〃alcoholic poisoning〃 even more effectively than if he had uttered
the words themselves。 For a man's tongue lies often in his
shoulders。
Readers of my father's book will remember that Chowbok had given a
very different version when he had returned to his employer's
station； but Time and Distance afford cover under which falsehood
can often do truth to death securely。
I never understood why my father did not bring my mother forward to
confirm his story。 He may have done so while I was too young to
know anything about it。 But when people have made up their minds；
they are impatient of further evidence； my mother； moreover； was of
a very retiring disposition。 The Italians say：…
〃Chi lontano va ammogliare
Sara ingannato； o vorra ingannare。〃
〃If a man goes far afield for a wife； he will be deceivedor means
deceiving。〃 The proverb is as true for women as for men； and my
mother was never quite happy in her new surroundings。 Wilfully
deceived she assuredly was not； but she could not accustom herself
to English modes of thought； indeed she never even nearly mastered
our language； my father always talked with her in Erewhonian； and
so did I； for as a child she had taught me to do so； and I was as
fluent with her language as with my father's。 In this respect she
often told me I could pass myself off anywhere in Erewhon as a
native； I shared also her personal appearance； for though not
wholly unlike my father； I had taken more closely after my mother。
In mind； if I may venture to say so； I believe I was more like my
father。
I may as well here inform the reader that I was born at the end of
September 1871； and was christened John； after my grandfather。
From what I have said above he will readily believe that my
earliest experiences were somewhat squalid。 Memories of childhood
rush vividly upon me when I pass through a low London alley； and
catch the faint sickly smell that pervades ithalf paraffin； half
black…currants； but wholly something very different。 I have a
fancy that we lived in Blackmoor Street； off Drury Lane。 My
father； when first I knew of his doing anything at all； supported
my mother and myself by drawing pictures with coloured chalks upon
the pavement； I used sometimes to watch him； and marvel at the
skill with which he represented fogs； floods； and fires。 These
three 〃f's；〃 he would say； were his three best friends； for they
were easy to do and brought in halfpence freely。 The return of the
dove to the ark was his favourite subject。 Such a little ark； on
such a hazy morning； and such a little pigeonthe rest of the
picture being cheap sky； and still cheaper sea； nothing； I have
often heard him say； was more popular than this with his clients。
He held it to be his masterpiece； but would add with some naivete
that he considered himself a public benefactor for carrying it out
in such perishable fashion。 〃At any rate；〃 he would say； 〃no one
can bequeath one of my many replicas to the nation。〃
I never learned how much my father earned by his profession； but it
must have been something considerable； for we always had enough to
eat and drink； I imagine that he did better than many a struggling
artist with more ambitious aims。 He was strictly temperate during
all the time that I knew anything about him； but he was not a
teetotaler； I never saw any of the fits of nervous excitement which
in his earlier years had done so much to wreck him。 In the
evenings； and on days when the state of the pavement did not permit
him to work； he took great pains with my education； which he could
very well do； for as a boy he had been in the sixth form of one of
our foremost public schools。 I found him a patient； kindly
instructor； while to my mother he was a model husband。 Whatever
others may have said about him； I can never think of him without
very affectionate respect。
Things went on quietly enough； as above indicated； till I was about
fourteen； when by a freak of fortune my father became suddenly
affluent。 A brother of his father's had emigrated to Australia in
1851； and had amassed great wealth。 We knew of his existence； but
there had been no intercourse between him and my father； and we did
not even know that he was rich and unmarried。 He died intestate
towards the end of 1885； and my father was the only relative he
had； except； of course； myself； for both my father's sisters had
died young； and without leaving children。
The solicitor through whom the news reached us was； happily； a man
of the highest integrity； and also very sensible and kind。 He was
a Mr。 Alfred Emery Cathie； of 15 Clifford's Inn； E。C。； and my
father placed himself unreservedly in his hands。 I was at once
sent to a first…rate school； and such pains had my father taken
with me that I was placed in a higher form than might have been
expected considering my age。 The way in which he had taught me had
prevented my feeling any dislike for study； I therefore stuck
fairly well to my books； while not neglecting the games which are
so important a part of healthy education。 Everything went well
with me； both as regards masters and school…fellows； nevertheless；
I was declared to be of a highly nervous and imaginative
temperament； and the school doctor more than once urged our
headmaster not to push me forward too rapidlyfor which I have
ever since held myself his debtor。
Early in 1890； I being then home from Oxford （where I had been
entered in the preceding year）； my mother died； not so much from
active illness； as from what was in reality a kind of maladie du
pays。 All along she had felt herself an exile； and though she had
borne up wonderfully during my father's long struggle with
adversity； she began to break as soon as prosperity had removed the
necessity for exertion on her own part。
My father could never divest himself of the feeling that he had
wrecked her life by inducing her to share her lot with his own； to
say that he was stricken with remorse on losing her is not enough；
he had been so stricken almost from the first year of his marriage；
on her death he was haunted by the wrong he accused himselfas it
seems to me very unjustlyof having done her； for it was neither
his fault nor hersit was Ate。
His unrest soon assumed the form of a burning desire to revisit the
country in which he and my mother had been happier together than
perhaps they ever again were。 I had often heard him betray a
hankering after a return to Erewhon； disguised so that no one
should recognise him； but as long as my mother lived he would not
leave her。 When death had taken her from him； he so evidently
stood in need of a complete change of scene； that even those
friends who had most strongly dissuaded him from what they deemed a
madcap enterprise； thought it better to leave him to himself。 It
would have mattered little how much they tried to dissuade him； for
before long his passionate longing for the journey became so
overmastering that nothing short of restraint in prison or a
madhouse could have stayed his going； but we were not easy about
him。 〃He had better go；〃 said Mr。 Cathie to me； when I was at home
for the Easter vacation； 〃and get it over。 He is not well； but he
is still in the prime of life； doubtless he will come back with
renewed health and will settle down to a quiet home life again。〃
This； however； was not said till it had become plain that in a few
days my father would be on his way。 He had made a new will； and
left an ample power of attorney with Mr。 Cathieor； as we always
called him； Alfredwho was to supply me with whatever money I
wanted； he had put all other matters in order in case anything
should happen to prevent his ever returning； and he set out on
October 1； 1890； more composed and cheerful than I had seen him for
some time past。
I had not realised how serious the danger to my father would be if
he were recognised while he was in Erewhon； for I am ashamed to say
that I had not yet read his book。 I had heard over and over again
of his flight with my mother in the balloon； and had long since
read his few opening chapters； but I had found； as a boy naturally
would； that the succeeding pages were a little dull； and soon put
the book aside。 My father； indeed； repeatedly urged me not to read
it； for he said there was much in itmore especially in the
earlier chapters； which I had alone found interestingthat he
would gladly cancel if he could。 〃But there！〃 he had said with a
laugh； 〃what does it matter？〃
He had hardly left； before I read his book from end to end； and； on
having done so； not only appreciated the risks that he would have
to run； but was struck with the wide difference between his
character as he had himself portrayed it； and the estimate I had
formed of it from personal knowledge。 When； on his return； he
detailed to me his adventures； the account he gave of what he had
said and done corresponded with my own ideas concerning him； but I
doubt not the reader will see that the twenty years between his
first and second visit had modified him even more than so long an
interval might be expected to do。
I heard from him repeatedly during the first two months of his
absence； and was surprised to find that he had stayed for a week or
ten days at more than one place of call on his outward journey。 On
November 26 he wrote from the port whence he was to start for
Erewhon； seemingly in good health and spirits； and on December 27；
1891； he telegraphed for a hundred pounds to be wired out to him at
this same port。 This puzzled both Mr。 Cathie and myself； for the
interval between November 26 and December 27 seemed too short to
admit of his having paid his visit to Erewhon and returned； as；
moreover； he had added the words； 〃Coming home；〃 we rather hoped
that he had abandoned his intention of going there。
We were also surprised at his wanting so much money； for he had
taken a hundred pounds in gold； which from some fancy； he had
stowed in a small silver jewel…box that he had given my mother not
long before she died。 He had also taken a hundred pounds worth of
gold nuggets； which he had intended to sell in Erewhon so as to
provide himself with money when he got there。
I sho