ten fingers from his lips； and only waiting for thy inflexible or
yielding reply to make its escape by his mouth or go back again into
his stomach。〃
Don Quixote on hearing this felt his throat； and turning to the duke
he said； 〃By God； senor； Dulcinea says true； I have my soul stuck here
in my throat like the nut of a crossbow。〃
〃What say you to this； Sancho？〃 said the duchess。
〃I say； senora；〃 returned Sancho； 〃what I said before； as for the
lashes； abernuncio！〃
〃Abrenuncio； you should say； Sancho； and not as you do；〃 said the
duke。
〃Let me alone； your highness；〃 said Sancho。 〃I'm not in a humour now
to look into niceties or a letter more or less； for these lashes
that are to be given me； or I'm to give myself； have so upset me； that
I don't know what I'm saying or doing。 But I'd like to know of this
lady； my lady Dulcinea del Toboso； where she learned this way she
has of asking favours。 She comes to ask me to score my flesh with
lashes； and she calls me soul of a pitcher； and great untamed brute；
and a string of foul names that the devil is welcome to。 Is my flesh
brass？ or is it anything to me whether she is enchanted or not？ Does
she bring with her a basket of fair linen； shirts； kerchiefs； socks…
not that wear any… to coax me？ No； nothing but one piece of abuse
after another； though she knows the proverb they have here that 'an
ass loaded with gold goes lightly up a mountain；' and that 'gifts
break rocks；' and 'praying to God and plying the hammer；' and that
'one 〃take〃 is better than two 〃I'll give thee's。〃' Then there's my
master； who ought to stroke me down and pet me to make me turn wool
and carded cotton； he says if he gets hold of me he'll tie me naked to
a tree and double the tale of lashes on me。 These tender…hearted
gentry should consider that it's not merely a squire； but a governor
they are asking to whip himself； just as if it was 'drink with
cherries。' Let them learn； plague take them； the right way to ask； and
beg； and behave themselves； for all times are not alike； nor are
people always in good humour。 I'm now ready to burst with grief at
seeing my green coat torn； and they come to ask me to whip myself of
my own free will； I having as little fancy for it as for turning
cacique。〃
〃Well then； the fact is； friend Sancho；〃 said the duke； 〃that unless
you become softer than a ripe fig； you shall not get hold of the
government。 It would be a nice thing for me to send my islanders a
cruel governor with flinty bowels； who won't yield to the tears of
afflicted damsels or to the prayers of wise； magisterial； ancient
enchanters and sages。 In short； Sancho； either you must be whipped
by yourself； or they must whip you； or you shan't be governor。〃
〃Senor；〃 said Sancho； 〃won't two days' grace be given me in which to
consider what is best for me？〃
〃No； certainly not；〃 said Merlin； 〃here； this minute； and on the
spot； the matter must be settled； either Dulcinea will return to the
cave of Montesinos and to her former condition of peasant wench； or
else in her present form shall be carried to the Elysian fields； where
she will remain waiting until the number of stripes is completed。〃
〃Now then； Sancho！〃 said the duchess； 〃show courage； and gratitude
for your master Don Quixote's bread that you have eaten； we are all
bound to oblige and please him for his benevolent disposition and
lofty chivalry。 Consent to this whipping； my son； to the devil with
the devil； and leave fear to milksops； for 'a stout heart breaks bad
luck；' as you very well know。〃
To this Sancho replied with an irrelevant remark； which；
addressing Merlin； he made to him； 〃Will your worship tell me； Senor
Merlin… when that courier devil came up he gave my master a message
from Senor Montesinos； charging him to wait for him here； as he was
coming to arrange how the lady Dona Dulcinea del Toboso was to be
disenchanted； but up to the present we have not seen Montesinos； nor
anything like him。〃
To which Merlin made answer； 〃The devil； Sancho； is a blockhead
and a great scoundrel； I sent him to look for your master； but not
with a message from Montesinos but from myself； for Montesinos is in
his cave expecting； or more properly speaking； waiting for his
disenchantment； for there's the tail to be skinned yet for him； if
he owes you anything； or you have any business to transact with him；
I'll bring him to you and put him where you choose； but for the
present make up your mind to consent to this penance； and believe me
it will be very good for you； for soul as well for body… for your soul
because of the charity with which you perform it； for your body
because I know that you are of a sanguine habit and it will do you
no harm to draw a little blood。〃
〃There are a great many doctors in the world； even the enchanters
are doctors；〃 said Sancho； 〃however； as everybody tells me the same
thing …though I can't see it myself… I say I am willing to give myself
the three thousand three hundred lashes； provided I am to lay them
on whenever I like； without any fixing of days or times； and I'll
try and get out of debt as quickly as I can； that the world may
enjoy the beauty of the lady Dulcinea del Toboso； as it seems；
contrary to what I thought； that she is beautiful after all。 It must
be a condition； too； that I am not to be bound to draw blood with
the scourge； and that if any of the lashes happen to he fly…flappers
they are to count。 Item； that； in case I should make any mistake in
the reckoning； Senor Merlin； as he knows everything； is to keep count；
and let me know how many are still wanting or over the number。〃
〃There will be no need to let you know of any over；〃 said Merlin；
〃because； when you reach the full number； the lady Dulcinea will at
once； and that very instant； be disenchanted； and will come in her
gratitude to seek out the worthy Sancho； and thank him； and even
reward him for the good work。 So you have no cause to be uneasy
about stripes too many or too few； heaven forbid I should cheat anyone
of even a hair of his head。〃
〃Well then； in God's hands be it；〃 said Sancho； 〃in the hard case
I'm in I give in； I say I accept the penance on the conditions laid
down。〃
The instant Sancho uttered these last words the music of the
clarions struck up once more； and again a host of muskets were
discharged； and Don Quixote hung on Sancho's neck kissing him again
and again on the forehead and cheeks。 The duchess and the duke
expressed the greatest satisfaction； the car began to move on； and
as it passed the fair Dulcinea bowed to the duke and duchess and
made a low curtsey to Sancho。
And now bright smiling dawn came on apace； the flowers of the field；
revived； raised up their heads； and the crystal waters of the
brooks； murmuring over the grey and white pebbles； hastened to pay
their tribute to the expectant rivers； the glad earth； the unclouded
sky； the fresh breeze； the clear light； each and all showed that the
day that came treading on the skirts of morning would be calm and
bright。 The duke and duchess； pleased with their hunt and at having
carried out their plans so cleverly and successfully； returned to
their castle resolved to follow up their joke； for to them there was
no reality that could afford them more amusement。
CHAPTER XXXVI
WHEREIN IS RELATED THE STRANGE AND UNDREAMT…OF ADVENTURE OF THE
DISTRESSED DUENNA； ALIAS THE COUNTESS TRIFALDI； TOGETHER WITH A LETTER
WHICH SANCHO PANZA WROTE TO HIS WIFE； TERESA PANZA
THE duke had a majordomo of a very facetious and sportive turn；
and he it was that played the part of Merlin； made all the
arrangements for the late adventure； composed the verses； and got a
page to represent Dulcinea； and now； with the assistance of his master
and mistress； he got up another of the drollest and strangest
contrivances that can be imagined。
The duchess asked Sancho the next day if he had made a beginning
with his penance task which he had to perform for the disenchantment
of Dulcinea。 He said he had； and had given himself five lashes
overnight。
The duchess asked him what he had given them with。
He said with his hand。
〃That；〃 said the duchess； 〃is more like giving oneself slaps than
lashes； I am sure the sage Merlin will not be satisfied with such
tenderness； worthy Sancho must make a scourge with claws； or a
cat…o'…nine tails； that will make itself felt； for it's with blood
that letters enter； and the release of so great a lady as Dulcinea
will not be granted so cheaply； or at such a paltry price； and
remember； Sancho； that works of charity done in a lukewarm and
half…hearted way are without merit and of no avail。〃
To which Sancho replied； 〃If your ladyship will give me a proper
scourge or cord； I'll lay on with it； provided it does not hurt too
much； for you must know； boor as I am； my flesh is more cotton than
hemp； and it won't do for me to destroy myself for the good of anybody
else。〃
〃So be it by all means；〃 said the duchess； 〃tomorrow I'll give you a
scourge that will be just the thing for you； and will accommodate
itself to the tenderness of your flesh； as if it was its own sister。〃
Then said Sancho； 〃Your highness must know； dear lady of my soul；
that I have a letter written to my wife； Teresa Panza； giving her an
account of all that has happened me since I left her； I have it here
in my bosom； and there's nothing wanting but to put the address to it；
I'd be glad if your discretion would read it； for I think it runs in
the governor style； I mean the way governors ought to write。〃
〃And who dictated it？〃 asked the duchess。
〃Who should have dictated but myself； sinner as I am？〃 said Sancho。
〃And did you write it yourself？〃 said the duchess。
〃That I didn't；〃 said Sancho； 〃for I can neither read nor write；
though I can sign my name。〃
〃Let us see it；〃 said the duchess； 〃for never fear but you display
in it the quality and quantity of your wit。〃
Sancho drew out an open letter from his bosom； and the duchess；
taking it； found it ran in this fashion：
SANCHO PANZA'S LETTER TO HIS WIFE； TERESA PANZA
If I was well whipped I went mounted like a gentleman； if I have got
a good government it is at the cost of a good whippi