Misses P。 and W。 the tender passion is out of the
question： I would not dare to breathe such an idea regarding
them。 Miss Maria Osborne； it is true； was 〃attached〃 to
Mr。 Frederick Augustus Bullock； of the firm of Hulker；
Bullock & Bullock； but hers was a most respectable
attachment； and she would have taken Bullock Senior just
the same； her mind being fixedas that of a well…bred
young woman should beupon a house in Park Lane；
a country house at Wimbledon； a handsome chariot； and
two prodigious tall horses and footmen； and a fourth of
the annual profits of the eminent firm of Hulker &
Bullock； all of which advantages were represented in the
person of Frederick Augustus。 Had orange blossoms been
invented then （those touching emblems of female purity
imported by us from France； where people's daughters
are universally sold in marriage）； Miss Maria； I say；
would have assumed the spotless wreath； and stepped into
the travelling carriage by the side of gouty； old； bald…
headed； bottle…nosed Bullock Senior； and devoted her
beautiful existence to his happiness with perfect modesty
only the old gentleman was married already； so she
bestowed her young affections on the junior partner。
Sweet； blooming； orange flowers！ The other day I saw
Miss Trotter （that was）； arrayed in them； trip into the
travelling carriage at St。 George's； Hanover Square； and
Lord Methuselah hobbled in after。 With what an engaging
modesty she pulled down the blinds of the chariotthe
dear innocent！ There were half the carriages of Vanity
Fair at the wedding。
This was not the sort of love that finished Amelia's
education； and in the course of a year turned a good young
girl into a good young womanto be a good wife
presently； when the happy time should come。 This young
person （perhaps it was very imprudent in her parents to
encourage her； and abet her in such idolatry and silly
romantic ideas） loved； with all her heart； the young
officer in His Majesty's service with whom we have made a
brief acquaintance。 She thought about him the very first
moment on waking； and his was the very last name
mentioned m her prayers。 She never had seen a man so
beautiful or so clever： such a figure on horseback： such
a dancer： such a hero in general。 Talk of the Prince's
bow！ what was it to George's？ She had seen Mr。
Brummell； whom everybody praised so。 Compare such a person
as that to her George！ Not amongst all the beaux at the
Opera （and there were beaux in those days with actual
opera hats） was there any one to equal him。 He was only
good enough to be a fairy prince； and oh； what
magnanimity to stoop to such a humble Cinderella！ Miss
Pinkerton would have tried to check this blind devotion
very likely； had she been Amelia's confidante； but not
with much success； depend upon it。 It is in the nature and
instinct of some women。 Some are made to scheme； and
some to love； and I wish any respected bachelor that
reads this may take the sort that best likes him。
While under this overpowering impression； Miss Amelia
neglected her twelve dear friends at Chiswick most
cruelly； as such selfish people commonly will do。 She had
but this subject； of course； to think about； and Miss
Saltire was too cold for a confidante； and she couldn't
bring her mind to tell Miss Swartz； the woolly…haired
young heiress from St。 Kitt's。 She had little Laura Martin
home for the holidays； and my belief is； she made a
confidante of her； and promised that Laura should come
and live with her when she was married； and gave Laura
a great deal of information regarding the passion of
love； which must have been singularly useful and novel
to that little person。 Alas； alas！ I fear poor Emmy had
not a well…regulated mind。
What were her parents doing； not to keep this little
heart from beating so fast？ Old Sedley did not seem much
to notice matters。 He was graver of late； and his City
affairs absorbed him。 Mrs。 Sedley was of so easy and
uninquisitive a nature that she wasn't even jealous。 Mr。
Jos was away； being besieged by an Irish widow at
Cheltenham。 Amelia had the house to herselfah！ too
much to herself sometimesnot that she ever doubted；
for； to be sure； George must be at the Horse Guards；
and he can't always get leave from Chatham； and he must
see his friends and sisters； and mingle in society when
in town （he； such an ornament to every society！）； and
when he is with the regiment； he is too tired to write long
letters。 I know where she kept that packet she hadand
can steal in and out of her chamber like Iachimolike
Iachimo？ Nothat is a bad part。 I will only act
Moonshine； and peep harmless into the bed where faith and
beauty and innocence lie dreaming。
But if Osborne's were short and soldierlike letters； it
must be confessed； that were Miss Sedley's letters to Mr。
Osborne to be published； we should have to extend this
novel to such a multiplicity of volumes as not the most
sentimental reader could support； that she not only filled
sheets of large paper； but crossed them with the most
astonishing perverseness； that she wrote whole pages out
of poetry…books without the least pity； that she
underlined words and passages with quite a frantic emphasis；
and； in fine； gave the usual tokens of her condition。 She
wasn't a heroine。 Her letters were full of repetition。 She
wrote rather doubtful grammar sometimes； and in her
verses took all sorts of liberties with the metre。 But oh；
mesdames； if you are not allowed to touch the heart
sometimes in spite of syntax； and are not to be loved
until you all know the difference between trimeter and
tetrameter； may all Poetry go to the deuce； and every
schoolmaster perish miserably！
CHAPTER XIII
Sentimental and Otherwise
I fear the gentleman to whom Miss Amelia's letters were
addressed was rather an obdurate critic。 Such a number
of notes followed Lieutenant Osborne about the country；
that he became almost ashamed of the jokes of his
mess…room companions regarding them； and ordered his
servant never to deliver them except at his private apartment。
He was seen lighting his cigar with one； to the horror of
Captain Dobbin； who； it is my belief； would have given
a bank…note for the document。
For some time George strove to keep the liaison a
secret。 There was a woman in the case； that he admitted。
〃And not the first either；〃 said Ensign Spooney to Ensign
Stubble。 〃That Osborne's a devil of a fellow。 There was a
judge's daughter at Demerara went almost mad about
him； then there was that beautiful quadroon girl； Miss
Pye； at St。 Vincent's； you know； and since he's been
home； they say he's a regular Don Giovanni； by Jove。〃
Stubble and Spooney thought that to be a 〃regular
Don Giovanni； by Jove〃 was one of the finest qualities a
man could possess； and Osborne's reputation was
prodigious amongst the young men of the regiment。 He
was famous in field…sports； famous at a song； famous on
parade； free with his money； which was bountifully
supplied by his father。 His coats were better made than
any man's in the regiment； and he had more of them。 He
was adored by the men。 He could drink more than any
officer of the whole mess； including old Heavytop； the
colonel。 He could spar better than Knuckles； the private
（who would have been a corporal but for his drunkenness；
and who had been in the prize…ring）； and was the best
batter and bowler； out and out； of the regimental club。
He rode his own horse； Greased Lightning； and won the
Garrison cup at Quebec races。 There were other people
besides Amelia who worshipped him。 Stubble and
Spooney thought him a sort of Apollo； Dobbin took him
to be an Admirable Crichton； and Mrs。 Major O'Dowd
acknowledged he was an elegant young fellow； and put
her in mind of Fitzjurld Fogarty； Lord Castlefogarty's
second son。
Well； Stubble and Spooney and the rest indulged in
most romantic conjectures regarding this female
correspondent of Osborne'sopining that it was a Duchess in
London who was in love with himor that it was a
General's daughter； who was engaged to somebody else；
and madly attached to himor that it was a Member of
Parliament's lady； who proposed four horses and an
elopementor that it was some other victim of a passion
delightfully exciting； romantic； and disgraceful to all
parties； on none of which conjectures would Osborne throw
the least light； leaving his young admirers and friends to
invent and arrange their whole history。
And the real state of the case would never have been
known at all in the regiment but for Captain Dobbin's
indiscretion。 The Captain was eating his breakfast one
day in the mess…room； while Cackle； the assistant…surgeon；
and the two above…named worthies were speculating upon
Osborne's intrigueStubble holding out that the lady
was a Duchess about Queen Charlotte's court； and Cackle
vowing she was an opera…singer of the worst reputation。
At this idea Dobbin became so moved； that though his
mouth was full of eggs and bread…and…butter at the time；
and though he ought not to have spoken at all； yet he
couldn't help blurting out； 〃Cackle； you're a stupid fool。
You're always talking nonsense and scandal。 Osborne is
not going to run off with a Duchess or ruin a milliner。
Miss Sedley is one of the most charming young women
that ever lived。 He's been engaged to her ever so long；
and the man who calls her names had better not do so
in my hearing。〃 With which； turning exceedingly red；
Dobbin ceased speaking； and almost choked himself with
a cup of tea。 The story was over the regiment in half…an…
hour； and that very evening Mrs。 Major O'Dowd wrote
off to her sister Glorvina at O'Dowdstown not to hurry
from Dublinyoung Osborne being prematurely engaged
already。
She complimented the Lieutenant in an appropriate
speech over a glass of whisky…toddy that evening； and he
went home perfectly furious to quarrel with Dobbin （who
had declined Mrs。 Major O'Dowd's party； and sat in his
own room playing the flute； and； I believe； writing poetry
in a very melancholy manner）to quarrel with Dobbin
for betraying his secret。
〃Who the deuce asked you to talk about my affairs？〃
Osborne shouted indignantly。 〃Why the devil i