by any counterfeit； however well presented it may be。 England
possesses in the highest degree that science of existence which turns
to account every particle of materiality； the science that makes her
women's slippers the most exquisite slippers in the world； gives to
their linen ineffable fragrance； lines their drawers with cedar；
serves tea carefully drawn； at a certain hour； banishes dust； nails
the carpets to the floors in every corner of the house； brushes the
cellar walls； polishes the knocker of the front door； oils the springs
of the carriage；in short； makes matter a nutritive and downy pulp；
clean and shining； in the midst of which the soul expires of enjoyment
and the frightful monotony of comfort in a life without contrasts；
deprived of spontaneity； and which； to sum all in one word； makes a
machine of you。
Thus I suddenly came to know； in the bosom of this British luxury； a
woman who is perhaps unique among her sex； who caught me in the nets
of a love excited by my indifference； and to the warmth of which I
opposed a stern continence；one of those loves possessed of
overwhelming charm； an electricity of their own； which lead us to the
skies through the ivory gates of slumber； or bear us thither on their
powerful pinions。 A love monstrously ungrateful； which laughs at the
bodies of those it kills； love without memory； a cruel love；
resembling the policy of the English nation； a love to which； alas；
most men yield。 You understand the problem？ Man is composed of matter
and spirit； animality comes to its end in him； and the angel begins in
him。 There lies the struggle we all pass through； between the future
destiny of which we are conscious and the influence of anterior
instincts from which we are not wholly detached；carnal love and
divine love。 One man combines them； another abstains altogether； some
there are who seek the satisfaction of their anterior appetites from
the whole sex； others idealize their love in one woman who is to them
the universe； some float irresolutely between the delights of matter
and the joys of soul； others spiritualize the body； requiring of it
that which it cannot give。
If； thinking over these leading characteristics of love； you take into
account the dislikes and the affinities which result from the
diversity of organisms； and which sooner or later break all ties
between those who have not fully tried each other； if you add to this
the mistakes arising from the hopes of those who live more
particularly either by their minds； or by their hearts； or by action；
who either think； or feel； or act； and whose tendency is misunderstood
in the close association in which two persons； equal counterparts；
find themselves； you will have great indulgence for sorrows to which
the world is pitiless。 Well； Lady Dudley gratified the instincts；
organs； appetites； the vices and virtues of the subtile matter of
which we are made； she was the mistress of the body； Madame de
Mortsauf was the wife of the soul。 The love which the mistress
satisfies has its limits； matter is finite； its inherent qualities
have an ascertained force； it is capable of saturation； often I felt a
void even in Paris； near Lady Dudley。 Infinitude is the region of the
heart； love had no limits at Clochegourde。 I loved Lady Dudley
passionately； and certainly； though the animal in her was magnificent；
she was also superior in mind； her sparkling and satirical
conversation had a wide range。 But I adored Henriette。 At night I wept
with happiness； in the morning with remorse。
Some women have the art to hide their jealousy under a tone of angelic
kindness； they are； like Lady Dudley； over thirty years of age。 Such
women know how to feel and how to calculate； they press out the juices
of to…day and think of the future also； they can stifle a moan； often
a natural one； with the will of a huntsman who pays no heed to a wound
in the ardor of the chase。 Without ever speaking of Madame de
Mortsauf； Arabella endeavored to kill her in my soul； where she ever
found her； her own passion increasing with the consciousness of that
invincible love。 Intending to triumph by comparisons which would turn
to her advantage； she was never suspicious； or complaining； or
inquisitive； as are most young women； but； like a lioness who has
seized her prey and carries it to her lair to devour； she watched that
nothing should disturb her feast； and guarded me like a rebellious
captive。 I wrote to Henriette under her very eyes； but she never read
a line of my letters； she never sought in any way to know to whom they
were addressed。 I had my liberty； she seemed to say to herself； 〃If I
lose him it shall be my own fault；〃 and she proudly relied on a love
that would have given me her life had I asked for it；in fact she
often told me that if I left her she would kill herself。 I have heard
her praise the custom of Indian widows who burn themselves upon their
husband's grave。 〃In India that is a distinction reserved for the
higher classes；〃 she said； 〃and is very little understood by
Europeans； who are incapable of understanding the grandeur of the
privilege； you must admit； however； that on the dead level of our
modern customs aristocracy can rise to greatness only through
unparalleled devotions。 How can I prove to the middle classes that the
blood in my veins is not the same as theirs； unless I show them that I
can die as they cannot？ Women of no birth can have diamonds and satins
and horseseven coats…of…arms； which ought to be sacred to us； for
any one can buy a name。 But to love； with our heads up； in defiance of
law； to die for the idol we have chosen； with the sheets of our bed
for a shroud； to lay earth and heaven at his feet； robbing the
Almighty of his right to make a god； and never to betray that man；
never； never； even for virtue's sake；for； to refuse him anything in
the name of duty is to devote ourselves to something that is not HE；
and let that something be a man or an idea； it is betrayal all the
same；these are heights to which common women cannot attain； they
know but two matter…of…fact ways； the great high…road of virtue； or
the muddy path of the courtesan。〃
Pride； you see； was her instrument； she flattered all vanities by
deifying them。 She put me so high that she might live at my feet； in
fact； the seductions of her spirit were literally expressed by an
attitude of subserviency and her complete submission。 In what words
shall I describe those first six months when I was lost in enervating
enjoyments； in the meshes of a love fertile in pleasures and knowing
how to vary them with a cleverness learned by long experience； yet
hiding that knowledge beneath the transports of passion。 These
pleasures； the sudden revelation of the poetry of the senses；
constitute the powerful tie which binds young men to women older than
they。 It is the chain of the galley…slave； it leaves an ineffaceable
brand upon the soul； filling it with disgust for pure and innocent
love decked with flowers only； which serves no alcohol in curiously
chased cups inlaid with jewels and sparkling with unquenchable fires。
Recalling my early dreams of pleasures I knew nothing of； expressed at
Clochegourde in my 〃selams；〃 the voice of my flowers； pleasures which
the union of souls renders all the more ardent； I found many
sophistries by which I excused to myself the delight with which I
drained that jewelled cup。 Often； when； lost in infinite lassitude； my
soul disengaged itself from the body and floated far from earth； I
thought that these pleasures might be the means of abolishing matter
and of rendering to the spirit its power to soar。 Sometimes Lady
Dudley； like other women； profited by the exaltation in which I was to
bind me by promises； under the lash of a desire she wrung blasphemies
from my lips against the angel at Clochegourde。 Once a traitor I
became a scoundrel。 I continued to write to Madame de Mortsauf； in the
tone of the lad she had first known in his strange blue coat； but； I
admit it； her gift of second…sight terrified me when I thought what
ruin the indiscretion of a word might bring to the dear castle of my
hopes。 Often； in the midst of my pleasure a sudden horror seized me； I
heard the name of Henriette uttered by a voice above me； like that in
the Scriptures； demanding： 〃Cain； where is thy brother Abel？〃
At last my letters remained unanswered。 I was seized with horrible
anxiety and wished to leave for Clochegourde。 Arabella did not oppose
it； but she talked of accompanying me to Touraine。 Her woman's wit
told her that the journey might be a means of finally detaching me
from her rival； while I； blind with fear and guilelessly unsuspicious；
did not see the trap she set for me。 Lady Dudley herself proposed the
humblest concessions。 She would stay near Tours； at a little country…
place； alone； disguised； she would refrain from going out in the day…
time； and only meet me in the evening when people were not likely to
be about。 I left Tours on horseback。 I had my reasons for this； my
evening excursions to meet her would require a horse； and mine was an
Arab which Lady Hester Stanhope had sent to the marchioness； and which
she had lately exchanged with me for that famous picture of Rembrandt
which I obtained in so singular a way； and which now hangs in her
drawing…room in London。 I took the road I had traversed on foot six
years earlier and stopped beneath my walnut…tree。 From there I saw
Madame de Mortsauf in a white dress standing at the edge of the
terrace。 Instantly I rode towards her with the speed of lightning； in
a straight line and across country。 She heard the stride of the
swallow of the desert and when I pulled him up suddenly at the
terrace； she said to me： 〃Oh； you here！〃
Those three words blasted me。 She knew my treachery。 Who had told her？
her mother； whose hateful letter she afterwards showed me。 The feeble；
indifferent voice； once so full of life； the dull pallor of its tones
revealed a settled grief； exhaling the breath of flowers cut and left
to wither。 The tempest of infidelity； like those freshets of the Loire
which bury the meadows for all time in sand； had torn its way through
her soul； leaving a desert where once the v