawl； with their wives and two or three erudite
daughters。
Old Mrs。 Humdrum （of whom more anon） was there of course； with her
venerable white hair and rich black satin dress； looking the very
ideal of all that a stately old dowager ought to be。 In society
she was commonly known as Ydgrun； so perfectly did she correspond
with the conception of this strange goddess formed by the
Erewhonians。 She was one of those who had visited my father when
he was in prison twenty years earlier。 When he told me that she
was now called Ydgrun； he said； 〃I am sure that the Erinyes were
only Mrs。 Humdrums； and that they were delightful people when you
came to know them。 I do not believe they did the awful things we
say they did。 I think； but am not quite sure； that they let
Orestes off； but even though they had not pardoned him； I doubt
whether they would have done anything more dreadful to him than
issue a mot d'ordre that he was not to be asked to any more
afternoon teas。 This； however； would be down…right torture to some
people。 At any rate；〃 he continued； 〃be it the Erinyes； or Mrs。
Grundy； or Ydgrun； in all times and places it is woman who decides
whether society is to condone an offence or no。〃
Among the most attractive ladies present was one for whose
Erewhonian name I can find no English equivalent； and whom I must
therefore call Miss La Frime。 She was Lady President of the
principal establishment for the higher education of young ladies；
and so celebrated was she； that pupils flocked to her from all
parts of the surrounding country。 Her primer （written for the
Erewhonian Arts and Science Series） on the Art of Man…killing； was
the most complete thing of the kind that had yet been done； but
ill…natured people had been heard to say that she had killed all
her own admirers so effectually that not one of them had ever lived
to marry her。 According to Erewhonian custom the successful
marriages of the pupils are inscribed yearly on the oak paneling of
the college refectory； and a reprint from these in pamphlet form
accompanies all the prospectuses that are sent out to parents。 It
was alleged that no other ladies' seminary in Erewhon could show
such a brilliant record during all the years of Miss La Frime's
presidency。 Many other guests of less note were there； but the
lions of the evening were the two Professors whom we have already
met with； and more particularly Hanky； who took the Mayoress in to
dinner。 Panky； of course； wore his clothes reversed； as did
Principal Crank and Professor Gabb； the others were dressed English
fashion。
Everything hung upon the hostess； for the host was little more than
a still handsome figure…head。 He had been remarkable for his good
looks as a young man； and Strong is the nearest approach I can get
to a translation of his Erewhonian name。 His face inspired
confidence at once； but he was a man of few words； and had little
of that grace which in his wife set every one instantly at his or
her ease。 He knew that all would go well so long as he left
everything to her； and kept himself as far as might be in the
background。
Before dinner was announced there was the usual buzz of
conversation； chiefly occupied with salutations； good wishes for
Sunday's weather； and admiration for the extreme beauty of the
Mayoress's three daughters； the two elder of whom were already out；
while the third； though only thirteen； might have passed for a year
or two older。 Their mother was so much engrossed with receiving
her guests that it was not till they were all at table that she was
able to ask Hanky what he thought of the statues； which she had
heard that he and Professor Panky had been to see。 She was told
how much interested he had been with them； and how unable he had
been to form any theory as to their date or object。 He then added；
appealing to Panky； who was on the Mayoress's left hand； 〃but we
had rather a strange adventure on our way down； had we not； Panky？
We got lost； and were benighted in the forest。 Happily we fell in
with one of the rangers who had lit a fire。〃
〃Do I understand； then；〃 said Yram； as I suppose we may as well
call her； 〃that you were out all last night？ How tired you must
be！ But I hope you had enough provisions with you？〃
〃Indeed we were out all night。 We staid by the ranger's fire till
midnight； and then tried to find our way down； but we gave it up
soon after we had got out of the forest； and then waited under a
large chestnut tree till four or five this morning。 As for food；
we had not so much as a mouthful from about three in the afternoon
till we got to our inn early this morning。〃
〃Oh； you poor； poor people！ how tired you must be。〃
〃No； we made a good breakfast as soon as we got in； and then went
to bed； where we staid till it was time for us to come to your
house。〃
Here Panky gave his friend a significant look； as much as to say
that he had said enough。
This set Hanky on at once。 〃Strange to say； the ranger was wearing
the old Erewhonian dress。 It did me good to see it again after all
these years。 It seems your son lets his men wear what few of the
old clothes they may still have； so long as they keep well away
from the town。 But fancy how carefully these poor fellows husband
them； why； it must be seventeen years since the dress was
forbidden！〃
We all of us have skeletons； large or small； in some cupboard of
our lives； but a well regulated skeleton that will stay in its
cupboard quietly does not much matter。 There are skeletons；
however； which can never be quite trusted not to open the cupboard
door at some awkward moment； go down stairs； ring the hall…door
bell； with grinning face announce themselves as the skeleton； and
ask whether the master or mistress is at home。 This kind of
skeleton； though no bigger than a rabbit； will sometimes loom large
as that of a dinotherium。 My father was Yram's skeleton。 True； he
was a mere skeleton of a skeleton； for the chances were thousands
to one that he and my mother had perished long years ago； and even
though he rang at the bell；