community； who had been taken prisoner by the Indians that were
in alliance with the English。 At the peace； he had sold out upon
half pay； and was returned to Britain； with a view to pass the
rest of his life in his own country； where he hoped to find some
retreat where his slender finances would afford him a decent
subsistence。 Such are the outlines of Mr Lismahago's history； to
which Tabitha did seriously incline her ear； indeed； she seemed
to be taken with the same charms that captivated the heart of
Desdemona； who loved the Moor for the dangers he had past。
The description of poor Murphy's sufferings； which threw my
sister Liddy into a swoon； extracted some sighs from the breast
of Mrs Tabby： when she understood he had been rendered unfit for
marriage； she began to spit； and ejaculated； 'Jesus； what cruel
barbarians！' and she made wry faces at the lady's nuptial repast；
but she was eagerly curious to know the particulars of her
marriage…dress； whether she wore high…breasted stays or bodice； a
robe of silk or velvet； and laces of Mechlin or minionette she
supposed； as they were connected with the French； she used rouge；
and had her hair dressed in the Parisian fashion。 The captain
would have declined giving a catagorical explanation of all these
particulars； observing； in general； that the Indians were too
tenacious of their own customs to adopt the modes of any nation
whatsoever； he said； moreover； that neither the simplicity of
their manners nor the commerce of their country； would admit of
those articles of luxury which are deemed magnificence in Europe；
and that they were too virtuous and sensible to encourage the
introduction of any fashion which might help to render them
corrupt and effeminate。
These observations served only to inflame her desire of knowing
the particulars about which she had enquired； and； with all his
evasion； he could not help discovering the following
circumstances that his princess had neither shoes； stockings；
shift； nor any kind of linen that her bridal dress consisted of
a petticoat of red bays； and a fringed blanket； fastened about
her shoulders with a copper skewer； but of ornaments she had
great plenty。 Her hair was curiously plaited； and interwoven
with bobbins of human bone one eye…lid was painted green； and
the other yellow； the cheeks were blue； the lips white； the teeth
red； and there was a black list drawn down the middle of the
forehead as far as the tip of the nose a couple of gaudy
parrot's feathers were stuck through the division of the
nostrils there was a blue stone set in the chin； her ear…rings
consisted of two pieces of hickery； of the size and shape of
drum…sticks her arms and legs were adorned with bracelets of
wampum her breast glittered with numerous strings of glass
beads she wore a curious pouch； or pocket of woven grass；
elegantly painted with various colours about her neck was hung
the fresh scalp of a Mohawk warrior； whom her deceased lover had
lately slain in battle and； finally； she was anointed from head
to foot with bear's grease； which sent forth a most agreeable
odour。
One would imagine that these paraphernalia would not have been
much admired by a modern fine lady； but Mrs Tabitha was resolved
to approve of all the captains connexions。 She wished； indeed；
the squaw had been better provided with linen； but she owned
there was much taste and fancy in her ornaments； she made no
doubt； therefore； that madam Squinkinacoosta was a young lady of
good sense and rare accomplishments； and a good christian at
bottom。 Then she asked whether his consort had been high church
or low…church； presbyterian or anabaptist； or had been favoured
with any glimmering of the new light of the gospel？ When he
confessed that she and her whole nation were utter strangers to
the christian faith； she gazed at him with signs of astonishment；
and Humphry Clinker； who chanced to be in the room； uttered a
hollow groan。
After some pause； 'In the name of God； captain Lismahago （cried
she）； what religion do they profess？' 'As to religion； madam
（answered the lieutenant）； it is among those Indians a matter of
great simplicity they never heard of any Alliance between Church
and State。 They； in general； worship two contending principles；
one the Fountain of all Good； the other the source of all evil。
The common people there； as in other countries； run into the
absurdities of superstition； but sensible men pay adoration to a
Supreme Being； who created and sustains the universe。' 'O！ what
pity （exclaimed the pious Tabby）； that some holy man has not been
inspired to go and convert these poor heathens！'
The lieutenant told her； that while he resided among them； two
French missionaries arrived； in order to convert them to the
catholic religion； but when they talked of mysteries and
revelations； which they could neither explain nor authenticate；
and called in the evidence of miracles which they believed upon
hearsay； when they taught that the Supreme Creator of Heaven and
Earth had allowed his only Son； his own equal in power and glory；
to enter the bowels of a woman； to be born as a human creature；
to be insulted； flagellated； and even executed as a malefactor；
when they pretended to create God himself； to swallow； digest；
revive； and multiply him ad infinitum； by the help of a little
flour and water； the Indians were shocked at the impiety of their
presumption。 They were examined by the assembly of the sachems
who desired them to prove the divinity of their mission by some
miracle。 They answered； that it was not in their power。 'If you
were really sent by Heaven for our conversion （said one of the
sachems）； you would certainly have some supernatural endowments；
at least you would have the gift of tongues； in order to explain
your doctrine to the different nations among which you are
employed； but you are so ignorant of our language； that you
cannot express yourselves even on the most trifling subjects。' In
a word； the assembly were convinced of their being cheats； and
even suspected them of being spies： they ordered them a bag of
Indian corn apiece； and appointed a guide to conduct them to the
frontiers； but the missionaries having more zeal than discretion；
refused to quit the vineyard。 They persisted in saying mass； in
preaching； baptizing； and squabbling with the conjurers； or
priests of the country； till they had thrown the whole community
into confusion。 Then the assembly proceeded to try them as
impious impostors； who represented the Almighty as a trifling；
weak； capricious being； and pretended to make； unmake； and
reproduce him at pleasure； they were； therefore； convicted of
blasphemy and sedition； and condemned to the stale； where they
died singing Salve regina； in a rapture of joy； for the crown of
martyrdom which they had thus obtained。
In the course of this conversation； lieutenant Lismahago dropt
some hints by which it appeared he himself was a free…thinker。
Our aunt seemed to be startled at certain sarcasms he threw out
against the creed of saint Athanasius He dwelt much upon the
words； reason； philosophy； and contradiction in terms he bid
defiance to the eternity of hell…fire； and even threw such squibs
at the immortality of the soul； as singed a little the whiskers
of Mrs Tabitha's faith； for； by this time she began to look upon
Lismahago as a prodigy of learning and sagacity。 In short； he
could be no longer insensible to the advances she made towards
his affection； and although there was something repulsive in his
nature； he overcame it so far as to make some return to her
civilities。 Perhaps； he thought it would be no bad scheme； in a
superannuated lieutenant on half…pay； to effect a conjunction
with an old maid； who； in all probability； had fortune enough to
keep him easy and comfortable in the fag…end of his days An
ogling correspondence forthwith commenced between this amiable
pair of originals He began to sweeten the natural acidity of his
discourse with the treacle of compliment and commendation He
from time to time offered her snuff； of which he himself took
great quantities； and even made her a present of a purse of silk
grass； woven by the hands of the amiable Squinkinacoosta； who had
used it as a shot…pouch in her hunting expeditions。
From Doncaster northwards； all the windows of all the inns are
scrawled with doggeral rhimes； in abuse of the Scotch nation； and
what surprised me very much； I did not perceive one line written
in the way of recrimination Curious to hear what Lismahago would
say on this subject； I pointed out to him a very scurrilous
epigram against his countrymen； which was engraved on one of the
windows of the parlour where we sat。 He read it with the most
starched composure； and when I asked his opinion of the poetry；
'It is vara terse and vara poignant （said he）； but with the help
of a wat dish…clout； it might be rendered more clear and
parspicuous。 I marvel much that some modern wit has not
published a collection of these essays under the title of the
Glaziers Triumph over Sawney the Scot I'm persuaded it would be
a vara agreeable offering to the patriots of London and
Westminster。' When I expressed some surprize that the natives of
Scotland； who travel this way； had not broke all the windows upon
the road； 'With submission （replied the lieutenant）； that were
but shallow policy it would only serve to make the satire more
cutting and severe； and I think it is much better to let it stand
in the window； than have it presented in the reckoning。'
My uncle's jaws began to quiver with indignation。 He said； the
scribblers of such infamous stuff deserved to be scourged at the
cart's tail for disgracing their country with such monuments of
malice and stupidity。 'These vermin （said he） do not consider；
that they are affording their fellow subjects； whom they abuse；
continual matter of self…gratulation； as well as the means of
executing the most manly vengeance that can be taken for such
low； illiberal attacks。 For my part； I admire the philosophic
forbearance of the Scots； as much as I despise the insolence of
those wretched libellers； which is akin to the arrogance of the
vi