as my own doing； and not be disappointed。 I had rather see you a
healthy； vigorous； useful man； than a poor puling nervous wretch of a
scholar； if you were to get all the prizes in the university。〃
Norman made a little murmuring sound of assent； and both were silent
for some moments； then he said； 〃Then you will not be displeased；
papa； if I do read； as long as I feel it does me no harm。〃
〃I told you I don't mean to make it a matter of obedience。 Do as you
pleaseI had rather you read than vexed yourself。〃
〃I am glad of it。 Thank you； papa；〃 said Norman； in a much cheered
voice。
They had； in the meantime； been mounting a rising ground； clothed
with stunted wood； and came out on a wide heath； brown with dead
bracken； a hollow； traced by the tops of leafless trees； marked the
course of the stream that traversed it； and the inequalities of
ground becoming more rugged in outlines and grayer in colouring as
they receded； till they were closed by a dark fir wood； beyond which
rose in extreme distance the grand mass of Welsh mountain heads；
purpled against the evening sky； except where the crowning peaks bore
a veil of snow。 Behind； the sky was pure gold； gradually shading
into pale green； and then into clear light wintry blue； while the sun
sitting behind two of the loftiest； seemed to confound their
outlines； and blend them in one flood of soft hazy brightness。 Dr。
May looked at his son； and saw his face clear up； his brow expand；
and his lips unclose with admiration。
〃Yes；〃 said the doctor； 〃it is very fine； is it not？ I used to bring
mamma here now and then for a treat； because it put her in mind of
her Scottish hills。 Well； your's are the golden hills of heaven；
now； my Maggie！〃 he added； hardly knowing that he spoke aloud。
Norman's throat swelled； as he looked up in his face； then cast down
his eyes hastily to hide the tears that had gathered on his
eyelashes。
〃I'll leave you here；〃 said Dr。 May； 〃I have to go to a farmhouse
close by； in the hollow behind us； there's a girl recovering from a
fever。 I'll not be ten minutes； so wait here。〃
When he came back； Norman was still where he had left him； gazing
earnestly； and the tears standing on his cheeks。 He did not move
till his father laid his hand on his shoulderthey walked away
together without a word； and scarcely spoke all the way home。
Dr。 May went to Margaret and talked to her of Norman's fine
character； and intense affection for his mother； the determined
temper； and quietly borne grief； for which the doctor seemed to have
worked himself into a perfect enthusiasm of admiration； but lamenting
that he could not tell what to do with himstudy or no study hurt
him alikeand he dreaded to see health and spirits shattered for
ever。 They tried to devise change of scene； but it did not seem
possible just at present； and Margaret； besides her fears for Norman；
was much grieved to see this added to her father's troubles。
At night Dr。 May again went up to see whether Norman； whom he had
moved into Margaret's former room； were again suffering from fever。
He found him asleep in a restless attitude； as if he had just dropped
off； and waking almost at the instant of his entrance； he exclaimed；
〃Is it you？ I thought it was mamma。 She said it was all ambition。〃
Then starting； and looking round the room； and at his father； he
collected himself； and said； with a slight smile； 〃I didn't know I
had been asleep。 I was awake just now； thinking about it。 Papa；
I'll give it up。 I'll try to put next half out of my head； and not
mind if they do pass me。〃
〃That's right； my boy；〃 said the doctor。
〃At least if Cheviot and Forder do； for they ought。 I only hope
Anderson won't。 I can stand anything but that。 But that is nonsense
too。〃
〃You are quite right； Norman；〃 said the doctor； 〃and it is a great
relief to me that you see the thing so sensibly。〃
〃No； I don't see it sensibly at all； papa。 I hate it all the time；
and I don't know whether I can keep from thinking of it； when I have
nothing to do； but I see it is wrong； I thought all ambition and
nonsense was gone out of me； when I cared so little for the
examination； but now I see； though I did not want to be made first； I
can't bear not to be first； and that's the old story； just as she
used to tell me to guard against ambition。 So I'll take my chance；
and if I should get put down； why； 'twas not fair that I should be
put up； and it is what I ought to be； and serves me right into the
bargain〃
〃Well； that's the best sort of sense； your mother's sense；〃 said the
doctor； more affected than he liked to show。 〃No wonder she came to
you in your dream； Norman； my boy； if you had come to such a
resolution。 I was half in hopes you had some such notion when I came
upon you； on Far…view down。〃
〃I think that sky did it；〃 said Norman； in a low voice； 〃it made me
think of her in a different wayand what you said too。〃
〃What did I say？ I don't remember。〃
But Norman could not repeat the words； and only murmured； 〃Golden
hills。〃 It was enough。
〃I see；〃 said the doctor； 〃you had dwelt on the blank here； not taken
home what it is to her。〃
〃Ay；〃 almost sobbed Norman； 〃I never could beforethat made me；〃
after a long silence； 〃and then I know how foolish I was； and how she
would say it was wrong to make this fuss； when you did not like it；
about my place； and that it was not for the sake of my duty； but of
ambition。 I knew that； but till I went to bed to…night； I could not
tell whether I could make up my mind； so I would say nothing。
CHAPTER XIII。
The days are sad； it is the Holy tide；
When flowers have ceased to blow and birds to sing。
F。 TENNYSON。
It had been a hard struggle to give up all thoughts of study； and
Norman was not at first rewarded for it； but rather exemplified the
truth of his own assertion； that he was worse without it； for when
this sole occupation for his mind was taken away； he drooped still
more。 He would willingly have shown his father that he was not
discontented； but he was too entirely unnerved to be either cheerful
or capable of entering with interest into any occupation。 If he had
been positively ill； the task would have been easier； but the low
intermittent fever that hung about him did not confine him to bed；
only kept him lounging； listless and forlorn； through the weary day；
not always able to go out with his father； and on Christmas Day unfit
even for church。
All this made the want of his mother； and the vacancy in his home；
still more evident； and nothing was capable of relieving his sadness
but his father's kindness； which was a continual surprise to him。
Dr。 May was a parent who could not fail to be loved and honoured；
but； as a busy man； trusting all at home to his wife； he had only
appeared to his children either as a merry playfellow； or as a stern
paternal authority； not often in the intermediate light of guiding
friend； or gentle guardian； and it affected Norman exceedingly to
find himself； a tall schoolboy； watched and soothed with motherly
tenderness and affection； with complete comprehension of his
feelings； and delicate care of them。 His father's solicitude and
sympathy were round him day and night； and this； in the midst of so
much toil； pain； grief； and anxiety of his own； that Norman might
well feel overwhelmed with the swelling； inexpressible feelings of
grateful affection。
How could his father know exactly what he would likesay the very
things he was thinkingsee that his depression was not wilful
repiningfind exactly what best soothed him！ He wondered； but he
could not have said so to any one； only his eye brightened； and； as
his sisters remarked； he never seemed half so uncomfortable when papa
was in the room。 Indeed； the certainty that his father felt the
sorrow as acutely as himself； was one reason of his opening to him。
He could not feel that his brothers and sisters did so； for；
outwardly； their habits were unaltered； their spirits not lowered；
their relish for things around much the same as before； and this had
given Norman a sense of isolation。 With his father it was different。
Norman knew he could never appreciate what the bereavement was to
himhe saw its traces in almost every word and look； and yet
perceived that something sustained and consoled him； though not in
the way of forgetfulness。 Now and then Norman caught at what gave
this comfort； and it might be hoped he would do so increasingly；
though； on this Christmas Day； Margaret felt very sad about him； as
she watched him sitting over the fire； cowering with chilliness and
headache； while every one was gone to church； and saw that the
reading of the service with her had been more of a trouble than a
solace。
She tried to think it bodily ailment； and strove hard not to pine for
her mother； to comfort them both； and say the fond words of
refreshing cheering pity that would have made all light to bear。
Margaret's home Christmas was so spent in caring for brother； father；
and children； that she had hardly time to dwell on the sad change
that had befallen herself。
Christmas was a season that none of them knew well how to meet：
Blanche was overheard saying to Mary that she wished it would not
come； and Mary； shaking her head； and answering that she was afraid
that was naughty； but it was very tiresome to have no fun。 Margaret
did her best upstairs； and Richard downstairs； by the help of prints
and hymns； to make the children think of the true joy of Christmas；
and in the evening their father gathered them round； and told them
the stories of the Shepherds and of the Wise Men； till Mary and
Blanche agreed； as they went up to bed； that it had been a very happy
evening。
The next day Harry discomfited the schoolroom by bursting in with the
news that 〃Louisa and Fanny Anderson were bearing down on the front
door。〃 Ethel and Flora were obliged to appear in the drawing…room；
where they were greeted by two girls； rather older than themselves。
A whole shower of inquiries for Dr。 May； for Margaret； and for the
dear little baby； were first poured out； then came hopes that Norman
was well； as they h