scrupulously all conventions which the manners and customs of a
community impose；less for the sake of others than for their own。
Outward respect to be maintained； comedies to play； concealments to be
managed； all such strategy of love occupies the life； renews desire；
and protects the heart against the palsy of habit。 But all young
passions； being； like youth itself； essentially spendthrift； raze
their forests to the ground instead of merely cutting the timber。
Arabella adopted none of these bourgeois ideas； and yielded to them
only to please me； she wished to exhibit me to the eyes of all Paris
as her 〃sposo。〃 She employed her powers of seduction to keep me under
her roof； for she was not content with a rumored scandal which； for
want of proof； was only whispered behind the fans。 Seeing her so happy
in committing an imprudence which frankly admitted her position； how
could I help believing in her love？
But no sooner was I plunged into the comforts of illegal marriage than
despair seized upon me； I saw my life bound to a course in direct
defiance of the ideas and the advice given me by Henriette。
Thenceforth I lived in the sort of rage we find in consumptive
patients who； knowing their end is near； cannot endure that their
lungs should be examined。 There was no corner in my heart where I
could fly to escape suffering； an avenging spirit filled me
incessantly with thoughts on which I dared not dwell。 My letters to
Henriette depicted this moral malady and did her infinite harm。 〃At
the cost of so many treasures lost； I wished you to be at least
happy；〃 she wrote in the only answer I received。 But I was not happy。
Dear Natalie； happiness is absolute； it allows of no comparisons。 My
first ardor over； I necessarily compared the two women；a contrast I
had never yet studied。 In fact； all great passions press so strongly
on the character that at first they check its asperities and cover the
track of habits which constitute our defects and our better qualities。
But later； when two lovers are accustomed to each other； the features
of their moral physiognomies reappear； they mutually judge each other；
and it often happens during this reaction of the character after
passion； that natural antipathies leading to disunion （which
superficial people seize upon to accuse the human heart of
instability） come to the surface。 This period now began with me。 Less
blinded by seductions； and dissecting； as it were； my pleasure； I
undertook； without perhaps intending to do so； a critical examination
of Lady Dudley which resulted to her injury。
In the first place； I found her wanting in the qualities of mind which
distinguish Frenchwomen and make them so delightful to love； as all
those who have had the opportunity of loving in both countries
declare。 When a Frenchwoman loves she is metamorphosed； her noted
coquetry is used to deck her love； she abandons her dangerous vanity
and lays no claim to any merit but that of loving well。 She espouses
the interests； the hatreds； the friendships； of the man she loves； she
acquires in a day the experience of a man of business； she studies the
code； she comprehends the mechanism of credit； and could manage a
banker's office； naturally heedless and prodigal； she will make no
mistakes and waste not a single louis。 She becomes； in turn； mother；
adviser； doctor； giving to all her transformations a grace of
happiness which reveals； in its every detail； her infinite love。 She
combines the special qualities of the women of other countries and
gives unity to the mixture by her wit； that truly French product；
which enlivens； sanctions； justifies； and varies all； thus relieving
the monotony of a sentiment which rests on a single tense of a single
verb。 The Frenchwoman loves always； without abatement and without
fatigue； in public or in solitude。 In public she uses a tone which has
meaning for one only； she speaks by silence； she looks at you with
lowered eyelids。 If the occasion prevents both speech and look she
will use the sand and write a word with the point of her little foot；
her love will find expression even in sleep； in short； she bends the
world to her love。 The Englishwoman； on the contrary； makes her love
bend to the world。 Educated to maintain the icy manners； the Britannic
and egotistic deportment which I described to you； she opens and shuts
her heart with the ease of a British mechanism。 She possesses an
impenetrable mask； which she puts on or takes off phlegmatically。
Passionate as an Italian when no eye sees her； she becomes coldly
dignified before the world。 A lover may well doubt his empire when he
sees the immobility of face； the aloofness of countenance； and hears
the calm voice； with which an Englishwoman leaves her boudoir。
Hypocrisy then becomes indifference； she has forgotten all。
Certainly the woman who can lay aside her love like a garment may be
thought to be capable of changing it。 What tempests arise in the heart
of a man； stirred by wounded self…love； when he sees a woman taking
and dropping and again picking up her love like a piece of embroidery。
These women are too completely mistresses of themselves ever to belong
wholly to you； they are too much under the influence of society ever
to let you reign supreme。 Where a Frenchwoman comforts by a look； or
betrays her impatience with visitors by witty jests； an Englishwoman's
silence is absolute； it irritates the soul and frets the mind。 These
women are so constantly； and； under all circumstances； on their
dignity； that to most of them fashion reigns omnipotent even over
their pleasures。 An Englishwoman forces everything into form； though
in her case the love of form does not produce the sentiment of art。 No
matter what may be said against it； Protestantism and Catholicism
explain the differences which make the love of Frenchwomen so far
superior to the calculating； reasoning love of Englishwomen。
Protestantism doubts； searches； and kills belief； it is the death of
art and love。 Where worldliness is all in all； worldly people must
needs obey； but passionate hearts flee from it； to them its laws are
insupportable。
You can now understand what a shock my self…love received when I found
that Lady Dudley could not live without the world； and that the
English system of two lives was familiar to her。 It was no sacrifice
she felt called upon to make； on the contrary she fell naturally into
two forms of life that were inimical to each other。 When she loved she
loved madly；no woman of any country could be compared to her； but
when the curtain fell upon that fairy scene she banished even the
memory of it。 In public she never answered to a look or a smile； she
was neither mistress nor slave； she was like an ambassadress； obliged
to round her phrases and her elbows； she irritated me by her
composure； and outraged my heart with her decorum。 Thus she degraded
love to a mere need； instead of raising it to an ideal through
enthusiasm。 She expressed neither fear； nor regrets； nor desire； but
at a given hour her tenderness reappeared like a fire suddenly
lighted。
In which of these two women ought I to believe？ I felt； as it were by
a thousand pin…pricks； the infinite differences between Henriette and
Arabella。 When Madame de Mortsauf left me for a while she seemed to
leave to the air the duty of reminding me of her； the folds of her
gown as she went away spoke to the eye； as their undulating sound to
the ear when she returned； infinite tenderness was in the way she
lowered her eyelids and looked on the ground； her voice； that musical
voice； was a continual caress； her words expressed a constant thought；
she was always like unto herself； she did not halve her soul to suit
two atmospheres； one ardent； the other icy。 In short； Madame de
Mortsauf reserved her mind and the flower of her thought to express
her feelings； she was coquettish in ideas with her children and with
me。 But Arabella's mind was never used to make life pleasant； it was
never used at all for my benefit； it existed only for the world and by
the world； and it was spent in sarcasm。 She loved to rend； to bite； as
it were；not for amusement but to satisfy a craving。 Madame de
Mortsauf would have hidden her happiness from every eye； Lady Dudley
chose to exhibit hers to all Paris； and yet with her impenetrable
English mask she kept within conventions even while parading in the
Bois with me。 This mixture of ostentation and dignity； love and
coldness； wounded me constantly； for my soul was both virgin and
passionate； and as I could not pass from one temperature to the other；
my temper suffered。 When I complained （never without precaution）； she
turned her tongue with its triple sting against me； mingling boasts of
her love with those cutting English sarcasms。 As soon as she found
herself in opposition to me； she made it an amusement to hurt my
feelings and humiliate my mind； she kneaded me like dough。 To any
remark of mine as to keeping a medium in all things； she replied by
caricaturing my ideas and exaggerating them。 When I reproached her for
her manner to me； she asked if I wished her to kiss me at the opera
before all Paris； and she said it so seriously that I； knowing her
desire to make people talk； trembled lest she should execute her
threat。 In spite of her real passion she was never meditative； self…
contained； or reverent； like Henriette； on the contrary she was
insatiable as a sandy soil。 Madame de Mortsauf was always composed；
able to feel my soul in an accent or a glance。 Lady Dudley was never
affected by a look； or a pressure of the hand； nor yet by a tender
word。 No proof of love surprised her。 She felt so strong a necessity
for excitement； noise； celebrity； that nothing attained to her ideal
in this respect； hence her violent love； her exaggerated fancy；
everything concerned herself and not me。
The letter you have read from Madame de Mortsauf （a light which still
shone brightly on my life）； a proof of how the most virtuous of women
obeyed the genius of a Frenchwoman； revealing； as it did； her
perpetual vigilance； her sound understanding of all my prospectsthat
letter must have made you see with what care Henriette had studied my
material interests； m