remote filbert walk； from whence most of them dropt off one after
another； without further ceremony； but they were replaced by
fresh recruits of the same clan； who came to make an afternoon's
visit； and； among others； a spruce bookseller； called Birkin； who
rode his own gelding； and made his appearance in a pair of new
jemmy boots； with massy spurs of plate。 It was not without
reason； that this midwife of the Muses used exercise a…horseback；
for he was too fat to walk a…foot； and he underwent some sarcasms
from Tim Cropdale； on his unwieldy size and inaptitude for
motion。 Birkin； who took umbrage at this poor author's petulance
in presuming to joke upon a man so much richer than himself； told
him； he was not so unwieldy but that he could move the Marshalsea
court for a writ； and even overtake him with it； if he did not
very speedily come and settle accounts with him； respecting the
expence of publishing his last ode to the king of Prussia； of
which he had sold but three； and one of them was to Whitfield the
methodist。 Tim affected to receive this intimation with good
humour； saying； he expected in a post or two； from Potsdam； a
poem of thanks from his Prussian majesty； who knew very well how
to pay poets in their own coin； but； in the mean time； he
proposed； that Mr Birkin and he should run three times round the
garden for a bowl of punch； to be drank at Ashley's in the
evening； and he would run boots against stockings。 The
bookseller； who valued himself upon his mettle； was persuaded to
accept the challenge； and he forthwith resigned his boots to
Cropdale； who； when he had put them on； was no bad representation
of captain Pistol in the play。
Every thing being adjusted； they started together with great
impetuosity； and； in the second round； Birkin had clearly the
advantage； larding the lean earth as he puff'd along。 Cropdale
had no mind to contest the victory further； but； in a twinkling；
disappeared through the back…door of the garden； which opened
into a private lane； that had communication with the high road。
The spectators immediately began to hollow； 'Stole away！' and
Birkin set off in pursuit of him with great eagerness； but he had
not advanced twenty yards in the lane； when a thorn running into
his foot； sent him hopping back into the garden； roaring with
pain； and swearing with vexation。 When he was delivered from this
annoyance by the Scotchman； who had been bred to surgery； he
looked about him wildly； exclaiming； 'Sure； the fellow won't be
such a rogue as to run clear away with my boots！' Our landlord；
having reconnoitered the shoes he had left； which； indeed； hardly
deserved that name； 'Pray （said he）； Mr Birkin； wa'n't your boots
made of calf…skin？' 'Calf…skin or cow…skin （replied the other）
I'll find a slip of sheep…skin that will do his business I lost
twenty pounds by his farce which you persuaded me to buy I am
out of pocket five pounds by his damn'd ode； and now this pair of
boots； bran new； cost me thirty shillings； as per receipt But
this affair of the boots is felony transportation。 I'll have
the dog indicted at the Old Bailey I will； Mr S I will be
reveng'd； even though I should lose my debt in consequence of his
conviction。'
Mr S said nothing at present； but accommodated him with a pair
of shoes； then ordered his servant to rub him down； and comfort
him with a glass of rum…punch； which seemed； in a great measure；
to cool the rage of his indignation。 'After all （said our
landlord） this is no more than a humbug in the way of wit； though
it deserves a more respectable epithet； when considered as an
effort of invention。 Tim； being （I suppose） out of credit with
the cordwainer； fell upon this ingenious expedient to supply the
want of shoes； knowing that Mr Birkin； who loves humour； would
himself relish the joke upon a little recollection。 Cropdale
literally lives by his wit； which he has exercised upon all his
friends in their turns。 He once borrowed my poney for five or six
days to go to Salisbury； and sold him in Smithfield at his
return。 This was a joke of such a serious nature； that； in the
first transports of my passion； I had some thoughts of
prosecuting him for horse…stealing； and even
when my resentment had in some measure subsided； as he
industriously avoided me； I vowed； I would take satisfaction on
his ribs with the first opportunity。 One day； seeing him at some
distance in the street； coming towards me； I began to prepare my
cane for action； and walked in the shadow of a porter； that he
might not perceive me soon enough to make his escape； but； in the
very instant I had lifted up the instrument of correction； I
found Tim Cropdale metamorphosed into a miserable blind wretch；
feeling his way with a long stick from post to post； and rolling
about two bald unlighted orbs instead of eyes。 I was exceedingly
shocked at having so narrowly escaped the concern and disgrace
that would have attended such a misapplication of vengeance： but；
next day； Tim prevailed upon a friend of mine to come and solicit
my forgiveness； and offer his note； payable in six weeks； for the
price of the poney。 This gentleman gave me to understand； that
the blind man was no other than Cropdale； who having seen me
advancing； and guessing my intent； had immediately converted
himself into the object aforesaid I was so diverted at the
ingenuity of the evasion； that I agreed to pardon his offence；
refusing his note； however； that I might keep a prosecution for
felony hanging over his head； as a security for his future good
behaviour But Timothy would by no means trust himself in my
hands till the note was accepted then he made his appearance at
my door as a blind beggar； and imposed in such a manner upon my
man； who had been his old acquaintance and pot…companion； that
the fellow threw the door in his face； and even threatened to
give him the bastinado。 Hearing a noise in the hall； I went
thither； and immediately recollecting the figure I had passed in
the street； accosted him by his own name； to the unspeakable
astonishment of the footman。'
Birkin declared he loved a joke as well as another； but asked if
any of the company could tell where Mr Cropdale lodged； that he
might send him a proposal about restitution； before the boots
should be made away with。 'I would willingly give him a pair of
new shoes （said he）； and half a guinea into the bargain' for the
boots； which fitted me like a glove； and I shan't be able to get
the fellows of them 'till the good weather for riding is over。
The stuttering wit declared； that the only secret which Cropdale
ever kept； was the place of his lodgings； but he believed； that；
during the heats of summer； he commonly took his repose upon a
bulk； or indulged himself； in fresco； with one of the kennel…nymphs；
under the portico of St Martin's church。 'Pox on him！
（cried the bookseller） he might as well have taken my whip and
spurs。 In that case； he might have been tempted to steal another
horse； and then he would have rid to the devil of course。'
After coffee； I took my leave of Mr S； with proper
acknowledgments of his civility； and was extremely well pleased
with the entertainment of the day； though not yet satisfied； with
respect to the nature of this connexion； betwixt a man of
character in the literary world； and a parcel of authorlings；
who； in all probability； would never be able to acquire any
degree of reputation by their labours。 On this head I
interrogated my conductor； Dick Ivy； who answered me to this
effect 'One would imagine S had some view to his own interest；
in giving countenance and assistance to those people； whom he
knows to be bad men； as well as bad writers； but； if he has any
such view； he will find himself disappointed； for if he is so
vain as to imagine he can make them； subservient to his schemes
of profit or ambition； they are cunning enough to make him their
property in the mean time。 There is not one of the company you
have seen to…day （myself excepted） who does not owe him
particular obligations One of them he bailed out of a spunging…house；
and afterwards paid the debt another he translated into
his family； and clothed； when he was turned out half naked from
jail in consequence of an act for the relief of insolvent
debtors a third； who was reduced to a woollen night cap； and
lived upon sheeps trotters； up three pair of stairs backward in
Butcher…row； he took into present pay and free quarters； and
enabled him to appear as a gentleman； without having the fear of
sheriff's officers before his eyes。 Those who are in distress he
supplies with money when he has it； and with his credit when he
is out of cash。 When they want business； he either finds
employment for them in his own service； or recommends them to
booksellers to execute some project he has formed for their
subsistence。 They are always welcome to his table （which though
plain； is plentiful） and to his good offices as far as they will
go； and when they see Occasion； they make use of his name with
the most petulant familiarity； nay； they do not even scruple to
arrogate to themselves the merit of some of his performances； and
have been known to sell their own lucubrations as the produce of
his brain。 The Scotchman you saw at dinner once personated him at
an alehouse in West…Smithfield and； in the character of S； had
his head broke by a cow…keeper； for having spoke disrespectfully
of the Christian religion； but he took the law of him in his own
person； and the assailant was fain to give him ten pounds to
withdraw his action。'
I observed； that all this appearance of liberality on the side of
Mr S was easily accounted for； on the supposition that they
flattered him in private； and engaged his adversaries in public；
and yet I was astonished； when I recollected that I often had
seen this writer virulently abused in papers； poems； and
pamphlets； and not a pen was drawn in his defence 'But you will
be more astonished （said he） when I assure you； those very guests
whom you saw at his table to…day； were the authors of great part
of that abuse； and he himself is well aware of their particular
favours； for they are all eager to detect and betray one
another。' 'But this