the uncommercial traveller- 第14部分

bill；　but；　it　takes　time　to　get；　even　when　gone　for；　because　your

waiter　has　to　communicate　with　a　lady　who　lives　behind　a　sash…

window　in　a　corner；　and　who　appears　to　have　to　refer　to　several

Ledgers　before　she　can　make　it　out　…　as　if　you　had　been　staying

there　a　year。　　You　become　distracted　to　get　away；　and　the　other

waiter；　once　more　changing　his　leg；　still　looks　at　you　…　but

suspiciously；　now；　as　if　you　had　begun　to　remind　him　of　the　party

who　took　the　great…coats　last　winter。　　Your　bill　at　last　brought

and　paid；　at　the　rate　of　sixpence　a　mouthful；　your　waiter

reproachfully　reminds　you　that　'attendance　is　not　charged　for　a

single　meal；'　and　you　have　to　search　in　all　your　pockets　for

sixpence　more。　　He　has　a　worse　opinion　of　you　than　ever；　when　you

have　given　it　to　him；　and　lets　you　out　into　the　street　with　the　air

of　one　saying　to　himself；　as　you　cannot　again　doubt　he　is；　'I　hope

we　shall　never　see　YOU　here　again！'



Or；　take　any　other　of　the　numerous　travelling　instances　in　which；

with　more　time　at　your　disposal；　you　are；　have　been；　or　may　be；

equally　ill　served。　　Take　the　old…established　Bull's　Head　with　its

old…established　knife…boxes　on　its　old…established　sideboards；　its

old…established　flue　under　its　old…established　four…post　bedsteads

in　its　old…established　airless　rooms；　its　old…established

frouziness　up…stairs　and　down…stairs；　its　old…established　cookery；

and　its　old…established　principles　of　plunder。　　Count　up　your

injuries；　in　its　side…dishes　of　ailing　sweetbreads　in　white

poultices；　of　apothecaries'　powders　in　rice　for　curry；　of　pale

stewed　bits　of　calf　ineffectually　relying　for　an　adventitious

interest　on　forcemeat　balls。　　You　have　had　experience　of　the　old…

established　Bull's　Head　stringy　fowls；　with　lower　extremities　like

wooden　legs；　sticking　up　out　of　the　dish；　of　its　cannibalic　boiled

mutton；　gushing　horribly　among　its　capers；　when　carved；　of　its

little　dishes　of　pastry　…　roofs　of　spermaceti　ointment；　erected

over　half　an　apple　or　four　gooseberries。　　Well　for　you　if　you　have

yet　forgotten　the　old…established　Bull's　Head　fruity　port：　　whose

reputation　was　gained　solely　by　the　old…established　price　the

Bull's　Head　put　upon　it；　and　by　the　old…established　air　with　which

the　Bull's　Head　set　the　glasses　and　D'Oyleys　on；　and　held　that

Liquid　Gout　to　the　three…and…sixpenny　wax…candle；　as　if　its　old…

established　colour　hadn't　come　from　the　dyer's。



Or　lastly；　take　to　finish　with；　two　cases　that　we　all　know；　every

day。



We　all　know　the　new　hotel　near　the　station；　where　it　is　always

gusty；　going　up　the　lane　which　is　always　muddy；　where　we　are　sure

to　arrive　at　night；　and　where　we　make　the　gas　start　awfully　when　we

open　the　front　door。　　We　all　know　the　flooring　of　the　passages　and

staircases　that　is　too　new；　and　the　walls　that　are　too　new；　and　the

house　that　is　haunted　by　the　ghost　of　mortar。　　We　all　know　the

doors　that　have　cracked；　and　the　cracked　shutters　through　which　we

get　a　glimpse　of　the　disconsolate　moon。　　We　all　know　the　new

people；　who　have　come　to　keep　the　new　hotel；　and　who　wish　they　had

never　come；　and　who　（inevitable　result）　wish　WE　had　never　come。　　We

all　know　how　much　too　scant　and　smooth　and　bright　the　new　furniture

is；　and　how　it　has　never　settled　down；　and　cannot　fit　itself　into

right　places；　and　will　get　into　wrong　places。　　We　all　know　how　the

gas；　being　lighted；　shows　maps　of　Damp　upon　the　walls。　　We　all　know

how　the　ghost　of　mortar　passes　into　our　sandwich；　stirs　our　negus；

goes　up　to　bed　with　us；　ascends　the　pale　bedroom　chimney；　and

prevents　the　smoke　from　following。　　We　all　know　how　a　leg　of　our

chair　comes　off　at　breakfast　in　the　morning；　and　how　the　dejected

waiter　attributes　the　accident　to　a　general　greenness　pervading　the

establishment；　and　informs　us；　in　reply　to　a　local　inquiry；　that　he

is　thankful　to　say　he　is　an　entire　stranger　in　that　part　of　the

country　and　is　going　back　to　his　own　connexion　on　Saturday。



We　all　know；　on　the　other　hand；　the　great　station　hotel　belonging

to　the　company　of　proprietors；　which　has　suddenly　sprung　up　in　the

back　outskirts　of　any　place　we　like　to　name；　and　where　we　look　out

of　our　palatial　windows　at　little　back　yards　and　gardens；　old

summer…houses；　fowl…houses；　pigeon…traps；　and　pigsties。　　We　all

know　this　hotel　in　which　we　can　get　anything　we　want；　after　its

kind；　for　money；　but　where　nobody　is　glad　to　see　us；　or　sorry　to

see　us；　or　minds　（our　bill　paid）　whether　we　come　or　go；　or　how；　or

when；　or　why；　or　cares　about　us。　　We　all　know　this　hotel；　where　we

have　no　individuality；　but　put　ourselves　into　the　general　post；　as

it　were；　and　are　sorted　and　disposed　of　according　to　our　division。

We　all　know　that　we　can　get　on　very　well　indeed　at　such　a　place；

but　still　not　perfectly　well；　and　this　may　be；　because　the　place　is

largely　wholesale；　and　there　is　a　lingering　personal　retail

interest　within　us　that　asks　to　be　satisfied。



To　sum　up。　　My　uncommercial　travelling　has　not　yet　brought　me　to

the　conclusion　that　we　are　close　to　perfection　in　these　matters。

And　just　as　I　do　not　believe　that　the　end　of　the　world　will　ever　be

near　at　hand；　so　long　as　any　of　the　very　tiresome　and　arrogant

people　who　constantly　predict　that　catastrophe　are　left　in　it；　so；

I　shall　have　small　faith　in　the　Hotel　Millennium；　while　any　of　the

uncomfortable　superstitions　I　have　glanced　at　remain　in　existence。







CHAPTER　VII　…　TRAVELLING　ABROAD







I　got　into　the　travelling　chariot　…　it　was　of　German　make；　roomy；

heavy；　and　unvarnished　…　I　got　into　the　travelling　chariot；　pulled

up　the　steps　after　me；　shut　myself　in　with　a　smart　bang　of　the

door；　and　gave　the　word；　'Go　on！'



Immediately；　all　that　W。　and　S。W。　division　of　London　began　to　slide

away　at　a　pace　so　lively；　that　I　was　over　the　river；　and　past　the

Old　Kent　Road；　and　out　on　Blackheath；　and　even　ascending　Shooter's

Hill；　before　I　had　had　time　to　look　about　me　in　the　carriage；　like

a　collected　traveller。



I　had　two　ample　Imperials　on　the　roof；　other　fitted　storage　for

luggage　in　front；　and　other　up　behind；　I　had　a　net　for　books

overhead；　great　pockets　to　all　the　windows；　a　leathern　pouch　or　two

hung　up　for　odds　and　ends；　and　a　reading　lamp　fixed　in　the　back　of

the　chariot；　in　case　I　should　be　benighted。　　I　was　amply　provided

in　all　respects；　and　had　no　idea　where　I　was　going　（which　was

delightful）；　except　that　I　was　going　abroad。



So　smooth　was　the　old　high　road；　and　so　fresh　were　the　horses；　and

so　fast　went　I；　that　it　was　midway　between　Gravesend　and　Rochester；

and　the　widening　river　was　bearing　the　ships；　white　sailed　or

black…smoked；　out　to　sea；　when　I　noticed　by　the　wayside　a　very

queer　small　boy。



'Holloa！'　said　I；　to　the　very　queer　small　boy；　'where　do　you　live？'



'At　Chatham；'　says　he。



'What　do　you　do　there？'　says　I。



'I　go　to　school；'　says　he。



I　took　him　up　in　a　moment；　and　we　went　on。　　Presently；　the　very

queer　small　boy　says；　'This　is　Gads…hill　we　are　coming　to；　where

Falstaff　went　out　to　rob　those　travellers；　and　ran　away。'



'You　know　something　about　Falstaff；　eh？'　said　I。



'All　about　him；'　said　the　very　queer　small　boy。　　'I　am　old　（I　am

nine）；　and　I　read　all　sorts　of　books。　　But　DO　let　us　stop　at　the

top　of　the　hill；　and　look　at　the　house　there；　if　you　please！'



'You　admire　that　house？'　said　I。



'Bless　you；　sir；'　said　the　very　queer　small　boy；　'when　I　was　not

more　than　half　as　old　as　nine；　it　used　to　be　a　treat　for　me　to　be

brought　to　look　at　it。　　And　now；　I　am　nine；　I　come　by　myself　to

look　at　it。　　And　ever　since　I　can　recollect；　my　father；　seeing　me

so　fond　of　it；　has　often　said　to　me；　〃If　you　were　to　be　very

persevering　and　were　to　work　hard；　you　might　some　day　come　to　live

in　it。〃　　Though　that's　impossible！'　said　the　very　queer　small　boy；

drawing　a　low　breath；　and　now　staring　at　the　house　out　of　window

with　all　his　might。



I　was　rather　amazed　to　be　told　this　by　the　very　queer　small　boy；

for　that　house　happens　to　be　MY　house；　and　I　have　reason　to　believe

that　what　he　said　was　true。



Well！　　I　made　no　halt　there；　and　I　soon　dropped　the　very　queer

small　boy　and　went　on。　　Over　the　road　where　the　old　Romans　used　to

march；　over　the　road　where　the　old　Canterbury　pilgrims　used　to　go；

over　the　road　where　the　travelling　trains　of　the　old　imperious

priests　and　princes　used　to　jingle　on　horseback　between　the

continent　and　this　Island　through　the　mud　and　water；　over　the　road

where　Shakespeare　hummed　to　himself；　'Blow；　blow；　thou　winter

wind；'　as　he　sat　in　the　saddle　at　the　gate　of　the　inn　yard　noticing

the　carriers；　all　among　the　cherry　orchards；　apple　orchards；　corn…

fields；　and　hop…gardens；　so　went　I；　by　Canterbury　to　Dover。　　There；

the　sea　was　tumbling　in；　with　deep　sounds；　after　dark；　and　the

revolving　French　light　on　Cape　Grinez　was　seen　regularly　bursting

out　and　becoming　obscured；　as　if　the　head　of　a　gigantic　light…

keeper　in　an　anxious　state　of　mind　were　interposed　every　half…

minute；　to　look　how　it　was　burning。



Early　in　the　morning　I　was　on　the　deck　of　the　steam…packet；　and　we

were　aiming　at　the　bar　in　the　usual　intolerable　manner；　and　the　bar

was　aiming　at　us　in　the　usual　intolerable　manner；　and　the　bar　got

by　far　the　best　of　it；　and　we　got　by　far　the　worst　…　all　in　the

usual　intolerable　manner。



But；　when　I　was　clear　of　the　Custom　House　on　the　other　side；　and

when　I　began　to　make　the　dust　fly　on　the　thirsty　French　roads；　and

when　the　twigsome　trees　by　the　wayside　（which；　I　suppose；　never

will　grow　leafy；　for　they　never　did）　guarded　here　and　there　a　dusty

soldier；　or　field　labourer；　baking　on　a　heap　of　broken　stones；

sound　asleep　in　a　fiction　of　shade；　I　began　to　recover　my

travelling　spirits。　　Coming　upon　the　breaker　of　the　broken　stones；

in　a　hard；　hot；　shining　hat；　on　which　the　sun　played　at　a　distance

as　on　a　burning…glass；　I　felt　that　now；　indeed；　I　was　in　the　dear

old　France　of　m