thoughts on man- 第47部分

＇37＇　The　subject　of　this　Essay　is　resumed　in　the　close　of　the　following。　　



ESSAY　XVIII。　OF　DIFFIDENCE。

The　following　Essay　will　be　to　a　considerable　degree　in　the　nature　of　confession；　like　the　Confessions　of　St。　　Augustine　or　of　Jean　Jacques　Rousseau。　　It　may　therefore　at　first　sight　appear　of　small　intrinsic　value；　and　scarcely　worthy　of　a　place　in　the　present　series。　　But；　as　I　have　had　occasion　more　than　once　to　remark；　we　are　all　of　us　framed　in　a　great　measure　on　the　same　model；　and　the　analysis　of　the　individual　may　often　stand　for　the　analysis　of　a　species。　　While　I　describe　myself　therefore；　I　shall　probably　at　the　same　time　be　describing　no　inconsiderable　number　of　my　fellow…beings。

It　is　true；　that　the　duty　of　man　under　the　head　of　Frankness；　is　of　a　very　comprehensive　nature。　　We　ought　all　of　us　to　tell　to　our　neighbour　whatever　it　may　be　of　advantage　to　him　to　know；　we　ought　to　be　the　sincere　and　zealous　advocates　of　absent　merit　and　worth；　and　we　are　bound　by　every　means　in　our　power　to　contribute　to　the　improvement　of　others；　and　to　the　diffusion　of　salutary　truths　through　the　world。

From　the　universality　of　these　precepts　many　readers　might　be　apt　to　infer；　that　I　am　in　my　own　person　the　bold　and　unsparing　preacher　of　truth；　resolutely　giving　to　every　man　his　due；　and；　agreeably　to　the　apostle's　direction；　〃instant　in　season；　and　out　of　season。〃　　The　individual　who　answers　to　this　description　will　often　be　deemed　troublesome；　often　annoying；　he　will　produce　a　considerable　sensation　in　the　circle　of　those　who　know　him；　and　it　will　depend　upon　various　collateral　circumstances；　whether　he　shall　ultimately　be　judged　a　rash　and　intemperate　disturber　of　the　contemplations　of　his　neighbours；　or　a　disinterested　and　heroic　suggester　of　new　veins　of　thinking；　by　which　his　contemporaries　and　their　posterity　shall　be　essentially　the　gainers。

I　have　no　desire　to　pass　myself　upon　those　who　may　have　any　curiosity　respecting　me　for　better　than　I　am；　and　I　will　therefore　here　put　down　a　few　particulars；　which　may　tend　to　enable　them　to　form　an　equitable　judgment。

One　of　the　earliest　passions　of　my　mind　was　the　love　of　truth　and　sound　opinion。　　〃Why　should　I；〃　such　was　the　language　of　my　solitary　meditations；　〃because　I　was　born　in　a　certain　degree　of　latitude；　in　a　certain　century；　in　a　country　where　certain　institutions　prevail；　and　of　parents　professing　a　certain　faith；　take　it　for　granted　that　all　this　is　right？This　is　matter　of　accident。　　〃Time　and　chance　happeneth　to　all：〃　and　I；　the　thinking　principle　within　me；　might；　if　such　had　been　the　order　of　events；　have　been　born　under　circumstances　the　very　reverse　of　those　under　which　I　was　born。　　I　will　not；　if　I　can　help　it；　be　the　creature　of　accident；　I　will　not；　like　a　shuttle…cock；　be　at　the　disposal　of　every　impulse　that　is　given　me。〃　　I　felt　a　certain　disdain　for　the　being　thus　directed；　I　could　not　endure　the　idea　of　being　made　a　fool　of；　and　of　taking　every　ignis　fatuus　for　a　guide；　and　every　stray　notion；　the　meteor　of　the　day；　for　everlasting　truth。　　I　am　the　person；　spoken　of　in　a　preceding　Essay＇38＇；　who　early　said　to　Truth；　〃Go　on：　　whithersoever　thou　leadest；　I　am　prepared　to　follow。〃

＇38＇　See　above；　Essay　XIII。


During　my　college…life　therefore；　I　read　all　sorts　of　books；　on　every　side　of　any　important　question；　that　were　thrown　in　my　way；　or　that　I　could　hear　of。　　But　the　very　passion　that　determined　me　to　this　mode　of　proceeding；　made　me　wary　and　circumspect　in　coming　to　a　conclusion。　　I　knew　that　it　would；　if　any　thing；　be　a　more　censurable　and　contemptible　act；　to　yield　to　every　seducing　novelty；　than　to　adhere　obstinately　to　a　prejudice　because　it　had　been　instilled　into　me　in　youth。　　I　was　therefore　slow　of　conviction；　and　by　no　means　〃given　to　change。〃　　I　never　willingly　parted　with　a　suggestion　that　was　unexpectedly　furnished　to　me；　but　I　examined　it　again　and　again；　before　I　consented　that　it　should　enter　into　the　set　of　my　principles。

In　proportion　however　as　I　became　acquainted　with　truth；　or　what　appeared　to　me　to　be　truth；　I　was　like　what　I　have　read　of　Melancthon；　who；　when　he　was　first　converted　to　the　tenets　of　Luther；　became　eager　to　go　into　all　companies；　that　he　might　make　them　partakers　of　the　same　inestimable　treasures；　and　set　before　them　evidence　that　was　to　him　irresistible。　　It　is　needless　to　say；　that　he　often　encountered　the　most　mortifying　disappointment。

Young　and　eager　as　I　was　in　my　mission；　I　received　in　this　way　many　a　bitter　lesson。　　But　the　peculiarity　of　my　temper　rendered　this　doubly　impressive　to　me。　　I　could　not　pass　over　a　hint；　let　it　come　from　what　quarter　it　would；　without　taking　it　into　some　consideration；　and　endeavouring　to　ascertain　the　precise　weight　that　was　to　be　attributed　to　it。　　It　would　however　often　happen；　particularly　in　the　question　of　the　claims　of　a　given　individual　to　honour　and　respect；　that　I　could　see　nothing　but　the　most　glaring　injustice　in　the　opposition　I　experienced。　　In　canvassing　the　character　of　an　individual；　it　is　not　for　the　most　part　general；　abstract　or　moral；　principles　that　are　called　into　question：　　I　am　left　in　possession　of　the　premises　which　taught　me　to　admire　the　man　whose　character　is　contested；　and　conformably　to　those　premises　I　see　that　his　claim　to　the　honour　I　have　paid　him　is　fully　made　out。

In　my　communications　with　others；　in　the　endeavour　to　impart　what　I　deemed　to　be　truth；　I　began　with　boldness：　　but　I　often　found　that　the　evidence　that　was　to　me　irresistible；　was　made　small　account　of　by　others；　and　it　not　seldom　happened；　as　candour　was　my　principle；　and　a　determination　to　receive　what　could　be　strewn　to　be　truth；　let　it　come　from　what　quarter　it　would；　that　suggestions　were　presented　to　me；　materially　calculated　to　stagger　the　confidence　with　which　I　had　set　out。　　If　I　had　been　divinely　inspired；　if　I　had　been　secured　by　an　omniscient　spirit　against　the　danger　of　error；　my　case　would　have　been　different。　　But　I　was　not　inspired。　　I　often　encountered　an　opposition　I　had　not　anticipated；　and　was　often　presented　with　objections；　or　had　pointed　out　to　me　flaws　and　deficiencies　in　my　reasonings；　which；　till　they　were　so　pointed　out；　I　had　not　apprehended。　　I　had　not　lungs　enabling　me　to　drown　all　contradiction；　and；　which　was　still　more　material；　I　had　not　a　frame　of　mind；　which　should　determine　me　to　regard　whatever　could　be　urged　against　me　as　of　no　value。　　I　therefore　became　cautious。　　As　a　human　creature；　I　did　not　relish　the　being　held　up　to　others'　or　to　myself；　as　rash；　inconsiderate　and　headlong；　unaware　of　difficulties　the　most　obvious；　embracing　propositions　the　most　untenable；　and　〃against　hope　believing　in　hope。〃　　And；　as　an　apostle　of　truth；　I　distinctly　perceived　that　a　reputation　for　perspicacity　and　sound　judgment　was　essential　to　my　mission。　　I　therefore　often　became　less　a　speaker；　than　a　listener；　and　by　no　means　made　it　a　law　with　myself　to　defend　principles　and　characters　I　honoured；　on　every　occasion　on　which　I　might　hear　them　attacked。

A　new　epoch　occurred　in　my　character；　when　I　published；　and　at　the　time　I　was　writing；　my　Enquiry　concerning　Political　Justice。　　My　mind　was　wrought　up　to　a　certain　elevation　of　tone；　the　speculations　in　which　I　was　engaged；　tending　to　embrace　all　that　was　most　important　to　man　in　society；　and　the　frame　to　which　I　had　assiduously　bent　myself；　of　giving　quarter　to　nothing　because　it　was　old；　and　shrinking　from　nothing　because　it　was　startling　and　astounding；　gave　a　new　bias　to　my　character。　　The　habit　which　I　thus　formed　put　me　more　on　the　alert　even　in　the　scenes　of　ordinary　life；　and　gave　me　a　boldness　and　an　eloquence　more　than　was　natural　to　me。　　I　then　reverted　to　the　principle　which　I　stated　in　the　beginning；　of　being　ready　to　tell　my　neighbour　whatever　it　might　be　of　advantage　to　him　to　know；　to　shew　myself　the　sincere　and　zealous　advocate　of　absent　merit　and　worth；　and　to　contribute　by　every　means　in　my　power　to　the　improvement　of　others　and　to　the　diffusion　of　salutary　truth　through　the　world。　　I　desired　that　every　hour　that　I　lived　should　be　turned　to　the　best　account；　and　was　bent　each　day　to　examine　whether　I　had　conformed　myself　to　this　rule。　　I　held　on　this　course　with　tolerable　constancy　for　five　or　six　years：　　and；　even　when　that　constancy　abated；　it　failed　not　to　leave　a　beneficial　effect　on　my　subsequent　conduct。

But；　in　pursuing　this　scheme　of　practice；　I　was　acting　a　part　somewhat　foreign　to　my　constitution。　　I　was　by　nature　more　of　a　speculative　than　an　active　character；　more　inclined　to　reason　within　myself　upon　what　I　heard　and　saw；　than　to　declaim　concerning　it。　　I　loved　to　sit　by　unobserved；　and　to　meditate　upon　the　panorama　before　me。　　At　first　I　associated　chiefly　with　those　who　were　more　or　less　admirers　of　my　work；　and；　as　I　had　risen　（to　speak　in　the　slang　phrase）　like　〃a　star〃　upon　my　contemporaries　without　being　expected；　I　was　treated　generally　with　a　certain　degree　of　deference；　or；　where　not　with　deference　and　submission；　yet　as　a　person　whose　opinions　and　view　of　things　were　to　be　taken　into　the　account。　　The　individuals　who　most　strenuously　opposed　me；　acted　with　a　consciousness　that；　if　they　affected　to　despise　me；　they　must　not　expect　that　all　the　bystanders　would　participate　in　that　feeling。

But　this　was　to　a　considerable　degree　the　effect　of　novelty。　　My　lungs；　as　I　have　already　said；　were　not　of　iron；　my　manner　was　not　overbearing　and　despotic；　there　was　nothing　in　it　to　deter　him　who　differed　from　me　from　entering　the　field　in　turn；　and　telling　the　tale　of　his　views　and　judgments　in　contradiction　to　mine。　　I　descended　into　the　arena；　and　stood　on　a　level　with　the　rest。　　Beyond　this；　it　occasionally　happened　that；　if　I　had　not　the　stentorian　lungs；　and　the　petty　artifices　of　rhetoric　and　conciliation；　that　should　carry　a　cause　independently　of　its　merits；　my　antagonists　were　not　deficient　in　these　respects。　　I　had　nothing　in　my　favour　to　balance　this；　but　a　sort　of　constitutional　equanimity　and　imperturbableness　of　temper；　which；　if　I　was　at　any　time　silenced；　made　me　not　look　like　a　captive　to　be　dragged　at　the　chariot…wheels　of　my　adversary。

All　this　however　had　a　tendency　to　subtract　from　my　vocation　as　a　missionary。　　I　was　no　longer　a