a hero of our time- 第23部分

〃Why！　　Have　you　everything　in　common　so　soon　as　this？　　Even　gratitude？〃　。　。　。

〃Listen；〃　said　Grushnitski　very　earnestly；　〃pray　do　not　make　fun　of　my　love；　if　you　wish　to　remain　my　friend。　。　。　　You　see；　I　love　her　to　the　point　of　madness　。　。　。　and　I　think　　I　hope　　she　loves　me　too。　。　。　　I　have　a　request　to　make　of　you。　　You　will　be　at　their　house　this　even…　ing；　promise　me　to　observe　everything。　　I　know　you　are　experienced　in　these　matters；　you　know　women　better　than　I。　。　。　　Women！　　Women！　Who　can　understand　them？　　Their　smiles　contra…　dict　their　glances；　their　words　promise　and　allure；　but　the　tone　of　their　voice　repels。　。　。　　At　one　time　they　grasp　and　divine　in　a　moment　our　most　secret　thoughts；　at　another　they　cannot　under…　stand　the　clearest　hints。　。　。　　Take　Princess　Mary；　now：　yesterday　her　eyes；　as　they　rested　upon　me；　were　blazing　with　passion；　to…day　they　are　dull　and　cold〃　。　。　。

〃That　is　possibly　the　result　of　the　waters；〃　I　replied。

〃You　see　the　bad　side　of　everything　。　。　。　materialist；〃　he　added　contemptuously。　　〃How…　ever；　let　us　talk　of　other　matters。〃

And；　satisfied　with　his　bad　pun；　he　cheered　up。

At　nine　o'clock　we　went　to　Princess　Ligovski's　together。

Passing　by　Vera's　windows；　I　saw　her　looking　out。　　We　threw　a　fleeting　glance　at　each　other。　She　entered　the　Ligovskis'　drawing…room　soon　after　us。　　Princess　Ligovski　presented　me　to　her；　as　a　relation　of　her　own。　　Tea　was　served。　　The　guests　were　numerous；　and　the　conversation　was　general。　　I　endeavoured　to　please　the　Princess；　jested；　and　made　her　laugh　heartily　a　few　times。　Princess　Mary；　also；　was　more　than　once　on　the　point　of　bursting　out　laughing；　but　she　restrained　herself　in　order　not　to　depart　from　the　role　she　had　assumed。　　She　finds　languor　becoming　to　her；　and　perhaps　she　is　not　mistaken。　　Grushnitski　appears　to　be　very　glad　that　she　is　not　infected　by　my　gaiety。

After　tea　we　all　went　into　the　drawing…　room。

〃Are　you　satisfied　with　my　obedience；　Vera？〃　I　said　as　I　was　passing　her。

She　threw　me　a　glance　full　of　love　and　grati…　tude。　　I　have　grown　accustomed　to　such　glances；　but　at　one　time　they　constituted　my　felicity。　The　Princess　seated　her　daughter　at　the　piano…　forte；　and　all　the　company　begged　her　to　sing。　I　kept　silence；　and；　taking　advantage　of　the　hubbub；　I　went　aside　to　the　window　with　Vera；　who　wished　to　say　something　of　great　import…　ance　to　both　of　us。　。　。　　It　turned　out　to　be　　nonsense。　。　。

Meanwhile　my　indifference　was　vexing　Princess　Mary；　as　I　was　able　to　make　out　from　a　single　angry；　gleaming　glance　which　she　cast　at　me。　。　。　Oh！　　I　understand　the　method　of　conversation　wonderfully　well：　mute　but　expressive；　brief　but　forceful！　。　。　。

She　began　to　sing。　　She　has　a　good　voice；　but　she　sings　badly。　。　。　　However；　I　was　not　listening。

Grushnitski；　on　the　contrary；　leaning　his　elbows　on　the　grand　piano；　facing　her；　was　devouring　her　with　his　eyes　and　saying　in　an　undertone　every　minute：　〃Charmant！　　Delicieux！〃

〃Listen；〃　said　Vera　to　me；　〃I　do　not　wish　you　to　make　my　husband's　acquaintance；　but　you　must；　without　fail；　make　yourself　agreeable　to　the　Princess；　that　will　be　an　easy　task　for　you：　you　can　do　anything　you　wish。　　It　is　only　here　that　we　shall　see　each　other〃　。　。　。

〃Only　here？〃　。　。　。

She　blushed　and　continued：

〃You　know　that　I　am　your　slave：　I　have　never　been　able　to　resist　you　。　。　。　and　I　shall　be　punished　for　it；　you　will　cease　to　love　me！　　At　least；　I　want　to　preserve　my　reputation　。　。　。　not　for　myself　　that　you　know　very　well！　。　。　。　　Oh！　　I　beseech　you：　do　not　torture　me；　as　before；　with　idle　doubts　and　feigned　coldness！　　It　may　be　that　I　shall　die　soon；　I　feel　that　I　am　growing　weaker　from　day　to　day。　。　。　　And；　yet；　I　cannot　think　of　the　future　life；　I　think　only　of　you。　。　。　　You　men　do　not　understand　the　delights　of　a　glance；　of　a　pressure　of　the　hand　。　。　。　but　as　for　me；　I　swear　to　you　that；　when　I　listen　to　your　voice；　I　feel　such　a　deep；　strange　bliss　that　the　most　passionate　kisses　could　not　take　its　place。〃

Meanwhile；　Princess　Mary　had　finished　her　song。　　Murmurs　of　praise　were　to　be　heard　all　around。　　I　went　up　to　her　after　all　the　other　guests；　and　said　something　rather　carelessly　to　her　on　the　subject　of　her　voice。

She　made　a　little　grimace；　pouting　her　lower　lip；　and　dropped　a　very　sarcastic　curtsey。

〃That　is　all　the　more　flattering；〃　she　said；　〃because　you　have　not　been　listening　to　me　at　all；　but　perhaps　you　do　not　like　music？〃　。　。　。

〃On　the　contrary；　I　do　。　。　。　　After　dinner；　especially。〃

〃Grushnitski　is　right　in　saying　that　you　have　very　prosaic　tastes　。　。　。　and　I　see　that　you　like　music　in　a　gastronomic　respect。〃

〃You　are　mistaken　again：　I　am　by　no　means　an　epicure。　　I　have　a　most　wretched　digestion。　　But　music　after　dinner　puts　one　to　sleep；　and　to　sleep　after　dinner　is　healthful；　consequently　I　like　music　in　a　medicinal　respect。　　In　the　evening；　on　the　contrary；　it　excites　my　nerves　too　much：　I　become　either　too　melancholy　or　too　gay。　　Both　are　fatiguing；　where　there　is　no　positive　reason　for　being　either　sorrowful　or　glad。　　And；　more…　over；　melancholy　in　society　is　ridiculous；　and　too　great　gaiety　is　unbecoming〃　。　。　。

She　did　not　hear　me　to　the　end；　but　went　away　and　sat　beside　Grushnitski；　and　they　entered　into　a　sort　of　sentimental　conversation。　　Ap…　parently　the　Princess　answered　his　sage　phrases　rather　absent…mindedly　and　inconsequently；　although　endeavouring　to　show　that　she　was　listening　to　him　with　attention；　because　sometimes　he　looked　at　her　in　astonishment；　trying　to　divine　the　cause　of　the　inward　agitation　which　was　expressed　at　times　in　her　restless　glance　。　。　。

But　I　have　found　you　out；　my　dear　Princess！　Have　a　care！　　You　want　to　pay　me　back　in　the　same　coin；　to　wound　my　vanity　　you　will　not　succeed！　　And　if　you　declare　war　on　me；　I　will　be　merciless！

In　the　course　of　the　evening；　I　purposely　tried　a　few　times　to　join　in　their　conversation；　but　she　met　my　remarks　rather　coldly；　and；　at　last；　I　retired　in　pretended　vexation。　　Princess　Mary　was　triumphant；　Grushnitski　likewise。　　Triumph；　my　friends；　and　be　quick　about　it！　。　。　。　　You　will　not　have　long　to　triumph！　。　。　。　　It　cannot　be　otherwise。　　I　have　a　presentiment。　。　。　　On　making　a　woman's　acquaintance　I　have　always　unerringly　guessed　whether　she　would　fall　in　love　with　me　or　not。

The　remaining　part　of　the　evening　I　spent　at　Vera's　side；　and　talked　to　the　full　about　the　old　days。　。　。　　Why　does　she　love　me　so　much？　In　truth；　I　am　unable　to　say；　all　the　more　so　because　she　is　the　only　woman　who　has　understood　me　perfectly；　with　all　my　petty　weaknesses　and　evil　passions。　。　。　　Can　it　be　that　wickedness　is　so　attractive？　。　。　。

Grushnitski　and　I　left　the　house　together。　　In　the　street　he　took　my　arm；　and；　after　a　long　silence；　said：

〃Well？〃

〃You　are　a　fool；〃　I　should　have　liked　to　answer。　But　I　restrained　myself　and　only　shrugged　my　shoulders。



CHAPTER　VII

6th　June。

ALL　these　days　I　have　not　once　departed　from　my　system。　　Princess　Mary　has　come　to　like　talking　to　me；　I　have　told　her　a　few　of　the　strange　events　of　my　life；　and　she　is　beginning　to　look　on　me　as　an　extraordinary　man。　　I　mock　at　everything　in　the　world；　especially　feelings；　and　she　is　taking　alarm。　　When　I　am　present；　she　does　not　dare　to　embark　upon　sentimental　discussions　with　Grushnitski；　and　already；　on　a　few　occasions；　she　has　answered　his　sallies　with　a　mocking　smile。　But　every　time　that　Grushnitski　comes　up　to　her　I　assume　an　air　of　meekness　and　leave　the　two　of　them　together。　　On　the　first　occasion；　she　was　glad；　or　tried　to　make　it　appear　so；　on　the　second；　she　was　angry　with　me；　on　the　third　　with　Grushnitski。

〃You　have　very　little　vanity！〃　she　said　to　me　yesterday。　　〃What　makes　you　think　that　I　find　Grushnitski　the　more　entertaining？〃

I　answered　that　I　was　sacrificing　my　own　pleasure　for　the　sake　of　the　happiness　of　a　friend。

〃And　my　pleasure；　too；〃　she　added。

I　looked　at　her　intently　and　assumed　a　serious　air。　　After　that　for　the　whole　day　I　did　not　speak　a　single　word　to　her。　。　。　　In　the　evening；　she　was　pensive；　this　morning；　at　the　well；　more　pensive　still。　　When　I　went　up　to　her；　she　was　listening　absent…mindedly　to　Grushnitski；　who　was　ap…　parently　falling　into　raptures　about　Nature；　but；　so　soon　as　she　perceived　me；　she　began　to　laugh　　at　a　most　inopportune　moment　　pretending　not　to　notice　me。　　I　went　on　a　little　further　and　began　stealthily　to　observe　her。　　She　turned　away　from　her　companion　and　yawned　twice。　Decidedly　she　had　grown　tired　of　Grushnitski　　I　will　not　talk　to　her　for　another　two　days。



CHAPTER　VIII

11th　June。

I　OFTEN　ask　myself　why　I　am　so　obstinately　endeavouring　to　win　the　love　of　a　young　girl　whom　I　do　not　wish　to　deceive；　and　whom　I　will　never　marry。　　Why　this　woman…like　coquetry？　Vera　loves　me　more　than　Princess　Mary　ever　will。　Had　I　regarded　the　latter　as　an　invincible　beauty；　I　should　perhaps　have　been　allured　by　the　difficulty　of　the　undertaking。　。　。

However；　there　is　no　such　difficulty　in　this　case！　　Consequently；　my　present　feeling　is　not　that　restless　craving　for　love　which　torments　us　in　the　early　days　of　our　youth；　flinging　us　from　one　woman　to　another　until　we　find　one　who　can…　not　endure　us。　　And　then　begins　our　constancy　　that　sincere；　unending　passion　which　may　be　expressed　mathematically　by　a　line　falling　from　a　point　into　space　　the　secret　of　that　endlessness　lying　only　in　the　impossibility　of　attaining　the　aim；　that　is　to　say；　the　end。

From　what　motive；　then；　am　I　taking　all　this　trouble？　　Envy　of　Grushnitski？　　Poor　fellow！

He　is　quite　undeserving　of　it。　　Or；　is　it　the　result　of　that　ugly；　but　invincible；　feeling　which　causes　us　to　destroy　the　sweet　illusions　of　our　neighbour　in　order　to　have　the　petty　satisfaction　of　saying　to　him；　when；　in　despair；　he　asks　what　he　is　to　believe：

〃My　friend；　the　same　thing　happened　to　me；　and　you　see；　nevertheless；　that　I　dine；　sup；　and　sleep　very　peacefully；　and　I　shall；　I　hope；　know　how　to　die　without　tears　and　lamentations。〃

There　is；　in　sooth；　a　boundless　enjoyment　in　the　possession　of　a　young；　scarce…budded　soul！　　It　is　like　a　floweret　which　exhales　its　best　perfume　at　the　kiss　of　the　first　ray　of　the　sun。　　You　should　pluck　the　flower　at　that　moment；　and；　breathing　its　fragrance