a wart upon his nose； that looked a little suspicious。 'I don't
pretend to be a judge of those matters （said he） but I understand
that warts are often produced by the distemper； and that one upon
your nose seems to have taken possession of the very keystone of
the bridge； which I hope is in no danger of falling。' Ln seemed
a little confounded at this remark； and assured him it was
nothing but a common excrescence of the cuticula； but that the
bones were all sound below； for the truth of this assertion he
appealed to the touch； desiring he would feel the part。 My uncle
said it was a matter of such delicacy to meddle with a
gentleman's nose； that he declined the office upon which； the
Doctor turning to me； intreated me to do him that favour。 I
complied with his request； and handled it so roughly； that he
sneezed； and the tears ran down his cheeks； to the no small
entertainment of the company； and particularly of my uncle； who
burst out a…laughing for the first time since I have been with
him； and took notice； that the part seemed to be very tender。
'Sir （cried the Doctor） it is naturally a tender part； but to
remove all possibility of doubt； I will take off the wart this
very night。'
So saying； he bowed； with great solemnity all round； and retired
to his own lodgings； where he applied a caustic to the wart； but
it spread in such a manner as to produce a considerable
inflammation； attended with an enormous swelling； so that when he
next appeared； his whole face was overshadowed by this tremendous
nozzle； and the rueful eagerness with which he explained this
unlucky accident； was ludicrous beyond all description。 I was
much pleased with meeting the original of a character； which you
and I have often laughed at in description； and what surprises me
very much； I find the features in the picture； which has been
drawn for him； rather softened than over…charged。
As I have something else to say； and this letter has run to an
unconscionable length； I shall now give you a little respite； and
trouble you again by the very first post。 I wish you would take
it in your head to retaliate these double strokes upon
Yours always；
J。 MELFORD
To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS； of Jesus college； Oxon。
HOT WELL； April 20。
DEAR KNIGHT；
I now sit down to execute the threat in the tail of my last。 The
truth is； I am big with the secret； and long to be delivered。 It
relates to my guardian； who； you know； is at present our
principal object in view。
T'other day； I thought I had detected him in such a state of
frailty； as would but ill become his years and character。 There
is a decent sort of woman； not disagreeable in her person； that
comes to the Well； with a poor emaciated child； far gone in a
consumption。 I had caught my uncle's eyes several times directed
to this person； with a very suspicious expression in them； and
every time he saw himself observed； he hastily withdrew them；
with evident marks of confusion I resolved to watch him more
narrowly； and saw him speaking to her privately in a corner of
the walk。 At length； going down to the Well one day； I met her
half way up the hill to Clifton； and could not help suspecting
she was going to our lodgings by appointment； as it was about one
o'clock； the hour when my sister and I are generally at the Pump…room。
This notion exciting my curiosity； I returned by a back…way；
and got unperceived into my own chamber； which is contiguous
to my uncle's apartment。 Sure enough； the woman was introduced
but not into his bedchamber； he gave her audience in a parlour；
so that I was obliged to shift my station to another room； where；
however； there was a small chink in the partition； through which
I could perceive what passed。 My uncle； though a little lame；
rose up when she came in； and setting a chair for her； desired
she would sit down： then he asked if she would take a dish of
chocolate； which she declined； with much acknowledgment。 After a
short pause； he said； in a croaking tone of voice； which
confounded me not a little； 'Madam； I am truly concerned for your
misfortunes； and if this trifle can be of any service to you； I
beg you will accept it without ceremony。' So saying； he put a bit
of paper into her hand； which she opening with great trepidation；
exclaimed in an extacy； 'Twenty pounds！ Oh； sir！' and sinking
down upon a settee； fainted away Frightened at this fit； and；
I suppose； afraid of calling for assistance； lest her situation
should give rise to unfavourable conjectures； he ran about the
room in distraction； making frightful grimaces； and； at length；
had recollection enough to throw a little water in her face； by
which application she was brought to herself： but； then her
feeling took another turn。 She shed a flood of tears； and cried
aloud； 'I know not who you are： but； sure worthy sir
generous sir！ the distress of me and my poor dying child
Oh！ if the widow's prayers if the orphan's tears of gratitude
can ought avail gracious Providence Blessings！ shower
down eternal blessings。' Here she was interrupted by my uncle；
who muttered in a voice still more and more discordant； 'For
Heaven's sake be quiet； madam consider the people of the
house 'sdeath！ can't you。' All this time she was struggling
to throw herself on her knees； while he seizing her by the
wrists； endeavoured to seat her upon the settee； saying； 'Prithee
good now hold your tongue' At that instant； who should
burst into the room but our aunt Tabby！ of all antiquated
maidens the most diabolically capricious Ever prying into
other people's affairs； she had seen the woman enter； and
followed her to the door； where she stood listening； but probably
could hear nothing distinctly； except my uncle's； last
exclamation； at which she bounded into the parlour in a violent
rage； that dyed the tip of her nose of a purple hue； 'Fy upon
you； Matt！ （cried she） what doings are these； to disgrace your
own character； and disparage your family？' Then； snatching the
bank note out of the stranger's hand； she went on 'How now；
twenty pounds！ here is temptation with a witness！ Good…woman；
go about your business Brother； brother； I know not which most
to admire； your concupissins； or your extravagance！' 'Good God
（exclaimed the poor woman） shall a worthy gentleman's character
suffer for an action that does honour to humanity？' By this time；
uncle's indignation was effectually roused。 His face grew pale；
his teeth chattered； and his eyes flashed 'Sister （cried he； in
a voice like thunder） I vow to God； your impertinence is
exceedingly provoking。' With these words； he took her by the
hand； and； opening the door of communication； thrust her into the
chamber where I stood； so affected by the scene； that the tears
ran down my cheeks。 Observing these marks of emotion； 'I don't
wonder （said she） to see you concerned at the back…slidings of so
near a relation； a man of his years and infirmities： These are
fine doings； truly This is a rare example； set by a guardian；
for the benefit of his pupils Monstrous！ incongruous！
sophistical！' I thought it was but an act of justice to set her
to rights； and therefore explained the mystery。 But she would not
be undeceived； 'What （said she） would you go for to offer for to
arguefy me out of my senses？ Did'n't I hear him whispering to her
to hold her tongue？ Did'n't I see her in tears？ Did'n't I see him
struggling to throw her upon the couch？ 0 filthy！ hideous！
abominable！ Child； child； talk not to me of charity。 Who gives
twenty pounds in charity？ But you are a stripling You know
nothing of the world。 Besides； charity begins at home Twenty
pounds would buy me a complete suit of flowered silk； trimmings
and all ' In short； I quitted the room； my contempt for her； and
my respect for her brother； being increased in the same
proportion。 I have since been informed； that the person； whom my
uncle so generously relieved； is the widow of an ensign； who has
nothing to depend upon but the pension of fifteen pounds a year。
The people of the Well…house give her an excellent character。 She
lodges in a garret； and works very hard at plain work； to support
her daughter； who is dying of a consumption。 I must own； to my
shame； I feel a strong inclination to follow my uncle's example；
in relieving this poor widow； but； betwixt friends； I am afraid
of being detected in a weakness； that might entail the ridicule
of the company； upon；
Dear Phillips；
Yours always；
J。 MELFORD
Direct your next to me at Bath； and remember me to all our
fellow…jesuits。
To Dr LEWIS。
H0T WELL； April 20。
I understand your hint。 There are mysteries in physic； as well as
in religion； which we of the profane have no right to investigate
A man must not presume to use his reason； unless he has
studied the categories； and can chop logic by mode and figure
Between friends； I think every man of tolerable parts ought； at
my time of day； to be both physician and lawyer； as far as his
own constitution and property are concerned。 For my own part； I
have had an hospital these fourteen years within myself； and
studied my own case with the most painful attention； consequently
may be supposed to know something of the matter； although I have
not taken regular courses of physiology et cetera et cetera。
In short； I have for some time been of opinion （no offence； dear
Doctor） that the sum of all your medical discoveries amounts to
this； that the more you study the less you know。 I have read
all that has been written on the Hot Wells； and what I can
collect from the whole； is； that the water contains nothing but a
little salt； and calcarious earth； mixed in such inconsiderable
proportion； as can have very little； if any； effect on the animal
economy。 This being the case； I think the man deserves to be
fitted with a cap and bells； who for such a paultry advantage as
this spring affords； sacrifices his precious time； which might be
employed in taking more effectual remedies； and exposes himself
to the dirt； the stench； the chilling blasts； and perpetual
rains； that render this place to me intolerable。 If these waters；
from a small degree of astringency； are of some service in the
diabetes； di