consistency； brittle externally；that is for the teeth； which want
resistance to be overcome； soft； spongy； well tempered and flavored
internally； that is for the organ of taste； wholesome； nutritious；
that is for the internal surfaces and the system generally。
Good；said the Master； and laughed a hearty terrestrial laugh。
I hope he will carry that faculty of an honest laugh with him
wherever he goes；why shouldn't he？ The 〃order of things；〃 as he
calls it； from which hilarity was excluded； would be crippled and
one…sided enough。 I don't believe the human gamut will be cheated of
a single note after men have done breathing this fatal atmospheric
mixture and die into the ether of immortality！
I did n't say all that； if I had said it； it would have brought a
pellet from the popgun； I feel quite certain。
The Master went on after he had had out his laugh。 There is one
thing I am His Imperial Majesty about； and that is my likes and
dislikes。 What if I do like your verses；you can't help yourself。
I don't doubt somebody or other hates 'em and hates you and
everything you do； or ever did； or ever can do。 He is all right；
there is nothing you or I like that somebody does n't hate。 Was
there ever anything wholesome that was not poison to somebody？ If
you hate honey or cheese； or the products of the dairy；I know a
family a good many of whose members can't touch milk； butter； cheese；
and the like； why； say so； but don't find fault with the bees and the
cows。 Some are afraid of roses； and I have known those who thought a
pond…lily a disagreeable neighbor。 That Boy will give you the
metaphysics of likes and dislikes。 Look here；you young philosopher
over there；do you like candy？
That Boy。…You bet！ Give me a stick and see if I don't。
And can you tell me why you like candy？
That Boy。Because I do。
There； now； that is the whole matter in a nutshell。 Why do your
teeth like crackling crust； and your organs of taste like spongy
crumb； and your digestive contrivances take kindly to bread rather
than toadstools
That Boy （thinking he was still being catechised）。Because they do。
Whereupon the Landlady said； Sh！ and the Young Girl laughed； and the
Lady smiled； and Dr。 Ben Franklin kicked him； moderately； under the
table； and the Astronomer looked up at the ceiling to see what had
happened； and the Member of the Haouse cried； Order！ Order！ and the
Salesman said； Shut up； cash…boy！ and the rest of the boarders kept
on feeding； except the Master； who looked very hard but half
approvingly at the small intruder； who had come about as nearly right
as most professors would have done。
You poets；the Master said after this excitement had calmed down；
you poets have one thing about you that is odd。 You talk about
everything as if you knew more about it than the people whose
business it is to know all about it。 I suppose you do a little of
what we teachers used to call 〃cramming〃 now and then？
If you like your breakfast you must n't ask the cook too many
questions；I answered。
Oh； come now； don't be afraid of letting out your secrets。 I have
a notion I can tell a poet that gets himself up just as I can tell a
make…believe old man on the stage by the line where the gray skullcap
joins the smooth forehead of the young fellow of seventy。 You'll
confess to a rhyming dictionary anyhow； won't you？
I would as lief use that as any other dictionary； but I don't want
it。 When a word comes up fit to end a line with I can feel all the
rhymes in the language that are fit to go with it without naming
them。 I have tried them all so many times； I know all the polygamous
words and all the monogamous ones； and all the unmarrying ones；the
whole lot that have no mates；as soon as I hear their names called。
Sometimes I run over a string of rhymes； but generally speaking it is
strange what a short list it is of those that are good for anything。
That is the pitiful side of all rhymed verse。 Take two such words as
home and world。 What can you do with chrome or loam or gnome or
tome？ You have dome； foam； and roam； and not much more to use in
your pome； as some of our fellow…countrymen call it。 As for world；
you know that in all human probability somebody or something will be
hurled into it or out of it； its clouds may be furled or its grass
impearled； possibly something may be whirled； or curled； or have
swirled； one of Leigh Hunt's words； which with lush； one of Keats's；
is an important part of the stock in trade of some dealers in rhyme。
And how much do you versifiers know of all those arts and sciences
you refer to as if you were as familiar with them as a cobbler is
with his wax and lapstone？
Enough not to make too many mistakes。 The best way is to ask some
expert before one risks himself very far in illustrations from a
branch he does not know much about。 Suppose； for instance； I wanted
to use the double star to illustrate anything； say the relation of
two human souls to each other； what would Ido？ Why； I would ask
our young friend there to let me look at one of those loving
celestial pairs through his telescope； and I don't doubt he'd let me
do so； and tell me their names and all I wanted to know about them。
I should be most happy to show any of the double stars or whatever
else there might be to see in the heavens to any of our friends at
this table；the young man said； so cordially and kindly that it was
a real invitation。
Show us the man in the moon；said That Boy。…I should so like to
see a double star！said Scheherezade； with a very pretty air of
smiling modesty。
Will you go； if we make up a party？I asked the Master。
A cold in the head lasts me from three to five days；answered the
Master。 I am not so very fond of being out in the dew like
Nebuchadnezzar： that will do for you young folks。
I suppose I must be one of the young folks； not so young as our
Scheherezade； nor so old as the Capitalist；young enough at any rate
to want to be of the party。 So we agreed that on some fair night
when the Astronomer should tell us that there was to be a fine show
in the skies； we would make up a party and go to the Observatory。 I
asked the Scarabee whether he would not like to make one of us。
Out of the question； sir； out of the question。 I am altogether too
much occupied with an important scientific investigation to devote
any considerable part of an evening to star…gazing。
Oh； indeed；said I；and may I venture to ask on what particular
point you are engaged just at present？
…Certainly； sir； you may。 It is； I suppose； as difficult and
important a matter to be investigated as often comes before a student
of natural history。 I wish to settle the point once for all whether
the Pediculus Mellitae is or is not the larva of Meloe。
＇Now is n't this the drollest world to live in that one could
imagine； short of being in a fit of delirium tremens？ Here is a
fellow…creature of mine and yours who is asked to see all the glories
of the firmament brought close to him； and he is too busy with a
little unmentionable parasite that infests the bristly surface of a
bee to spare an hour or two of a single evening for the splendors of
the universe！ I must get a peep through that microscope of his and
see the pediculus which occupies a larger space in his mental vision
than the midnight march of the solar systems。…The creature； the
human one； I mean； interests me。＇
I am very curious；I said；about that pediculus melittae；（just
as if I knew a good deal about the little wretch and wanted to know
more； whereas I had never heard him spoken of before； to my
knowledge；）could you let me have a sight of him in your microscope？
You ought to have seen the way in which the poor dried…up little
Scarabee turned towards me。 His eyes took on a really human look；
and I almost thought those antennae…like arms of his would have
stretched themselves out and embraced me。 I don't believe any of the
boarders had ever shown any interest inhim； except the little
monkey of a Boy； since he had been in the house。 It is not strange；
he had not seemed to me much like a human being； until all at once I
touched the one point where his vitality had concentrated itself； and
he stood revealed a man and a brother。
Come in；said he；come in； right after breakfast； and you shall
see the animal that has convulsed the entomological world with
questions as to his nature and origin。
So I went into the Scarabee's parlor； lodging…room； study；
laboratory； and museum；asingle apartment applied to these various
uses； you understand。
I wish I had time to have you show me all your treasures；I said；
but I am afraid I shall hardly be able to do more than look at the
bee…parasite。 But what a superb butterfly you have in that case！
Oh； yes； yes； well enough；came from South America with the beetle
there； look at him！ These Lepidoptera are for children to play with；
pretty to look at； so some think。 Give me the Coleoptera； and the
kings of the Coleoptera are the beetles！ Lepidoptera and Neuroptera
for little folks； Coleopteras for men； sir！
The particular beetle he showed me in the case with the magnificent
butterfly was an odious black wretch that one would say； Ugh！ at； and
kick out of his path； if he did not serve him worse than that。 But
he looked at it as a coin…collector would look at a Pescennius Niger；
if the coins of that Emperor are as scarce as they used to be when I
was collecting half…penny tokens and pine…tree shillings and battered
bits of Roman brass with the head of Gallienus or some such old
fellow on them。
A beauty！he exclaimed；and the only specimen of the kind in this
country； to the best of my belief。 A unique； sir； and there is a
pleasure in exclusive possession。 Not another beetle like that short
of South America； sir。
I was glad to hear that there were no more like it in this
neighborhood； the present supply of cockroaches answering every
purpose； so far as I am concerned； that such an animal as this would
be likely to serve。
Here are my bee…parasites；said the Scarabee； showing me a box
full of glass slides； each with a specimen ready mounted for the
microscope。 I was most struck with one little beast fl