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XII
Irreverence
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happens£»¡¡the¡¡word¡¡Irreverence¡¡will¡¡be¡¡regarded¡¡as¡¡the¡¡most
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where¡¡did¡¡he¡¡get¡¡that¡¡right£¿¡¨
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the¡¡stock¡¡is¡¡watered¡¡enough£»¡¡just¡¡as¡¡it¡¡is¡£
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then¡¡both¡¡of¡¡these¡¡irreverencers¡¡turn¡¡upon¡¡Thomas¡¡Paine¡¡and
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makes¡¡it¡¡difficult¡¡for¡¡students¡¡equipped¡¡with¡¡only¡¡a¡¡low¡¡grade¡¡of
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Shakespeare¡¡controversy¡¡except¡¡what¡¡is¡¡sacred¡¡to¡¡me¡£¡¡¡¡That¡¡will
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quiet¡¡them¡£
XIII
Isn't¡¡it¡¡odd£»¡¡when¡¡you¡¡think¡¡of¡¡it£»¡¡that¡¡you¡¡may¡¡list¡¡all
the¡¡celebrated¡¡Englishmen£»¡¡Irishmen£»¡¡and¡¡Scotchmen¡¡of¡¡modern
times£»¡¡clear¡¡back¡¡to¡¡the¡¡first¡¡Tudorsa¡¡list¡¡containing¡¡five
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biographies£»¡¡and¡¡cyclopedias¡¡and¡¡learn¡¡the¡¡particulars¡¡of¡¡the
lives¡¡of¡¡every¡¡one¡¡of¡¡them¡£¡¡¡¡Every¡¡one¡¡of¡¡them¡¡except¡¡onethe
most¡¡famous£»¡¡the¡¡most¡¡renownedby¡¡far¡¡the¡¡most¡¡illustrious¡¡of
them¡¡allShakespeare£¡¡¡¡¡You¡¡can¡¡get¡¡the¡¡details¡¡of¡¡the¡¡lives¡¡of
all¡¡the¡¡celebrated¡¡ecclesiastics¡¡in¡¡the¡¡list£»¡¡all¡¡the¡¡celebrated
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surgeonsyou¡¡can¡¡get¡¡the¡¡life¡histories¡¡of¡¡all¡¡of¡¡them¡¡but¡¡ONE¡£
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Shakespeare£¡
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