robert falconer- 第113部分

and　look　well　after　your　sparkles。　　You　will　find　them　grow　and

gather　and　unite；　until　you　are　afloat　on　a　sea　of　radiancewith

cloud　shadows　no　doubt。'



'And　yet；'　I　resumed；　'I　never　seem　to　have　room。'



'That　is　just　why。'



'But　I　feel　that　I　cannot　find　it。　　I　know　that　if　I　fly　to　that

bounding　cape　on　the　far　horizon　there；　I　shall　only　find　a　placea

place　to　want　another　in。　　There　is　no　fortunate　island　out　on　that

sea。'



'I　fancy；'　said　Falconer；　'that　until　a　man　loves　space；　he　will

never　be　at　peace　in　a　place。　　At　least　so　I　have　found　it。　　I　am

content　if　you　but　give　me　room。　　All　space　to　me　throbs　with　being

and　life；　and　the　loveliest　spot　on　the　earth　seems　but　the

compression　of　space　till　the　meaning　shines　out　of　it；　as　the　fire

flies　out　of　the　air　when　you　drive　it　close　together。　　To　seek

place　after　place　for　freedom；　is　a　constant　effort　to　flee　from

space；　and　a　vain　one；　for　you　are　ever　haunted　by　the　need　of　it；

and　therefore　when　you　seek　most　to　escape　it；　fancy　that　you　love

it　and　want　it。'



'You　are　getting　too　mystical　for　me　now；'　I　said。　'I　am　not　able　to

follow　you。'



'I　fear　I　was　on　the　point　of　losing　myself。　　At　all　events　I　can　go

no　further　now。　　And　indeed　I　fear　I　have　been　but　skirting　the

Limbo　of　Vanities。'



He　rose；　for　we　could　both　see　that　this　talk　was　not　in　the　least

interesting　to　our　companion。　　We　got　again　into　the　carriage；

which；　by　Falconer's　orders；　was　turned　and　driven　in　the　opposite

direction；　still　at　no　great　distance　from　the　lofty　edge　of　the

heights　that　rose　above　the　shore。



We　came　at　length　to　a　lane　bounded　with　stone　walls；　every　stone　of

which　had　its　moss　and　every　chink　its　fern。　　The　lane　grew　more　and

more　grassy；　the　walls　vanished；　and　the　track　faded　away　into　a

narrow　winding　valley；　formed　by　the　many　meeting　curves　of　opposing

hills。　　They　were　green　to　the　top　with　sheep…grass；　and　spotted

here　and　there　with　patches　of　fern；　great　stones；　and　tall　withered

foxgloves。　　The　air　was　sweet　and　healthful；　and　Andrew　evidently

enjoyed　it　because　it　reminded　him　again　of　his　boyhood。　　The　only

sound　we　heard　was　the　tinkle　of　a　few　tender　sheep…bells；　and　now

and　then　the　tremulous　bleating　of　a　sheep。　　With　a　gentle　winding；

the　valley　led　us　into　a　more　open　portion　of　itself；　where　the　old

man　paused　with　a　look　of　astonished　pleasure。



Before　us；　seaward；　rose　a　rampart　against　the　sky；　like　the

turreted　and　embattled　wall　of　a　huge　eastern　city；　built　of　loose

stones　piled　high；　and　divided　by　great　peaky　rocks。　　In　the　centre

rose　above　them　all　one　solitary　curiously…shaped　mass；　one　of　the

oddest　peaks　of　the　Himmalays　in　miniature。　　From　its　top　on　the

further　side　was　a　sheer　descent　to　the　waters　far　below　the　level

of　the　valley　from　which　it　immediately　rose。　　It　was　altogether　a

strange　freaky　fantastic　place；　not　without　its　grandeur。　　It　looked

like　the　remains　of　a　frolic　of　the　Titans；　or　rather　as　if　reared

by　the　boys　and　girls；　while　their　fathers　and　mothers　'lay

stretched　out　huge　in　length；'　and　in　breadth　too；　upon　the　slopes

around；　and　laughed　thunderously　at　the　sportive　invention　of　their

sons　and　daughters。　　Falconer　helped　his　father　up　to　the　edge　of

the　rampart　that　he　might　look　over。　　Again　he　started　back；　'afraid

of　that　which　was　high；'　for　the　lowly　valley　was　yet　at　a　great

height　above　the　diminished　waves。　　On　the　outside　of　the　rampart

ran　a　narrow　path　whence　the　green　hill…side　went　down　steep　to　the

sea。　　The　gulls　were　screaming　far　below　us；　we　could　see　the　little

flying　streaks　of　white。　　Beyond　was　the　great　ocean。　　A　murmurous

sound　came　up　from　its　shore。



We　descended　and　seated　ourselves　on　the　short　springy　grass　of　a

little　mound　at　the　foot　of　one　of　the　hills；　where　it　sank　slowly；

like　the　dying　gush　of　a　wave；　into　the　hollowest　centre　of　the

little　vale。



'Everything　tends　to　the　cone…shape　here；'　said　Falconer；'the

oddest　and　at　the　same　time　most　wonderful　of　mathematical　figures。'



'Is　it　not　strange；'　I　said；　'that　oddity　and　wonder　should　come　so

near？'



'They　often　do　in　the　human　world　as　well；'　returned　he。　'Therefore

it　is　not　strange　that　Shelley　should　have　been　so　fond　of　this

place。　　It　is　told　of　him　that　repeated　sketches　of　the　spot　were

found　on　the　covers　of　his　letters。　　I　know　nothing　more　like

Shelley's　poetry　than　this　valleywildly　fantastic　and　yet

beautifulas　if　a　huge　genius　were　playing　at　grandeur；　and

producing　little　models　of　great　things。　　But　there　is　one　grand

thing　I　want　to　show　you　a　little　further　on。'



We　rose；　and　walked　out　of　the　valley　on　the　other　side；　along　the

lofty　coast。　　When　we　reached　a　certain　point；　Falconer　stood　and

requested　us　to　look　as　far　as　we　could；　along　the　cliffs　to　the

face　of　the　last　of　them。



'What　do　you　see？'　he　asked。



'A　perpendicular　rock；　going　right　down　into　the　blue　waters；'　I

answered。



'Look　at　it：　what　is　the　outline　of　it　like？　　Whose　face　is　it？'



'Shakspere's；　by　all　that　is　grand！'　　I　cried。



'So　it　is；'　said　Andrew。



'Right。　　Now　I'll　tell　you　what　I　would　do。　　If　I　were　very　rich；

and　there　were　no　poor　people　in　the　country；　I　would　give　a

commission　to　some　great　sculptor　to　attack　that　rock　and　work　out

its　suggestion。　　Then；　it　I　had　any　money　left；　we　should　find　one

for　Bacon；　and　one　for　Chaucer；　and　one　for　Milton；　and；　as　we　are

about　it；　we　may　fancy　as　many　more　as　we　like；　so　that　from　the

bounding　rocks　of　our　island；　the　memorial　faces　of　our　great

brothers　should　look　abroad　over　the　seas　into　the　infinite　sky

beyond。'



'Well；　now；'　said　the　elder；　'I　think　it　is　grander　as　it　is。'



'You　are　quite　right；　father；'　said　Robert。　'And　so　with　many　of　our

fancies　for　perfecting　God's　mighty　sketches；　which　he　only　can

finish。'



Again　we　seated　ourselves　and　looked　out　over　the　waves。



'I　have　never　yet　heard；'　I　said；　'how　you　managed　with　that　poor

girl　that　wanted　to　drown　herselfon　Westminster　Bridge；　I

meanthat　night；　you　remember。'



'Miss　St。　John　has　got　her　in　her　own　house　at　present。　　She　has

given　her　those　two　children　we　picked　up　at　the　door　of　the

public…house　to　take　care　of。　　Poor　little　darlings！　they　are

bringing　back　the　life　in　her　heart　already。　　There　is　actually　a

little　colour　in　her　cheekthe　dawn；　I　trust；　of　the　eternal　life。

That　is　Miss　St。　John's　way。　　As　often　as　she　gets　hold　of　a　poor

hopeless　woman；　she　gives　her　a　motherless　child。　　It　is　wonderful

what　the　childless　woman　and　motherless　child　do　for　each　other。'



'I　was　much　amused　the　other　day　with　the　lecture　one　of　the　police

magistrates　gave　a　poor　creature　who　was　brought　before　him　for

attempting　to　drown　herself。　　He　did　give　her　a　sovereign　out　of　the

poor　box；　though。'



'Well；　that　might　just　tide　her　over　the　shoal　of　self…destruction；'

said　Falconer。　'But　I　cannot　help　doubting　whether　any　one　has　a

right　to　prevent　a　suicide　from　carrying　out　his　purpose；　who　is　not

prepared　to　do　a　good　deal　more　for　him　than　that。　　What　would　you

think　of　the　man　who　snatched　the　loaf　from　a　hungry　thief；　threw　it

back　into　the　baker's　cart；　and　walked　away　to　his　club…dinner？

Harsh　words　of　rebuke；　and　the　threat　of　severe　punishment　upon　a

second　attemptwhat　are　they　to　the　wretch　weary　of　life？　　To　some

of　them　the　kindest　punishment　would　be　to　hang　them　for　it。　　It　is

something　else　than　punishment　that　they　need。　　If　the　comfortable

alderman　had　but　〃a　feeling　of　their　afflictions；〃　felt　in　himself

for　a　moment　how　miserable　he　must　be；　what　a　waste　of　despair　must

be　in　his　heart；　before　he　would　do　it　himself；　before　the　awful

river　would　appear　to　him　a　refuge　from　the　upper　air；　he　would

change　his　tone。　　I　fear　he　regards　suicide　chiefly　as　a　burglarious

entrance　into　the　premises　of　the　respectable　firm　of　Vension；　Port；

&　Co。'



'But　you　mustn't　be　too　hard　upon　him；　Falconer；　for　if　his　God　is

his　belly；　how　can　he　regard　suicide　as　other　than　the　most　awful

sacrilege？'



'Of　course　not。　　His　well…fed　divinity　gives　him　one　great

commandment：　〃Thou　shalt　love　thyself　with　all　thy　heart。　　The　great

breach　is　to　hurt　thyselfworst　of　all　to　send　thyself　away　from

the　land　of　luncheons　and　dinners；　to　the　country　of　thought　and

vision。〃　　But；　alas！　he　does　not　reflect　on　the　fact　that　the　god

Belial　does　not　feed　all　his　votaries；　that　he　has　his　elect；　that

the　altar　of　his　inner…temple　too　often　smokes　with　no　sacrifice　of

which　his　poor　meagre　priests　may　partake。　　They　must　uphold　the

Divinity　which　has　been　good　to　them；　and　not　suffer　his　worship　to

fall　into　disrepute。'



'Really；　Robert；'　said　his　father；　'I　am　afraid　to　think　what　you

will　come　to。　　You　will　end　in　denying　there　is　a　God　at　all。　　You

don't　believe　in　hell；　and　now　you　justify　suicide。　　ReallyI　must

sayto　say　the　least　of　itI　have　not　been　accustomed　to　hear　such

things。'



The　poor　old　man　looked　feebly　righteous　at　his　wicked　son。　　I

verily　believe　he　was　concerned　for　his　eternal　fate。　　Falconer　gave

a　pleased　glance　at　me；　and　for　a　moment　said　nothing。　　Then　he

began；　with　a　kind　of　logical　composure：



'In　the　first　place；　father；　I　do　not　believe　in　such　a　God　as　some

people　say　they　believe　in。　　Their　God　is　but　an　idol　of　the

heathen；　modified　with　a　few　Christian　qualities。　　For　hell；　I　don't

believe　there　is　any　escape　from　it　but　by　leaving　hellish　things

behind。　　For　suicide；　I　do　not　believe　it　is　wicked　because　it　hurts

yourself；　but　I　do　believe　it　is　very　wicked。　　I　only　want　to　put　it

on　its　own　right　footing。'



'And　pray　what　do　you　consider　its　right　footing？'



'My　dear　father；　I　recognize　no　duty　as　owing　to　a　man's　self。

There　is　and　can　be　no　such　thing。　　I　am　and　can　be　under　no

obligation　to　myself。　　The　whole　thing　is　a　fictio