How tremendously fed up he looked！ Honours； wealth； influence；
respect； he had them all。 How scornful and hard it had made his
unguarded expression！
I note without comment that it didn't even occur to me then to wake
him up and ask him what HE was up to with mankind。
9
One countervailing influence to my drift to Toryism in those days
was Margaret's quite religious faith in the Liberals。 I realised
that slowly and with a mild astonishment。 It set me； indeed； even
then questioning my own change of opinion。 We came at last
incidentally； as our way was； to an exchange of views。 It was as
nearly a quarrel as we had before I came over to the Conservative
side。 It was at Champneys； and I think during the same visit that
witnessed my exploration of Lady Forthundred。 It arose indirectly；
I think； out of some comments of mine upon our fellow…guests； but it
is one of those memories of which the scene and quality remain more
vivid than the things said； a memory without any very definite
beginning or end。 It was afternoon； in the pause between tea and
the dressing bell； and we were in Margaret's big silver…adorned；
chintz…bright room； looking out on the trim Italian garden。 。 。 。
Yes； the beginning of it has escaped me altogether； but I remember
it as an odd exceptional little wrangle。
At first we seem to have split upon the moral quality of the
aristocracy； and I had an odd sense that in some way too feminine
for me to understand our hostess had aggrieved her。 She said； I
know； that Champneys distressed her； made her 〃eager for work and
reality again。〃
〃But aren't these people real？〃
〃They're so superficial； so extravagant！〃
I said I was not shocked by their unreality。 They seemed the least
affected people I had ever met。 〃And are they really so
extravagant？〃 I asked； and put it to her that her dresses cost quite
as much as any other woman's in the house。
〃It's not only their dresses；〃 Margaret parried。 〃It's the scale
and spirit of things。〃
I questioned that。 〃They're cynical；〃 said Margaret； staring before
her out of the window。
I challenged her； and she quoted the Brabants； about whom there had
been an ancient scandal。 She'd heard of it from Altiora； and it was
also Altiora who'd given her a horror of Lord Carnaby； who was also
with us。 〃You know his reputation；〃 said Margaret。 〃That Normandy
girl。 Every one knows about it。 I shiver when I look at him。 He
seemsoh！ like something not of OUR civilisation。 He WILL come and
say little things to me。〃
〃Offensive things？〃
〃No； politenesses and things。 Of course his manners arequite
right。 That only makes it worse； I think。 It shows he might have
helpedall that happened。 I do all I can to make him see I don't
like him。 But none of the others make the slightest objection to
him。〃
〃Perhaps these people imagine something might be said for him。〃
〃That's just it；〃 said Margaret。
〃Charity；〃 I suggested。
〃I don't like that sort of toleration。〃
I was oddly annoyed。 〃Like eating with publicans and sinners；〃 I
said。 〃No！ 。 。 。
But scandals； and the contempt for rigid standards their condonation
displayed； weren't more than the sharp edge of the trouble。 〃It's
their whole position； their selfish predominance； their class
conspiracy against the mass of people；〃 said Margaret。 〃When I sit
at dinner in that splendid room； with its glitter and white
reflections and candlelight； and its flowers and its wonderful
service and its candelabra of solid gold； I seem to feel the slums
and the mines and the over…crowded cottages stuffed away under the
table。〃
I reminded Margaret that she was not altogether innocent of unearned
increment。
〃But aren't we doing our best to give it back？〃 she said。
I was moved to question her。 〃Do you really think；〃 I asked； 〃that
the Tories and peers and rich people are to blame for social
injustice as we have it to…day？ Do you really see politics as a
struggle of light on the Liberal side against darkness on the Tory？〃
〃They MUST know；〃 said Margaret。
I found myself questioning that。 I see now that to Margaret it must
have seemed the perversest carping against manifest things； but at
the time I was concentrated simply upon the elucidation of her view
and my own； I wanted to get at her conception in the sharpest；
hardest lines that were possible。 It was perfectly clear that she
saw Toryism as the diabolical element in affairs。 The thing showed
in its hopeless untruth all the clearer for the fine； clean emotion
with which she gave it out to me。 My sleeping peer in the library
at Stamford Court and Evesham talking luminously behind the
Hartstein flowers embodied the devil； and my replete citizen sucking
at his cigar in the National Liberal Club； Willie Crampton
discussing the care and management of the stomach over a specially
hygienic lemonade； and Dr。 Tumpany in his aggressive frock…coat
pegging out a sort of copyright in Socialism； were the centre and
wings of the angelic side。 It was nonsense。 But how was I to put
the truth to her？
〃I don't see things at all as you do；〃 I said。 〃I don't see things
in the same way。〃
〃Think of the poor；〃 said Margaret； going off at a tangent。
〃Think of every one；〃 I said。 〃We Liberals have done more mischief
through well…intentioned benevolence than all the selfishness in the
world could have done。 We built up the liquor interest。〃
〃WE！〃 cried Margaret。 〃How can you say that？ It's against us。〃
〃Naturally。 But we made it a monopoly in our clumsy efforts to
prevent people drinking what they liked； because it interfered with
industrial regularity〃
〃Oh！〃 cried Margaret； stung； and I could see she thought I was
talking mere wickedness。
〃That's it；〃 I said。
〃But would you have people drink whatever they pleased？〃
〃Certainly。 What right have I to dictate to other men and women？〃
〃But think of the children！〃
〃Ah！ there you have the folly of modern Liberalism； its half…
cunning； half…silly way of getting at everything in a roundabout
fashion。 If neglecting children is an offence； and it IS an
offence； then deal with it as such； but don't go badgering and
restricting people who sell something that may possibly in some
cases lead to a neglect of children。 If drunkenness is an offence；
punish it； but don't punish a man for selling honest drink that
perhaps after all won't make any one drunk at all。 Don't intensify
the viciousness of the public…house by assuming the place isn't fit
for women and children。 That's either spite or folly。 Make the
public…house FIT for women and children。 Make it a real public…
house。 If we Liberals go on as we are going； we shall presently
want to stop the sale of ink and paper because those things tempt
men to forgery。 We do already threaten the privacy of the post
because of betting tout's letters。 The drift of all that kind of
thing is narrow； unimaginative； mischievous； stupid。 。 。 。〃
I stopped short and walked to the window and surveyed a pretty
fountain； facsimile of one in Verona； amidst trim…cut borderings of
yew。 Beyond； and seen between the stems of ilex trees； was a great
blaze of yellow flowers。 。 。 。
〃But prevention；〃 I heard Margaret behind me； 〃is the essence of our
work。〃
I turned。 〃There's no prevention but education。 There's no
antiseptics in life but love and fine thinking。 Make people fine；
make fine people。 Don't be afraid。 These Tory leaders are better
people individually than the average； why cast them for the villains
of the piece？ The real villain in the piecein the whole human
dramais the muddle…headedness； and it matters very little if it's
virtuous…minded or wicked。 I want to get at muddle…headedness。 If
I could do that I could let all that you call wickedness in the
world run about and do what it jolly well pleased。 It would matter
about as much as a slightly neglected dogin an otherwise well…
managed home。〃
My thoughts had run away with me。
〃I can't understand you；〃 said Margaret； in the profoundest
distress。 〃I can't understand how it is you are coming to see
things like this。〃
10
The moods of a thinking man in politics are curiously evasive and
difficult to describe。 Neither the public nor the historian will
permit the statesman moods。 He has from the first to assume he has
an Aim； a definite Aim； and to pretend to an absolute consistency
with that。 Those subtle questionings about the very fundamentals of
life which plague us all so relentlessly nowadays are supposed to be
silenced。 He lifts his chin and pursues his Aim explicitly in the
sight of all men。 Those who have no real political experience can
scarcely imagine the immense mental and moral strain there is
between one's everyday acts and utterances on the one hand and the
〃thinking…out〃 process on the other。 It is perplexingly difficult
to keep in your mind； fixed and firm； a scheme essentially complex；
to keep balancing a swaying possibility while at the same time under
jealous； hostile； and stupid observation you tread your part in the
platitudinous； quarrelsome； ill…presented march of affairs。 。 。 。
The most impossible of all autobiographies is an intellectual
autobiography。 I have thrown together in the crudest way the
elements of the problem I struggled with； but I can give no record
of the subtle details； I can tell nothing of the long vacillations
between Protean values； the talks and re…talks； the meditations； the
bleak lucidities of sleepless nights。 。 。 。
And yet these things I have struggled with must be thought out； and；
to begin with； they must be thought out in this muddled；
exper