with chaff； and flatly rejected the proposal： so that Mrs Tabitha
was content to exert her patience once more； after having
endeavoured in vain to effect a rupture betwixt the two friends；
and now she thinks proper to be very civil to Lewis； who is
become necessary to her in the way of his profession。
These； however； are not the only efforts she has made towards a
nearer conjunction with our sex。 Her fortune was originally no
more than a thousand pounds； but she gained an accession of five
hundred by the death of a sister； and the lieutenant left her
three hundred in his will。 These sums she has more than doubled；
by living free of all expence； in her brother's house； and
dealing in cheese and Welsh flannel； the produce of his flocks
and dairy。 At present her capital is increased to about four
thousand pounds； and her avarice seems to grow every day more and
more rapacious： but even this is not so intolerable as the
perverseness of her nature； which keeps the whole family in
disquiet and uproar。 She is one of those geniuses who find some
diabolical enjoyment in being dreaded and detested by their
fellow…creatures。
I once told my uncle； I was surprised that a man of his
disposition could bear such a domestic plague； when it could be
so easily removed。 The remark made him sore； because it seemed to
tax him with want of resolution Wrinkling up his nose； and
drawing down his eye…brows； 'A young fellow （said he） when he
first thrusts his snout into the world； is apt to be surprised at
many things which a man of experience knows to be ordinary and
unavoidable This precious aunt of yours is become insensibly a
part of my constitution Damn her！ She's a noli me tangere in my
flesh； which I cannot bear to be touched or tampered with。' I made no
reply； but shifted the conversation。 He really has an affection
for this original； which maintains its ground in defiance of
common sense； and in despite of that contempt which he must
certainly feel for her character and understanding。 Nay； I am
convinced； that she has likewise a most virulent attachment to
his person； though her love never shews itself but in the shape
of discontent； and she persists in tormenting him out of pure
tenderness The only object within doors upon which she bestows
any marks of affection； in the usual stile； is her dog Chowder； a
filthy cur from Newfoundland； which she had in a present from the
wife of a skipper in Swansey。 One would imagine she had
distinguished this beast with her favour on account of his
ugliness and ill…nature； if it was not； indeed； an instinctive
sympathy； between his disposition and her own。 Certain it is； she
caresses him without ceasing； and even harasses the family in the
service of this cursed animal； which； indeed； has proved the
proximate cause of her breach with Sir Ulic Mackilligut。
You must know； she yesterday wanted to steal a march of poor
Liddy； and went to breakfast in the Room without any other
companion than her dog； in expectation of meeting with the
Baronet； who had agreed to dance with her in the evening Chowder
no sooner made his appearance in the Room； than the Master of the
Ceremonies； incensed at his presumption； ran up to drive him
away； and threatened him with his foot； but the other seemed to
despise his authority； and displaying a formidable case of long；
white； sharp teeth； kept the puny monarch at bay While he stood
under some trepidation； fronting his antagonist； and bawling to
the waiter； Sir Ulic Mackilligut came to his assistance； and
seeming ignorant of the connexion between this intruder and his
mistress； gave the former such a kick in the jaws； as sent him
howling to the door Mrs Tabitha； incensed at this outrage； ran
after him； squalling in a tone equally disagreeable； while the
Baronet followed her on one side； making apologies for his
mistake； and Derrick on the other； making remonstrances upon the
rules and regulations of the place。
Far from being satisfied with the Knight's excuses； she said she
was sure he was no gentleman； and when the Master of the
Ceremonies offered to hand her into the chair； she rapped him
over the knuckles with her fan。 My uncle's footman being still at
the door； she and Chowder got into the same vehicle； and were
carried off amidst the jokes of the chairmen and other populace
I had been riding out on Clerkendown； and happened to enter just
as the fracas was over The Baronet； coming up to me with an
affected air of chagrin； recounted the adventure； at which I
laughed heartily； and then his countenance cleared up。 'My dear
soul （said he） when I saw a sort of a wild baist； snarling with
open mouth at the Master of the Ceremonies； like the red cow
going to devour Tom Thumb； I could do no less than go to the
assistance of the little man； but I never dreamt the baist was
one of Mrs Bramble's attendants O！ if I had； he might have made
his breakfast upon Derrick and welcome But you know； my dear
friend； how natural it is for us Irishmen to blunder； and to take
the wrong sow by the ear However； I will confess judgment； and
cry her mercy； and it is to be hoped； a penitent sinner may be
forgiven。' I told him； that as the offence was not voluntary of
his side； it was to be hoped he would not find her implacable。
But； in truth； all this concern was dissembled。 In his approaches
of gallantry to Mrs Tabitha； he had been misled by a mistake of
at least six thousand pounds； in the calculation of her fortune；
and in this particular he was just undeceived。 He； therefore；
seized the first opportunity of incurring her displeasure
decently； in such a manner as would certainly annihilate the
correspondence； and he could not have taken a more effectual
method； than that of beating her dog。 When he presented himself
at our door； to pay his respects to the offended fair； he was
refused admittance； and given to understand that he should never
find her at home for the future。 She was not so inaccessible to
Derrick； who came to demand satisfaction for the insult she had
offered to him； even in the verge of his own court。 She knew it
was convenient to be well with the Master of the Ceremonies；
while she continued to frequent the Rooms； and； having heard he
was a poet； began to be afraid of making her appearance in a
ballad or lampoon。 She therefore made excuses for what she had
done； imputing it to the flutter of her spirits； and subscribed
handsomely for his poems： so that he was perfectly appeased； and
overwhelmed her with a profusion of
compliment。 He even solicited a reconciliation with Chowder；
which； however； the latter declined； and he declared； that if he
could find a precedent in the annals of the Bath； which he would
carefully examine for that purpose； her favourite should be
admitted to the next public breakfasting But； I； believe； she
will not expose herself or him to the risque of a second
disgrace Who will supply the place of Mackilligut in her
affections； I cannot foresee； but nothing in the shape of man can
come amiss。 Though she is a violent church…woman； of the most
intolerant zeal； I believe in my conscience she would have no
objection； at present； to treat on the score of matrimony with an
Anabaptist； Quaker； or Jew； and even ratify the treaty at the
expense of her own conversion。 But； perhaps； I think too hardly
of this kinswoman； who； I must own； is very little beholden to
the good opinion of
Yours；
J。 MELFORD
BATH； May 6。
To Dr LEWIS。
You ask me； why I don't take the air a…horseback； during this
fine weather？ In which of the avenues of this paradise would you
have me take that exercise？ Shall I commit myself to the high…roads
of London or Bristol； to be stifled with dust； or pressed
to death in the midst of post…chaises； flying…machines； waggons；
and coal…horses； besides the troops of fine gentlemen that take
to the highway； to shew their horsemanship； and the coaches of
fine ladies； who go thither to shew their equipages？ Shall I
attempt the Downs； and fatigue myself to death in climbing up an
eternal ascent； without any hopes of reaching the summit？ Know
then； I have made divers desperate leaps at those upper regions；
but always fell backward into this vapour…pit； exhausted and
dispirited by those ineffectual efforts； and here we poor
valetudinarians pant and struggle； like so many Chinese gudgeons；
gasping in the bottom of a punch…bowl。 By Heaven it is a kind of
enchantment！ If I do not speedily break the spell； and escape； I
may chance to give up the ghost in this nauseous stew of
corruption It was but two nights ago； that I had like to have
made my public exit； at a minute's warning。 One of my greatest
weaknesses is that of suffering myself to be over…ruled by the
opinion of people； whose judgment I despise I own； with shame
and confusion of face； that importunity of any kind I cannot
resist。 This want of courage and constancy is an original flaw in
my nature； which you must have often observed with compassion； if
not with contempt。 I am afraid some of our boasted virtues maybe
traced up to this defect。
Without further preamble； I was persuaded to go to a ball； on
purpose to see Liddy dance a minuet with a young petulant
jackanapes； the only son of a wealthy undertaker from London；
whose mother lodges in our neighbourhood； and has contracted an
acquaintance with Tabby。 I sat a couple of long hours； half
stifled； in the midst of a noisome crowd； and could not help
wondering that so many hundreds of those that rank as rational
creatures； could find entertainment in seeing a succession of
insipid animals； describing the same dull figure for a whole
evening； on an area； not much bigger than a taylor's shop…board。
If there had been any beauty； grace； activity； magnificent dress；
or variety of any kind howsoever absurd； to engage the attention；
and amuse the fancy； I should not have been surprised； but there
was no such object： it was a tiresome repetition of the same
languid； frivolous scene； performed by actors that seemed to
sleep in all their motions。 The continual swimming of these
phantoms before my eyes； gave me a swimming of the head； which
was also affected by the fouled air； circulating thro