break the news by wire or post to the Lady Gwendolen and instruct her
to〃
〃What Lady Gwendolen？〃
〃Our poor daughter； who； alas！〃
〃Sally Sellers？ Mulberry Sellers； are you losing your mind？〃
〃There…please do not forget who you are； and who I am； remember your own
dignity； be considerate also of mine。 It were best to cease from using
my family name； now； Lady Rossmore。〃
〃Goodness gracious； well； I never！ What am I to call you then？〃
〃In private； the ordinary terms of endearment will still be admissible；
to some degree； but in public it will be more becoming if your ladyship
will speak to me as my lord； or your lordship； and of me as Rossmore； or
the Earl； or his Lordship； and〃
〃Oh； scat！ I can't ever do it； Berry。〃
〃But indeed you must； my lovewe must live up to our altered position
and submit with what grace we may to its requirements。〃
〃Well； all right； have it your own way； I've never set my wishes against
your commands yet； Mulmy lord； and it's late to begin now； though to my
mind it's the rottenest foolishness that ever was。〃
〃Spoken like my own true wife！ There； kiss and be friends again。〃
〃But…Gwendolen！ I don't know how I am ever going to stand that name。
Why； a body wouldn't know Sally Sellers in it。 It's too large for her；
kind of like a cherub in an ulster； and it's a most outlandish sort of a
name； anyway； to my mind。〃
〃You'll not hear her find fault with it； my lady。〃
〃That's a true word。 She takes to any kind of romantic rubbish like she
was born to it。 She never got it from me； that's sure。 And sending her
to that silly college hasn't helped the matter anyjust the other way。
〃Now hear her； Hawkins！ Rowena…Ivanhoe College is the selectest and most
aristocratic seat of learning for young ladies in our country。 Under no
circumstances can a girl get in there unless she is either very rich and
fashionable or can prove four generations of what may be called American
nobility。 Castellated college…buildingstowers and turrets and an
imitation moatand everything about the place named out of Sir Walter
Scott's books and redolent of royalty and state and style； and all the
richest girls keep phaetons； and coachmen in livery； and riding…horses；
with English grooms in plug hats and tight…buttoned coats； and top…boots；
and a whip…handle without any whip to it； to ride sixty…three feet behind
them〃
〃And they don't learn a blessed thing； Washington Hawkins； not a single
blessed thing but showy rubbish and un…american pretentiousness。 But
send for the Lady Gwendolendo； for I reckon the peerage regulations
require that she must come home and let on to go into seclusion and mourn
for those Arkansas blatherskites she's lost。〃
〃My darling！ Blatherskites？ Remembernoblesse oblige。〃
〃There； theretalk to me in your own tongue； Rossyou don't know any
other； and you only botch it when you try。 Oh； don't stareit was a
slip； and no crime； customs of a life…time can't be dropped in a second。
Rossmorethere； now； be appeased； and go along with you and attend to
Gwendolen。 Are you going to write； Washington？or telegraph？〃
〃He will telegraph； dear。〃
〃I thought as much；〃 my lady muttered； as she left the room。 〃Wants it
so the address will have to appear on the envelop。 It will just make a
fool of that child。 She'll get it； of course； for if there are any other
Sellerses there they'll not be able to claim it。 And just leave her
alone to show it around and make the most of it。 Well； maybe she's
forgivable for that。 She's so poor and they're so rich； of course she's
had her share of snubs from the livery…flunkey sort； and I reckon it's
only human to want to get even。〃
Uncle Dan'l was sent with the telegram； for although a conspicuous object
in a corner of the drawing…room was a telephone hanging on a transmitter；
Washington found all attempts to raise the central office vain。 The
Colonel grumbled something about its being 〃always out of order when
you've got particular and especial use for it；〃 but he didn't explain
that one of the reasons for this was that the thing was only a dummy and
hadn't any wire attached to it。 And yet the Colonel often used itwhen
visitors were presentand seemed to get messages through it。 Mourning
paper and a seal were ordered； then the friends took a rest。
Next afternoon； while Hawkins； by request； draped Andrew Jackson's
portrait with crape； the rightful earl； wrote off the family bereavement
to the usurper in Englanda letter which we have already read。 He also；
by letter to the village authorities at Duffy's Corners； Arkansas； gave
order that the remains of the late twins be embalmed by some St。 Louis
expert and shipped at once to the usurperwith bill。 Then he drafted
out the Rossmore arms and motto on a great sheet of brown paper； and he
and Hawkins took it to Hawkins's Yankee furniture…mender and at the end
of an hour came back with a couple of stunning hatchments； which they
nailed up on the front of the houseattractions calculated to draw； and
they did； for it was mainly an idle and shiftless negro neighborhood；
with plenty of ragged children and indolent dogs to spare for a point of
interest like that； and keep on sparing them for it； days and days
together。
The new earl found…without surprisethis society item in the evening
paper； and cut it out and scrapbooked it：
By a recent bereavement our esteemed fellow citizen； Colonel
Mulberry Sellers； Perpetual Member…at…large of the Diplomatic Body；
succeeds； as rightful lord； to the great earldom of Rossmore； third
by order of precedence in the earldoms of Great Britain； and will
take early measures； by suit in the House of Lords； to wrest the
title and estates from the present usurping holder of them。 Until
the season of mourning is past； the usual Thursday evening
receptions at Rossmore Towers will be discontinued。
Lady Rossmore's comment…to herself：
〃Receptions！ People who don't rightly know him may think he is
commonplace； but to my mind he is one of the most unusual men I ever saw。
As for suddenness and capacity in imagining things； his beat don't exist；
I reckon。 As like as not it wouldn't have occurred to anybody else to
name this poor old rat…trap Rossmore Towers； but it just comes natural to
him。 Well； no doubt it's a blessed thing to have an imagination that can
always make you satisfied； no matter how you are fixed。 Uncle Dave
Hopkins used to always say； 'Turn me into John Calvin； and I want to know
which place I'm going to； turn me into Mulberry Sellers and I don't
care。'〃
The rightful earl's comment…to himself：
〃It's a beautiful name； beautiful。 Pity I didn't think of it before I
wrote the usurper。 But I'll be ready for him when he answers。〃
CHAPTER V。
No answer to that telegram； no arriving daughter。 Yet nobody showed any
uneasiness or seemed surprised； that is； nobody but Washington。 After
three days of waiting； he asked Lady Rossmore what she supposed the
trouble was。 She answered； tranquilly：
〃Oh； it's some notion of hers； you never can tell。 She's a Sellers； all
throughat least in some of her ways； and a Sellers can't tell you
beforehand what he's going to do； because he don't know himself till he's
done it。 She's all right； no occasion to worry about her。 When she's
ready she'll come or she'll write； and you can't tell which； till it's
happened。〃
It turned out to be a letter。 It was handed in at that moment； and was
received by the mother without trembling hands or feverish eagerness；
or any other of the manifestations common in the case of long delayed
answers to imperative telegrams。 She polished her glasses with
tranquility and thoroughness； pleasantly gossiping along； the while；
then opened the letter and began to read aloud：
KENILWORTH KEEP； REDGAUNTLET HALL；
ROWENA…IVANHOE COLLEGE； THURSDAY。
DEAR PRECIOUS MAMMA ROSSMORE：
Oh； the joy of it！you can't think。 They had always turned up
their noses at our pretentions； you know； and I had fought back as
well as I could by turning up mine at theirs。 They always said it
might be something great and fine to be rightful Shadow of an
earldom； but to merely be shadow of a shadow； and two or three times
removed at that…pooh…pooh！ And I always retorted that not to be
able to show four generations of American…Colonial…Dutch Peddler…
and…Salt…Cod…McAllister…Nobility might be endurable； but to have to
confess such an originpfew…few！ Well； the telegram； it was just a
cyclone！ The messenger came right into the great Rob Roy Hall of
Audience； as excited as he could be； singing out； 〃Dispatch for Lady
Gwendolen Sellers！〃 and you ought to have seen that simpering
chattering assemblage of pinchbeck aristocrats； turn to stone！
I as off in the corner； of course； by myselfit's where Cinderella
belongs。 I took the telegram and read it； and tried to faintand I
could have done it if I had had any preparation； but it was all so
sudden； you knowbut no matter； I did the next best thing： I put my
handkerchief to my eyes and fled sobbing to my room； dropping the
telegram as I started。 I released one corner of my eye a moment
just enough to see the herd swarm for the telegramand then
continued my broken…hearted flight just as happy as a bird。
Then the visits of condolence began； and I had to accept the loan of
Miss Augusta…Templeton…Ashmore Hamilton's quarters because the press
was so great and there isn't room for three and a cat in mine。 And
I've been holding a Lodge of Sorrow ever since and defending myself
against people's attempts to claim kin。 And do you know； the very
first girl to fetch her tears and sympathy to my market was that
foolish Skimperton girl who has always snubbed me so shamefully and
claimed lordship and precedence of the whole college because some
ancestor of hers； some time or other； was a McAllister。 Why it was
like the bottom bird in the menagerie putting on airs because its
head ancestor wa