character- 第59部分

Although　nature　spurns　all　formal　rules　and　directions　in　affairs

of　love；　it　might　at　all　events　be　possible　to　implant　in　young

minds　such　views　of　Character　as　should　enable　them　to

discriminate　between　the　true　and　the　false；　and　to　accustom　them

to　hold　in　esteem　those　qualities　of　moral　purity　and　integrity；

without　which　life　is　but　a　scene　of　folly　and　misery。　　It　may　not

be　possible　to　teach　young　people　to　love　wisely；　but　they　may　at

least　be　guarded　by　parental　advice　against　the　frivolous　and

despicable　passions　which　so　often　usurp　its　name。　　〃Love；〃　it　has

been　said；　〃in　the　common　acceptation　of　the　term；　is　folly；　but

love；　in　its　purity；　its　loftiness；　its　unselfishness；　is　not　only

a　consequence；　but　a　proof；　of　our　moral　excellence。　　The

sensibility　to　moral　beauty；　the　forgetfulness　of　self　in　the

admiration　engendered　by　it；　all　prove　its　claim　to　a　high　moral

influence。　　It　is　the　triumph　of　the　unselfish　over　the　selfish

part　of　our　nature。〃



It　is　by　means　of　this　divine　passion　that　the　world　is　kept　ever

fresh　and　young。　　It　is　the　perpetual　melody　of　humanity。　　It

sheds　an　effulgence　upon　youth；　and　throws　a　halo　round　age。　　It

glorifies　the　present　by　the　light　it　casts　backward；　and　it

lightens　the　future　by　the　beams　it　casts　forward。　　The　love　which

is　the　outcome　of　esteem　and　admiration；　has　an　elevating　and

purifying　effect　on　the　character。　　It　tends　to　emancipate　one

from　the　slavery　of　self。　　It　is　altogether　unsordid；　itself　is

its　only　price。　　It　inspires　gentleness；　sympathy；　mutual　faith；

and　confidence。　　True　love　also　in　a　measure　elevates　the

intellect。　　〃All　love　renders　wise　in　a　degree；〃　says　the　poet

Browning；　and　the　most　gifted　minds　have　been　the　sincerest

lovers。　　Great　souls　make　all　affections　great；　they　elevate　and

consecrate　all　true　delights。　　The　sentiment　even　brings　to　light

qualities　before　lying　dormant　and　unsuspected。　　It　elevates　the

aspirations；　expands　the　soul；　and　stimulates　the　mental　powers。

One　of　the　finest　compliments　ever　paid　to　a　woman　was　that　of

Steele；　when　he　said　of　Lady　Elizabeth　Hastings；　〃that　to　have

loved　her　was　a　liberal　education。〃　　Viewed　in　this　light；　woman

is　an　educator　in　the　highest　sense；　because；　above　all　other

educators；　she　educates　humanly　and　lovingly。



It　has　been　said　that　no　man　and　no　woman　can　be　regarded　as

complete　in　their　experience　of　life；　until　they　have　been　subdued

into　union　with　the　world　through　their　affections。　　As　woman　is

not　woman　until　she　has　known　love；　neither　is　man　man。　　Both　are

requisite　to　each　other's　completeness。　　Plato　entertained　the

idea　that　lovers　each　sought　a　likeness　in　the　other；　and　that

love　was　only　the　divorced　half　of　the　original　human　being

entering　into　union　with　its　counterpart。　　But　philosophy　would

here　seem　to　be　at　fault；　for　affection　quite　as　often　springs

from　unlikeness　as　from　likeness　in　its　object。



The　true　union　must　needs　be　one　of　mind　as　well　as　of　heart；　and

based　on　mutual　esteem　as　well　as　mutual　affection。　　〃No　true　and

enduring　love；〃　says　Fichte；　〃can　exist　without　esteem　；　every

other　draws　regret　after　it；　and　is　unworthy　of　any　noble　human

soul。〃　　One　cannot　really　love　the　bad；　but　always　something　that

we　esteem　and　respect　as　well　as　admire。　　In　short；　true　union

must　rest　on　qualities　of　character；　which　rule　in　domestic　as　in

public　life。



But　there　is　something　far　more　than　mere　respect　and　esteem　in

the　union　between　man　and　wife。　　The　feeling　on　which　it　rests

is　far　deeper　and　tenderersuch；　indeed；　as　never　exists

between　men　or　between　women。　　〃In　matters　of　affection；〃　says

Nathaniel　Hawthorne；　〃there　is　always　an　impassable　gulf　between

man　and　man。　　They　can　never　quite　grasp　each　other's　hands；

and　therefore　man　never　derives　any　intimate　help；　any

heart…sustenance；　from　his　brother　man；　but　from　womanhis

mother；　his　sister；　or　his　wife。〃　（2）



Man　enters　a　new　world　of　joy；　and　sympathy；　and　human　interest；

through　the　porch　of　love。　　He　enters　a　new　world　in　his　home

the　home　of　his　own　makingaltogether　different　from　the　home　of

his　boyhood；　where　each　day　brings　with　it　a　succession　of　new

joys　and　experiences。　　He　enters　also；　it　may　be；　a　new　world　of

trials　and　sorrows；　in　which　he　often　gathers　his　best　culture　and

discipline。　　〃Family　life；〃　says　Sainte…Beuve；　〃may　be　full　of

thorns　and　cares；　but　they　are　fruitful：　all　others　are　dry

thorns。〃　　And　again：　〃If　a　man's　home；　at　a　certain　period　of

life；　does　not　contain　children；　it　will　probably　be　found　filled

with　follies　or　with　vices。〃　（3）



A　life　exclusively　occupied　in　affairs　of　business　insensibly

tends　to　narrow　and　harden　the　character。　　It　is　mainly　occupied

with　self…watching　for　advantages；　and　guarding　against　sharp

practice　on　the　part　of　others。　　Thus　the　character　unconsciously

tends　to　grow　suspicious　and　ungenerous。　　The　best　corrective　of

such　influences　is　always　the　domestic；　by　withdrawing　the　mind

from　thoughts　that　are　wholly　gainful；　by　taking　it　out　of　its

daily　rut；　and　bringing　it　back　to　the　sanctuary　of　home　for

refreshment　and　rest：



　　　　　　　　　　〃That　truest；　rarest　light　of　social　joy；

　　　　　　　　　　Which　gleams　upon　the　man　of　many　cares。〃



〃Business；〃　says　Sir　Henry　Taylor；　〃does　but　lay　waste　the

approaches　to　the　heart；　whilst　marriage　garrisons　the　fortress。〃

And　however　the　head　may　be　occupied；　by　labours　of　ambition　or　of

businessif　the　heart　be　not　occupied　by　affection　for　others

and　sympathy　with　themlife；　though　it　may　appear　to　the　outer

world　to　be　a　success；　will　probably　be　no　success　at　all；

but　a　failure。　（4）



A　man's　real　character　will　always　be　more　visible　in　his

household　than　anywhere　else；　and　his　practical　wisdom　will　be

better　exhibited　by　the　manner　in　which　he　bears　rule　there；　than

even　in　the　larger　affairs　of　business　or　public　life。　　His　whole

mind　may　be　in　his　business；　but；　if　he　would　be　happy；　his　whole

heart　must　be　in　his　home。　　It　is　there　that　his　genuine　qualities

most　surely　display　themselvesthere　that　he　shows　his

truthfulness；　his　love；　his　sympathy；　his　consideration　for

others；　his　uprightness；　his　manlinessin　a　word；　his　character。

If　affection　be　not　the　governing　principle　in　a　household；

domestic　life　may　be　the　most　intolerable　of　despotisms。　　Without

justice；　also；　there　can　be　neither　love；　confidence；　nor　respect；

on　which　all　true　domestic　rule　is　founded。



Erasmus　speaks　of　Sir　Thomas　More's　home　as　〃a　school　and　exercise

of　the　Christian　religion。〃　　〃No　wrangling；　no　angry　word　was

heard　in　it；　no　one　was　idle；　every　one　did　his　duty　with

alacrity；　and　not　without　a　temperate　cheerfulness。〃　　Sir　Thomas

won　all　hearts　to　obedience　by　his　gentleness。　　He　was　a　man

clothed　in　household　goodness；　and　he　ruled　so　gently　and　wisely；

that　his　home　was　pervaded　by　an　atmosphere　of　love　and　duty。　　He

himself　spoke　of　the　hourly　interchange　of　the　smaller　acts　of

kindness　with　the　several　members　of　his　family；　as　having　a　claim

upon　his　time　as　strong　as　those　other　public　occupations　of　his

life　which　seemed　to　others　so　much　more　serious　and　important。



But　the　man　whose　affections　are　quickened　by　home…life；　does　not

confine　his　sympathies　within　that　comparatively　narrow　sphere。

His　love　enlarges　in　the　family；　and　through　the　family　it　expands

into　the　world。　　〃Love；〃　says　Emerson；　〃is　a　fire　that；　kindling

its　first　embers　in　the　narrow　nook　of　a　private　bosom；　caught

from　a　wandering　spark　out　of　another　private　heart；　glows　and

enlarges　until　it　warms　and　beams　upon　multitudes　of　men　and

women；　upon　the　universal　heart　of　all；　and　so　lights　up　the　whole

world　and　nature　with　its　generous　flames。〃



It　is　by　the　regimen　of　domestic　affection　that　the　heart　of　man

is　best　composed　and　regulated。　　The　home　is　the　woman's　kingdom；

her　state；　her　worldwhere　she　governs　by　affection；　by

kindness；　by　the　power　of　gentleness。　　There　is　nothing　which　so

settles　the　turbulence　of　a　man's　nature　as　his　union　in　life　with

a　highminded　woman。　　There　he　finds　rest；　contentment；　and

happinessrest　of　brain　and　peace　of　spirit。　　He　will　also　often

find　in　her　his　best　counsellor；　for　her　instinctive　tact　will

usually　lead　him　right　when　his　own　unaided　reason　might　be　apt　to

go　wrong。　　The　true　wife　is　a　staff　to　lean　upon　in　times　of　trial

and　difficulty；　and　she　is　never　wanting　in　sympathy　and　solace

when　distress　occurs　or　fortune　frowns。　　In　the　time　of　youth；　she

is　a　comfort　and　an　ornament　of　man's　life；　and　she　remains　a

faithful　helpmate　in　maturer　years；　when　life　has　ceased　to　be　an

anticipation；　and　we　live　in　its　realities。



What　a　happy　man　must　Edmund　Burke　have　been；　when　he　could　say　of

his　home；　〃Every　care　vanishes　the　moment　I　enter　under　my　own

roof！〃　　And　Luther；　a　man　full　of　human　affection；　speaking　of　his

wife；　said；　〃I　would　not　exchange　my　poverty　with　her　for　all　the

riches　of　Croesus　without　her。〃　　Of　marriage　he　observed：　〃The

utmost　blessing　that　God　can　confer　on　a　man　is　the　possession　of

a　good　and　pious　wife；　with　whom　he　may　live　in　peace　and

tranquillityto　whom　he　may　confide　his　whole　possessions；　even

his　life　and　welfare。〃　　And　again　he　said；　〃To　rise　betimes；　and

to　marry　young；　are　what　no　man　ever　repents　of　doing。〃



For　a　man　to　enjoy　true　repose　and　happiness　in　marriage；　he　must

have　in　his　wife　a　soul…mate　as　well　as　a　helpmate。　　But　it　is　not

requisite　that　she　should　be　merely　a　pale　copy　of　himself。　　A　man

no　more　desires　in　his　wife　a　manly　woman；　than　the　woman　desires

in　her　husband　a　feminine　man。　　A　woman's　best　qualities　do　not

reside　in　her　intellect；　but　in　her　affections。　　She　gives

refreshment　by　her　sympathies；　rather　than　by　her　knowledge。　　〃The

brain…women；〃　says　Oliver　Wendell　Holmes；　〃never　interest　us　like

the　heart…women。〃　（5）　　Men　are　often