the sorrows of young werther- 第8部分

I　cannot　help　esteeming　Albert。　　The　coolness　of　his　temper　contrasts　strongly　with　the　impetuosity　of　mine；　which　I　cannot　conceal。　He　has　a　great　deal　of　feeling；　and　is　fully　sensible　of　the　treasure　he　possesses　in　Charlotte。　　He　is　free　from　ill…humour；　which　you　know　is　the　fault　I　detest　most。

He　regards　me　as　a　man　of　sense；　and　my　attachment　to　Charlotte；　and　the　interest　I　take　in　all　that　concerns　her；　augment　his　triumph　and　his　love。　　I　shall　not　inquire　whether　he　may　not　at　times　tease　her　with　some　little　jealousies；　as　I　know；　that；　were　I　in　his　place；　I　should　not　be　entirely　free　from　such　sensations。

But；　be　that　as　it　may；　my　pleasure　with　Charlotte　is　over。　　Call　it　folly　or　infatuation；　what　signifies　a　name？　　The　thing　speaks　for　itself。　　Before　Albert　came；　I　knew　all　that　I　know　now。　　I　knew　I　could　make　no　pretensions　to　her；　nor　did　I　offer　any；　that　is；　as　far　as　it　was　possible；　in　the　presence　of　so　much　loveliness；　not　to　pant　for　its　enjoyment。　　And　now；　behold　me　like　a　silly　fellow；　staring　with　astonishment　when　another　comes　in；　and　deprives　me　of　my　love。

I　bite　my　lips；　and　feel　infinite　scorn　for　those　who　tell　me　to　be　resigned；　because　there　is　no　help　for　it。　　Let　me　escape　from　the　yoke　of　such　silly　subterfuges！　　I　ramble　through　the　woods；　and　when　I　return　to　Charlotte；　and　find　Albert　sitting　by　her　side　in　the　summer…house　in　the　garden；　I　am　unable　to　bear　it；　behave　like　a　fool；　and　commit　a　thousand　extravagances。　　〃For　Heaven's　sake；〃　said　Charlotte　today；　〃let　us　have　no　more　scenes　like　those　of　last　night！　　You　terrify　me　when　you　are　so　violent。〃　Between　ourselves；　I　am　always　away　now　when　he　visits　her：　and　I　feel　delighted　when　I　find　her　alone。

AUGUST　8。

Believe　me；　dear　Wilhelm；　I　did　not　allude　to　you　when　I　spoke　so　severely　of　those　who　advise　resignation　to　inevitable　fate。　　I　did　not　think　it　possible　for　you　to　indulge　such　a　sentiment。　But　in　fact　you　are　right。　　I　only　suggest　one　objection。　　In　this　world　one　is　seldom　reduced　to　make　a　selection　between　two　alternatives。　　There　are　as　many　varieties　of　conduct　and　opinion　as　there　are　turns　of　feature　between　an　aquiline　nose　and　a　flat　one。

You　will；　therefore；　permit　me　to　concede　your　entire　argument；　and　yet　contrive　means　to　escape　your　dilemma。

Your　position　is　this；　I　hear　you　say：　〃Either　you　have　hopes　of　obtaining　Charlotte；　or　you　have　none。　Well；　in　the　first　case；　pursue　your　course；　and　press　on　to　the　fulfilment　of　your　wishes。　In　the　second；　be　a　man；　and　shake　off　a　miserable　passion；　which　will　enervate　and　destroy　you。〃　　My　dear　friend；　this　is　well　and　easily　said。

But　would　you　require　a　wretched　being；　whose　life　is　slowly　wasting　under　a　lingering　disease；　to　despatch　himself　at　once　by　the　stroke　of　a　dagger？　　Does　not　the　very　disorder　which　consumes　his　strength　deprive　him　of　the　courage　to　effect　his　deliverance？

You　may　answer　me；　if　you　please；　with　a　similar　analogy；　〃Who　would　not　prefer　the　amputation　of　an　arm　to　the　periling　of　life　by　doubt　and　procrastination！〃　　But　I　know　not　if　I　am　right；　and　let　us　leave　these　comparisons。

Enough！　　There　are　moments；　Wilhelm；　when　I　could　rise　up　and　shake　it　all　off；　and　when；　if　I　only　knew　where　to　go；　I　could　fly　from　this　place。

THE　SAME　EVENING。

My　diary；　which　I　have　for　some　time　neglected；　came　before　me　today；　and　I　am　amazed　to　see　how　deliberately　I　have　entangled　myself　step　by　step。　　To　have　seen　my　position　so　clearly；　and　yet　to　have　acted　so　like　a　child！　　Even　still　I　behold　the　result　plainly；　and　yet　have　no　thought　of　acting　with　greater　prudence。

AUGUST　lO。

If　I　were　not　a　fool；　I　could　spend　the　happiest　and　most　delightful　life　here。　　So　many　agreeable　circumstances；　and　of　a　kind　to　ensure　a　worthy　man's　happiness；　are　seldom　united。　　Alas！　　I　feel　it　too　sensibly；　　the　heart　alone　makes　our　happiness！　　To　be　admitted　into　this　most　charming　family；　to　be　loved　by　the　father　as　a　son；　by　the　children　as　a　father；　and　by　Charlotte！　　then　the　noble　Albert；　who　never　disturbs　my　happiness　by　any　appearance　of　ill…humour；　receiving　me　with　the　heartiest　affection；　and　loving　me；　next　to　Charlotte；　better　than　all　the　world！　　Wilhelm；　you　would　be　delighted　to　hear　us　in　our　rambles；　and　conversations　about　Charlotte。　　Nothing　in　the　world　can　be　more　absurd　than　our　connection；　and　yet　the　thought　of　it　often　moves　me　to　tears。

He　tells　me　sometimes　of　her　excellent　mother；　how；　upon　her　death…bed；　she　had　committed　her　house　and　children　to　Charlotte；　and　had　given　Charlotte　herself　in　charge　to　him；　how；　since　that　time；　a　new　spirit　had　taken　possession　of　her；　how；　in　care　and　anxiety　for　their　welfare；　she　became　a　real　mother　to　them；　how　every　moment　of　her　time　was　devoted　to　some　labour　of　love　in　their　behalf；　　and　yet　her　mirth　and　cheerfulness　had　never　forsaken　her。　　I　walk　by　his　side；　pluck　flowers　by　the　way；　arrange　them　carefully　into　a　nosegay；　then　fling　them　into　the　first　stream　I　pass；　and　watch　them　as　they　float　gently　away。　　I　forget　whether　I　told　you　that　Albert　is　to　remain　here。　　He　has　received　a　government　appointment；　with　a　very　good　salary；　and　I　understand　he　is　in　high　favour　at　court。　　I　have　met　few　persons　so　punctual　and　methodical　in　business。　　　　AUGUST　12。

Certainly　Albert　is　the　best　fellow　in　the　world。　　I　had　a　strange　scene　with　him　yesterday。　　I　went　to　take　leave　of　him；　for　I　took　it　into　my　head　to　spend　a　few　days　in　these　mountains；　from　where　I　now　write　to　you。　　As　I　was　walking　up　and　down　his　room；　my　eye　fell　upon　his　pistols。　〃Lend　me　those　pistols；〃　said　I；　〃for　my　journey。〃　　〃By　all　means；〃　he　replied；　〃if　you　will　take　the　trouble　to　load　them；　for　they　only　hang　there　for　form。〃　　I　took　down　one　of　them；　and　he　continued；　〃Ever　since　I　was　near　suffering　for　my　extreme　caution；　I　will　have　nothing　to　do　with　such　things。〃　　I　was　curious　to　hear　the　story。　　〃I　was　staying；〃　said　he；　〃some　three　months　ago；　at　a　friend's　house　in　the　country。　I　had　a　brace　of　pistols　with　me；　unloaded；　and　I　slept　without　any　anxiety。　　One　rainy　afternoon　I　was　sitting　by　myself；　doing　nothing；　when　it　occurred　to　me　I　do　not　know　how　that　the　house　might　be　attacked；　that　we　might　require　the　pistols；　that　we　might　in　short；　you　know　how　we　go　on　fancying；　when　we　have　nothing　better　to　do。　　I　gave　the　pistols　to　the　servant；　to　clean　and　load。　　He　was　playing　with　the　maid；　and　trying　to　frighten　her；　when　the　pistol　went　off　　God　knows　how！　　the　ramrod　was　in　the　barrel；　and　it　went　straight　through　her　right　hand；　and　shattered　the　thumb。　　I　had　to　endure　all　the　lamentation；　and　to　pay　the　surgeon's　bill；　so；　since　that　time；　I　have　kept　all　my　weapons　unloaded。　　But；　my　dear　friend；　what　is　the　use　of　prudence？　We　can　never　be　on　our　guard　against　all　possible　dangers。　　However；〃　　now；　you　must　know　I　can　tolerate　all　men　till　they　come　to　〃however；〃　　for　it　is　self…evident　that　every　universal　rule　must　have　its　exceptions。　　But　he　is　so　exceedingly　accurate；　that；　if　he　only　fancies　he　has　said　a　word　too　precipitate；　or　too　general；　or　only　half　true；　he　never　ceases　to　qualify；　to　modify；　and　extenuate；　till　at　last　he　appears　to　have　said　nothing　at　all。　　Upon　this　occasion；　Albert　was　deeply　immersed　in　his　subject：　I　ceased　to　listen　to　him；　and　became　lost　in　reverie。　With　a　sudden　motion；　I　pointed　the　mouth　of　the　pistol　to　my　forehead；　over　the　right　eye。　　〃What　do　vou　mean？〃　cried　Albert；　turning　back　the　pistol。　　〃It　is　not　loaded；〃　said　I。　　〃And　even　if　not；〃　he　answered　with　impatience；　　〃what　can　you　mean？　I　cannot　cornprehend　how　a　man　can　be　so　mad　as　to　shoot　himself；　and　the　bare　idea　of　it　shocks　me。〃　

〃But　why　should　any　one；〃　said　I；　〃in　speaking　of　an　action；　venture　to　pronounce　it　mad　or　wise；　or　good　or　bad？　　What　is　the　meaning　of　all　this？　　Have　you　carefully　studied　the　secret　motives　of　our　actions？　　Do　you　understand　　can　you　explain　the　causes　which　occasion　them；　and　make　them　inevitable？　　If　you　can；　you　will　be　less　hasty　with　your　decision。〃

〃But　you　will　allow；〃　said　Albert；　〃that　some　actions　are　criminal；　let　them　spring　from　whatever　motives　they　may。〃　　I　granted　it；　and　shrugged　my　shoulders。

〃But　still；　my　good　friend；〃　I　continued；　〃there　are　some　exceptions　here　too。　　Theft　is　a　crime；　but　the　man　who　commits　it　from　extreme　poverty；　with　no　design　but　to　save　his　family　from　perishing；　is　he　an　object　of　pity；　or　of　punishment？　　Who　shall　throw　the　first　stone　at　a　husband；　who；　in　the　heat　of　just　resentment；　sacrifices　his　faithless　wife　and　her　perfidious　seducer？　or　at　the　young　maiden；　who；　in　her　weak　hour　of　rapture；　forgets　herself　in　the　impetuous　joys　of　love？　　Even　our　laws；　cold　and　cruel　as　they　are；　relent　in　such　cases；　and　withhold　their　punishment。〃

〃That　is　quite　another　thing；〃　said　Albert；　〃because　a　man　under　the　influence　of　violent　passion　loses　alI　power　of　reflection；　and　is　regarded　as　intoxicated　or　insane。〃

〃Oh！　you　people　of　sound　understandings；〃　I　replied；　smiling；　〃are　ever　ready　to　exclaim　'Extravagance；　and　madness；　and　intoxication！'　You　moral　men　are　so　calm　and　so　subdued！　　You　abhor　the　drunken　man；　and　detest　the　extravagant；　you　pass　by；　like　the　Levite；　and　thank　God；　like　the　Pharisee；　that　you　are　not　like　one　of　them。　　I　have　been　more　than　once　intoxicated；　my　passions　have　always　bordered　on　extravagance：　I　am　not　ashamed　to　confess　it；　for　I　have　learned；　by　my　own　experience；　that　all　extraordinary　men；　who　have　accomplished　great　and　astonishing　actions；　have　ever　been　decried　by　the　world　as　drunken　or　insane。　　And　in　private　life；　too；　is　it　not　intolerable　that　no　one　can　undertake　the　execution　of　a　noble　or　generous　deed；　without　giving　rise　to　the　exclamation　that　the　doer　is　intoxicated　or　mad？　　Shame　upon　you；　ye　sages！〃

〃This　is　another　of　your　extravagant　humours；〃　said　Albert：　〃you　always　exaggerate　a　case；　and　in　this　matter　you　are　undoubtedly　wrong；　for　we　were　speaking　of　suicide；　which　you　compare　with　great　actions；　when　it　is　impossible　to　regard　it　as　anything　but　a　weakness。　　It　is　much　easier　to　die　than　to　bear　a　life　of　misery　with　fortitude。〃

I　was　on　the　point　of　breaking　off　the　conversati